ugh*
I'm tired.
I'm stressed.
And miserable.
It shouldn't be this way...
It WASN'T MEANT TO BE THIS WAY.
I've done all I could. I've said all I could say to let her know what I feel needs to happen... The ball is in her court now. There's not much I can do now but wait for her answer.
We're both miserable, I know this. So its all a matter of confronting the matters at hand, and seeing if we're ready to get things in motion to try and make things the best it can be before all of this... to get back to where we were... or to just abandon all we've had.
But the way I see things is, I just don't fit into her plans and in her dreams...
When she tells me what she wants to do they never involve me.
But she lives for those dreams. And I don't want to take them away from her...
There has to be compromise and sometimes our dreams have to take a backseat to love.
But I don't feel I fit anymore. That I'm a number one priority.
I wonder if she still feels proud to speak my name, and she can think of me without feeling pain.
To still have some warmth when thoughts of me come into her mind.
I want her to live and be happy, to follow her heart.
And if that doesn't include me then sobeit.
I have no regrets.
I've seen things I've never seen.
Felt things I've never felt before...
This is love unlike any other.
This is the most I've put into a relationship in every aspect and I feel satisfied with my accomplishments.
I'm grateful for all that she's given to me so far.
It's more than I could've asked for.
She is a remarkable girl. And I'm glad to have known her, met her, and loved her...
...And I always will.
But God this pain needs to stop soon. For both of us.
And its only gonna go two ways.
I'm proud of us. Of the world we made so far. And that will never change. Even if I can't help but feel that our story is drawing to an end.
We'll just have to wait and see what happens.
Next week will be 7 months. Crazy.
♥