Axel
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): http://community.livejournal.com/ashes_dance
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): I found that by accident
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:29): Yaaay. Although it looks like a dead community. D:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): IDUNCARE.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): I found it xD
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:30): I'ma make it live again.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:30): Hahhaa.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:38): TADA
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:39): ?
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:39): Refresh the page xD
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:39): Lol. Well, there's a start to reviving it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:39): D: And are you okay? -status point.-
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:39): -______- No, not really.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:41): >:
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:41): Why?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:41): orz.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:46): The usual
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:47): Ah. -Hugs.-
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:47): -Murr-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:47): D: Me sorry.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:47): S'fine
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:48): S'not if you're crying, hun
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:48): I'm crying over somethin' stupid
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:49): What? D:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:50): Not havin' an Axel.>>
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:51): Ah. D:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:51): Stupid.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:51): -Huggles.- >:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:52): -Murr-
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:53): http://community.livejournal.com/ashes_dance/1162.html#cutid1
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:55): Heh. <3 I'll look at it in a bit. I wants more substance than sex though so that's what'll be looking for..
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:55): Good friggen luck. If I find anything, I'll let you know
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:55): Alrighties~.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:56): I gave up on substance. I figure, once you kick your Axel awake, THEN they'll be substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:56): 'cause once your Axel's awake I'm never gonna RP anything but AkuSora with you (except De/Suku) because I want fucking plot.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): I want substance though, that's what usually gets my muses alive.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): In the first place.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): Not sex, unless it's like, REALLY fucking well written.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): Hence why I'm looking for good substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:57): Ah
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:03): But it's hard to find so yeah. Ugh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:03): KH fandom needs more substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Mmhmm
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Too bad I write smut.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Although.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): My Xephyr story isn't horrible.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Just AU
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:05): Mmm. :| But argh. It's so hard to find like, non-smut canon-universe fic.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:05): Which is usually better for substance.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:05): cause AU generally means crack unless otherwise stated.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): >>
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): It's not crack
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): Fuck, KH fandom, you're big. You should have substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): Kinda.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): Why does DOGS fandom have so much fucking more substance than you?! They're SMALL.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): You're BIG.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): It'll EVENTUALLY be AkuSora and RikuRoxas
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): I don't care so much about the pairings.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): As the writing.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:07): AHve you READ my damn Xephyr story yet>>
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:07): After the like...2 years it's been written?!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:08): I probably have.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:08): I think you keep putting it off because I'm shitty at writing>>
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:09): No, I'm pretty sure I have read part of it.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:09): I need to start back up on that. Ugh. Only 1/3 parts is written. I have another...12 chapters to go
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Aww.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): But yeah, the things I'm going for.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Aren't pairing related usually.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Just like, substance.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Good old good character writing to give me ideas.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:10): Mine isn't pairing, so far. It's uhhh....Roxas and Sora are twins, and like...uhhh....They're mommy hates Roxas>>
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): No. That's not... argh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): How do I explain this?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:11): -___-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:11): Plot =/= substance.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:11): http://community.livejournal.com/actuallyfoaming/8918.html Voice, characterization, etc. This being an example. Not exactly what I'm looking for with Axel but something that actually has a voice to it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): That makes me think of things I could do with a character and pushes me because I'm like "holy fuuuuck I could never write like that. :|b" cause it's somehow epic motivation.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:12): ...Oh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): I've lost that with KH. That's why Axel muse is hard to revive.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): No one writes. Shit like that. Anymore.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): In KH fandom.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): They used to.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:13): And I'm sorry. For the status and everything but truthfully, that's what's hard about reviving this muse.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:13): Doesn't matter. Don't care. Fine. No Axel. I'll find a way to kill Sora.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:13): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:13): There will be an Axel. :|
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:13): No there won't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:14): Stop being such a butt about it. I know I'm a butt but yeah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:14): There will be.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:14): No, because I fucking hate it!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:14): You have -NO- fucking idea how lonesome for me it is to be so wrapped in fucking kingdom hearts!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:15): To be wrapped up in something with a million fucking fans.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:15): At least you pick shit that doesn't have people into it!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:15): THEY CAN'T RUIN IT FOR YOU.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:15): I picked KH. People ruined it for me. And I bet I ruined KH for you, huh?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:15): But with kingdom hearts. EVERYONE fucking knows it. They hate it or love it, or fuck with it.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): No.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): You didn't ruin it for me.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): I don't think anyone can do that.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): But I hate you for letting Axel die.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:16): And thus we come to the part where I will keep my mouth shut about things.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): No say it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:16): No.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): Yes.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): I'm not that pissed off to go yelling at you for it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): No.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): You're NEVER that pissed off at me!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): I keep waiting for it, and waiting for it!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): And then "oh no. I'm not mad anymore"
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): That's because if I did.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): You'd fucking crack.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): Like a damn little eggshell.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): I'm not going to crack!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:18): You have. At the most simple of things.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:18): There is NOTHING you could say to break me.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:18): Unless you left me. Which, we've established, you won't
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:18): Yeah but you break down and shit and cry over the most stupid of things, and if I got really pissed off, I'll tell you right now that I wouldn't be attempting to say 'it's alright, I'm sorry' until after a few days.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:18): I don't care!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:19): Just fucking do it already! Stop making me more paranoid by keeping it inside!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:19): 'cause I tend to freak out more when I don't know what you wanna say!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:19): Bah. I won't but I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:19): And I cry over -EVERYTHING-. Crying + Me = Best friends.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:20): So me crying has NOTHING to do with it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:21): I feel like a good shitload of the reason you're in this relationship is to see if I can revive a fucking muse. God, I know you love KH and we found a connection through it. Thank you fucking god, but muses for me are muses. Things happen, they die. The fact that you are pushing this shit on me in attempts to revive my goddamn muse all the fucking time annoys me. I'm sorry I fucking fail at it, I'm sorry you have suuuuch a large fucking fandom that has sooo many people in it. And I'm sorry that I can't find any good Axel fics to fucking revive the muse but it seems to be all you want is that damn muse sometimes. And I'm sorry but I'm different from that fucking muse. The muse isn't me, I'm not the fucking muse. If you want Axel dearest rather than me, fine. Fuuucking fine. But don't guilt
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:21): trip my ass all the time.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:22): -Breathes.- . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:22): That's part of it. I'd ramble more but fuck, I don't want to.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:23): -Sucks in a breahte then releases it.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:24): Precisely why.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:24): What?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:24): The internet died
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Ugh. stupid thing. sorry. But
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Maleficent Darkness: This is precisely why I don't even start with it. Maleficent Darkness: Precisely why.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): I'm fine.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): I'm crying a bit, but, I'm fine.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Haha. That's the tip of the iceberg, very tip.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): Then hit me with more.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): I don't want to.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Sorry but I don't like raging on people.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): I'll tell you right now.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): Fuck your Axel.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:26): If that's what you think, then I don't want you to revive Axel.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:26): Not ever.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:26): Eh, it's just sometimes when you get extremely depressed over it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:26): It makes me paranoid and it's like....
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:26): "Do you want me or are you here just for the muse?" But it's mainly paranoia and pissiness.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): If I just wanted the muse, trust me, I could get any Axel I wanted without trying.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:27): Ah. . . I'm sorry though for saying it like that har.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:27): As I said, I really don't like doing this to people. . .
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): Don't apologize to me.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): You're in the right.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:28): N-not exactly. orz. But either way, ugh. I just don't like to because like this time, it doesn't make me happy to force this type of thing on people.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:28): I think you're a moron for keeping this to yourself for so long though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:28): ?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:29): That. That was dumb. Yes, I know i'm all "YAYFUCKINGKINGDOMHEARTS" but seriously. If you thought I was in love with you for a muse you should have told me.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:30): Eh, as I said, I don't think this all the time but it's grating and it sometimes just comes when I'm pissed off and stuff. And yeah, it was pretty dumb. . . orz.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:31): And if I'm annoying you by bothering you about Axel, you should just whack me one. I don't wanna bug you about it. I can deal perfectly fine with you not having an Axel muse. Hell, I can deal fine if you never RP with me again. I know I'll whine, but it's not like I'm gonna be fucking...holyshitihateyou just because of some fictional shit that I could write out myself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:32): . . . You don't know how happy that makes me. Although I'll definitely RP and stuff but holy god.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:32): Cause some people have abused me for that right there.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:32): ...Idiot.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:32): I'm your girlfriend.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:32): I'm not gonna do shit like that. I know i"m manipulative, but cut me some slack.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:33): xD; I know, it's just me being retarded. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:33): Anyway, I'm being like, yelled at to come to dinner.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:33): I'll brb.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:00): Sorry I wasn't on earlier though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:00): orz.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:01): this week has been just. . ugh, hectic in general.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:01): It's okay.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:01): Did you have fun though?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:02): At Chris'?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:02): -Shrugs- I cried and slept.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:04): >: . . . M' sorry.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:05): It's ok
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:30): -FLINGS sora toy at the others head.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:30): -Dodges.- Hn.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:30): If you're going to lie and shit about still being pissed, at least be convincing about it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:31): Don't tell me lies and shit to comfort me.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:31): I'm not pissed. I'm hurt.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:31): Really, REALLY hurt.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:31): Congratulations, you know how I feel and I'm goddamn sorry, I already said I'm goddamn sorry.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:32): Had I a way to magically change things immediately, I would.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE DAMN SHITTY FUCKING MUSE
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:32): You do.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:32): Fuck don't lie.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): No.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): Yes.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): But not THAT much
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): I'm not uspet because of the fucking muse
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:33): What are you upset at me for now?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:33): Out of the million things?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:33): A million?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:33): YOu make it seem like EVERYTHING I think is a problem.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:33): Well sometimes it feels that way.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): And I'll be blunt about this. I'm still in a horrid mood.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): So most of this shit won't make sense and a good load of it I don't mean.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): But fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): I can't do anything right for anyone anymore.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:35): Yes you can.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): whycanyoualljustshutupandleavemealoneinsteadofgettingpissedoffatme.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): I'm sick of it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): You get mad, parents get mad, friends get mad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): Fuck it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): Everything I do right I screw over.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): Fuck it, just fuck it. I'm sorry for whatever I did this time but fuck it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:36): I'm sick, and tired, of not being able to please you all.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:36): -eyes go wide-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:36): I try, I fucking try.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): And what do I get? You can do better, you can do this, you can do that, you sucked at this, fuck you, etc, etc.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): Sorry, I am who I am.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): Sorry, I'm not some fucking perfect being that can do everything right.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): I'm sorry I piss you all the fuck off but fuck, I RARELY make more than a small grumble over the shit some of you all do.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:38): Can ANY of you give me the courtesy of at least giving me a time where your goddamn expectations of a fucktard aren't as high as God.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:38): ....i'm sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:38): . . . No, I'm sorry for ranting on you in the first place like this but . . .fuck, I don't know. I'm sick of doing everything wrong and pissing off people.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:38): I can't get anythign right anymore.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:39): -shakes head frantically.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): And when I say it, people lie to me and say "oh you can" and that makes shit worse. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): . . . No, really though. Blah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): . . ugh. Sorry about that. Ugh. That totally didn't feel any better.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): To yell at you about. fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): Sorry.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:39): ...-bursts into tears.-
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:40): How come you don't tell me this?! Why don't you ever say "Stop treating me like crap?"
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): And you didn't do bad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): Don't even say that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): I'm just in a real foul mood. :/
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): It is none of your fault and I do apologize again for going off on you like that.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:42): It's true though!!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:42): I do treat you like crap!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:43): No, you don't.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:43): -whimpers-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:44): It's just that there's a lot of people have a bit too high of expectations for me that I can't fill.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:44): I'm sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:44): No, no.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:45): as I said, not your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:45): You don't have to apologize.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:45): ..yes I do...'cause I'm horrible too and you just won't tell me 'cause I'm alredy crying.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:45): You wouldn't have gone off on me if it wasn't at least partially directed TOWARDS me
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): Slightly but that's because I'm still butthurt over you not telling the truth about still being mad and stuff.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): I'm not MAD
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): I hurt.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): Really, really bad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): Hurt then.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): Like...I don't even know how to explain it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): and I'm really sorry for whatever nameless thing.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): I've done.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): No, you're right.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): it's the axel thing.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): I feel shallow admitting it
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): That's why I'm trying to lie through it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): Pssh. Just tell the truth.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): I know it's the Axel thing.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): And I'm pissed off kind of because of it but it's better if you don't lie to my face.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): That just makes me even more pissed off.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:48): ...i'm sorry...
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:48): I really don't want you for your muse, if you can believe that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:48): I won't like, kill you because of it but like, I don't mind if you just say it aloud.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:48): Ah. But still . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:48): You were attached to him a lot more than I was.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:48): -Gives a faint nod.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:49): So I can see why you're pissed.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): I'm not pissed!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): I'm not angry, pissed, mad
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): I'm fucking...crying sad depressed.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): There is NO anger whatsoever.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:49): Hurt, pissed.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:49): I generally put it under the same category even if it's not.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): Just alot of pain.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:50): . . . I'm sorry.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:50): I really am. I wish there was something I could do about that but.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): It's mostly my own fault.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): I shouldn't have said I don't care if he ever came back.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): I think that's what did it. In my mind, I know that was a blatant lie.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): But I don't want you to know it
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): 'course...that's a bit late now.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:51): Yeah. . . orz.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): I'm sorry...I'm really sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:51): Don't tell me lies just to make me feel good hun.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:51): But yeah. . .
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): I told you I was a fuck up.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): Do you believe me now
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:52): No, you aren't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:53): :| You aren't at all.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:53): I am.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:53): No you're not!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:53): You have every right to be upset!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:53): And you just...don't do it.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:54): I didn't leave because I was upset. That I can promise you. I felt fine when I left...it wasn't until later that I started hurting again.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:55): Which, is my fault 'cause I was playing with axel and sora and when I had sora holding axel's chakrams I kinda...snapped.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:56): ...did you get any of that
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:56): No. . . ?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:56): Did you get any of what I said?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:57): I got up to this: ]+[Chelsea]+[: :| You aren't at all. ]+[Chelsea]+[: I am.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:57): TO which I said:
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:57): [Sora]: No you're not! [Sora]: You have every right to be upset! [Sora]: And you just...don't do it. [Sora]: I didn't leave because I was upset. That I can promise you. I felt fine when I left...it wasn't until later that I started hurting again. [Sora]: Which, is my fault 'cause I was playing with axel and sora and when I had sora holding axel's chakrams I kinda...snapped.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:58): Ah. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:58): I still am though. fkjid.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:59): ...The proof that you're not is the fact that you're not upset about a 3D videogame character.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:59): I still am a fuckup though for making you feel bad.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:59): I deserve it. I know that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:59): orz. No, you don't.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:00): -blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:00): You don't deserve me treating you badly.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:00): I treat you the same. It's fair.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:02): . . . :/ No. orz.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:02): -Blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:02): Still doesn't excuse it.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:03): ...At least I know some of how you feel now..
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:03): Har, I don't feel like this all the time. I'm just, extremely frustrated right now.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:03): Cause I got to be happy for a fraction of a moment and then everyone has to get all pissy on my ass for things I don't remember doing or their own problems or otherwise.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:04): ...I'm sorry...
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:04): I knew I shouldn't have come homw.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): It's not your fault mainly. It just kinda, added to the large pile of things so don't blame yourself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): >:
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): You would have worried me sick that way.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): I was starting to get worried like hell.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): Despite I am mad. har.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:05): Cause like, I didn't know where you were and I got all nervous and scared about it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:05): Not your fault but yeah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:05): I'm glad you're back but.. . orz, my yelling probably didn't help you at all.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:07): -Shrugs- I've grown quite used to crying for the past few days. No hunger, no happy. I feel....I don't even know.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:07): . . . I'm sorry. . .
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:07): It isn't your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:07): Lies.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:08): I got myself into it. I should've left the Axel subject alone.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:08): No, it wasn't your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:08): I know how much you liked him and all and shit but. . . yeah, I got hell of paranoid.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:09): -shakes head- I still shouldn't have badgered.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:09): Naw, I should have said something to begin with.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:10): Before it got to this.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:10): It's not your fault
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:10): Then neither is it yours.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:10): Plain and simple.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:10): -Blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:11): Really, it isn't your fault for any of it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:11): You just liked him a lot.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:11): I didn't like him.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:12): Loved him then. Either way, you cared for the muse a lot.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:12): There is no lying about that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:12): ...I did.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:13): Exactly. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:13): And I suppose, even though I know you're going to object to me saying this, that a good portion of the reason you are with me now is because you liked him.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:14): It wasn't the only reason, but certainly a good portion.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:14): If it was, I wouldn't be with you now.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:15): And now that he's gone, it's a real loss.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:15): Just like any other.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:15): It was just easier to get my feelings across to you threw him.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:15): If that makes sense.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:15): Yeah. That makes perfect sense. I'm not the easiest person to talk to or to get things across to.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:16): Truth is...it was easier to go threw axel to claim that i loved you then to openly say "I love you" to you. 'cause, and I know you won't believe me, the very first time I ever even spoke to you, I knew that I was in love with you. And axel was my way of...getting to you, i guess.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:17): Yeah, I suppose that was an easier way to get some of my feelings across too for a good time. And yeah, I know it's easier to get things through, through stuff like that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:17): And you grew attached to him due to that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:17): So yeah.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:18): Mmhmm. And, well...the first time WE fucked was...with axel and sora.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:18): I guess that's partially it too.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:18): Yeah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): There was a lot of emotion attachment with that. I don't know why, but I guess it faded with me once I got to be with you more than them.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): And I got tired of hiding through Axel, really.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:19): I'm sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): Although I suppose that wasn't my best course of action.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): It's alright. . .
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): I still have trouble...
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): Because as much as I believe you...
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): I doubt myself.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): -alot-
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:21): I constantly feel like I'm not good enough. That you'll see that. And hiding it...showing it through sora to axel...I could do that. But i hate showing -you- my weakness.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:22): Yeah, I know. . . It's a real scary thing. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:22): It's easier to RP things sometimes than it is to say them outright.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:22): Or do things outright.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:23): And you are good enough, promise me. I know you feel like you aren't but you are.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:23): I know it's going to feel like that a lot but trust me, you are.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:24): I know...I know that.Some how I do...but I feel like trash, that I'm worthless.....I don't wanna...it's hard.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:24): It's really really hard.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:25): I know. It's a difficult process.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:25): Of getting yourself out of that mindset.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:27): It's not just my minset.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:27): I...everything I've ever done, or anyone I've ever befriended..
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:27): No matter what. I've -always- felt incompetent.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:28): It is a mindset. I know you end up doing a lot of shitty things but that doesn't mean your worthless. Just because someone has done shit to you doesn't make you worthless either.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:31): ....Radz is constantly over my shoulder
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:32): I know. And we need to get Radz the fuck off that shoulder.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:32): Although I suppose I wouldn't care if it stuck as long as you just felt a little better about yourself. Or could be happier.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:33): ...She won't go away. She's already got her mark on me -shakes head-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:33): Well then, I suppose just making your happier is the road to go.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): I really, I don't know, I don't like seeing you miserable and putting yourself down like this? Cause you aren't a bad person, hun.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:34): Yeah I am. You just don't see it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): You aren't. :/
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): We're all fucking evil.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): On the inside.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): And we all do
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): horrid, nasty things.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): But hey, it doesn't always make you bad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): No one's a fucking saint.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): ...I cna't convince myself of that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): 'cause I still think it's my fault you left.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): Yeah. . . And it isn't. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): Really.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): You keep telling me that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): I don't believe it. I can't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): I know. . . orz.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): You need to stop hanging yourself by your own noose though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): Someday.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): I know I've done nasty things to you too, which I should probably work on.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): But yeah. . .
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:38): No you havn't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:38): Leaving you like that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:38): ...That was my fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:38): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:38): It wasn't.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:39): I fucked myself and got punished for it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): Pssh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): If anything, it was a small fraction. It was't the whole reason at all.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): nor was it a large fraction.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): *wan't
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): ...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): *Wasn't
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:40): -Blinks-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:41): Really.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:42): It isn't anything you should continuously punish yourself for.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:43): I have to 'cause you wont
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:43): It isn't
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:43): your goddamn fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:44): Why should I be punishing you?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:44): For shit you didn't do?
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:44): I do do stuff!
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:44): I keep telling Silky off for blaming you because it's NOT your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:45): Some of it is. Damnit.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:45): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:45): It is. I'm not holy person either.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:47): I do more wrong then you
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:47): Doesn't mean I shouldn't be punished for it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:47): When I actually do something wrong and all, yeah.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:48): I should.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:48): Mm. But yeah. . . orz.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): I am sorry though. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): For all of this.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:49): -shakes head- It's not your fault
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): Don't tell me that. I just got through explaining . .. oi.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): But really, then it isn't yours if it's not mine.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:50): -Just goes silent. Can't fight it.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:50): . . . -Sighs and just holds then.-
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:51): -Murrs faintly-I'm sorry I'm like this...I never wanna be like this to you...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:51): No, it's alright. . . It happens. Hell, I didn't mean to bitch at you earlier but it happens.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:51): You just gotta move on with it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:51): And take the lessons with you.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:51): This is twice you have. I told you I could take it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 01:02): . .. still. orz.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): I found that by accident
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:29): Yaaay. Although it looks like a dead community. D:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): IDUNCARE.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:29): I found it xD
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:30): I'ma make it live again.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:30): Hahhaa.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:38): TADA
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:39): ?
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:39): Refresh the page xD
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:39): Lol. Well, there's a start to reviving it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:39): D: And are you okay? -status point.-
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:39): -______- No, not really.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:41): >:
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:41): Why?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:41): orz.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:46): The usual
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:47): Ah. -Hugs.-
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:47): -Murr-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:47): D: Me sorry.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:47): S'fine
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:48): S'not if you're crying, hun
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:48): I'm crying over somethin' stupid
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:49): What? D:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:50): Not havin' an Axel.>>
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:51): Ah. D:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:51): Stupid.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:51): -Huggles.- >:
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:52): -Murr-
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:53): http://community.livejournal.com/ashes_dance/1162.html#cutid1
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:55): Heh. <3 I'll look at it in a bit. I wants more substance than sex though so that's what'll be looking for..
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:55): Good friggen luck. If I find anything, I'll let you know
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:55): Alrighties~.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:56): I gave up on substance. I figure, once you kick your Axel awake, THEN they'll be substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:56): 'cause once your Axel's awake I'm never gonna RP anything but AkuSora with you (except De/Suku) because I want fucking plot.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): I want substance though, that's what usually gets my muses alive.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): In the first place.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): Not sex, unless it's like, REALLY fucking well written.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 10:57): Hence why I'm looking for good substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 10:57): Ah
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:03): But it's hard to find so yeah. Ugh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:03): KH fandom needs more substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Mmhmm
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Too bad I write smut.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Although.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): My Xephyr story isn't horrible.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:04): Just AU
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:05): Mmm. :| But argh. It's so hard to find like, non-smut canon-universe fic.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:05): Which is usually better for substance.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:05): cause AU generally means crack unless otherwise stated.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): >>
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): It's not crack
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): Fuck, KH fandom, you're big. You should have substance.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): Kinda.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): Why does DOGS fandom have so much fucking more substance than you?! They're SMALL.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): You're BIG.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:06): It'll EVENTUALLY be AkuSora and RikuRoxas
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): I don't care so much about the pairings.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:06): As the writing.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:07): AHve you READ my damn Xephyr story yet>>
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:07): After the like...2 years it's been written?!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:08): I probably have.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:08): I think you keep putting it off because I'm shitty at writing>>
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:09): No, I'm pretty sure I have read part of it.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:09): I need to start back up on that. Ugh. Only 1/3 parts is written. I have another...12 chapters to go
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Aww.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): But yeah, the things I'm going for.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Aren't pairing related usually.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Just like, substance.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): Good old good character writing to give me ideas.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:10): Mine isn't pairing, so far. It's uhhh....Roxas and Sora are twins, and like...uhhh....They're mommy hates Roxas>>
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): No. That's not... argh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:10): How do I explain this?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:11): -___-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:11): Plot =/= substance.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:11): http://community.livejournal.com/actuallyfoaming/8918.html Voice, characterization, etc. This being an example. Not exactly what I'm looking for with Axel but something that actually has a voice to it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): That makes me think of things I could do with a character and pushes me because I'm like "holy fuuuuck I could never write like that. :|b" cause it's somehow epic motivation.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:12): ...Oh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): I've lost that with KH. That's why Axel muse is hard to revive.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): No one writes. Shit like that. Anymore.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): In KH fandom.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:12): They used to.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:13): And I'm sorry. For the status and everything but truthfully, that's what's hard about reviving this muse.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:13): Doesn't matter. Don't care. Fine. No Axel. I'll find a way to kill Sora.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:13): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:13): There will be an Axel. :|
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:13): No there won't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:14): Stop being such a butt about it. I know I'm a butt but yeah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:14): There will be.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:14): No, because I fucking hate it!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:14): You have -NO- fucking idea how lonesome for me it is to be so wrapped in fucking kingdom hearts!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:15): To be wrapped up in something with a million fucking fans.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:15): At least you pick shit that doesn't have people into it!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:15): THEY CAN'T RUIN IT FOR YOU.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:15): I picked KH. People ruined it for me. And I bet I ruined KH for you, huh?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:15): But with kingdom hearts. EVERYONE fucking knows it. They hate it or love it, or fuck with it.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): No.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): You didn't ruin it for me.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): I don't think anyone can do that.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): But I hate you for letting Axel die.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:16): And thus we come to the part where I will keep my mouth shut about things.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): No say it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:16): No.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:16): Yes.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): I'm not that pissed off to go yelling at you for it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): No.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): You're NEVER that pissed off at me!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): I keep waiting for it, and waiting for it!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): And then "oh no. I'm not mad anymore"
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): That's because if I did.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): You'd fucking crack.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:17): Like a damn little eggshell.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:17): I'm not going to crack!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:18): You have. At the most simple of things.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:18): There is NOTHING you could say to break me.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:18): Unless you left me. Which, we've established, you won't
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:18): Yeah but you break down and shit and cry over the most stupid of things, and if I got really pissed off, I'll tell you right now that I wouldn't be attempting to say 'it's alright, I'm sorry' until after a few days.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:18): I don't care!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:19): Just fucking do it already! Stop making me more paranoid by keeping it inside!
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:19): 'cause I tend to freak out more when I don't know what you wanna say!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:19): Bah. I won't but I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:19): And I cry over -EVERYTHING-. Crying + Me = Best friends.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:20): So me crying has NOTHING to do with it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:21): I feel like a good shitload of the reason you're in this relationship is to see if I can revive a fucking muse. God, I know you love KH and we found a connection through it. Thank you fucking god, but muses for me are muses. Things happen, they die. The fact that you are pushing this shit on me in attempts to revive my goddamn muse all the fucking time annoys me. I'm sorry I fucking fail at it, I'm sorry you have suuuuch a large fucking fandom that has sooo many people in it. And I'm sorry that I can't find any good Axel fics to fucking revive the muse but it seems to be all you want is that damn muse sometimes. And I'm sorry but I'm different from that fucking muse. The muse isn't me, I'm not the fucking muse. If you want Axel dearest rather than me, fine. Fuuucking fine. But don't guilt
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:21): trip my ass all the time.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:22): -Breathes.- . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:22): That's part of it. I'd ramble more but fuck, I don't want to.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:23): -Sucks in a breahte then releases it.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:24): Precisely why.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:24): What?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:24): The internet died
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Ugh. stupid thing. sorry. But
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Maleficent Darkness: This is precisely why I don't even start with it. Maleficent Darkness: Precisely why.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): I'm fine.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): I'm crying a bit, but, I'm fine.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Haha. That's the tip of the iceberg, very tip.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): Then hit me with more.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): I don't want to.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:25): Sorry but I don't like raging on people.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): I'll tell you right now.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:25): Fuck your Axel.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:26): If that's what you think, then I don't want you to revive Axel.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:26): Not ever.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:26): Eh, it's just sometimes when you get extremely depressed over it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:26): It makes me paranoid and it's like....
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:26): "Do you want me or are you here just for the muse?" But it's mainly paranoia and pissiness.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): If I just wanted the muse, trust me, I could get any Axel I wanted without trying.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:27): Ah. . . I'm sorry though for saying it like that har.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:27): As I said, I really don't like doing this to people. . .
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): Don't apologize to me.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:27): You're in the right.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:28): N-not exactly. orz. But either way, ugh. I just don't like to because like this time, it doesn't make me happy to force this type of thing on people.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:28): I think you're a moron for keeping this to yourself for so long though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:28): ?
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:29): That. That was dumb. Yes, I know i'm all "YAYFUCKINGKINGDOMHEARTS" but seriously. If you thought I was in love with you for a muse you should have told me.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:30): Eh, as I said, I don't think this all the time but it's grating and it sometimes just comes when I'm pissed off and stuff. And yeah, it was pretty dumb. . . orz.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:31): And if I'm annoying you by bothering you about Axel, you should just whack me one. I don't wanna bug you about it. I can deal perfectly fine with you not having an Axel muse. Hell, I can deal fine if you never RP with me again. I know I'll whine, but it's not like I'm gonna be fucking...holyshitihateyou just because of some fictional shit that I could write out myself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:32): . . . You don't know how happy that makes me. Although I'll definitely RP and stuff but holy god.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:32): Cause some people have abused me for that right there.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:32): ...Idiot.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:32): I'm your girlfriend.
[Sora] (03/30/08 11:32): I'm not gonna do shit like that. I know i"m manipulative, but cut me some slack.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:33): xD; I know, it's just me being retarded. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:33): Anyway, I'm being like, yelled at to come to dinner.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (03/30/08 11:33): I'll brb.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:00): Sorry I wasn't on earlier though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:00): orz.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:01): this week has been just. . ugh, hectic in general.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:01): It's okay.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:01): Did you have fun though?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:02): At Chris'?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:02): -Shrugs- I cried and slept.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:04): >: . . . M' sorry.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:05): It's ok
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:30): -FLINGS sora toy at the others head.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:30): -Dodges.- Hn.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:30): If you're going to lie and shit about still being pissed, at least be convincing about it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:31): Don't tell me lies and shit to comfort me.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:31): I'm not pissed. I'm hurt.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:31): Really, REALLY hurt.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:31): Congratulations, you know how I feel and I'm goddamn sorry, I already said I'm goddamn sorry.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:32): Had I a way to magically change things immediately, I would.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE DAMN SHITTY FUCKING MUSE
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:32): You do.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:32): Fuck don't lie.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): No.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): Yes.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): But not THAT much
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:32): I'm not uspet because of the fucking muse
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:33): What are you upset at me for now?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:33): Out of the million things?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:33): A million?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:33): YOu make it seem like EVERYTHING I think is a problem.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:33): Well sometimes it feels that way.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): And I'll be blunt about this. I'm still in a horrid mood.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): So most of this shit won't make sense and a good load of it I don't mean.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): But fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:34): I can't do anything right for anyone anymore.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:35): Yes you can.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): whycanyoualljustshutupandleavemealoneinsteadofgettingpissedoffatme.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): I'm sick of it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): You get mad, parents get mad, friends get mad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): Fuck it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): Everything I do right I screw over.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:35): Fuck it, just fuck it. I'm sorry for whatever I did this time but fuck it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:36): I'm sick, and tired, of not being able to please you all.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:36): -eyes go wide-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:36): I try, I fucking try.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): And what do I get? You can do better, you can do this, you can do that, you sucked at this, fuck you, etc, etc.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): Sorry, I am who I am.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): Sorry, I'm not some fucking perfect being that can do everything right.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:37): I'm sorry I piss you all the fuck off but fuck, I RARELY make more than a small grumble over the shit some of you all do.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:38): Can ANY of you give me the courtesy of at least giving me a time where your goddamn expectations of a fucktard aren't as high as God.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:38): ....i'm sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:38): . . . No, I'm sorry for ranting on you in the first place like this but . . .fuck, I don't know. I'm sick of doing everything wrong and pissing off people.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:38): I can't get anythign right anymore.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:39): -shakes head frantically.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): And when I say it, people lie to me and say "oh you can" and that makes shit worse. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): . . . No, really though. Blah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): . . ugh. Sorry about that. Ugh. That totally didn't feel any better.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): To yell at you about. fuck.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:39): Sorry.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:39): ...-bursts into tears.-
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:40): How come you don't tell me this?! Why don't you ever say "Stop treating me like crap?"
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): And you didn't do bad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): Don't even say that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): I'm just in a real foul mood. :/
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:42): It is none of your fault and I do apologize again for going off on you like that.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:42): It's true though!!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:42): I do treat you like crap!
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:43): No, you don't.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:43): -whimpers-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:44): It's just that there's a lot of people have a bit too high of expectations for me that I can't fill.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:44): I'm sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:44): No, no.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:45): as I said, not your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:45): You don't have to apologize.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:45): ..yes I do...'cause I'm horrible too and you just won't tell me 'cause I'm alredy crying.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:45): You wouldn't have gone off on me if it wasn't at least partially directed TOWARDS me
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): Slightly but that's because I'm still butthurt over you not telling the truth about still being mad and stuff.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): I'm not MAD
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): I hurt.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): Really, really bad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): Hurt then.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:46): Like...I don't even know how to explain it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): and I'm really sorry for whatever nameless thing.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:46): I've done.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): No, you're right.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): it's the axel thing.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): I feel shallow admitting it
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:47): That's why I'm trying to lie through it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): Pssh. Just tell the truth.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): I know it's the Axel thing.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): And I'm pissed off kind of because of it but it's better if you don't lie to my face.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:47): That just makes me even more pissed off.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:48): ...i'm sorry...
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:48): I really don't want you for your muse, if you can believe that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:48): I won't like, kill you because of it but like, I don't mind if you just say it aloud.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:48): Ah. But still . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:48): You were attached to him a lot more than I was.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:48): -Gives a faint nod.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:49): So I can see why you're pissed.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): I'm not pissed!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): I'm not angry, pissed, mad
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): I'm fucking...crying sad depressed.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): There is NO anger whatsoever.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:49): Hurt, pissed.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:49): I generally put it under the same category even if it's not.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:49): Just alot of pain.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:50): . . . I'm sorry.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:50): I really am. I wish there was something I could do about that but.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): It's mostly my own fault.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): I shouldn't have said I don't care if he ever came back.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): I think that's what did it. In my mind, I know that was a blatant lie.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:50): But I don't want you to know it
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): 'course...that's a bit late now.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:51): Yeah. . . orz.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): I'm sorry...I'm really sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:51): Don't tell me lies just to make me feel good hun.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:51): But yeah. . .
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): I told you I was a fuck up.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:51): Do you believe me now
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:52): No, you aren't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:53): :| You aren't at all.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:53): I am.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:53): No you're not!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:53): You have every right to be upset!
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:53): And you just...don't do it.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:54): I didn't leave because I was upset. That I can promise you. I felt fine when I left...it wasn't until later that I started hurting again.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:55): Which, is my fault 'cause I was playing with axel and sora and when I had sora holding axel's chakrams I kinda...snapped.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:56): ...did you get any of that
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:56): No. . . ?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:56): Did you get any of what I said?
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:57): I got up to this: ]+[Chelsea]+[: :| You aren't at all. ]+[Chelsea]+[: I am.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:57): TO which I said:
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:57): [Sora]: No you're not! [Sora]: You have every right to be upset! [Sora]: And you just...don't do it. [Sora]: I didn't leave because I was upset. That I can promise you. I felt fine when I left...it wasn't until later that I started hurting again. [Sora]: Which, is my fault 'cause I was playing with axel and sora and when I had sora holding axel's chakrams I kinda...snapped.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:58): Ah. . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:58): I still am though. fkjid.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:59): ...The proof that you're not is the fact that you're not upset about a 3D videogame character.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:59): I still am a fuckup though for making you feel bad.
[Sora] (04/02/08 11:59): I deserve it. I know that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/02/08 11:59): orz. No, you don't.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:00): -blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:00): You don't deserve me treating you badly.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:00): I treat you the same. It's fair.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:02): . . . :/ No. orz.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:02): -Blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:02): Still doesn't excuse it.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:03): ...At least I know some of how you feel now..
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:03): Har, I don't feel like this all the time. I'm just, extremely frustrated right now.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:03): Cause I got to be happy for a fraction of a moment and then everyone has to get all pissy on my ass for things I don't remember doing or their own problems or otherwise.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:04): ...I'm sorry...
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:04): I knew I shouldn't have come homw.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): It's not your fault mainly. It just kinda, added to the large pile of things so don't blame yourself.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): . . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): >:
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): You would have worried me sick that way.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): I was starting to get worried like hell.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:04): Despite I am mad. har.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:05): Cause like, I didn't know where you were and I got all nervous and scared about it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:05): Not your fault but yeah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:05): I'm glad you're back but.. . orz, my yelling probably didn't help you at all.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:07): -Shrugs- I've grown quite used to crying for the past few days. No hunger, no happy. I feel....I don't even know.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:07): . . . I'm sorry. . .
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:07): It isn't your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:07): Lies.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:08): I got myself into it. I should've left the Axel subject alone.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:08): No, it wasn't your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:08): I know how much you liked him and all and shit but. . . yeah, I got hell of paranoid.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:09): -shakes head- I still shouldn't have badgered.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:09): Naw, I should have said something to begin with.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:10): Before it got to this.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:10): It's not your fault
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:10): Then neither is it yours.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:10): Plain and simple.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:10): -Blink-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:11): Really, it isn't your fault for any of it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:11): You just liked him a lot.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:11): I didn't like him.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:12): Loved him then. Either way, you cared for the muse a lot.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:12): There is no lying about that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:12): ...I did.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:13): Exactly. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:13): And I suppose, even though I know you're going to object to me saying this, that a good portion of the reason you are with me now is because you liked him.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:14): It wasn't the only reason, but certainly a good portion.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:14): If it was, I wouldn't be with you now.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:15): And now that he's gone, it's a real loss.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:15): Just like any other.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:15): It was just easier to get my feelings across to you threw him.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:15): If that makes sense.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:15): Yeah. That makes perfect sense. I'm not the easiest person to talk to or to get things across to.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:16): Truth is...it was easier to go threw axel to claim that i loved you then to openly say "I love you" to you. 'cause, and I know you won't believe me, the very first time I ever even spoke to you, I knew that I was in love with you. And axel was my way of...getting to you, i guess.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:17): Yeah, I suppose that was an easier way to get some of my feelings across too for a good time. And yeah, I know it's easier to get things through, through stuff like that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:17): And you grew attached to him due to that.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:17): So yeah.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:18): Mmhmm. And, well...the first time WE fucked was...with axel and sora.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:18): I guess that's partially it too.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:18): Yeah.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): There was a lot of emotion attachment with that. I don't know why, but I guess it faded with me once I got to be with you more than them.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): And I got tired of hiding through Axel, really.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:19): I'm sorry...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): Although I suppose that wasn't my best course of action.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:19): It's alright. . .
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): I still have trouble...
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): Because as much as I believe you...
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): I doubt myself.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:20): -alot-
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:21): I constantly feel like I'm not good enough. That you'll see that. And hiding it...showing it through sora to axel...I could do that. But i hate showing -you- my weakness.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:22): Yeah, I know. . . It's a real scary thing. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:22): It's easier to RP things sometimes than it is to say them outright.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:22): Or do things outright.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:23): And you are good enough, promise me. I know you feel like you aren't but you are.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:23): I know it's going to feel like that a lot but trust me, you are.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:24): I know...I know that.Some how I do...but I feel like trash, that I'm worthless.....I don't wanna...it's hard.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:24): It's really really hard.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:25): I know. It's a difficult process.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:25): Of getting yourself out of that mindset.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:27): It's not just my minset.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:27): I...everything I've ever done, or anyone I've ever befriended..
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:27): No matter what. I've -always- felt incompetent.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:28): It is a mindset. I know you end up doing a lot of shitty things but that doesn't mean your worthless. Just because someone has done shit to you doesn't make you worthless either.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:31): ....Radz is constantly over my shoulder
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:32): I know. And we need to get Radz the fuck off that shoulder.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:32): Although I suppose I wouldn't care if it stuck as long as you just felt a little better about yourself. Or could be happier.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:33): ...She won't go away. She's already got her mark on me -shakes head-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:33): Well then, I suppose just making your happier is the road to go.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): I really, I don't know, I don't like seeing you miserable and putting yourself down like this? Cause you aren't a bad person, hun.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:34): Yeah I am. You just don't see it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): You aren't. :/
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): We're all fucking evil.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): On the inside.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:34): And we all do
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): horrid, nasty things.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): But hey, it doesn't always make you bad.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): No one's a fucking saint.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): ...I cna't convince myself of that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): 'cause I still think it's my fault you left.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): Yeah. . . And it isn't. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:35): Really.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): You keep telling me that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:35): I don't believe it. I can't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): I know. . . orz.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): You need to stop hanging yourself by your own noose though.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): Someday.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): I know I've done nasty things to you too, which I should probably work on.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:36): But yeah. . .
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:38): No you havn't.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:38): Leaving you like that.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:38): ...That was my fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:38): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:38): It wasn't.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:39): I fucked myself and got punished for it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): Pssh.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): If anything, it was a small fraction. It was't the whole reason at all.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): nor was it a large fraction.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): *wan't
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): ...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:39): *Wasn't
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:40): -Blinks-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:41): Really.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:42): It isn't anything you should continuously punish yourself for.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:43): I have to 'cause you wont
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:43): It isn't
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:43): your goddamn fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:44): Why should I be punishing you?
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:44): For shit you didn't do?
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:44): I do do stuff!
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:44): I keep telling Silky off for blaming you because it's NOT your fault.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:45): Some of it is. Damnit.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:45): No.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:45): It is. I'm not holy person either.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:47): I do more wrong then you
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:47): Doesn't mean I shouldn't be punished for it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:47): When I actually do something wrong and all, yeah.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:48): I should.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:48): Mm. But yeah. . . orz.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): I am sorry though. . .
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): For all of this.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:49): -shakes head- It's not your fault
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): Don't tell me that. I just got through explaining . .. oi.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:49): But really, then it isn't yours if it's not mine.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:50): -Just goes silent. Can't fight it.-
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:50): . . . -Sighs and just holds then.-
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:51): -Murrs faintly-I'm sorry I'm like this...I never wanna be like this to you...
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:51): No, it's alright. . . It happens. Hell, I didn't mean to bitch at you earlier but it happens.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:51): You just gotta move on with it.
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 12:51): And take the lessons with you.
[Sora] (04/03/08 12:51): This is twice you have. I told you I could take it
]+[Chelsea]+[ (04/03/08 01:02): . .. still. orz.