Broken
Character Name: Zep Hindle
Author: trollwinter
Origin: Saw
Word Count: 776
Prompt: Broken
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
MUN’S NOTE: I don’ stick to Saw canon at all; both mun and muse explore Alternate Universes. This is my own interpretation of the character and it may not conform to the canon:)
At night everything sounds in a different way than in the daytime. Each sound becomes almost tangible. When in hospital, you can hear lots of weird sounds. Muted voices and footsteps in halls… groans of sick patients…creak of bed-springs…tinkle of surgical instruments… It sounds like a strange music, dismal but strangely captivating.
Zep enjoys working at night. He almost loves his job at that time.
Once he intended to be a doctor, but he ended up working as an orderly at the hospital. He knows that all of his aspirations and ambitions will never come true, and he’s almost resigned to this fact. One day he realized that his life is broken, all his dreams are broken, and everything is lost. One day he discovered that his existence is meaningless, and he is just a loser. It’s too late for changes, he thinks. He has nothing but his work, and he appreciates it, although he is averse to daily drudgery. Fulfilling his duties he gets the feeling of being needed and important. By the way, he realizes fully that it is only an illusion. Co-workers treat him like shit and he doesn’t know what the reason for this dislike is. Is it because of his lowly status, his “creepy” appearance, or his personality traits? He is not like others - too diffident, too unsociable, too awkward… People find it bizarre and shun him. If they accepted him as he is, if someone wanted to talk to him… If only! He is not a wicked person, but the horrible feeling of being rejected plagues him.
Finally he became embittered. He senses that a bitter silent hate is arousing inside him.
He is fed up with being looked down upon by everyone, especially by Dr. Lawrence Gordon, an arrogant, self-important oncologist. Dr. Gordon takes every occasion to torment him. He never shouts at Zep but talks to him with a condescending tone making nasty remarks about Zep’s trashy work, his absent-mindedness, awkwardness and so on. Dr. Gordon is always calling him down with a loathsome ironic smile which makes Zep sick. At that moment he wishes to put a bullet right in Dr. Gordon’s smiling face. This thought is so vivid that Zep shakes, and his fingers tighten on an imaginary trigger.
Zep never shows his feelings though. He curses to himself feeling weak and helpless. His whole life he was a weakling, and he may stay a weakling forever. However he still hopes that someone will come along to change his life.
Zep finishes mopping the floor, stops for a moment and listens to the hospital sounds. Then he glances at the watch. His shift is over, but he is not in a hurry to leave. There is a particular patient at the hospital with whom Zep talks often. His name is John Kramer and he is receiving treatment for his cancer. He is the only person with whom Zep can have a conversation. Unlike others, John doesn’t reject Zep and seems to enjoy his company. It seems to Zep that they have something in common. John’s life is broken too. His unborn child died, his marriage was broken, and finally he was diagnosed with a fatal illness. Zep sees how futile his own troubles become in comparison with John’s bitterest grief. Zep remembers the day that John was told he was going to die. Zep was there to calm him down. Then Zep got the habit of coming to John and talking to him. They gradually got attached to each other.
As John lies sleepless at night, Zep often comes to keep him company, and their talks last for hours.
Zep recalls their last conversation which took place a few days ago.
“Who established this fucking rule: Be like others, otherwise you will be rejected?!” Zep said with bitterness.
“Don’t let them walk over you!” John replied. “Even though they reject you, you must appreciate yourself.”
“It’s too late for changes,” Zep answered sadly.
“Do you really think so?” John looked at him thoughtfully, and there was something strange in his gaze. “I think much of you, Zep. I really enjoy talking to you. But, in my opinion, you should learn to appreciate your own life. I really want to help you…to heal you from your obsessions”.
“Why…thank you…” Zep replied with confusion.
Zep has no idea what John means. Maybe they will talk about it tonight. Zep thinks of John. What is he doing right now? He may be lying on the bed reading a book …or maybe he simply lies and listens to the strange night sounds which fly about the hospital.
Zep smiles and goes to oncology.
Author: trollwinter
Origin: Saw
Word Count: 776
Prompt: Broken
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
MUN’S NOTE: I don’ stick to Saw canon at all; both mun and muse explore Alternate Universes. This is my own interpretation of the character and it may not conform to the canon:)
At night everything sounds in a different way than in the daytime. Each sound becomes almost tangible. When in hospital, you can hear lots of weird sounds. Muted voices and footsteps in halls… groans of sick patients…creak of bed-springs…tinkle of surgical instruments… It sounds like a strange music, dismal but strangely captivating.
Zep enjoys working at night. He almost loves his job at that time.
Once he intended to be a doctor, but he ended up working as an orderly at the hospital. He knows that all of his aspirations and ambitions will never come true, and he’s almost resigned to this fact. One day he realized that his life is broken, all his dreams are broken, and everything is lost. One day he discovered that his existence is meaningless, and he is just a loser. It’s too late for changes, he thinks. He has nothing but his work, and he appreciates it, although he is averse to daily drudgery. Fulfilling his duties he gets the feeling of being needed and important. By the way, he realizes fully that it is only an illusion. Co-workers treat him like shit and he doesn’t know what the reason for this dislike is. Is it because of his lowly status, his “creepy” appearance, or his personality traits? He is not like others - too diffident, too unsociable, too awkward… People find it bizarre and shun him. If they accepted him as he is, if someone wanted to talk to him… If only! He is not a wicked person, but the horrible feeling of being rejected plagues him.
Finally he became embittered. He senses that a bitter silent hate is arousing inside him.
He is fed up with being looked down upon by everyone, especially by Dr. Lawrence Gordon, an arrogant, self-important oncologist. Dr. Gordon takes every occasion to torment him. He never shouts at Zep but talks to him with a condescending tone making nasty remarks about Zep’s trashy work, his absent-mindedness, awkwardness and so on. Dr. Gordon is always calling him down with a loathsome ironic smile which makes Zep sick. At that moment he wishes to put a bullet right in Dr. Gordon’s smiling face. This thought is so vivid that Zep shakes, and his fingers tighten on an imaginary trigger.
Zep never shows his feelings though. He curses to himself feeling weak and helpless. His whole life he was a weakling, and he may stay a weakling forever. However he still hopes that someone will come along to change his life.
Zep finishes mopping the floor, stops for a moment and listens to the hospital sounds. Then he glances at the watch. His shift is over, but he is not in a hurry to leave. There is a particular patient at the hospital with whom Zep talks often. His name is John Kramer and he is receiving treatment for his cancer. He is the only person with whom Zep can have a conversation. Unlike others, John doesn’t reject Zep and seems to enjoy his company. It seems to Zep that they have something in common. John’s life is broken too. His unborn child died, his marriage was broken, and finally he was diagnosed with a fatal illness. Zep sees how futile his own troubles become in comparison with John’s bitterest grief. Zep remembers the day that John was told he was going to die. Zep was there to calm him down. Then Zep got the habit of coming to John and talking to him. They gradually got attached to each other.
As John lies sleepless at night, Zep often comes to keep him company, and their talks last for hours.
Zep recalls their last conversation which took place a few days ago.
“Who established this fucking rule: Be like others, otherwise you will be rejected?!” Zep said with bitterness.
“Don’t let them walk over you!” John replied. “Even though they reject you, you must appreciate yourself.”
“It’s too late for changes,” Zep answered sadly.
“Do you really think so?” John looked at him thoughtfully, and there was something strange in his gaze. “I think much of you, Zep. I really enjoy talking to you. But, in my opinion, you should learn to appreciate your own life. I really want to help you…to heal you from your obsessions”.
“Why…thank you…” Zep replied with confusion.
Zep has no idea what John means. Maybe they will talk about it tonight. Zep thinks of John. What is he doing right now? He may be lying on the bed reading a book …or maybe he simply lies and listens to the strange night sounds which fly about the hospital.
Zep smiles and goes to oncology.