And the agent said "no".

[desuvan]

But kudos to him for a four-day turn around and telling me why he's passing on it. He cited the present/past transitions (A frustrating fact, since some people have referred to that technique as "brilliant") and then said my plotting lacked "much needed subtlety", in that Ryjel hears the five men's names that he wants to kill. The second point isn'

Comments

[katmoonshaker]

Just remember what the late (and brilliant imo) Marion Zimmer Bradley said about this... rejection, rejection, rejection etcetera ad infinitum before acceptance.

If you have not already done so, I do recommend reading her S&S anthology series. In the prologues she gives very helpful information to aspiring (and established) authors. MZB launched a number of wonderful authors into the SF/F field including Mercedes Lackey (okay, brain fart but go read the series... truuuuuuuuust me!).

I have faith in you. Keep writing...

or we send out the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde... and ye dinnae want us tae send out the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde!

[desuvan]

I know, I know. I have to expect a lot of rejections. It's unheard of for an author to find paydirt on his or her first query letter.

I'll keep querying. I just have to find that one agent or editor that loves the work as much as most of my beta-readers did.

[katmoonshaker]

I'd keep sending it out and writing other things in the meantime. Hang in there!!

[maverick_weirdo]

I like that you had the present/past chapter. I thought that italics vs. non-italics might not be the best way to distinguish one from the other.

As a reader I liked the list of names. It made a nice simple checklist.

Part of the problem is that your main character goes from non-subtle black & white judgement in the begining to more subtle judgement in the end (that's your character arch). So there isn't going to be much subtlety in the start of the book.

[desuvan]

I'm still struggling with the transition. I, personally, really like the italics vs. non-italics. I could try a paragraph break, but that just strikes me as looking really clumsy.

[katmoonshaker]

Try it both ways and look at it again. Then put it down and come back to it.

Just remember -

[jmarquiso]

One man's opinion isn't all agents' opinion. If a second or third agent makes mention of it, it might be worth reworking.

If he's willing to look at it again though, then it also might be worth reworking because it means he's willing to sell you and he's seeing how you respond to critique.

That being said, all the agent is looking at is if he can sell your story. If he feels he can't then it's not a critique of your story, but his ability to sell it :)