(Untitled)

[desi_boo]

I applied for FSU today and I had to write 2 essays. Heres one, I NEED to know what you think. And please, BE HARSH!

Waiting backstage is as exciting as seeing a shooting star. The whole world around you disappears, as time seems to retard. The sights, the smells, the sounds; all of it erases itself from your mind as you step out onto

Comments

[sumone2dye4]

I think its pretty good actually. Here are my comments: 1. I think the first, "thesis" sentence of your essay should be more exciting and pull the reader in right away. I dont know, i was confused about the shooting star thing lol. I really like the way you put emotion into your writing. Good details with that...and you made me vision you dancing and i almost got nervous for you, but i think thats because im a dancer too and i know how you feel haha.
love u hope u get accepted good work!

[desi_boo]

thanks i must have started this essay about 1000 times, but i like this one the best! :D