@partypoopers WHATEVER THEN FORGET MY AWESOME JACK HARKNESS/CHUCK BASS FIC I WAS ALREADY WRITING

[derogatory]

(Selected twitter updates while I was reading to put this in perspective- )

Jaidas book is mad gay, guys

@gilderoy One just said "i sure love fucking women", so he will be kissing dudes within the next 100 pages

@gilderoy He has braided hair....

@snape cry i bet. The only difference between this book and fanfiction.net is the increased prose

STOP MOONING OVER EACH OTHER AND JUST FUCK what is wrong with Jaida

FUCK THEY ARE GOING TO A BALL ilu jaida

What am I even supposed to start with? I can't believe that there was no fucking in this book. I am just a simple girl with simple wants and needs in a book about robotic talking dragons. Like fjhs what.... I spend enough time gaying up legit media, this book should be as gay as it gets. I work like a damn dog everyday, making shit gay fjh LOOK YOU DON'T GO TO A BAKERY AND BUY A READYMADE CAKE SO YOU CAN GO HOME AND BAKE IT fjh still mad.

If you don't know, the book is divided between the perspectives of the four main characters, all dudes. No ladies to speak of, unless you count Balfour as one (i do). AND For all you skeptics, the four main dudes are four original guys, okay. They are not really marauder esq. You're just got like, naive country boy, embittered middle aged dude, simon tam-esq student guy, raucous jackass bully guy-- omg they are the marauders FUCK

Royston and Hal's 'oh no we mustn't-ing' got on my nerves fast. Like OH LOST IN THE RAIN OH YOU CAN'T GET IN TROUBLE OH IM A DIRTY OLD MAN and shit. then they get to the city and Roy's like "oh, let's not rush things." RUSH THINGS? YOUVE KNOWN HIM 6 MONTHS. THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY SLOWER THAN THEY ARE GOING RIGHT NOW fkjhkf at least when he's dying he's like what the shitttttt i should have HIT. THAT. Bang him like a screen door in a dragon atta oh good heavens how long have you been standing there hal??

Rook and Thom...... ROADTRIP. I hope us being bros doesn't get in the way of our relationship, bro. I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE CHIRA DRAW INCEST. UNCLEAN. UNCLEAN. someone asked if two related people fuck in the woods and no one sees, is it still incest. I don't know, is that what the sequel about?? It would just FIGURE the dudes I want to kiss end up being secret family. Like if I wanted to see brother flirting with each other, I'd just watch anime.

DRAGONS CORPS or whatever the shit they're called. In my head they were Alpha Tau OmegaBlasters and if you knew anything about fraternities and their histories that would be a clue about secret bros........ nope, just me, okay. Was it really necessary for us to be introduced to like FOURTEEN FUCKING CHARACTERS with this thing?? Let me paint this picture for you;

me: am i going to need to remember the 14 dudes
jaida+dani: yes
me: no
jaida+dani: look, Thom made a mnemonic device to remember the names! we canonly acknowledge remembering 14 is hard!
me: YET YOU STILL DO IT are all 14 at least integral to the plot
jaida+dani:
me: !!!!!!!!
jaida+dani: 4.........maybe 5 are.......

And wouldn't you know it, that's just how many survive. Like, I love killing dudes as much as the next sociopath, but like. THE GIGGLER?? AND ACE!! AND RAPHAEL (helen and I walk about screaming in high pitched voices "My books! MY BOOKS!") Every once and a while I remember another one of the frat boys that died an get really fussy. the giggler, guys. What the fuck was his name anyway YOU KNOW I LOVE HIM, i can never stop laughing. IF I mix up any of the names, deal with it. Also I ship Adamo/Royston.........

On the serious side of a review, I felt like there was entirely too much exposition for how anticlimactic the resolution was. Like, wow, we can solve this problem the same way you solved a children's story? You know, that 'kill the spellcaster' shtick is effective when it's a short story. After 300 pages, I start to expect a more sophisticated employment of plot and original ideas. But nope, just solve the problem with something the Dragon Corps can help us with, even with their crazy dragons. (I did like the crazy dragons the the boys' and their too thick pride to complain about it even when it was a shared thing.) And I see, the problem was solve din a simple way, so it takes someone with the intellect of a city person, but the innocence and clear head of a country person OH THANK GOODNESS THAT'S YOU HAL. Luckily we can still have that action sequence. Much like with Jonathan Strange & Mr Norell you have to space out the climax to appropriately reflect how fucking long of a buildup you just wrote. so like.. 300 pages of buildup, 20 pages of actually solving the issue? Not even close to being satisfying. And a fucking truce? Negotiated by Mary Margrave? Are you for serious, what did he blow the Ke-han general? fjksdf The sequel better include more ass kicking. dragon divebombing, no thanks. Let's have you blow up more than a table, Roy. GOD OR CAIUS CAN MELT SOMEBODYS BRAIN. UNDERUSED BUT SPECTACULAR MINOR CHARACTER wait nm. I'm getting word that he's Draco Malfoy.

Did I like it? Do I like anything? If you need me I'll be at the kink meme. No I havent written anything kjhfsd okay, I havent even read it yet.

Now I have to write a paper on the Turkey/Cyprus conflict in reference to the Georgia/Russia conflict and all I can think about is how I shouldn't have ditched that Turkish boyfriend so early fjhs

and on an unrelated note, hey losers-- NEOTOPIA.