(my favorite reading)
SCARY PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME
ACT 1
Poontang
The sun’s light burns right through my bedroom’s thin curtains, bathing me in a bright white blur. I slowly open my eyes. Today is Monday, and I have to go to school again. How depressing. My vacation week has flown by in a blink. One week ago I promised myself I would spend the week working hard on my assignment, but it turns out I spent the entire week playing an adult video game on my laptop. For some reason, I’m unable to work when I have a deadline. Unfortunately, that deadline is today.
I shudder in fear of what my teacher is going to tell me. I used to have good grades, but they have been slipping ever since I discovered peer-to- peer networks. How am I ever going to explain this to my mom? If she finds out that I... oh no...
I glance at my alarm clock. It’s exactly seven in the morning. It was supposed to have woken me up, but for some reason I didn’t hear it. Maybe I did and I just don’t remember it? Unlikely, since it would still be ringing right now. I rub my eyes and look at the clock again. It’s seven and one
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minute, now. Perhaps it didn’t ring because it saw that I was awake and didn’t bother? I guess that’s one explanation, but last time I said something like that my mother told me something about mental retardation, or whatever that is.
Oh wait, I know what it is. I push the alarm button. Ah, yes. I was right. I accidentally set it to ring at seven PM. Normally, there’s this weird light thing next to the PM button that’s supposed to flash or something. Oh gee. Well, it doesn’t matter.
I put my clothes on and walk out of my room. I hear loud music coming from down the hallway. I guess it’s my sister Lilly again, listening to her vampire songs. She always dresses in black and wears strange leather clothes. She cuts herself too. I tell you, that girl’s a psycho. She’s the kind who writes poetry about pain and misery in her cozy little room while there’s a bunch of homeless people living in the sewers and only coming out to ask for spare change. I wonder why those guys never write that kind of poetry? My sister says it’s because they’re illiterate.
I tiptoe toward my sister’s bedroom and take a peek through the ajar door. I can see her sitting on her computer, headphones on. Headphones? Gee. I can hear the music all the way out here and she’s using headphones. Her ears are probably going on a strike just about now. Looks like she’s been up for some time, since she’s already got all her clothes on. I had hoped to catch a peek of her changing, but whatever. The last time I did her
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boyfriend (now ex) caught me red-handed and took all my money in exchange for his silence. Last I heard he was fighting in a communist revolution somewhere in Bulgaria, or Mexico, or someplace like that. Or maybe it’s a fascist revolution, I don’t know. The guy’s into those big things with weird names. I guess he’s a fun guy to be around, even if he had a tendency to tie my sister up and whip her while forcing her to sing the Finnish national anthem translated in some Thai dialect.
I hear a strange noise in the room and I slowly open the door, making sure I don’t get noticed. I knew it. There’s some guy sitting on the sofa, watching TV. That’s where the music comes from, not my sister’s headphones. I look more closely and I recognize him. It’s George, her new boyfriend. My sister tells me he’s a communist and that those people like locking up those who disagree with them so I got to be careful around him. I guess it’s just my sister’s way of scaring me, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to be careful.
“Peeking in your sister’s room again? Bad boy.”
I jump. It’s my dad’s voice. Oh gee, I got caught again. At least my sister’s got her clothes on, this time.
“No, no! It’s not like that! Hahaha!” I yell, running down the stairs. My dad gives me a stern look. I swear this guy can make me shiver in fear. He’s scarier than that Stalin guy we heard about in history class. He looks like him, too. He’s got this huge moustache that hides his lips, so you have to
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look at his cheeks to see if he’s smiling or not. He’s had it for a long time, but it got gray recently because of his age.
“How are you today, sir? It’s a fine day again!” I say.
My dad slaps his forehead. “Michael, Michael... what are we going to do with you? You have to learn to respect other people’s privacy.”
“But I was just checking the door! I swear it’s got some carbuncle on it or something.”
“A carbuncle is a type of skin infection.” “Well, it’s got something... I don’t know.” “I’m going to work. Don’t be late for class.” With that, my dad walked out of the house. Wow, that was intense. I
thought he would have scolded me. Well, whatever. Sometimes he acts a bit weird. My sister says she often does ‘tree soms’ with him and her boyfriend. I wonder what that is. I suppose it’s got something to do with trees and soms or something complicated like that. My mom also gets angry for some reason whenever I ask her about what my dad is doing with my sister. I don’t know why my mom gets angry because people play with trees. I mean, I heard there are religious cults full of people who worship trees or something. I hope my mom’s not in one, because someone told me religious cults do painful things to boys on their pee-pees.
I walk in the kitchen and see my mom eating with my older brother, Kevin. He’s a very strange guy, who gets mad whenever I ask him why he
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hides his crotch whenever our sister is there. One day he told me that it’s because embarrassing things are happening inside his body. I think it’s because he gets erections, like I do when I see naked cat girls in my adult video games. Maybe he thinks of our sister as a naked cat girl?
“Hi Michael! Sit down, I’ll fix you breakfast,” my mom says in her usual energetic voice. As she stands up, I see her breasts move up and down under her shirt. I guess my mom’s pretty good looking for a 40 year old. She looks almost like one of those cat girls in my games, although I hope she doesn’t know I play those kind of games because that would be really embarrassing.
“So, did you write your essay?” my mother ask.
“You know he didn’t. He’s been locked up in his room all night and his hands smelled like sperm whenever he got out,” Kevin says.
I freeze. Could he tell?
“Ah, I see. You masturbate often, Michael?” my mother asks. “I wonder if you do it properly. I could show you some tricks one of these days.”
I can feel my face turning red. “No, no, it’s okay! I can do it on my own! I mean, no... no, I don’t masturbate, it’s dirty!”
My mom explodes in laughter. “Oh my, did you think I was serious? It was just a joke.”
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I look down in embarrassment. Why can’t I ever tell when people are joking or when they’re serious? Still, I always get uncomfortable when my parents talk about naughty things. I mean, I don’t get shy when the cat girls in my video games talk to me, but when it’s my mom I just freak out. Maybe if my mom was a cat girl, I wouldn’t feel that way. Or maybe I need to have a multiple-answer choice on my screen as to how I respond.
I eat my breakfast in silence, my eyes fixed on the tomato sandwich my mom made.
“Hey Michael, when are you going to take your girlfriend home? I heard she’s pretty cute. What was her name... Karen?”
“She’s not my girlfriend!” I snap. I get really mad when my brother talks about that. Karen is a pretty girl in my class. I think I’m madly in love with her, even though I rarely talk to her. I think she does like me, though, but I’m afraid to ask her out because people say a lot of weird things about her. Apparently, she likes tying people up and putting all kinds of strange objects in their mouths. I heard her previous boyfriend suffocated to death when she made him eat a hamster. I guess she could be my girlfriend if she ran out of hamsters, though.
“Ah, you got a girlfriend now?” my mom asks, apparently interested. “Are her boobs as big as mine?” she adds as she strikes a strange pose.
“Uh... no... she’s not... my girlfriend...” I say, exasperated. “Breakfast was very good! I got to leave for school now, good-bye!”
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I hear my mom say something, but I don’t hear it. I run right out of the house. This is getting too embarrassing to endure one more minute.
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ACT 2
Boomtastic
I walk out of the bus, whistling my favorite adult game’s theme music. It’s the music that plays when all the cat girls appear naked in the park and you have to run after them by typing the space bar really fast and if you go fast enough you can see under their skirts. I guess I have a good reason to whistle-I’ve never been this happy in a long time. Apparently, I got the dates wrong. My dreaded assignment was due next Monday, not today. The homeroom teacher almost fell out of her chair when I sobbed and asked her to forgive me for not having finished on time. I slept most of the day because of all the sleepless nights I spent in the past week, but I guess no one noticed. I spent the whole time dreaming of cat girls, too. Miao!
I walk past the bus stop and toward my house. It’s only two in the afternoon, so I guess I’ll be alone for a while. This means I can put the volume all the way up on my laptop. My dad is still working, my sister Lilly and my brother Kevin said they’re going to a friend’s house, and my mom most probably hasn’t come back home from her one o’clock appointment
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with the psychiatrist. This is joy! I’m already thinking of my last save point in the game. This is where one of my favorite cat girls was kidnapped by some militant extremist group trying to force the government into releasing some guy from prison in exchange for naughty pictures of the prime minister.
I walk through the door and immediately head toward the stairs. But something catches my attention. A couple of chairs in the kitchen have been knocked over. I better put them in place, because my mom is usually very picky about those things. She’s the kind of mom who gets mad when you haven’t brushed your teeth in the morning, too.
I pick up the chair closest to the counter. A frigid detail catches my eye and I let out a loud shriek of horror. Just behind the table, my mother’s body rests in a pool of blood. Her head had been hacked off and the skin around her neck is all peeled off, with pieces of flesh hanging out.
I stand up in panic and run away, holding my mouth with my hands. What have I just seen? No, it can’t be reality. But then I see the blood still staining my hands and knees. I pick up my cell phone and dial the police, then open the door and walk out of the house.
The killer may still be around. Why my mother? She never did anything bad to anyone. It’s impossible. It must have been a mistake. I pace around back and forth, feeling my heart beating out of my chest. What am I
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going to do? Who could have done such a thing? Who could possibly have anything against her?
I sit on the front porch and put my head between my hands. This can’t be. This can’t be. I anxiously wait for the police officers, who finally arrive after what seemed like an hour. Or perhaps was it five minutes? I have no idea. I lost track of time. I just need to talk to someone. I just want someone to make me feel safe. Even my sister’s communist boyfriend. I don’t care. I’ll even let Karen put a hamster in my mouth.
“Hey kid, did you call 9-1-1?” one of the two officers who walk out of the car ask me sternly.
I nod slowly. I see a twitch in the police officer’s face as he sees the blood on my clothes. He takes his phone and says something then helps me stand up and opens the door.
“You’re going to tell me what happened here,” the police officer said. “My mom is dead.” The police officers look at each other for a second and follow me into
the kitchen. My mother’s body is still there, just as it used to be. I can’t help but break down in tears.
“Holy crap!” I hear one of them say. “Did you do this?” one of the officers asks me. “What! No! I just came back from school and saw her like that!” “Who else lives in this house aside from you and your mother?”
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“My dad, my brother and my sister. My sister’s boyfriend sometimes sleeps over, and they have tree soms with my dad.”
The officer shakes his head. “They what?” “I don’t know, tree soms.” “Your sister has sex with your father?” “What! Of course not!”
“But you say they have threesomes.” “Tree, not three.” “You’ve got a French accent, so you can’t tell tree from three.” “Uh...” “So you say that your father is actually having sexual relations with his
daughter.” “Well, she said tree soms.” The two officers exchange looks again. One of them has his eyebrow
raised like the bartender catgirl in the scene when she learns the boss pees in her coffee. Does having a tree som mean having sex? I can’t imagine my dad and my sister doing what I do with cat girls in my adult games. This feels so wrong!
“How old is your sister?” “Well, she’s 19... one year older than me.” “Did your mother know about this?”
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is.”
“I don’t know. She just gets mad whenever I ask her what a tree som
“I’m sorry kid, but you’re going to have to come with us,” one of the officer says, forcing me to stand up. Wait, are they arresting me?
“I haven’t done anything!” I beg when they lock tie my hands up behind my back. “Wait... I don’t like bondage!”
“It’s for your own good,” he says as they drag me out of the house. More police cars are gathering around the house, and I see some officers walking in the house as I get taken out. I suppose they’re going to be analyzing my mother’s body or something. I wonder if they’ll take her clothes off too.
I feel a wave of hot air as I sit in the back of the police car. The engine starts and we drive off toward destination unknown.
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ACT 3
Ka-ching!
I’m sitting by myself on a chair in the corner of a large room. There are a lot of people shuffling papers around me. Some of them are talking on the phone while others are drinking coffee or yelling at each other for whatever reason. This is my first time in a police station. It looks different from those in movies, I guess. It’s cleaner, and the furniture is more modern.
They haven’t asked me anything since I was here. At some point, someone brought me cookies to eat but then left me alone for hours. I still have the empty bag in my hands, and I’m afraid to stand up to put it in the garbage. I don’t know if I’m allowed to do that. This is a police station after all.
I stand up in shock when I finally see my dad walk in the room with Lilly and Kevin. For some reason, neither of them appear to be bothered. My dad has his usual stern look that makes him look even more like that Stalin guy.
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“Wow, you guys are all here!” I cry with joy. “I never thought I would see you again.”
“Come with us, Micheal. We’ve got things to talk about,” my dad says. “Wait, I can’t! We’ve got to wait for the cops to...” “I am a cop. We all are.” “What!”
“Its true,” my sister Lilly says. “There has been a communist revolution. We are all comrades. We have a lot of power, now.”
“A communist revolution? Here?”
“Yes. I am sorry we couldn’t tell you sooner, but it was necessary to keep you ignorant for the good of the cause. We have to do things that we don’t like every once in a while.”
I glare at my sister. “Wait... you... don’t tell me you’re the one who killed our mother.”
“It couldn’t have been avoided,” my father says. “But you have to know something. That woman was not your mother. None of us are related by blood. You have been taken from your original family at birth to serve the worldwide communist revolution.”
“I don’t understand!”
“All those adult games you play on your computer are actually pieces of propaganda. You can’t live without cartoon porn, now, can you?”
“Well, I... I...”
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“Just admit it.” “No... I can’t.” “There you have it. Now, capitalists want to censor cartoon porn
because they think it’s dirty and immoral.” “But that’s ridiculous!”
“Indeed. And what about your sister? You like looking at your sister naked, don’t you?”
“Uh... yes... but...”
“She is actually a secret government agent hired to make you think she was your sister and seduce you, so that you will grow up to believe that its okay to want to have sex with your sister.”
“What?”
“Now, you have been created. The final aspect of your formation was the death of your mother. Did you know that she would creep in your bedroom every night and have sex with you while you were sleeping?”
“No, that’s horrible!”
“Its true. You were hypnotized to think that you were only masturbating, when in reality you were doing naughty things with your mother. Although you didn’t know you were having sex with her, the effects on your brain caused a very strong attachment to her. This was necessary for your formation, and the shock of seeing her dead body would hurt you so much that in the future nothing will be able to hurt you quite that badly. This
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means you can be an effective soldier and not be afraid of dying on the battlefield.”
“So... it was all a lie, then... all my life... everything I’ve lived for...”
“Yes. Now, come,” Lilly said with a smile. “We’re sending you to Bolivia, where you’ll most likely die on the battlefield. You will never see another adult video game again.”
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
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ACT 4
Viva la re... uh... wait, what?
I jump from my bed in a state of utter shock. Before I realize what’s going on, my bed sheets wrap themselves around my alarm clock, making it fall on my head.
“Ouch... damn... what’s going on...” I mutter, rubbing my forehead in pain. I look around me. It’s my bedroom. Everything appears to be in place. On my night table, my laptop is still open at my last save point, just before the lesbian sex scene between the cat girl and her maternal grand-aunt.
It was all a dream, then. My mother dying, my family being communist agents trying to make me into a soldier...
Then, my heart skips a beat. Oh no... oh no... please tell me it isn’t
true...
I storm out of my room and hurry down the stairs. Just as I thought. My worst nightmare has come true.
The night before, I killed my father, my brother, my sister and my sister’s boyfriend because I was afraid they knew I liked adult games. Their
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bloody bodies are scattered all over the kitchen. This can’t be... I hate reality! Why must I escape a nightmare to find myself in another one?
“Good morning, Michael.”
I turn around and see my mother sitting naked at one of the kitchen tables, casually contemplating the bloodbath.
“Mom! What... what’s going on?”
“Don’t you remember? We have to train you for the battle against communism. It took quite a bit of mental strength to kill your family, didn’t it? Now, you must finish the final part of your training before the central fascist government can send you to Bolivia to fight the insurrection.”
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
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ACT 1
Poontang
The sun’s light burns right through my bedroom’s thin curtains, bathing me in a bright white blur. I slowly open my eyes. Today is Monday, and I have to go to school again. How depressing. My vacation week has flown by in a blink. One week ago I promised myself I would spend the week working hard on my assignment, but it turns out I spent the entire week playing an adult video game on my laptop. For some reason, I’m unable to work when I have a deadline. Unfortunately, that deadline is today.
I shudder in fear of what my teacher is going to tell me. I used to have good grades, but they have been slipping ever since I discovered peer-to- peer networks. How am I ever going to explain this to my mom? If she finds out that I... oh no...
I glance at my alarm clock. It’s exactly seven in the morning. It was supposed to have woken me up, but for some reason I didn’t hear it. Maybe I did and I just don’t remember it? Unlikely, since it would still be ringing right now. I rub my eyes and look at the clock again. It’s seven and one
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minute, now. Perhaps it didn’t ring because it saw that I was awake and didn’t bother? I guess that’s one explanation, but last time I said something like that my mother told me something about mental retardation, or whatever that is.
Oh wait, I know what it is. I push the alarm button. Ah, yes. I was right. I accidentally set it to ring at seven PM. Normally, there’s this weird light thing next to the PM button that’s supposed to flash or something. Oh gee. Well, it doesn’t matter.
I put my clothes on and walk out of my room. I hear loud music coming from down the hallway. I guess it’s my sister Lilly again, listening to her vampire songs. She always dresses in black and wears strange leather clothes. She cuts herself too. I tell you, that girl’s a psycho. She’s the kind who writes poetry about pain and misery in her cozy little room while there’s a bunch of homeless people living in the sewers and only coming out to ask for spare change. I wonder why those guys never write that kind of poetry? My sister says it’s because they’re illiterate.
I tiptoe toward my sister’s bedroom and take a peek through the ajar door. I can see her sitting on her computer, headphones on. Headphones? Gee. I can hear the music all the way out here and she’s using headphones. Her ears are probably going on a strike just about now. Looks like she’s been up for some time, since she’s already got all her clothes on. I had hoped to catch a peek of her changing, but whatever. The last time I did her
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boyfriend (now ex) caught me red-handed and took all my money in exchange for his silence. Last I heard he was fighting in a communist revolution somewhere in Bulgaria, or Mexico, or someplace like that. Or maybe it’s a fascist revolution, I don’t know. The guy’s into those big things with weird names. I guess he’s a fun guy to be around, even if he had a tendency to tie my sister up and whip her while forcing her to sing the Finnish national anthem translated in some Thai dialect.
I hear a strange noise in the room and I slowly open the door, making sure I don’t get noticed. I knew it. There’s some guy sitting on the sofa, watching TV. That’s where the music comes from, not my sister’s headphones. I look more closely and I recognize him. It’s George, her new boyfriend. My sister tells me he’s a communist and that those people like locking up those who disagree with them so I got to be careful around him. I guess it’s just my sister’s way of scaring me, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to be careful.
“Peeking in your sister’s room again? Bad boy.”
I jump. It’s my dad’s voice. Oh gee, I got caught again. At least my sister’s got her clothes on, this time.
“No, no! It’s not like that! Hahaha!” I yell, running down the stairs. My dad gives me a stern look. I swear this guy can make me shiver in fear. He’s scarier than that Stalin guy we heard about in history class. He looks like him, too. He’s got this huge moustache that hides his lips, so you have to
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look at his cheeks to see if he’s smiling or not. He’s had it for a long time, but it got gray recently because of his age.
“How are you today, sir? It’s a fine day again!” I say.
My dad slaps his forehead. “Michael, Michael... what are we going to do with you? You have to learn to respect other people’s privacy.”
“But I was just checking the door! I swear it’s got some carbuncle on it or something.”
“A carbuncle is a type of skin infection.” “Well, it’s got something... I don’t know.” “I’m going to work. Don’t be late for class.” With that, my dad walked out of the house. Wow, that was intense. I
thought he would have scolded me. Well, whatever. Sometimes he acts a bit weird. My sister says she often does ‘tree soms’ with him and her boyfriend. I wonder what that is. I suppose it’s got something to do with trees and soms or something complicated like that. My mom also gets angry for some reason whenever I ask her about what my dad is doing with my sister. I don’t know why my mom gets angry because people play with trees. I mean, I heard there are religious cults full of people who worship trees or something. I hope my mom’s not in one, because someone told me religious cults do painful things to boys on their pee-pees.
I walk in the kitchen and see my mom eating with my older brother, Kevin. He’s a very strange guy, who gets mad whenever I ask him why he
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hides his crotch whenever our sister is there. One day he told me that it’s because embarrassing things are happening inside his body. I think it’s because he gets erections, like I do when I see naked cat girls in my adult video games. Maybe he thinks of our sister as a naked cat girl?
“Hi Michael! Sit down, I’ll fix you breakfast,” my mom says in her usual energetic voice. As she stands up, I see her breasts move up and down under her shirt. I guess my mom’s pretty good looking for a 40 year old. She looks almost like one of those cat girls in my games, although I hope she doesn’t know I play those kind of games because that would be really embarrassing.
“So, did you write your essay?” my mother ask.
“You know he didn’t. He’s been locked up in his room all night and his hands smelled like sperm whenever he got out,” Kevin says.
I freeze. Could he tell?
“Ah, I see. You masturbate often, Michael?” my mother asks. “I wonder if you do it properly. I could show you some tricks one of these days.”
I can feel my face turning red. “No, no, it’s okay! I can do it on my own! I mean, no... no, I don’t masturbate, it’s dirty!”
My mom explodes in laughter. “Oh my, did you think I was serious? It was just a joke.”
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I look down in embarrassment. Why can’t I ever tell when people are joking or when they’re serious? Still, I always get uncomfortable when my parents talk about naughty things. I mean, I don’t get shy when the cat girls in my video games talk to me, but when it’s my mom I just freak out. Maybe if my mom was a cat girl, I wouldn’t feel that way. Or maybe I need to have a multiple-answer choice on my screen as to how I respond.
I eat my breakfast in silence, my eyes fixed on the tomato sandwich my mom made.
“Hey Michael, when are you going to take your girlfriend home? I heard she’s pretty cute. What was her name... Karen?”
“She’s not my girlfriend!” I snap. I get really mad when my brother talks about that. Karen is a pretty girl in my class. I think I’m madly in love with her, even though I rarely talk to her. I think she does like me, though, but I’m afraid to ask her out because people say a lot of weird things about her. Apparently, she likes tying people up and putting all kinds of strange objects in their mouths. I heard her previous boyfriend suffocated to death when she made him eat a hamster. I guess she could be my girlfriend if she ran out of hamsters, though.
“Ah, you got a girlfriend now?” my mom asks, apparently interested. “Are her boobs as big as mine?” she adds as she strikes a strange pose.
“Uh... no... she’s not... my girlfriend...” I say, exasperated. “Breakfast was very good! I got to leave for school now, good-bye!”
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I hear my mom say something, but I don’t hear it. I run right out of the house. This is getting too embarrassing to endure one more minute.
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ACT 2
Boomtastic
I walk out of the bus, whistling my favorite adult game’s theme music. It’s the music that plays when all the cat girls appear naked in the park and you have to run after them by typing the space bar really fast and if you go fast enough you can see under their skirts. I guess I have a good reason to whistle-I’ve never been this happy in a long time. Apparently, I got the dates wrong. My dreaded assignment was due next Monday, not today. The homeroom teacher almost fell out of her chair when I sobbed and asked her to forgive me for not having finished on time. I slept most of the day because of all the sleepless nights I spent in the past week, but I guess no one noticed. I spent the whole time dreaming of cat girls, too. Miao!
I walk past the bus stop and toward my house. It’s only two in the afternoon, so I guess I’ll be alone for a while. This means I can put the volume all the way up on my laptop. My dad is still working, my sister Lilly and my brother Kevin said they’re going to a friend’s house, and my mom most probably hasn’t come back home from her one o’clock appointment
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with the psychiatrist. This is joy! I’m already thinking of my last save point in the game. This is where one of my favorite cat girls was kidnapped by some militant extremist group trying to force the government into releasing some guy from prison in exchange for naughty pictures of the prime minister.
I walk through the door and immediately head toward the stairs. But something catches my attention. A couple of chairs in the kitchen have been knocked over. I better put them in place, because my mom is usually very picky about those things. She’s the kind of mom who gets mad when you haven’t brushed your teeth in the morning, too.
I pick up the chair closest to the counter. A frigid detail catches my eye and I let out a loud shriek of horror. Just behind the table, my mother’s body rests in a pool of blood. Her head had been hacked off and the skin around her neck is all peeled off, with pieces of flesh hanging out.
I stand up in panic and run away, holding my mouth with my hands. What have I just seen? No, it can’t be reality. But then I see the blood still staining my hands and knees. I pick up my cell phone and dial the police, then open the door and walk out of the house.
The killer may still be around. Why my mother? She never did anything bad to anyone. It’s impossible. It must have been a mistake. I pace around back and forth, feeling my heart beating out of my chest. What am I
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going to do? Who could have done such a thing? Who could possibly have anything against her?
I sit on the front porch and put my head between my hands. This can’t be. This can’t be. I anxiously wait for the police officers, who finally arrive after what seemed like an hour. Or perhaps was it five minutes? I have no idea. I lost track of time. I just need to talk to someone. I just want someone to make me feel safe. Even my sister’s communist boyfriend. I don’t care. I’ll even let Karen put a hamster in my mouth.
“Hey kid, did you call 9-1-1?” one of the two officers who walk out of the car ask me sternly.
I nod slowly. I see a twitch in the police officer’s face as he sees the blood on my clothes. He takes his phone and says something then helps me stand up and opens the door.
“You’re going to tell me what happened here,” the police officer said. “My mom is dead.” The police officers look at each other for a second and follow me into
the kitchen. My mother’s body is still there, just as it used to be. I can’t help but break down in tears.
“Holy crap!” I hear one of them say. “Did you do this?” one of the officers asks me. “What! No! I just came back from school and saw her like that!” “Who else lives in this house aside from you and your mother?”
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“My dad, my brother and my sister. My sister’s boyfriend sometimes sleeps over, and they have tree soms with my dad.”
The officer shakes his head. “They what?” “I don’t know, tree soms.” “Your sister has sex with your father?” “What! Of course not!”
“But you say they have threesomes.” “Tree, not three.” “You’ve got a French accent, so you can’t tell tree from three.” “Uh...” “So you say that your father is actually having sexual relations with his
daughter.” “Well, she said tree soms.” The two officers exchange looks again. One of them has his eyebrow
raised like the bartender catgirl in the scene when she learns the boss pees in her coffee. Does having a tree som mean having sex? I can’t imagine my dad and my sister doing what I do with cat girls in my adult games. This feels so wrong!
“How old is your sister?” “Well, she’s 19... one year older than me.” “Did your mother know about this?”
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is.”
“I don’t know. She just gets mad whenever I ask her what a tree som
“I’m sorry kid, but you’re going to have to come with us,” one of the officer says, forcing me to stand up. Wait, are they arresting me?
“I haven’t done anything!” I beg when they lock tie my hands up behind my back. “Wait... I don’t like bondage!”
“It’s for your own good,” he says as they drag me out of the house. More police cars are gathering around the house, and I see some officers walking in the house as I get taken out. I suppose they’re going to be analyzing my mother’s body or something. I wonder if they’ll take her clothes off too.
I feel a wave of hot air as I sit in the back of the police car. The engine starts and we drive off toward destination unknown.
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ACT 3
Ka-ching!
I’m sitting by myself on a chair in the corner of a large room. There are a lot of people shuffling papers around me. Some of them are talking on the phone while others are drinking coffee or yelling at each other for whatever reason. This is my first time in a police station. It looks different from those in movies, I guess. It’s cleaner, and the furniture is more modern.
They haven’t asked me anything since I was here. At some point, someone brought me cookies to eat but then left me alone for hours. I still have the empty bag in my hands, and I’m afraid to stand up to put it in the garbage. I don’t know if I’m allowed to do that. This is a police station after all.
I stand up in shock when I finally see my dad walk in the room with Lilly and Kevin. For some reason, neither of them appear to be bothered. My dad has his usual stern look that makes him look even more like that Stalin guy.
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“Wow, you guys are all here!” I cry with joy. “I never thought I would see you again.”
“Come with us, Micheal. We’ve got things to talk about,” my dad says. “Wait, I can’t! We’ve got to wait for the cops to...” “I am a cop. We all are.” “What!”
“Its true,” my sister Lilly says. “There has been a communist revolution. We are all comrades. We have a lot of power, now.”
“A communist revolution? Here?”
“Yes. I am sorry we couldn’t tell you sooner, but it was necessary to keep you ignorant for the good of the cause. We have to do things that we don’t like every once in a while.”
I glare at my sister. “Wait... you... don’t tell me you’re the one who killed our mother.”
“It couldn’t have been avoided,” my father says. “But you have to know something. That woman was not your mother. None of us are related by blood. You have been taken from your original family at birth to serve the worldwide communist revolution.”
“I don’t understand!”
“All those adult games you play on your computer are actually pieces of propaganda. You can’t live without cartoon porn, now, can you?”
“Well, I... I...”
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“Just admit it.” “No... I can’t.” “There you have it. Now, capitalists want to censor cartoon porn
because they think it’s dirty and immoral.” “But that’s ridiculous!”
“Indeed. And what about your sister? You like looking at your sister naked, don’t you?”
“Uh... yes... but...”
“She is actually a secret government agent hired to make you think she was your sister and seduce you, so that you will grow up to believe that its okay to want to have sex with your sister.”
“What?”
“Now, you have been created. The final aspect of your formation was the death of your mother. Did you know that she would creep in your bedroom every night and have sex with you while you were sleeping?”
“No, that’s horrible!”
“Its true. You were hypnotized to think that you were only masturbating, when in reality you were doing naughty things with your mother. Although you didn’t know you were having sex with her, the effects on your brain caused a very strong attachment to her. This was necessary for your formation, and the shock of seeing her dead body would hurt you so much that in the future nothing will be able to hurt you quite that badly. This
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means you can be an effective soldier and not be afraid of dying on the battlefield.”
“So... it was all a lie, then... all my life... everything I’ve lived for...”
“Yes. Now, come,” Lilly said with a smile. “We’re sending you to Bolivia, where you’ll most likely die on the battlefield. You will never see another adult video game again.”
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
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ACT 4
Viva la re... uh... wait, what?
I jump from my bed in a state of utter shock. Before I realize what’s going on, my bed sheets wrap themselves around my alarm clock, making it fall on my head.
“Ouch... damn... what’s going on...” I mutter, rubbing my forehead in pain. I look around me. It’s my bedroom. Everything appears to be in place. On my night table, my laptop is still open at my last save point, just before the lesbian sex scene between the cat girl and her maternal grand-aunt.
It was all a dream, then. My mother dying, my family being communist agents trying to make me into a soldier...
Then, my heart skips a beat. Oh no... oh no... please tell me it isn’t
true...
I storm out of my room and hurry down the stairs. Just as I thought. My worst nightmare has come true.
The night before, I killed my father, my brother, my sister and my sister’s boyfriend because I was afraid they knew I liked adult games. Their
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bloody bodies are scattered all over the kitchen. This can’t be... I hate reality! Why must I escape a nightmare to find myself in another one?
“Good morning, Michael.”
I turn around and see my mother sitting naked at one of the kitchen tables, casually contemplating the bloodbath.
“Mom! What... what’s going on?”
“Don’t you remember? We have to train you for the battle against communism. It took quite a bit of mental strength to kill your family, didn’t it? Now, you must finish the final part of your training before the central fascist government can send you to Bolivia to fight the insurrection.”
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
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