The query letter, version 2. And 2 versions of version 2.

[desuvan]

Dear Ms. Jackson,

I am seeking representation for my fantasy novel, The Crimson Mask, complete at 130,000 words.

A synthesis of epic fantasy and Grecian myth with an Asian flair, The Crimson Mask tells the story of Ryjel, an orphan-turned-assassin who must save the world from a powerful mage who has unraveled the laws of death - but to do so, he

Comments

[tormod]

I don't know much about pitch letters, so I can't help with the body. I do agree with cutting out the underlined parts.

I would say, "Thank you very much" instead of "Thank you so much".