* older and wiser, still filled with resentment... we get it... *
So I guess I should elaborate on my post from yesterday.... well brace yourselves folks... This is for everyone that knows me... especially you Laura <3
So I know that I may seemed out of line, selfish, childish (insert any other word for my attitude here) on my last post... and as much as I don't regret anything I've done... Just know that I absolutely feel horrible about it...
Ever since I was young, I guess you can say I was spoiled... If I didn't get what I wanted, I would whine and cry and cause a huge scene... I mean most kids did that!! But I don't think it went away now that I'm 21... I personally think it's still in all of us... But it came out in that last post...
I also have a complex of nice guy/asshole with a guilty conscience... I can rant and tell ppl off, but am so afraid of the outlash or consqeuences, but I've made it a task not to regret anything bad I've done because we're only human and learn from our mistakes... I know I may seem like I know how to back my words, but honestly I don't sometimes... I hate confrontations, I hate holding grudges... I'm honestly a weak and feeble person at times...
I mean these kind of things make people the way they are... It's something that can't be helped, but can be improved on... I used to be really selfish when I was younger... I mean I'm older and more mature now... But in some ways I'm not... when something triggers it, I can still act like I'm 5 years old and not getting what I want...
Like I ranted on about... I go out of my way for my friends.. But don't expect anything in return... BUT... it seems that when something like that does come along I do expect it, and I expect I should be on the top of the list when it comes to something like that... I was talking to my "narcoleptic white nukka" last night and she said if I had Taking Back Sunday tickets and VIP passes and I couldn't get ahold of her... and took someone else she would flip out also... So there is selfishness in all of us... So I know it's not just me with selfishness in me, it's just a human condition.
So yes it is my fault I guess that I couldn't go, since I didn't get the msg and my fault that I didn't get ahold of her on time... So she invited someone else.. It's my tough luck... I mean the first reaction I had was of course "why the fuck didn't you go out of the way to do anything to wake my ass up??" me being selfish... and basically I can't expect her to think of that... so yeah she invited someone else and I got all childish about it and snapped...
I don't regret things... but I do feel horrible about it now... she is one of my best friends in the entire world... and can always make me laugh... not talking to her for like a couple of days drives me nuts, cuz I miss her ultimate sarcasm and the way she makes me laugh and the fucked up shit we always come up with and only we find amusing... I love her to death, and the fact me being such a fucking little kid has put our friendship in jeopardy... And it scares me I could lose one of my best friends and one of the best things that's ever happened to me in so long... and I really don't want that...
So to my "little sister" Laura... I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart for my outburst... Either way I was going to be upset that I missed an opportunity like that... But I mean it's not worth losing you as a friend... So if you can accept my apology I'll be forever grateful... I lalu... and I'm sorry... for everything.
along the same lines I decided to apologize to atariskid for the shit I talked about him in May... which honestly as much as I made it seem like I didn't to everyone... I honestly felt bad about it deep down... so Ssssssssssssssshane dude like I commented... hopefully dude you can accept my apology as well... we've been concert buds since wayyyy back when concert buds exsisted haha and these massive groups started forming...
Yeah a lot of people are probably shocked I'm going on this massive apology rant... and think I'm just probably just trying to weasel my way out of being the bad guy... But I promise you (and you know how much that word means to me) that my apologies are genuine... so next time I see you Laura expect a big fucking hug (if you let me) or u can kick me in the nuts if you want... and maybe Shane gets a creepy man hug also... haha...
I mean times like this I just fucking hate myself... I feel so guilty that something as stupid as a fucking concert could make me want to risk a priceless friendship.... If I had a gun I'd probably shoot my face off... Either way I'm sorry to everyone...
p.s. I would like to send a special thank you to Leslie... thank you for cheering me the fuck up last night when I needed it, after I felt like blowing my face off... You know we compliment each other and we are each other's life support... If I didn't have you to talk to I think I'd fucking lose it I consider you one of my best friendsxcoreage... Thank you for being there and listening... *cough* just dump Dom and everything will be awesome!!!! haha
ok shutting up now...
Well now that I've got that out of the way... 4 days till Warped I'm pumped... I'll be with starryeyesdying and I'm sure it'll be fun and entertaining... Fall Out Boy baby!!!! and Underoath!!! *busts load in pants* And I'm hoping to meet ppl that I have never met... and a few of em know who they are!! ;)
So much for having one day off tonight... my manager ask if I wanted to work tonight and take Thursday off... so yeah I now hafta work 8 days stright... FUN TIMES!!! but I do get 3 nights off!!... So I guess it's worth it...
Anyways I honestly think I've caused enough LJ Drama and I should honestly just shut the fuck up... so I'm making this my last post for awhile... I'm sure everyone can do without my pathetic posts and everything about my pathetic fucking existance... if I could die tonight I think I'd be more happier... OH LOOK THERE'S ME BEING SELFISH AGAIN... I think it'd do the world good. without my bitching!
So yeah I think it'd be best if I put my Livejournal on hiatus for awhile (like I can live without this shit hahaha)... I think it'd do good for everyone... but hey I'm always on MSN... and add me to MYSPACE damnit...!!!!! And fuck call me sometime... if u want my house number or cell or something... I suck at calling people and msging people online... yes another complex I have haha.. anyways..................
Peace out niggaz and bitches.
10 songs:
Underoath - Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape
Fall Out Boy - Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)
Fall Out Boy - Calm Before The Storm
Taking Back Sunday - Little Devotional
Copeland - She's Always A Woman
Fall Out Boy - It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine, I'm Thinking It Must Be Love
Copeland - Take My Breath Away
Fordirelifesake - We Are The Company We Keep
Taking Back Sunday - New American Classic
Underoath - A Boy Brushed Red, Living In Black And White
So I know that I may seemed out of line, selfish, childish (insert any other word for my attitude here) on my last post... and as much as I don't regret anything I've done... Just know that I absolutely feel horrible about it...
Ever since I was young, I guess you can say I was spoiled... If I didn't get what I wanted, I would whine and cry and cause a huge scene... I mean most kids did that!! But I don't think it went away now that I'm 21... I personally think it's still in all of us... But it came out in that last post...
I also have a complex of nice guy/asshole with a guilty conscience... I can rant and tell ppl off, but am so afraid of the outlash or consqeuences, but I've made it a task not to regret anything bad I've done because we're only human and learn from our mistakes... I know I may seem like I know how to back my words, but honestly I don't sometimes... I hate confrontations, I hate holding grudges... I'm honestly a weak and feeble person at times...
I mean these kind of things make people the way they are... It's something that can't be helped, but can be improved on... I used to be really selfish when I was younger... I mean I'm older and more mature now... But in some ways I'm not... when something triggers it, I can still act like I'm 5 years old and not getting what I want...
Like I ranted on about... I go out of my way for my friends.. But don't expect anything in return... BUT... it seems that when something like that does come along I do expect it, and I expect I should be on the top of the list when it comes to something like that... I was talking to my "narcoleptic white nukka" last night and she said if I had Taking Back Sunday tickets and VIP passes and I couldn't get ahold of her... and took someone else she would flip out also... So there is selfishness in all of us... So I know it's not just me with selfishness in me, it's just a human condition.
So yes it is my fault I guess that I couldn't go, since I didn't get the msg and my fault that I didn't get ahold of her on time... So she invited someone else.. It's my tough luck... I mean the first reaction I had was of course "why the fuck didn't you go out of the way to do anything to wake my ass up??" me being selfish... and basically I can't expect her to think of that... so yeah she invited someone else and I got all childish about it and snapped...
I don't regret things... but I do feel horrible about it now... she is one of my best friends in the entire world... and can always make me laugh... not talking to her for like a couple of days drives me nuts, cuz I miss her ultimate sarcasm and the way she makes me laugh and the fucked up shit we always come up with and only we find amusing... I love her to death, and the fact me being such a fucking little kid has put our friendship in jeopardy... And it scares me I could lose one of my best friends and one of the best things that's ever happened to me in so long... and I really don't want that...
So to my "little sister" Laura... I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart for my outburst... Either way I was going to be upset that I missed an opportunity like that... But I mean it's not worth losing you as a friend... So if you can accept my apology I'll be forever grateful... I lalu... and I'm sorry... for everything.
along the same lines I decided to apologize to atariskid for the shit I talked about him in May... which honestly as much as I made it seem like I didn't to everyone... I honestly felt bad about it deep down... so Ssssssssssssssshane dude like I commented... hopefully dude you can accept my apology as well... we've been concert buds since wayyyy back when concert buds exsisted haha and these massive groups started forming...
Yeah a lot of people are probably shocked I'm going on this massive apology rant... and think I'm just probably just trying to weasel my way out of being the bad guy... But I promise you (and you know how much that word means to me) that my apologies are genuine... so next time I see you Laura expect a big fucking hug (if you let me) or u can kick me in the nuts if you want... and maybe Shane gets a creepy man hug also... haha...
I mean times like this I just fucking hate myself... I feel so guilty that something as stupid as a fucking concert could make me want to risk a priceless friendship.... If I had a gun I'd probably shoot my face off... Either way I'm sorry to everyone...
p.s. I would like to send a special thank you to Leslie... thank you for cheering me the fuck up last night when I needed it, after I felt like blowing my face off... You know we compliment each other and we are each other's life support... If I didn't have you to talk to I think I'd fucking lose it I consider you one of my best friendsxcoreage... Thank you for being there and listening... *cough* just dump Dom and everything will be awesome!!!! haha
ok shutting up now...
Well now that I've got that out of the way... 4 days till Warped I'm pumped... I'll be with starryeyesdying and I'm sure it'll be fun and entertaining... Fall Out Boy baby!!!! and Underoath!!! *busts load in pants* And I'm hoping to meet ppl that I have never met... and a few of em know who they are!! ;)
So much for having one day off tonight... my manager ask if I wanted to work tonight and take Thursday off... so yeah I now hafta work 8 days stright... FUN TIMES!!! but I do get 3 nights off!!... So I guess it's worth it...
Anyways I honestly think I've caused enough LJ Drama and I should honestly just shut the fuck up... so I'm making this my last post for awhile... I'm sure everyone can do without my pathetic posts and everything about my pathetic fucking existance... if I could die tonight I think I'd be more happier... OH LOOK THERE'S ME BEING SELFISH AGAIN... I think it'd do the world good. without my bitching!
So yeah I think it'd be best if I put my Livejournal on hiatus for awhile (like I can live without this shit hahaha)... I think it'd do good for everyone... but hey I'm always on MSN... and add me to MYSPACE damnit...!!!!! And fuck call me sometime... if u want my house number or cell or something... I suck at calling people and msging people online... yes another complex I have haha.. anyways..................
Peace out niggaz and bitches.
10 songs:
Underoath - Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape
Fall Out Boy - Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)
Fall Out Boy - Calm Before The Storm
Taking Back Sunday - Little Devotional
Copeland - She's Always A Woman
Fall Out Boy - It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine, I'm Thinking It Must Be Love
Copeland - Take My Breath Away
Fordirelifesake - We Are The Company We Keep
Taking Back Sunday - New American Classic
Underoath - A Boy Brushed Red, Living In Black And White