You can't belong to him because you belong to me...

[subserv_elijah]

Aaron: *Living with Brendan is probably the best life a serve could hope
to have. He has chores for Lij and me to do during the day, and we make his
meals, but that's it. He lets us have so much free time, and lets us eat at the
table with him, and hasn't even hinted at using either -- or both -- of us for
pleasure. He's a very attractive man, especially because he's so kind, but I
don't think I could ever have eyes for anyone but Lijah. I love seeing him like
this... he's so happy and carefree... and I can touch him or kiss him or hold
him whenever I want. Brendan doesn't care. We can even go to the market
together, even though we can't touch... But it's so nice to just be there with
Lij.*

*Entering our room after a shower at the end of a long day, I see Lij laying on
our bed, reading. He looks so cute... his hair still wet from his shower
earlier, sticking up in all directions... his forehead wrinkled in
concentration... and he's finally bold enough to only pull the blankets up to
his stomach, so I can see the twitch and flex of the thin layer of muscle just
beneath his skin when he moves his arms. He's absolutely perfect.*

*I shed my t-shirt, crawling up the bed in only my boxers. I have a mission:
molest Elijah Wood. I have a feeling I'm going to be successful.*

Elijah: *I turn to face you when I feel the bed move, and give you a
little smile as I put the marker back into my book* Hey you... *God, you look
nice like that, nearly naked, crawling up to me, and by the look in your eye, I
hav a feeling I'm in for... something.*

Aaron: Hey... *I smile at you, running my hand over the blanket, up your
leg from ankle to knee, and settling between your legs. Leaning over a bit, I
kiss you on the mouth and slide my hands over your shoulders, kneading at the
tendons there a bit.* What're you reading?

*I know perfectly well what you're reading -- your Shakespeare book -- but I'm
just asking to be polite. I'm much more concerned with settling my legs behind
you so our groins almost meet... just a few inches of air and two pairs of
boxers and a blanket between us. I decide to view this as a challenge.*

*It's been a few days since we've done anything... we've both been exhausted and
wrapped up in reading to each other and cuddling each night. All that's
wonderful, but I have my heart -- and other body parts -- set on one thing. And
it's partially blocked from me by clothes. Stupid clothes.*

Elijah: *A little giggle escapes me as you slide up to sit near me, then
put your legs over mine, and I put the book aside.* I was reading more of
Shakespeare - slowly getting through Romeo and Juliet still - but I seem to have
been interrupted. *My hands immediately go to you, running smoothly up your arm,
touching you tenderly as you lean against me.* Hmm... I think this is an
acceptable intterruption, though. *I turn toward you and lean close to kiss you,
pressing my lips softly against yours, slipping my tongue against the edge of
your lips, wanting to be let in to deepen the kiss. God, I love this. I love
you. I never thought I'd ever say that about anyone, but in you I've found so
much. I've recovered parts of me that I know were buried so deep, and all I want
is to be close to you, always.*

Aaron: *Opening my mouth to you, I let your tongue explore, pressing
back against it occasionally with my tongue, licking at your lips when I get a
chance. I use the opportunity to explore your chest, rubbing my palms up to
your collarbone and down to your abdomen, sliding my thumbs around your nipples
and pinching them a little. When we break apart, gasping for air, I grin and
lean my forehead against yours.* Well, I'm glad it's acceptable to you, Lord
Elijah. *Dipping my head, I take one nipple into my mouth and slide my hands
down your sides, to your hips, and under the waistband of your boxers. I don't
want to wait, tonight.*

Elijah: *My eyes close and I shudder as you get straight to business, and
I gasp a little when you attack my nipple in your mouth. My abdominal muscles
tighten some when I feel your hand slide under the waistband of my shorts, and
all it takes is a slight touch from you to have me awake and responding to you.*
Ung... Aaron *I whisper to you, my one hand sliding up your back and going until
my fingers comb into the hair on the back of your head.*

Aaron: *I let go of your nipple, but keep nipping and licking at your
chest, slowly sliding down as I slip your boxers as far as they'll go without
you lifting your hips.*

*Mumbling between licks* Sorry... Lijah... need you... thinking about you... in
the shower... Mmmm, want you... *Moving lower and lower, I sweep my tongue
through the hair on your belly, letting my chin brush your quickly hardening
cock, rubbing my own on the mattress beneath me.*

Elijah: *Oh god... just seeing you like this has my blood practically
boiling, thinking that you're like this because of me. My hands stay on you,
caressing you a few moments, until I help you in your quest and lift myself off
the bed, just far enough to slip my boxers down over my hips. With your help I
slide them the rest of the way off and discard them out from under the blankets
to drop onto the floor beside the bed. I pull up the blanket now, wanting you to
come under with me.*

Aaron: *Yanking my boxers off, I dive under the blankets with you,
laying next to you for just a second before I'm on top of you, nuzzling your
neck and stroking your chest, rocking my now fully hard cock against yours.* Oh
Lij... Lij... I miss you every second you're not in my arms...

Elijah: *What starts out as a little laugh quickly turns into a sensual
moan as you straddle me, rubbing yourself against me now. I look into your eyes,
seeing the lust there, but that's the fun in you , I know, because behind that,
is the love. I can feel it coming from you, always.* Need you... *Instinctively,
my hips tilt up towards yours some, and my cheeks get hot. My eyes flutter
closed as my hands make their way up and down your sides.*

Aaron: *Moaning softly against your neck, I shiver under your hands and
speed my hips up a bit when I feel you push back against me.* Lijah... *I'm
gasping now... I don't know what makes this time different from any other time,
but something in me is stretched thin, almost snapping... I feel like I'm going
to explode or scream or something and I don't know what to do to stop it.*

*Panting, I lift myself halfway off you, keeping my hips against yours but
looking straight into your eyes. I can see the adoration there, the trust
there, and it pushes me even further to the edge of-- whatever this cliff is
that I feel I'm about to fall off of.* Lijah... Lijah, you're not his. You
can't be his because you're mine. *Grasping one of your hands, I press it to my
chest, feeling tears burn at the edges of my vision.* You can't belong to him
because you belong to me.

*All the words are out before I even know what I'm saying, but I can't stop it
now, and I feel like I'm going to die or come or something.*

Elijah: *I just stare at you when I hear this, pressing my hands to your
chest underneath yours, and suddenly I can feel the burning of tears behind my
eyes, wanting to come out. My eyes don't move off yours, and a tight breath
hitches in my chest, and then I have to look away. Closing my eyes, I sob once,
then pull you toward me so I can cling to you.* I am... I am yours. I'll always
be yours even if he has me. *My voice is faint and shuddery. Turning back to you
again, I press my lips to yours hard, pressing agressively into your
mouth as my fingers dig into your back.*

Aaron: *I gasp, feeling the tears starting to burn and spill. I hold
you as tightly as I can, letting my full weight rest on you, crying into your
hair. I moan when you kiss me, so aggressively, so strong... shuddering, I
thrust against you again, sucking on your tongue and grunting a little... I'm so
close, after so little... the slight pain from your fingers and the throb of
your cock against mine are making my balls tighten and my breathing get more and
more harsh.*

Elijah: Take me... *I whisper into your ear, then kiss along your face
and down onto your neck.* Want to feel you... love you... *I grind up against
you, then slide a hand down your body, touching and caressing, reaching down to
knead your ass with my one hand.* Want you so bad... want to know you
completely... *I never understood it when it was first said by Brendan, but by
his simply mentioning 'the building of good memories', it's like I've now gone
out of my way to collect and harvest these thoughts, filing them away for when
they're all I have left, and it works. It really works. And tonight we'll make
another memory.*

Aaron: Oh god... oh god yes... *I force myself to still my hips and take
a deep breath, kissing you more gently than I want to so maybe my head will stop
screaming PLEASE COME NOW at me. I grope around next to the bed, trying to
touch you as much as possible, and fortunatley the lotion we use is still just
under the bed. I squirt a little into my hand and try to warm it, kissing you
feverishly. Keeping your hand pressed against my ass with one of mine, I lift
your hips with the other and press one slicked finger into your opening,
watching the emotions cross your expressive face.*

Elijah: *Gasping from your initial touches, I can feel your urgency just
radiating off you as you start straight away to prepare me. I reach out now,
sliding my hand down your chest, along your stomach, stopping only to lightly
tease your tip a moment before I wrap my fingers around you and begin to gently
stroke you. I groan from the sensation of your fingers entering me, then pant as
my heartrate increases.*

Aaron: Oh Lijah... oh god... *Moaning, I thrust into your grip, moving
my fingers within you a little more roughly than I normally would have. I'm so
close-- if I can even make it inside you without coming, I don't know how long
I'll last once we're joined. Pressing a second slick finger into you, I use my
other hand to still your hand and wipe some of the lotion onto your palm...
hoping you'll understand what I would so love for you to do. To prepare me...
to take you.*

Elijah: *My eyes close as your fingers move in and out of me, teasing me
as I'm learning to enjoy all this now. When you take my other hand and smear it
with the lotion, it's like we're sharing the same thoughts as I understand
immediately what you need me to do - I reach again, grasping you in my hand and
lightly stroking, coating you with the lotion and being careful to stop when I
feel you shuddering more, waiting a few moments until you've calmed before I
start again. I open my eyes and look deep into yours, a shy little smile
creeping over my lips, a deep, content sigh escaping me as I watch you
lovingly.*

Aaron: *I smile back at you when you stop and start again... you know
without me even saying that it would be over quickly if you kept that up. I
move my fingers out of you and grab your hands, sliding them over my hips.
Grabbing my cock, I position myself at your entrance, watching you intently as I
enter you; I know I'm anxious and urgent tonight, but I'll never lose control
with you. You make me want to, but you also make me want to keep you safe and
not hurt you. That's more important than anything. Leaning over as I slide
into you, I slip my hands under your arms and brace myself on the bed, pressing
as close to you as I can. Kissing your neck, I groan into your ear at your
tight, wet, ohsohot grip around my cock. I bite your earlobe and murmur into
your ear...* Mine, Lij... all mine... mine...

Elijah: *For the briefest second a concern flows through me when you act
so quickly, and before I even have time to kiss you or touch you anymore, you're
already positioning me and aggressively pushing into me. When I look into your
eyes, though, the love and the caring is still there, and I let out my tense
breath, clamping my fingers on your hips where you put my hands and wincing
slightly as you enter me. I let out a high-pitched little squeak as you fill me,
feeling the burning sensation, but it quickly starts to fade.* Ungh... *When you
whisper your posessiveness into my ear, another shudder rolls through me, only
this one's due to you turning me on even more, and not due to any fear of you.*
I am.... all yours... god... Aaron... please... *My fingernails dig into your
hips and I pull on you, needing you to move inside me.*

Aaron: *Gasping, I worry for a second that I've been too rough, that
I've hurt you, but then you're begging me and pulling on my hips and it feels
so right. So perfect. Just like it feels every time I'm with you.
Moving my hips slowly, it only takes me a few thrusts to start moving faster and
harder. Not pounding into you, but faster than usual. To show you-- to show
you how much I need you. How much I want you. How fucking much I love you.*
Oh god, Lijah... *I press down harder onto you, worming one arm under your back
and the other down between us. I hold my palm against your leaking cock,
letting the press of my stomach and the motion of my thrusts move my hand up and
down your length. I push up against your back with my other hand, trying to get
as close to you as possible, as far inside you as possible. Angling my hips, I
try to brush your prostate each time, hearing you moan and grunt in
appreciation.*

Elijah: *Ohgod... ohmygod... you... you've never been like this before,
and as much as it's a surprise, it feels so damn good, what you're doing,
how you're thrusting into me, stroking me, pulling me as far under you as we can
manage. I wrap my legs around your hips now, tight as I can and opening up more
for you, and I can't believe how quick you've got me building toward a release.*
Oh god... *is all I can manage right now, my voice a whisper, my eyes galzed
over as you literally fuck me into the mattress, and I'm about to fly part
already as I cling to you, pulling you closer to me.* Ohgodaaron....

Aaron: *I actually growl without even realizing it when you wrap
your legs around me. Licking at your neck, I thrust into you harder and harder,
encouraging you to lift your hips to meet my thrusts, feeling the jerk of your
stomach muscles when you work against me. My arm between us is at a weird angle
but I don't care; I want you to come with me. I want to see you when you fall
over the edge.* Mine, my baby, my love, mine, mine, mine... *I'm
panting into your neck and not even sure what I'm saying or even if you can hear
me. I can't hold back any longer. Lifting my head, I moan right into your ear*
Come with me Lijah, come now *and I'm coming so fucking hard, my cock throbbing
and pulsing, my vision blurring and my head dropping back down to your
shoulder.*

Elijah: *Everything you're doing is just bringing me that much closer -
your hand on me, your words in my ears, you thrusting hard now, brushing across
my spot and making me quiver internally with each pass. Oh god... not far off,
and then you ask me, you command me to come with you, and I can feel it as you
start coming, and everything's too much now... gasping a few times as I feel
myself reaching that point, I cling to you, pushing myself down onto you, then
cry out as every nerve I have ignites, me pulsing hard in your hand, harder than
I ever have with you. Every ounce of evergy that I have pours into my release,
and my eyes open to slits, just enough, for me to lock them on yours before your
head finally rests against me.*

Aaron: *Shaking with aftershocks, I lower myself gently to lay halfway
on you, whimpering as my cock slips from your body, the exit almost painful. I
bury my face in your neck, wrapping my arms around you and holding you tight. I
realize after a second that I'm crying -- sobbing -- and I don't know why. Some
kind of mix of love and pain and so many other feelings I can't name. And what
we just did -- what I just did to you -- is rushing in on me and something in my
head is saying I hurt you, you didn't like it, I got carried away in my feelings
and became just like a Cit.* Goddammit... I'm sorry, Lijah... I'm sorry I hurt
you... *I manage to choke out, not even considering that you may have liked
it... All I can think of is how fucked up I am, how I can't even love you
right.*

Elijah: *I'm so spent, so sated right now, more than ever before, and it
takes me a moment to realize you're crying, and what you're saying, and when I
hear you... upset because of what you think you did wrong, my heart
breaks and my eyes well up.* No... no... *Pulling you closer to me now, I kiss
you lightly on the lips* I'm fine... I promise. It's all right. *I plea to you,
not wanting you to have any guilt over this.* I trust you, Aaron, You...
nothing's wrong. You were unbelievable. *kissing you more as a few tears slip
down my cheeks as well.* I love you... you made me feel.... oh my god! *a faint
little smile peeks through my tears* Aaron? Please...

Aaron: *Oh... oh. You're smiling and kissing me. You're... you're
okay. I take several deep breaths and blink the tears out of my eyes, using one
thumb to wipe the wetness off your cheeks.* You're okay? I didn't hurt you?
*I kiss you softly on your eyelids and nose and cheeks, finally touching my lips
to yours, closing my eyes and sighing against your mouth. Mumbling* I'm sorry,
I just-- it overwhelmed me for a second. All of it. And... and I thought I
hurt you. *Opening my eyes, I meet yours, relieved to see them clear and full
of love.* You're so... you're so fucking sexy and beautiful, Lij. I love you
so much.

Elijah: *I shake my head when you ask if you've hurt me* I'm fine. That
was amazing... *I'm still smiling at you, kissing you, though my tears don't
stop immediately. Watching you, listening to the things you say, the way you
make me feel, how safe and loved I feel with you, and I can't make my eyes
stop.* I'm fine... *I keep saying, and really, I am.* I'm fine... *but all this
brings the thought back to me that any day now, I'm not going to be here with
you, and I can't hold it back this time. You're so wonderful. You're so
perfect... and I'm going to lose you.* I'm yours. All yours. *I say between
shuddery breaths as I bury my face against you, my gut wrenching more as the
moments pass.* I belong to you... not him... not him... love you so much.

Aaron: *Hugging you tightly, I rock us back and forth a tiny bit.*
Shhh, it's okay... it's okay... *I don't think I should have said anything. I
didn't think how much it would hurt. How much bringing the thought of him --
even the thought of him never being able to have you -- into our room,
into our bed, would hurt you. Would hurt me. I can't stand to see you like
this. I can't stand seeing you suffer all this pain, this pain that never seems
to stop.* I love you too, so so so much... I'll never stop loving you, Lijah.
Never.

Elijah: *clinging tightly to you still, I nod against your chest,
snuffling tears, my eyes clamped shut, and a shiver races through me. I don't
want to leave here. I don't want to be without you. I don't want to go back. The
thought makes me ill, because I saw his eyes - the day he came to see me, the
day he said he was getting out, that he'd had the counseling. His eyes were the
same, and they burned an impression in me that I'll never forget. The impression
that he is the way he is, and nothing's going to change that.* I can't go back
there, Aaron. *I say in a shuddery whisper as I tightlen my arms around you*
Especially now. He'll kill me when he finds out. He will. *I shake against you,
dreading the day I get pulled from your arms, because I'll probably never see
you again.*

Aaron: *My stomach clenches when you speak... Kill you? No...
no, it can't happen. I know perfectly well that it can, but it can't.
Anything, absolutely anything but that. And he'll hurt you because of me.
He'll hurt you because he'll know about us. I grip you as tightly as I can.*
No, Lijah... no, he can't, he can't. I'll do something-- I'll get Brendan to
help and we'll do something, we'll stop him. *I'm shaking now, hard, knowing I
should keep my voice down but unable to control it.* Lijah I'll kill him before
he can hurt you again. I'll fucking kill him.

Elijah: You can't do anything. Nobody can. *i breathe a deep sigh, trying
to regain control of myself as I rest against you.* I love you, Aaron. *I kiss
your collarbone lightly* I never knew what it meant to love someone before, but
I think I'm learning now... and I love you. You... you can't help this. *I
loosen my grip on you finally, letting my hand slide up and down your back,
probably more for my own relief than for yours, and I yawn.* I know we should
probably shower but... I don't want to get up. Want to just stay here like this,
with you holding me.

Aaron: *I sigh and sag against you, feeling defeated. I love you, but
it's not enough. It's the worst emotion I've ever felt.* I know... I love you,
too. I just wish I could do something more than that. *Your hand rubbing my
back is soothing... keeping me from crying again. Which wouldn't help anything,
and which would just make both of us feel worse.* I don't want to get up,
either. I like holding you too much. Let's just stay here, k?

Elijah: Yeah. *I say back quietly, sniffling a bit still, but I've mostly
calmed at this point. It makes me sick, that I have to put you through this,
that he gets to me like this, but right now the saddest thing in my life is the
thought of not being able to stay with you.* Love you. *I reach down for the
blankets that we've strewn all over the place, pulling them back up to cover us,
then snuggle in close again. Then I let out a big yawn, as I'm totally exhausted
now from everything.*

Aaron: Love you, too. *I yawn when you do, feeling extremely sleepy. I
slip and finger under your chin and tilt your head up for a deep, long kiss,
then wrap my arms and one leg around you, holding you close. Despite all the
bad stuff... laying here, holding you, still feeling little sparks from our
lovemaking... I'm content. I pray for more, for us to not have to worry about
so many things, but this is definitely the best it could get, considering the
circumstances.* Goodnight, baby.

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