What could-have been
What could-have been
Takano/Ritsu
T
Maybe if you hadn't fallen in love with him back then you could have been friends.
There wouldn't be any long silences in walks, car and train rides home, you think spitefully. You wouldn't have to worry about making him feel uncomfortable because you're both grown men, damnit, and you can't even hold a proper conversation with him. Instead of the silence looming over your head and choking you, you could joke around over beers at an izakaya after work, hours of exhaustion over poorly drawn manuscripts and bad authors washed away by alcohol and laughter. The bartender would recognize your faces, years of seeing the same two high school friends ordering the usual and bickering over the same things would bring a smile to his face.
You could complain about work, family, friends, your (non-existant) love life and everything else, and he'd do the same. You could pour your heart out to him, lay your mind bare, tell him the deepest and darkest secrets that you've hidden away from everyone else and he wouldn't judge you, guarding the secrets protectively as if they were his own. He could be your confidante, because you know that he always always keeps his word, and you're confident that he wouldn't tell a soul.
You could take care of him when he's sick in bed, because that's what friends do. You'd feed him unpalatable congee while changing the cold pack on his forehead and he'd eat it, spluttering, didn't you ever learn how to cook? and you would brush him off with a laugh, what, are you insulting The Kan? He'd eventually fall asleep from exhaustion, and you would watch over him reading Usami-sensei's latest novel, because if he died, you'd be the one most affected and you hold his life second only to your own.
If you hadn't seen him that one time in the library, if you hadn't reached for that book at the same time, if that measuring jug of unrequited love didn't overfill, then you could have been friends.
But then you realize that you don't want to be friends with him.
Maybe you never really did, because he's kissing you and you're kissing him back, mouths open, tongues clashing together as he fills you, your bodies burning hot together as they unite. He hugs you, strong arms wrapping around you and your arms slowly return the favor, and you can feel him smiling against your shoulder bones. He whispers something quietly into your ear and you can't help your heart from doing a little three-sixty. You can't help yourself from feeling that this-- your bodies fitting perfectly together, both hearts beating loudly against each other-- is so right.
And you know that you can't stop yourself from falling in love with him even if you were friends because he's Takano-san, the person you've been in love with for fourteen years, and you're drawn to him like moths to a flame and maybe, maybe this is that fate concept that they talk about in the shoujo mangas you edit.
But even if it weren't fate, you would fall in love with him anyway.
Takano/Ritsu
T
Maybe if you hadn't fallen in love with him back then you could have been friends.
There wouldn't be any long silences in walks, car and train rides home, you think spitefully. You wouldn't have to worry about making him feel uncomfortable because you're both grown men, damnit, and you can't even hold a proper conversation with him. Instead of the silence looming over your head and choking you, you could joke around over beers at an izakaya after work, hours of exhaustion over poorly drawn manuscripts and bad authors washed away by alcohol and laughter. The bartender would recognize your faces, years of seeing the same two high school friends ordering the usual and bickering over the same things would bring a smile to his face.
You could complain about work, family, friends, your (non-existant) love life and everything else, and he'd do the same. You could pour your heart out to him, lay your mind bare, tell him the deepest and darkest secrets that you've hidden away from everyone else and he wouldn't judge you, guarding the secrets protectively as if they were his own. He could be your confidante, because you know that he always always keeps his word, and you're confident that he wouldn't tell a soul.
You could take care of him when he's sick in bed, because that's what friends do. You'd feed him unpalatable congee while changing the cold pack on his forehead and he'd eat it, spluttering, didn't you ever learn how to cook? and you would brush him off with a laugh, what, are you insulting The Kan? He'd eventually fall asleep from exhaustion, and you would watch over him reading Usami-sensei's latest novel, because if he died, you'd be the one most affected and you hold his life second only to your own.
If you hadn't seen him that one time in the library, if you hadn't reached for that book at the same time, if that measuring jug of unrequited love didn't overfill, then you could have been friends.
But then you realize that you don't want to be friends with him.
Maybe you never really did, because he's kissing you and you're kissing him back, mouths open, tongues clashing together as he fills you, your bodies burning hot together as they unite. He hugs you, strong arms wrapping around you and your arms slowly return the favor, and you can feel him smiling against your shoulder bones. He whispers something quietly into your ear and you can't help your heart from doing a little three-sixty. You can't help yourself from feeling that this-- your bodies fitting perfectly together, both hearts beating loudly against each other-- is so right.
And you know that you can't stop yourself from falling in love with him even if you were friends because he's Takano-san, the person you've been in love with for fourteen years, and you're drawn to him like moths to a flame and maybe, maybe this is that fate concept that they talk about in the shoujo mangas you edit.
But even if it weren't fate, you would fall in love with him anyway.