your love will take me higher and higher (drabbles)
and you've already got me coming undone; l/suzy (infinite/miss a) | 1043 words, g
if he's the ocean then suji's the boat that's swept up in the tide.
a/n: so i wanted to write myungzy fluff and i miss this ship sajdfk i'm trash sobs. title from here, lyrics from here.
my wave, my shark, my demon in the dark
the blue tide pulling me under
or are you my soul, my heart, pull everything apart?
i. myungsoo sleeps like the dead. in the mornings suji wakes up and she's always the first one to get out of bed, the first one to take a shower, the first one to leave. it's only until after suji's finished making coffee that myungsoo stumbles into the kitchen, sleep still lingering in the corners of his eyes and hair unruly.
"g' morning," he mumbles, leaning over the counter and pecking her cheek.
suji laughs and pushes him towards the bathroom.
"go take a shower," she says.
--
ii. the two of them are cleaning their apartment -- no outs, suji had said with her eyes fierce -- when myungsoo finds an old photo album. it's filled with a lot of his beginner photographs, the ones he took before he had any training. myungsoo looks at the first couple of pages with an odd sense of nostalgia and pride.
"what's that?" suji asks, peering over his shoulder.
they spend the rest of the afternoon flipping through the pages, and the apartment stays messy.
(he likes their apartment better like that anyways.)
--
iii. it's one of the odd saturdays when they find themselves with nothing to do. suji's flipping through the pages of a magazine but not really looking at everything, and myungsoo watches her but is too lazy to get his camera out. she stretches her legs out across the couch, tangling her feet with his, and yawns.
suji says, "one day we'll move out of this apartment and get married." she's the one who grumbles about the landlord and the dripping faucet and the spider web of cracks on the ceiling.
myungsoo says, "one day we'll have a lot of kids." he’s the one who dreams of her, day and night.
"not too many," suji says, laughing. she's radiant when she isn't worrying, he thinks.
"but still -- a lot," he persists, leaning forward.
she rolls her eyes and leans forward as well. "of course," suji whispers, and she kisses him.
--
iv. suji doesn't mind when myungsoo takes pictures of her. as long as i don't look bad, she warns, but there's mirth glittering in her eyes and suji's never cared too much about her looks.
(besides, she's always beautiful. but myungsoo doesn't tell her that.)
--
v. there are good days, and then there are the days where myungsoo wakes up with tear stains on the pillow next to his, suji sullen and silent when she leaves for her office job. it isn't that they're poor, not really; it's just that suji can see all of the things that he doesn't bother to notice -- do you think we can eat out this month? when was the last time we went on vacation? -- and cares about them acutely.
on those days she collapses in his arms, exhausted and defeated, and asks, "why did we bother doing this?"
"because i love you,” he always replies.
(myungsoo dreads the day that his love isn't enough to make up for her dissatisfaction.)
--
vi. "do you remember the day we first met?" myungsoo asks. they're sitting out where they hang their laundry, suji's body soft and warm next to his. it's hard to see the stars in the polluted sky of seoul, but myungsoo can still see suji in the dimness and that's enough.
"yeah," suji answers lazily, tipping her head back towards the sky and muffling a yawn. "it's been, what, five years since we met in uni?"
"since that english class," he reminds her. "you were mean then but you were pretty and smart."
"i just didn't like the way you stared at me," suji protests. "i thought you were just being a creep."
"then you came to yell at me after class," myungsoo says dreamily.
"and then i realized how much of an utter dork you were," she replies. myungsoo laughs, eyes scrunched, head ducking down. suji stares at him for a second, then reaches out and pokes his nose.
--
vii. myungsoo's kind of like an ocean, suji thinks. it's easy to get lost in his depths, in his intensity. he's an honest-for-god romantic, reads those mangas about love and dreams of some kind of fairy-tale ending. it scares suji, more than anything else. she's afraid of not being enough for him, guilty because myungsoo always gives so much yet gets so little in return. if he's the ocean then suji's the boat that's swept up in the tide.
(but it's myungsoo, and she really does love him. so suji tries her best to stay afloat, and hopes that it's enough.)
--
viii. they're out shopping because suji got a raise and kim myungsoo, you can't wear black every single day. suji looks through all of the shoes and purses her lips every time she views the price. myungsoo picks something black to try on to distract her -- black again, she sighs in exasperation -- and asks, "how does it look?" he makes an exaggerated pouty face, the one he knows looks ridiculous, and strikes a pose.
suji laughs, clear and happy. "oh my god myungsoo -- just -- people are staring i swear--"
after they've paid for myungsoo's black button-down shirt and suji's pair of shoes, he asks, "what did you think?"
normally myungsoo feels awkward when people call him beautiful but not with suji. never with suji.
--
ix. "what do you think about?" suji asks. "you know, when you... zone out."
"i don't know," he replies. myungsoo doesn't quite know how to explain it, how to explain that time just seems to flow differently for him. he's "zoned out" many times before, and in every single instance myungsoo feels like mere seconds have passed by when it's been an hour, or an hour in a second.
suji looks confused, but not frustrated. "okay," she says. her acceptance is all he needs, really.
--
x. "i'm scared i'm going to lose you," myungsoo tells her one night. his hands stutter on her wrists, cup her jaw gently.
suji exhales, says, "i'm not scared."
"why?" he asks.
it isn't something she can put into words, isn't something tangible that she can easily define with one or two words. it's this feeling inside of her that she can't quite name, and it leaves her with nothing to say.
suji simply smiles and replies, "because."
paper heart; kai/krystal (exo/f(x)) | 572 words, g
there’s something in his gaze that she sees everyday when she looks in the mirror: exhaustion, maybe, or just disillusionment.
a/n: this is set around 2011-2012. yay for otp! title and lyrics from here.
i try to act strong on the outside but my heart is like paper
i like you so much that i’m actually a bit scared
soojung asks her sister about first love and sooyeon's voice turns soft over the phone, comforting and reassuring.
"it's... well, no one really ends up with their first love," she says. "but it's alright. it'll pass." a pause, then realization dawns upon her. "jung soojung, who is it?"
soojung stares at her phone and contemplates telling her sister. the thing is, she can't even quite admit it to herself.
kim jongin. they've been strangers more so than friends for the past couple of years, so why does she keep thinking about him? why does she even care?
--
"what are you doing here?" soojung asks, turning to look at jongin. it has only been a couple of weeks since sooyeon's phone call, and she is both wary and a little terrified to see him walk on set. her stylist hisses stay still and continues to straighten her hair.
he shrugs. "i don't know, the company just called me down here." jongin smiles at her, a little shy. "it's nice to see you after so long." he's more tired than when she last saw him around the building, bags under his eyes; there’s something in his gaze that she sees everyday when she looks in the mirror: exhaustion, maybe, or just disillusionment. soojung, not for the first time, wishes she had warned him what it would be like. how it would feel to have people hate you and people love you and people watching you every day of your life.
"yeah," she agrees awkwardly, and they stand there in silence for a few more moments. it was never like that before, soojung thinks. just proof that he had changed and she had changed, the two of them.
--
the shoot is more interesting than most -- soojung loves their album concept -- but the pictures with jongin are awkward at best. she's the one chosen to be portrayed as the "love interest"; the irony is bitter and yet not unwelcome.
soojung lays her head on his shoulder and only feels the bonyness. she leans in thisclose to jongin's face and can only see the bags under his eyes where there wasn't enough bb cream applied. they remain locked, frozen, in one pose and she waits impatiently for photos to be taken from all angles. she's never felt this before, the massive dichotomy between the affectionate way they're set up and the cold stare of the cameras. it makes her so aware of the set, and yet -- and yet -- her hand is trembling in his.
"are you alright?" jongin asks quietly, whispering softly in her ear.
soojung nods a quick yes, her eyes darting away from his face to the floor. she's afraid, but of what, she doesn't know.
--
"don't you love this?" jongin asks. he's staring, eyes wide open, into the crowd. the look of enchantment on his face is one that soojung wishes she could have. it's the final bows, where all of smtown lines up and joins hands to end the show.
"yeah," she admits. what she doesn't tell him: that the novelty will wear off, that this might not make up for everything else, that there's a thousand people screaming your name but they don't know the real you.
"yeah," he echoes, and they smile at each other for that split second. it’s enough for now. hands clasped, the two of them raise their hands and bow.
--
sooyeon's wrong. it doesn't pass.
soojung still loves him.
promise; lay/jia (exo/miss a) | 229 words, g
jia isn't the first person who has left yixing for dreams of something else, but she hopes that she's the last.
a/n: i got a lot of feels over this and just. idk. title and lyrics from here.
consolation can no longer console my heart
because i know one day you will leave
please don’t leave, i want to hold your hand
"i heard about the news." yixing's voice through the telephone is quiet, restrained; beneath that jia can hear the accusatory why didn't you tell me? in his voice.
"yeah." jia swallows dryly, at a loss for what to say. she hates herself for it, because she knows now that she isn't better than the rest of them, no matter what she had promised him so long ago. jia isn't the first person who has left yixing for dreams of something else, but she hopes that she's the last.
"so where are you heading?" he asks. "beijing, or...?"
she exhales and laughs shakily. "god, i don't know." and when has she ever? but the urge to leave seoul is an irresistible itch, impossible to ignore. "anywhere but here."
"anywhere but here," yixing echoes, voice hollow. then: "i'll miss you."
jia listens to the sound of his breathing for a few moments, wonders what to say to lessen the pain and ease the burden. she imagines him on the other end of the line, tired and washed out yet still so quietly beautiful -- and she is speechless.
"i'll visit you when i go to china," he says, finally. an empty promise. "you can just call me." then yixing hangs up, and jia is left listening to nothing, a thousand unsaid thoughts swirling around her head that she is unable to voice.
because; kris/amber (exo/f(x)) | 673 words, pg
he keeps trying to hold on, trying desperately to find reasons to stay.
a/n: i miss krisber and then i reread this. um i hope this makes sense it's written weirdly. title and lyrics from here.
please don’t stay in my heart
once you’re gone
kris texts her one word: goodbye. it's the last time amber will hear from him ever again.
--
kris calls her one night, tired and anxious as usual; amber starts talking the second she picks up. it's as if she knows that he isn't okay, as if she knows that this is all he's holding on to.
"are you alright?" she asks abruptly, in the middle of a sentence. kris listens to the sound of her breathing for a couple of seconds. finally, he hangs up.
--
amber's worried about him. kris can tell that much, at least. they've both managed to make it to one of those china-line gatherings, the ones that amber usually avoids because her mandarin is crap.
he knows what amber sees when she looks at him. kris is thin in the face -- haggard, almost -- with purple bags under his eyes. even though amber tries to hide her wide-eyed sympathy under a layer of smiles and jokes, kris knows the truth. he's a wreck, and it scares himself more than anyone else
finally, amber realizes what he wants. she doesn't say a word; instead she sits next to kris in silence, the bones of his body pressing into hers.
--
"i wrote a song," amber tells him over the phone. it's the only way they communicate with each other most days, and kris can’t even remember the last time he saw her in person.
"you should sing it for me," he replies. kris looks over to the couch that jongdae and lu han are collapsed on, over to where zitao's pouring water for minseok and himself, over to yixing sitting on a stool, strumming his guitar.
he's been thinking about it almost every day now, leaving exo. he keeps trying to hold on, trying desperately to find reasons to stay. listening to amber's voice over the phone, watching over his groupmates, he almost feels content.
(but it isn't enough.)
--
"debut -- it's more tiring than i thought it would be," kris tells amber in person. "i mean i knew it would be tiring, but. i can't even remember the last time i had more than four hours of sleep." they both laugh -- like it's some funny joke -- but he takes one look at the uneasiness in her eyes and knows that that’s not the case.
--
amber stops by the trainee dorms late at night, mask over her face and eyes shining.
"i tried to come as quickly as possible," she says once the door's shut, pulling off her face mask quickly. "you made it!"
"yeah," he agrees, and this shared happiness gives him enough courage to bend down and kiss her cheek softly. amber’s eyes are radiant in the dim light.
--
"i miss home," amber tells him. henry's playing something on the keyboard and kris is tossing a tennis ball around half-heartedly with amber. it's been so long (too long) since the three of them have all been together, like this.
kris shrugs. he doesn't really know what his home is anymore. it definitely isn't in vancouver -- he barely remembers anything except for learning english and his few friends -- and isn't china either. and home definitely isn't the small dorms that the trainees are cramped in. home, he decides, as henry laughs at something amber says, is all around him. it's with yixing and lu han and henry and amber.
--
amber is the one to help him when kevin says he's going to change his name.
"it makes sense," she says, flipping through a book of baby names. "i mean -- kevin doesn't really suit you, honestly."
"how about chris?" he asks her.
she nods, still flipping through the pages. "but like -- with a k. it fits you," she says.
he calls his mother on the phone that night, and just like that he is kris wu.
--
kevin thinks that there's something special about the new trainee from los angeles. she's outgoing and open and pretty much everyone likes her.
"what's your name?" he asks.
"amber," she replies, smiling at him.
kevin smiles back.
plastic limbs, elastic heart; l/suzy (infinite/miss a) | 259 words, g
there is nothing here to pass the time except for suji's endless questions and his own love for answering them.
a/n: but myungzy as dolls !111 they're so aesthetically pleasing b y e. lyrics from here.
i don't wanna live in a mini mini world
i don't wanna be a doll that you play with
i can't pretend that there's no big, big world there
"don't you ever want know what's out there?" suji tries to peer out of the window -- as usual -- but even on tiptoe she's too short to see much over the ledge. there's a wonder in her eyes that myungsoo thinks should've been long extinguished, a curiosity strangely odd for a plastic doll like her.
he looks up and says, tired, "no."
"but there must be something there," suji says, turning to face him with her hands on her hips. "we can't just be stuck in here forever."
myungsoo just shrugs. it isn't the first time they've had this conversation -- along with all of its possible variants -- nor will it be the last.
she walks over to him and sits by his side, both of them with their backs pressed against the wall. suji leans into him, head resting on his shoulder, and -- well that's new, myungsoo thinks.
the last time myungsoo had been touched was when the Little Girl was cleaning her room and brought their house to the dark storage area of the basement. "i'm too big for you now," she had said, fingers caressing their faces, and since then the two of them exist here in this bleak place; there is nothing here to pass the time except for suji's endless questions and his own love for answering them.
"i'm just so... bored, i guess," she murmurs, and maybe that's why she takes his plastic hand and squeezes it.
"yeah," myungsoo replies. and even though his chest is hollow, his limbs plastic, he thinks he feels something.
if he's the ocean then suji's the boat that's swept up in the tide.
a/n: so i wanted to write myungzy fluff and i miss this ship sajdfk i'm trash sobs. title from here, lyrics from here.
my wave, my shark, my demon in the dark
the blue tide pulling me under
or are you my soul, my heart, pull everything apart?
i. myungsoo sleeps like the dead. in the mornings suji wakes up and she's always the first one to get out of bed, the first one to take a shower, the first one to leave. it's only until after suji's finished making coffee that myungsoo stumbles into the kitchen, sleep still lingering in the corners of his eyes and hair unruly.
"g' morning," he mumbles, leaning over the counter and pecking her cheek.
suji laughs and pushes him towards the bathroom.
"go take a shower," she says.
--
ii. the two of them are cleaning their apartment -- no outs, suji had said with her eyes fierce -- when myungsoo finds an old photo album. it's filled with a lot of his beginner photographs, the ones he took before he had any training. myungsoo looks at the first couple of pages with an odd sense of nostalgia and pride.
"what's that?" suji asks, peering over his shoulder.
they spend the rest of the afternoon flipping through the pages, and the apartment stays messy.
(he likes their apartment better like that anyways.)
--
iii. it's one of the odd saturdays when they find themselves with nothing to do. suji's flipping through the pages of a magazine but not really looking at everything, and myungsoo watches her but is too lazy to get his camera out. she stretches her legs out across the couch, tangling her feet with his, and yawns.
suji says, "one day we'll move out of this apartment and get married." she's the one who grumbles about the landlord and the dripping faucet and the spider web of cracks on the ceiling.
myungsoo says, "one day we'll have a lot of kids." he’s the one who dreams of her, day and night.
"not too many," suji says, laughing. she's radiant when she isn't worrying, he thinks.
"but still -- a lot," he persists, leaning forward.
she rolls her eyes and leans forward as well. "of course," suji whispers, and she kisses him.
--
iv. suji doesn't mind when myungsoo takes pictures of her. as long as i don't look bad, she warns, but there's mirth glittering in her eyes and suji's never cared too much about her looks.
(besides, she's always beautiful. but myungsoo doesn't tell her that.)
--
v. there are good days, and then there are the days where myungsoo wakes up with tear stains on the pillow next to his, suji sullen and silent when she leaves for her office job. it isn't that they're poor, not really; it's just that suji can see all of the things that he doesn't bother to notice -- do you think we can eat out this month? when was the last time we went on vacation? -- and cares about them acutely.
on those days she collapses in his arms, exhausted and defeated, and asks, "why did we bother doing this?"
"because i love you,” he always replies.
(myungsoo dreads the day that his love isn't enough to make up for her dissatisfaction.)
--
vi. "do you remember the day we first met?" myungsoo asks. they're sitting out where they hang their laundry, suji's body soft and warm next to his. it's hard to see the stars in the polluted sky of seoul, but myungsoo can still see suji in the dimness and that's enough.
"yeah," suji answers lazily, tipping her head back towards the sky and muffling a yawn. "it's been, what, five years since we met in uni?"
"since that english class," he reminds her. "you were mean then but you were pretty and smart."
"i just didn't like the way you stared at me," suji protests. "i thought you were just being a creep."
"then you came to yell at me after class," myungsoo says dreamily.
"and then i realized how much of an utter dork you were," she replies. myungsoo laughs, eyes scrunched, head ducking down. suji stares at him for a second, then reaches out and pokes his nose.
--
vii. myungsoo's kind of like an ocean, suji thinks. it's easy to get lost in his depths, in his intensity. he's an honest-for-god romantic, reads those mangas about love and dreams of some kind of fairy-tale ending. it scares suji, more than anything else. she's afraid of not being enough for him, guilty because myungsoo always gives so much yet gets so little in return. if he's the ocean then suji's the boat that's swept up in the tide.
(but it's myungsoo, and she really does love him. so suji tries her best to stay afloat, and hopes that it's enough.)
--
viii. they're out shopping because suji got a raise and kim myungsoo, you can't wear black every single day. suji looks through all of the shoes and purses her lips every time she views the price. myungsoo picks something black to try on to distract her -- black again, she sighs in exasperation -- and asks, "how does it look?" he makes an exaggerated pouty face, the one he knows looks ridiculous, and strikes a pose.
suji laughs, clear and happy. "oh my god myungsoo -- just -- people are staring i swear--"
after they've paid for myungsoo's black button-down shirt and suji's pair of shoes, he asks, "what did you think?"
normally myungsoo feels awkward when people call him beautiful but not with suji. never with suji.
--
ix. "what do you think about?" suji asks. "you know, when you... zone out."
"i don't know," he replies. myungsoo doesn't quite know how to explain it, how to explain that time just seems to flow differently for him. he's "zoned out" many times before, and in every single instance myungsoo feels like mere seconds have passed by when it's been an hour, or an hour in a second.
suji looks confused, but not frustrated. "okay," she says. her acceptance is all he needs, really.
--
x. "i'm scared i'm going to lose you," myungsoo tells her one night. his hands stutter on her wrists, cup her jaw gently.
suji exhales, says, "i'm not scared."
"why?" he asks.
it isn't something she can put into words, isn't something tangible that she can easily define with one or two words. it's this feeling inside of her that she can't quite name, and it leaves her with nothing to say.
suji simply smiles and replies, "because."
paper heart; kai/krystal (exo/f(x)) | 572 words, g
there’s something in his gaze that she sees everyday when she looks in the mirror: exhaustion, maybe, or just disillusionment.
a/n: this is set around 2011-2012. yay for otp! title and lyrics from here.
i try to act strong on the outside but my heart is like paper
i like you so much that i’m actually a bit scared
soojung asks her sister about first love and sooyeon's voice turns soft over the phone, comforting and reassuring.
"it's... well, no one really ends up with their first love," she says. "but it's alright. it'll pass." a pause, then realization dawns upon her. "jung soojung, who is it?"
soojung stares at her phone and contemplates telling her sister. the thing is, she can't even quite admit it to herself.
kim jongin. they've been strangers more so than friends for the past couple of years, so why does she keep thinking about him? why does she even care?
--
"what are you doing here?" soojung asks, turning to look at jongin. it has only been a couple of weeks since sooyeon's phone call, and she is both wary and a little terrified to see him walk on set. her stylist hisses stay still and continues to straighten her hair.
he shrugs. "i don't know, the company just called me down here." jongin smiles at her, a little shy. "it's nice to see you after so long." he's more tired than when she last saw him around the building, bags under his eyes; there’s something in his gaze that she sees everyday when she looks in the mirror: exhaustion, maybe, or just disillusionment. soojung, not for the first time, wishes she had warned him what it would be like. how it would feel to have people hate you and people love you and people watching you every day of your life.
"yeah," she agrees awkwardly, and they stand there in silence for a few more moments. it was never like that before, soojung thinks. just proof that he had changed and she had changed, the two of them.
--
the shoot is more interesting than most -- soojung loves their album concept -- but the pictures with jongin are awkward at best. she's the one chosen to be portrayed as the "love interest"; the irony is bitter and yet not unwelcome.
soojung lays her head on his shoulder and only feels the bonyness. she leans in thisclose to jongin's face and can only see the bags under his eyes where there wasn't enough bb cream applied. they remain locked, frozen, in one pose and she waits impatiently for photos to be taken from all angles. she's never felt this before, the massive dichotomy between the affectionate way they're set up and the cold stare of the cameras. it makes her so aware of the set, and yet -- and yet -- her hand is trembling in his.
"are you alright?" jongin asks quietly, whispering softly in her ear.
soojung nods a quick yes, her eyes darting away from his face to the floor. she's afraid, but of what, she doesn't know.
--
"don't you love this?" jongin asks. he's staring, eyes wide open, into the crowd. the look of enchantment on his face is one that soojung wishes she could have. it's the final bows, where all of smtown lines up and joins hands to end the show.
"yeah," she admits. what she doesn't tell him: that the novelty will wear off, that this might not make up for everything else, that there's a thousand people screaming your name but they don't know the real you.
"yeah," he echoes, and they smile at each other for that split second. it’s enough for now. hands clasped, the two of them raise their hands and bow.
--
sooyeon's wrong. it doesn't pass.
soojung still loves him.
promise; lay/jia (exo/miss a) | 229 words, g
jia isn't the first person who has left yixing for dreams of something else, but she hopes that she's the last.
a/n: i got a lot of feels over this and just. idk. title and lyrics from here.
consolation can no longer console my heart
because i know one day you will leave
please don’t leave, i want to hold your hand
"i heard about the news." yixing's voice through the telephone is quiet, restrained; beneath that jia can hear the accusatory why didn't you tell me? in his voice.
"yeah." jia swallows dryly, at a loss for what to say. she hates herself for it, because she knows now that she isn't better than the rest of them, no matter what she had promised him so long ago. jia isn't the first person who has left yixing for dreams of something else, but she hopes that she's the last.
"so where are you heading?" he asks. "beijing, or...?"
she exhales and laughs shakily. "god, i don't know." and when has she ever? but the urge to leave seoul is an irresistible itch, impossible to ignore. "anywhere but here."
"anywhere but here," yixing echoes, voice hollow. then: "i'll miss you."
jia listens to the sound of his breathing for a few moments, wonders what to say to lessen the pain and ease the burden. she imagines him on the other end of the line, tired and washed out yet still so quietly beautiful -- and she is speechless.
"i'll visit you when i go to china," he says, finally. an empty promise. "you can just call me." then yixing hangs up, and jia is left listening to nothing, a thousand unsaid thoughts swirling around her head that she is unable to voice.
because; kris/amber (exo/f(x)) | 673 words, pg
he keeps trying to hold on, trying desperately to find reasons to stay.
a/n: i miss krisber and then i reread this. um i hope this makes sense it's written weirdly. title and lyrics from here.
please don’t stay in my heart
once you’re gone
kris texts her one word: goodbye. it's the last time amber will hear from him ever again.
--
kris calls her one night, tired and anxious as usual; amber starts talking the second she picks up. it's as if she knows that he isn't okay, as if she knows that this is all he's holding on to.
"are you alright?" she asks abruptly, in the middle of a sentence. kris listens to the sound of her breathing for a couple of seconds. finally, he hangs up.
--
amber's worried about him. kris can tell that much, at least. they've both managed to make it to one of those china-line gatherings, the ones that amber usually avoids because her mandarin is crap.
he knows what amber sees when she looks at him. kris is thin in the face -- haggard, almost -- with purple bags under his eyes. even though amber tries to hide her wide-eyed sympathy under a layer of smiles and jokes, kris knows the truth. he's a wreck, and it scares himself more than anyone else
finally, amber realizes what he wants. she doesn't say a word; instead she sits next to kris in silence, the bones of his body pressing into hers.
--
"i wrote a song," amber tells him over the phone. it's the only way they communicate with each other most days, and kris can’t even remember the last time he saw her in person.
"you should sing it for me," he replies. kris looks over to the couch that jongdae and lu han are collapsed on, over to where zitao's pouring water for minseok and himself, over to yixing sitting on a stool, strumming his guitar.
he's been thinking about it almost every day now, leaving exo. he keeps trying to hold on, trying desperately to find reasons to stay. listening to amber's voice over the phone, watching over his groupmates, he almost feels content.
(but it isn't enough.)
--
"debut -- it's more tiring than i thought it would be," kris tells amber in person. "i mean i knew it would be tiring, but. i can't even remember the last time i had more than four hours of sleep." they both laugh -- like it's some funny joke -- but he takes one look at the uneasiness in her eyes and knows that that’s not the case.
--
amber stops by the trainee dorms late at night, mask over her face and eyes shining.
"i tried to come as quickly as possible," she says once the door's shut, pulling off her face mask quickly. "you made it!"
"yeah," he agrees, and this shared happiness gives him enough courage to bend down and kiss her cheek softly. amber’s eyes are radiant in the dim light.
--
"i miss home," amber tells him. henry's playing something on the keyboard and kris is tossing a tennis ball around half-heartedly with amber. it's been so long (too long) since the three of them have all been together, like this.
kris shrugs. he doesn't really know what his home is anymore. it definitely isn't in vancouver -- he barely remembers anything except for learning english and his few friends -- and isn't china either. and home definitely isn't the small dorms that the trainees are cramped in. home, he decides, as henry laughs at something amber says, is all around him. it's with yixing and lu han and henry and amber.
--
amber is the one to help him when kevin says he's going to change his name.
"it makes sense," she says, flipping through a book of baby names. "i mean -- kevin doesn't really suit you, honestly."
"how about chris?" he asks her.
she nods, still flipping through the pages. "but like -- with a k. it fits you," she says.
he calls his mother on the phone that night, and just like that he is kris wu.
--
kevin thinks that there's something special about the new trainee from los angeles. she's outgoing and open and pretty much everyone likes her.
"what's your name?" he asks.
"amber," she replies, smiling at him.
kevin smiles back.
plastic limbs, elastic heart; l/suzy (infinite/miss a) | 259 words, g
there is nothing here to pass the time except for suji's endless questions and his own love for answering them.
a/n: but myungzy as dolls !111 they're so aesthetically pleasing b y e. lyrics from here.
i don't wanna live in a mini mini world
i don't wanna be a doll that you play with
i can't pretend that there's no big, big world there
"don't you ever want know what's out there?" suji tries to peer out of the window -- as usual -- but even on tiptoe she's too short to see much over the ledge. there's a wonder in her eyes that myungsoo thinks should've been long extinguished, a curiosity strangely odd for a plastic doll like her.
he looks up and says, tired, "no."
"but there must be something there," suji says, turning to face him with her hands on her hips. "we can't just be stuck in here forever."
myungsoo just shrugs. it isn't the first time they've had this conversation -- along with all of its possible variants -- nor will it be the last.
she walks over to him and sits by his side, both of them with their backs pressed against the wall. suji leans into him, head resting on his shoulder, and -- well that's new, myungsoo thinks.
the last time myungsoo had been touched was when the Little Girl was cleaning her room and brought their house to the dark storage area of the basement. "i'm too big for you now," she had said, fingers caressing their faces, and since then the two of them exist here in this bleak place; there is nothing here to pass the time except for suji's endless questions and his own love for answering them.
"i'm just so... bored, i guess," she murmurs, and maybe that's why she takes his plastic hand and squeezes it.
"yeah," myungsoo replies. and even though his chest is hollow, his limbs plastic, he thinks he feels something.