I need you so much closer♥
I know.. I haven't posted in a good 4 months... I just need somewhere to get my thoughts out... So take it for what's its worth.. I couldn't give a fuck about what you think... This is where you think I'm fucking crazy.
So I guess this is where I get into a long elaborate detailed story of how everything came to be to this point. But I won't.. I would be sitting here for hours telling the story of how we met and all this stuff... And I gotta go to work in an hour.
I met someone. She is by far the most amazing female I've ever met bar none. If I was to combine every girl I've ever lusted for, crushed on, dated, and been in "love" with I dont' think they compare to the intensity and emotion I have towards this girl.
Now you're already thinking; internet. Yes ok... I met her online... Recently you ask?? I've known her for almost 2 years... and NO NOT ON MYSPACE. lol... Her name is Jamie. She lives in Calgary, which is in the province of Alberta for all you geographically challenged people out there. So basically she lives a good couple of thousands of miles away. Now you're thinking... 'Didn't you learn your lesson from the last time you fell for that girl in Seattle?' I did learn my lesson, not to get involved with any long distance relationships... But this didn't start off this way... It only just happened this weekend when she visited me for 4 days.
And it was then on Friday August 26th 2005... My life changed forever.
You know when you meet someone, everyone has their flaws.. That's the beauty in individuality, no one is perfect, no one is the same. When we date we look for their positive qualities but learn to embrace and accept the imperfections. The thing is with Jamie.. I couldn't find any, I'm sure there are little things here and there we don't agree on or things one likes and the other doesn't, or the fact she has not watched a Star Wars movie in HER LIFE! LOL... But you know what I couldn't find anything... Everything I look for in a girl, looks wise, attitude, outlook on life, everything was just what I looked for in a girl. It was unreal...
Now the majority of you are thinking this is just a bad case of lust brought by a passionate weekend alone in a hotel room... You know to be honest, I expected things to go down that weekend... But I didn't expect this. The first moment I laid my eyes on her... I knew she was different, there's just this sparkle in her green eyes, that just gave me butterflies. And the moment we first kissed... I knew this girl was far beyond anything I could ever imagine... And as the weekend went on my adoration towards her just grew.
Now as you may know already I've talked to some of you already about her... A lot of my closest friends have met her already and they absolutely adore her... Everyone says we look perfect together... And its really flattering... Even some of my closest friends who are usually very picky with the females I like.. Totally adored her. And that says A LOT... But I've talked and told people everything I've been feeling and honestly I have not felt this way towards anyone ever in my life. And everyone whom I've talked to came up with the same conclusion. And I believe it also... I'm in love.
I'm in love... with a girl who lives 1,667 miles away from me. I must be fucking crazy... And you know what... I don't care. Folks... We have one life to live... It's a short life... We're put on this earth to make something of it... To live it for ourselves, to live it the way we want, to find ourselves, to find happiness on this hell... I believe that earth is hell... and that we just have to make the best of what we're given no matter the circumstance. I look back on the days of being a young child... Those carefree days of just laughing, smiling and playing and not having anything to worry or be depressed about...
When it comes to life.. I guess I'm stable with it and don't really have that much to complain about. When it comes to love, that's a whole nother story... I've had the shit end of the stick when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex... You ALL know my horror stories. But they've all been learning experiences and have helped me become the person I am today... Mind you I'm not so trusting and believing in love so much anymore... With Jamie... it was different. Spending 4 days with her made me feel so good about myself, I felt like nothing mattered... And I still think it was all a dream... But I know its far from that.. This dream is a reality. Her smile, her eyes, kissing her, hugging her, waking up to her in the morning and me running to Tim Hortons to grab us coffees... Holding her on the top of the CN tower, having her meet all my friends and my parents. Even the emotional climax of holding her in my arms listening to Death Cab's "Transatlanticism"... It was all real. This is love. I know this in my heart to be true... I have never felt so sure of anything in my entire 22 years of existence.
You ever have those moments in your life when you feel like nothing matters, and that you don't have a care in the world, and in that exact moment, in that place and time; you're at peace. With her I was at peace. I felt safe, I felt like I found a new home in her arms and I never wanted to let go. I felt for so long I was living in a world of black and white and a few shades of grey... Spending 4 days with her brought back the color to my world... And for once in the longest time, I think I know what its like to feel truly content again.. even HAPPY. Now I know I've said that with all previous relationships I've been in... But honestly, I feel so positive about things now, I feel less miserable and stressed. I smile a lot more and actually mean it! All because of Jamie!!
We had a real big heart-to-heart conversation the last night she was staying... About our lives, about all the trials and hardship we've been through with family and friends and our lovelife, to our own personal struggles... And as much as I can say I haven't been through as much as she has in her 19 years... We seem to understand each other... I have never met one person in my life who gets me as much as she does; and she feels the same way...
It was so hard to walk her to the front of the hotel to her taxi that sunny Monday morning... To say goodbye to her. To watch her drive away... I tried so hard not to break down. But just knowing the fact that we would meet again soon made me hold it all in... I walked away from the intersection of Yonge St and King St. with a smile on my face... listening to Death Cab For Cutie as I headed towards the subway station to head back to my normal boring life. I know one day I'm going to go downtown... Wander aimlessly and end up at the hotel... I'm going to go to the little street at the side of the hotel to OUR little perch, our little sitting spot for the 4 days we would drink coffee and smoke... I'll go there sit by myself with a coffee and a smoke and smile... and wish she was there with me.
4 FUCKING DAYS. That's all it took.. She changed my life in ways I could never possibly imagine... She takes my breath away only to breathe life into me again. I have never met such an amazingly beautiful person until I met her. I told her that our weekend together was like the movie Garden State.... to meet someone and just have them completely change your life in the few days you're together. And just like that movie, I feel like I'm onto something big... something bigger... something beautiful far beyond anything I could fathom.
We're already talking about me flying out there in January to visit her in Calgary... she's going to show me all around.. maybe even road trip it to BC... the west coast is so beautiful... I really want to see it... But I really want to see her and her life out there... and experience it. I can't compare here to there really... I mean I showed her around TO and *shudders* Brampton... but she enjoyed it (so I think lol) But me and her are so stoked about me coming out there... Its going to be wonderful... I miss her so much.
So where do we go from here? I don't know... I haven't been this happy in so long... But I haven't been this scared to death... In such a short amount of time... I've put a lot of my heart and my soul on the line... And I know most of you think we are fucking crazy to think we can make this work.... But you know what... WE DONT FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU THINK... we believe in our hearts that it will... it's all we have. is faith, love, and hope that we will previal despite 1,667 miles between us... I mean I can't even look at girls anymore... I go out and I just look around and I'm just like *meh* because that's how much I'm into Jamie... I can't even think of dating or kissing another girl. Because I'd feel like I'm destroying this beautiful picture me and her have only yet to begin to make.
Have I considered moving out there? Yes I have. But honestly I would have to be a lot more responsible and a lot more mature which are things in my opinion I lack. God I can't pay off my credit card,let alone live on my own... I can't save money if my life depended on it... So just those things I would have to work on doing this moment. And I feel guilty for her to get out and move here... She loves travelling, she loves seeing new places... But one of her real passions in life is snowboarding... And I told her that if I was god I would build her the biggest mountains in Ontario so she could move out here... lol... cheesy I know... because nothing here compares to the majestic mountains of the Rockies and such... nothing!!! I told her that I would never want her to give up the mountains... But she said that if to give up something that meant so much to her, only to gain something even better; she would do it... The fact she even considers giving up all that for her for me... I don't think anyone has ever said something that made me feel like I was special.
I don't know really,this past week is just so surreal... 4 days and me and her lived the life of Andrew and Sam in Garden State... I watched the movie again this evening... I fucking cried like a fucking wuss during the bathtub scene and the airport scene.. because that was so us... everything about that movie is just us. It was amazing. She is amazing... And I don't think I could see myself with anyone else other than her... We're determined to make this work... I need her more than anything, I can't see myself without her... I'd feel so lost.
Ahhh Penguins. Penguins go on living their lives looking for their one true love. Their significant other; their soulmate. When they find them they live happily ever after. And that's that... That's the love of penguins. I told her she was my penguin. I believe with all my fucking heart she is... I've done all this searching and I've found her. And she has touched my heart in so many ways that I could never even dream of... All I know is I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Jamie Rose Gibbs...AND I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU FUCKING THINK.
We're going to be together. One day... Or I'll die trying.
So if you've got someone special in your life... Take them in your arms... hold them, hug them, kiss them... Tell them how much you mean to them... Don't take a second with them for granted... I know I didn't take any second of the 4 days together with Jamie for granted... I cherished every second.. and will for the rest of my life. I love you Jamie, this I know to be true. ♥xoxoxoxo
"I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER♥"
So I guess this is where I get into a long elaborate detailed story of how everything came to be to this point. But I won't.. I would be sitting here for hours telling the story of how we met and all this stuff... And I gotta go to work in an hour.
I met someone. She is by far the most amazing female I've ever met bar none. If I was to combine every girl I've ever lusted for, crushed on, dated, and been in "love" with I dont' think they compare to the intensity and emotion I have towards this girl.
Now you're already thinking; internet. Yes ok... I met her online... Recently you ask?? I've known her for almost 2 years... and NO NOT ON MYSPACE. lol... Her name is Jamie. She lives in Calgary, which is in the province of Alberta for all you geographically challenged people out there. So basically she lives a good couple of thousands of miles away. Now you're thinking... 'Didn't you learn your lesson from the last time you fell for that girl in Seattle?' I did learn my lesson, not to get involved with any long distance relationships... But this didn't start off this way... It only just happened this weekend when she visited me for 4 days.
And it was then on Friday August 26th 2005... My life changed forever.
You know when you meet someone, everyone has their flaws.. That's the beauty in individuality, no one is perfect, no one is the same. When we date we look for their positive qualities but learn to embrace and accept the imperfections. The thing is with Jamie.. I couldn't find any, I'm sure there are little things here and there we don't agree on or things one likes and the other doesn't, or the fact she has not watched a Star Wars movie in HER LIFE! LOL... But you know what I couldn't find anything... Everything I look for in a girl, looks wise, attitude, outlook on life, everything was just what I looked for in a girl. It was unreal...
Now the majority of you are thinking this is just a bad case of lust brought by a passionate weekend alone in a hotel room... You know to be honest, I expected things to go down that weekend... But I didn't expect this. The first moment I laid my eyes on her... I knew she was different, there's just this sparkle in her green eyes, that just gave me butterflies. And the moment we first kissed... I knew this girl was far beyond anything I could ever imagine... And as the weekend went on my adoration towards her just grew.
Now as you may know already I've talked to some of you already about her... A lot of my closest friends have met her already and they absolutely adore her... Everyone says we look perfect together... And its really flattering... Even some of my closest friends who are usually very picky with the females I like.. Totally adored her. And that says A LOT... But I've talked and told people everything I've been feeling and honestly I have not felt this way towards anyone ever in my life. And everyone whom I've talked to came up with the same conclusion. And I believe it also... I'm in love.
I'm in love... with a girl who lives 1,667 miles away from me. I must be fucking crazy... And you know what... I don't care. Folks... We have one life to live... It's a short life... We're put on this earth to make something of it... To live it for ourselves, to live it the way we want, to find ourselves, to find happiness on this hell... I believe that earth is hell... and that we just have to make the best of what we're given no matter the circumstance. I look back on the days of being a young child... Those carefree days of just laughing, smiling and playing and not having anything to worry or be depressed about...
When it comes to life.. I guess I'm stable with it and don't really have that much to complain about. When it comes to love, that's a whole nother story... I've had the shit end of the stick when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex... You ALL know my horror stories. But they've all been learning experiences and have helped me become the person I am today... Mind you I'm not so trusting and believing in love so much anymore... With Jamie... it was different. Spending 4 days with her made me feel so good about myself, I felt like nothing mattered... And I still think it was all a dream... But I know its far from that.. This dream is a reality. Her smile, her eyes, kissing her, hugging her, waking up to her in the morning and me running to Tim Hortons to grab us coffees... Holding her on the top of the CN tower, having her meet all my friends and my parents. Even the emotional climax of holding her in my arms listening to Death Cab's "Transatlanticism"... It was all real. This is love. I know this in my heart to be true... I have never felt so sure of anything in my entire 22 years of existence.
You ever have those moments in your life when you feel like nothing matters, and that you don't have a care in the world, and in that exact moment, in that place and time; you're at peace. With her I was at peace. I felt safe, I felt like I found a new home in her arms and I never wanted to let go. I felt for so long I was living in a world of black and white and a few shades of grey... Spending 4 days with her brought back the color to my world... And for once in the longest time, I think I know what its like to feel truly content again.. even HAPPY. Now I know I've said that with all previous relationships I've been in... But honestly, I feel so positive about things now, I feel less miserable and stressed. I smile a lot more and actually mean it! All because of Jamie!!
We had a real big heart-to-heart conversation the last night she was staying... About our lives, about all the trials and hardship we've been through with family and friends and our lovelife, to our own personal struggles... And as much as I can say I haven't been through as much as she has in her 19 years... We seem to understand each other... I have never met one person in my life who gets me as much as she does; and she feels the same way...
It was so hard to walk her to the front of the hotel to her taxi that sunny Monday morning... To say goodbye to her. To watch her drive away... I tried so hard not to break down. But just knowing the fact that we would meet again soon made me hold it all in... I walked away from the intersection of Yonge St and King St. with a smile on my face... listening to Death Cab For Cutie as I headed towards the subway station to head back to my normal boring life. I know one day I'm going to go downtown... Wander aimlessly and end up at the hotel... I'm going to go to the little street at the side of the hotel to OUR little perch, our little sitting spot for the 4 days we would drink coffee and smoke... I'll go there sit by myself with a coffee and a smoke and smile... and wish she was there with me.
4 FUCKING DAYS. That's all it took.. She changed my life in ways I could never possibly imagine... She takes my breath away only to breathe life into me again. I have never met such an amazingly beautiful person until I met her. I told her that our weekend together was like the movie Garden State.... to meet someone and just have them completely change your life in the few days you're together. And just like that movie, I feel like I'm onto something big... something bigger... something beautiful far beyond anything I could fathom.
We're already talking about me flying out there in January to visit her in Calgary... she's going to show me all around.. maybe even road trip it to BC... the west coast is so beautiful... I really want to see it... But I really want to see her and her life out there... and experience it. I can't compare here to there really... I mean I showed her around TO and *shudders* Brampton... but she enjoyed it (so I think lol) But me and her are so stoked about me coming out there... Its going to be wonderful... I miss her so much.
So where do we go from here? I don't know... I haven't been this happy in so long... But I haven't been this scared to death... In such a short amount of time... I've put a lot of my heart and my soul on the line... And I know most of you think we are fucking crazy to think we can make this work.... But you know what... WE DONT FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU THINK... we believe in our hearts that it will... it's all we have. is faith, love, and hope that we will previal despite 1,667 miles between us... I mean I can't even look at girls anymore... I go out and I just look around and I'm just like *meh* because that's how much I'm into Jamie... I can't even think of dating or kissing another girl. Because I'd feel like I'm destroying this beautiful picture me and her have only yet to begin to make.
Have I considered moving out there? Yes I have. But honestly I would have to be a lot more responsible and a lot more mature which are things in my opinion I lack. God I can't pay off my credit card,let alone live on my own... I can't save money if my life depended on it... So just those things I would have to work on doing this moment. And I feel guilty for her to get out and move here... She loves travelling, she loves seeing new places... But one of her real passions in life is snowboarding... And I told her that if I was god I would build her the biggest mountains in Ontario so she could move out here... lol... cheesy I know... because nothing here compares to the majestic mountains of the Rockies and such... nothing!!! I told her that I would never want her to give up the mountains... But she said that if to give up something that meant so much to her, only to gain something even better; she would do it... The fact she even considers giving up all that for her for me... I don't think anyone has ever said something that made me feel like I was special.
I don't know really,this past week is just so surreal... 4 days and me and her lived the life of Andrew and Sam in Garden State... I watched the movie again this evening... I fucking cried like a fucking wuss during the bathtub scene and the airport scene.. because that was so us... everything about that movie is just us. It was amazing. She is amazing... And I don't think I could see myself with anyone else other than her... We're determined to make this work... I need her more than anything, I can't see myself without her... I'd feel so lost.
Ahhh Penguins. Penguins go on living their lives looking for their one true love. Their significant other; their soulmate. When they find them they live happily ever after. And that's that... That's the love of penguins. I told her she was my penguin. I believe with all my fucking heart she is... I've done all this searching and I've found her. And she has touched my heart in so many ways that I could never even dream of... All I know is I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Jamie Rose Gibbs...AND I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU FUCKING THINK.
We're going to be together. One day... Or I'll die trying.
So if you've got someone special in your life... Take them in your arms... hold them, hug them, kiss them... Tell them how much you mean to them... Don't take a second with them for granted... I know I didn't take any second of the 4 days together with Jamie for granted... I cherished every second.. and will for the rest of my life. I love you Jamie, this I know to be true. ♥xoxoxoxo
"I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER♥"