(no subject)
So, chica_charlie posted chica-charlie.livejournal.com/182290.html earlier, and I gave her that rather crack-y prompt. Then we were talking about it on MSN, which led to theorizing on the relationships between the Blackhawks and the crew of Atlantis.
Kirin Delano says
Heheh.
Ahahahah. Tazer and Rodney would NOT get along, despite how similar they are.
Charlie says
:D
Kirin Delano says
Tazer and Teyla, on the other hand...I think they'd be BFFs in a *heartbeat*.
Charlie says
OMG YEAH. She'd try to hook him up with KANER.
Because Teyla is smart like that.
Kirin Delano says
That she is. They'd connect on that natural-born-leader level, but she'd be worried that he was too focused. Which of course would lead her to playing matchmaker, so he can *ahem* loosen up.
Charlie says
Yessssss.
And Ronon would stand there smirking at everyone, because they're all morons.
Kirin Delano says
No, Ronon would be with Duncs and Seabs and all the other D-Men, teaching them how to optimize a check and how to counteract one, and the best ways to throw down without losing the advantage.
And learning how to play hockey, because any sport where you're supposed to fight is a sport he's gonna like.
Charlie says
XD
Kirin Delano says
Lorne would be hanging out with Sharpie, talking about forming a Ridiculously Good Looking Guys group together.
Charlie says
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD
*dead*
Kirin Delano says
:P
Kaner and John would bitch about people just not understanding their hair.
Charlie says
*even more dead*
I CHOKED ON MY WATER AT THE LORNE AND SHARPIE THING OKAY
Kirin Delano says
I'm sorry! Are you alright?
Charlie says
Oh yes it was in a lolzy way.
Kirin Delano says
Ok, good.
I'd hate to have accidentally killed you dead.
Charlie says
Haha no it's okay.
Kirin Delano says
Let's see...Q and O'Neill would go out and have a beer together, and no words would need to be said because seriously. The SGC/Atlantis are not that different than the 'Hawks locker room.
Charlie says
HAHA. Oh god.
Kirin Delano says
TODD WOULD RECRUIT PRONGER AND CARCILLO AND TORRES AS HIS MINIONS.
Charliee says
*chokes again* oh god, what a horrifying and hilarious thought
Kirin Delano says
*whistles innocently*
Beckett and the team docs would compare the weirdest injuries they'd had to treat. I honestly don't know who would win.
Charliee says
HAH.
Kirin Delano says
And Ronon would start calling Duncs "sir" or some Satedan honnorific used for men that had shown outstanding valor during battle after hearing about the lost teeth.
Charlie says
*snicker* Oh man, that would be interesting.
Kirin Delano says
They'd all compare "battle" scars over beer.
And you know Ronon would appreciate a man that lost SEVEN TEETH and still came back for more.
Charliee says
He so would.
Kaner would be like "WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING HUGE, MAN."
Kirin Delano says
...I totally had a flash of Ronon asking Duncs if he wanted to have sex.
KANER WOULD TRY TO CLIMB RONON LIKE A TREE, we have had this discussion before.
Charlie says
OH YES
TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE
And then, since Charlie hadn't been feeling well, I decided to tell her more.
Kirin Delano says
Well, they're sitting in...Okay, back up here, you need to hear this from the beginning.
So SGA-1 is out on a mission in Pegasus (after leaving Earth again), and things go the same way they always seem to: fine, until Rodney opens his mouth and insults the leaders of the people they've just made contact with.
Charlie says
Oh of course he does.
Kirin Delano says
There's a lot of anger and yelling and throwing of things, and in all that chaos, something happens to Rodney. They manage to get him back to Atlantis, and Beckett (because they managed to fix the cellular degenertion issue, damn it!) and Keller discover that Rodney's sick with...PEGASUS ILLNESS NUMBER 9.
Charlie says
lololololol pegasus illness number 9 *gigglesnorts*
Kirin Delano says
There's no known cure, of course, so they start pulling out every Ancient Gizmo they can and run a million tests. Eventually, they find out that they can fix him if they alter the DNA of a bloodmatch relative. Jeanie is out, so they go to the next best thing: his long lost cousin, Jonathan Toews, who currently lives in Chicago and plays hockey, 'cause he's a weird Canadian like that.
Charlie says
BAHAHAHA.
Kirin Delano says
So Atlantis, who is now a lot more sentient than she had been, due to God only knows what, decides to pluck him out of the locker room and bring him to fix Rodney. But there's a problem, because Jonathan is really attached to the guys he plays with, they're pretty much family you know, and they somehow get dragged along for the ride.
And Suddenly not only is Jonathan Toews in the now crowded medical bay, but so is Kaner, Duncan, Sharpie, Bur (because Tazer still loves him, and Sharpie *really* loves him, and Teyla helpfully hands him a sheet from one of the med beds because he was in the shower and there are way too many eyes staring at him right now, which is understandable because that soap bubble is...
Charlie says
SHARPIE REALLY LOVES HIM, TIS TRUE. ____
Kirin Delano says
taking the most interesting path down his chest and...), Q, Crawford, etc.
After the freaking out and the explaining and more freaking out and yelling at Atlantis and then John having to coax Atlantis into retrieving Woolsey from where he'd been dumped in the ocean, they clear out everyone but Beckett, Keller, Rodney, Sheppard, O'Neill, and Toews.
Charlie says
lol woolsey haha
Kirin Delano says
The doctors explain what's going on, and how Jonathan is the only hope they have of making Rodney better.
"I don't like him," Toews mutters, expression dark, and Rodney scowls.
"Well I don't like you, either!"
But Jonathan's a good guy, and Rodney promises to never, *ever* speak to him ever again, not once, he won't even make eye contact if they run into each other on the street thirty years from now. So he agrees to help.
Charlie says
XD
Kirin Delano says
Meanwhile, in the mess hall where everyone was banished, Sharpie has discovered another man as ridiculously handsome as he is, and is trying to convince him to start up a support group with him, because it is not easy being that good looking. Bur, who eagery accepted a pair of scrubs, is watching Sharpie and Major Evan Lorne talk, and he's getting *ideas*.
Charlie says
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah oh god this is hysterical
it's not easy being that good looking
Kirin Delano says
Most of them involve a bed, the three of them, and a whole lot of cardio, but every once in a while one pops up involving sweettalking the city into flashing someone into a closet, or zapping their clothes off, or shoving some of the Dallas fans that still boo him into the Stargate to be eaten by Wraith. Mostly it's just sex though.
Kaner started out staring at Ronon in awe, because he doesn't even come up to the guy's armpit, but he pouted his way to the other side of the mess after the mountain of a man patted him on the head and asked him if it was past his bedtime.
When Sheppard slides into the seat across from him, the first thing that catches his eye is the ears. Dude looks like he's related to Spock. But then it's the hair, because no matter how many products he uses, he can't get it to go like that for the life of him. They spend the rest of the night discussing their personal hair routines, and only manage to cover gel and paste before they pass out.
Charlie says
HAHA.
HIS BEDTIME laksdgakjsdhaksdjfasdlkfajs
Kirin Delano says
Ronon's entranced by Duncan Keith, listening with rapt attention as they describe what it is they do on the ice. He thinks it's awesome that they wear knives on their feet, and promises to show Seabs how to hit a man cleanly and make sure he can't move for at least a minute. Seabs isn't too sure he'll ever be able to *use* any of the moves Ronon's talking about, but it'd be cool to know anyway
Duncan mentions offhandedly how dangerous the game is, how easy it is to get injured, and they they start comparing "war wounds".
Charlie says
KNIVES ON THEIR FEET OMG
Kirin Delano says
Brent gets a little green around the gills when Ronon describes in detail the time he broke his arm punching someone's sternum into their spine, but Duncan thinks it's interesting. Then, when he says he lost seven teeth during a game and Brent proudly adds that Duncan *came back after a few stitches and some gauze*, Ronon is suddenly a lot closer to Duncan than he had been.
He makes eye contact, and says something that neither of them understand but the get the general context of it, based on the reverance in Ronon's voice, and says he'd be honored to take Duncan to bed if he wanted.
Charlie says
OH GOD.
Kirin Delano says
Duncan doesn't really know what to say, because Ronon is HOT and HUGE and it would be interesting to say the least, but he's a little scary and Brent is RIGHT THERE, LOOKING AT HIM and he is not blushing, honestly. He might be coming down with the flu, he felt a little flu-ish when he woke up this morning, he swears.
Charlie says
.........ngh.
*___*
do want
all of it
Kirin Delano says
But Seabs, he's a lot smarter than most people give him credit for. He knows this is a once in a lifetime chance, and it's not often that someone could just completely dominate Duncan fucking Keith, so he nods furiously and practically shouts an affirmative in their faces, on the basis that he gets to watch. Which Ronon's cool with, because anyone that repeatedly slams people into walls is cool.
Charlie says
oh good lord
poor duncs tho haha
Kirin Delano says
So they use all their sneaky stealth skills to slip out of the mess unnoticed, which means everyone but Bur, Sharpie, and Lorne (who are too involved in their own thoughts to notice ANYTHING short of a nuclear explosion) watches them leave with knowing smirks.
Charlie says
BAHAHA
Kirin Delano says
Even Rodney, Beckett, Keller, and Tazer know what's happening, because Ronon makes a stop at the medical bay to grab some condoms. After that slideshow Beckett had given him his first week in Atlantis, he was always double extra carefully sure that he was safe. He didn't want his dick rotting off, he had seven years of running to make up for!
Charlie says
oh god lol
Kirin Delano says
They go to Ronon's room, and by the time they finally collapse from sheer exhaustion they've broken the bed (which Rodney had once proclaimed "impossible" after watching Ronon jump on it), three lamps, dented a dozen wall panels, discovered some sort of Ancient sex toy that kind of resembled a sling Duncan had seen in a porn movie once, and set off three different alarms.
Charlie says
*laughing forever* wow, this is the most amazing thing EVER
Kirin Delano says
Ronon lost a lock of hair, Duncan isn't able to sit for more than three weeks (but is suddenly a lot more limber than he was, and has a lot more stamina on the ice, for some reason that Q isn't thinking about too deeply), Brent's voice is completely shot, people have stopped grabbing Duncs by the back of the neck 'cause suddenly it's *weird*, and all three of them are treated for dehydration.
THE END!
Charlie says
nghhhhhhhh wow
i am laughing and drooling and making a horrified face all at the same time lol
how did you manage that
POST IT NOW
I kind of really want to write this into an actual fic. I might. My brain scares me. I'm going to bed now.
Kirin Delano says
Heheh.
Ahahahah. Tazer and Rodney would NOT get along, despite how similar they are.
Charlie says
:D
Kirin Delano says
Tazer and Teyla, on the other hand...I think they'd be BFFs in a *heartbeat*.
Charlie says
OMG YEAH. She'd try to hook him up with KANER.
Because Teyla is smart like that.
Kirin Delano says
That she is. They'd connect on that natural-born-leader level, but she'd be worried that he was too focused. Which of course would lead her to playing matchmaker, so he can *ahem* loosen up.
Charlie says
Yessssss.
And Ronon would stand there smirking at everyone, because they're all morons.
Kirin Delano says
No, Ronon would be with Duncs and Seabs and all the other D-Men, teaching them how to optimize a check and how to counteract one, and the best ways to throw down without losing the advantage.
And learning how to play hockey, because any sport where you're supposed to fight is a sport he's gonna like.
Charlie says
XD
Kirin Delano says
Lorne would be hanging out with Sharpie, talking about forming a Ridiculously Good Looking Guys group together.
Charlie says
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD
*dead*
Kirin Delano says
:P
Kaner and John would bitch about people just not understanding their hair.
Charlie says
*even more dead*
I CHOKED ON MY WATER AT THE LORNE AND SHARPIE THING OKAY
Kirin Delano says
I'm sorry! Are you alright?
Charlie says
Oh yes it was in a lolzy way.
Kirin Delano says
Ok, good.
I'd hate to have accidentally killed you dead.
Charlie says
Haha no it's okay.
Kirin Delano says
Let's see...Q and O'Neill would go out and have a beer together, and no words would need to be said because seriously. The SGC/Atlantis are not that different than the 'Hawks locker room.
Charlie says
HAHA. Oh god.
Kirin Delano says
TODD WOULD RECRUIT PRONGER AND CARCILLO AND TORRES AS HIS MINIONS.
Charliee says
*chokes again* oh god, what a horrifying and hilarious thought
Kirin Delano says
*whistles innocently*
Beckett and the team docs would compare the weirdest injuries they'd had to treat. I honestly don't know who would win.
Charliee says
HAH.
Kirin Delano says
And Ronon would start calling Duncs "sir" or some Satedan honnorific used for men that had shown outstanding valor during battle after hearing about the lost teeth.
Charlie says
*snicker* Oh man, that would be interesting.
Kirin Delano says
They'd all compare "battle" scars over beer.
And you know Ronon would appreciate a man that lost SEVEN TEETH and still came back for more.
Charliee says
He so would.
Kaner would be like "WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING HUGE, MAN."
Kirin Delano says
...I totally had a flash of Ronon asking Duncs if he wanted to have sex.
KANER WOULD TRY TO CLIMB RONON LIKE A TREE, we have had this discussion before.
Charlie says
OH YES
TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE
And then, since Charlie hadn't been feeling well, I decided to tell her more.
Kirin Delano says
Well, they're sitting in...Okay, back up here, you need to hear this from the beginning.
So SGA-1 is out on a mission in Pegasus (after leaving Earth again), and things go the same way they always seem to: fine, until Rodney opens his mouth and insults the leaders of the people they've just made contact with.
Charlie says
Oh of course he does.
Kirin Delano says
There's a lot of anger and yelling and throwing of things, and in all that chaos, something happens to Rodney. They manage to get him back to Atlantis, and Beckett (because they managed to fix the cellular degenertion issue, damn it!) and Keller discover that Rodney's sick with...PEGASUS ILLNESS NUMBER 9.
Charlie says
lololololol pegasus illness number 9 *gigglesnorts*
Kirin Delano says
There's no known cure, of course, so they start pulling out every Ancient Gizmo they can and run a million tests. Eventually, they find out that they can fix him if they alter the DNA of a bloodmatch relative. Jeanie is out, so they go to the next best thing: his long lost cousin, Jonathan Toews, who currently lives in Chicago and plays hockey, 'cause he's a weird Canadian like that.
Charlie says
BAHAHAHA.
Kirin Delano says
So Atlantis, who is now a lot more sentient than she had been, due to God only knows what, decides to pluck him out of the locker room and bring him to fix Rodney. But there's a problem, because Jonathan is really attached to the guys he plays with, they're pretty much family you know, and they somehow get dragged along for the ride.
And Suddenly not only is Jonathan Toews in the now crowded medical bay, but so is Kaner, Duncan, Sharpie, Bur (because Tazer still loves him, and Sharpie *really* loves him, and Teyla helpfully hands him a sheet from one of the med beds because he was in the shower and there are way too many eyes staring at him right now, which is understandable because that soap bubble is...
Charlie says
SHARPIE REALLY LOVES HIM, TIS TRUE. ____
Kirin Delano says
taking the most interesting path down his chest and...), Q, Crawford, etc.
After the freaking out and the explaining and more freaking out and yelling at Atlantis and then John having to coax Atlantis into retrieving Woolsey from where he'd been dumped in the ocean, they clear out everyone but Beckett, Keller, Rodney, Sheppard, O'Neill, and Toews.
Charlie says
lol woolsey haha
Kirin Delano says
The doctors explain what's going on, and how Jonathan is the only hope they have of making Rodney better.
"I don't like him," Toews mutters, expression dark, and Rodney scowls.
"Well I don't like you, either!"
But Jonathan's a good guy, and Rodney promises to never, *ever* speak to him ever again, not once, he won't even make eye contact if they run into each other on the street thirty years from now. So he agrees to help.
Charlie says
XD
Kirin Delano says
Meanwhile, in the mess hall where everyone was banished, Sharpie has discovered another man as ridiculously handsome as he is, and is trying to convince him to start up a support group with him, because it is not easy being that good looking. Bur, who eagery accepted a pair of scrubs, is watching Sharpie and Major Evan Lorne talk, and he's getting *ideas*.
Charlie says
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah oh god this is hysterical
it's not easy being that good looking
Kirin Delano says
Most of them involve a bed, the three of them, and a whole lot of cardio, but every once in a while one pops up involving sweettalking the city into flashing someone into a closet, or zapping their clothes off, or shoving some of the Dallas fans that still boo him into the Stargate to be eaten by Wraith. Mostly it's just sex though.
Kaner started out staring at Ronon in awe, because he doesn't even come up to the guy's armpit, but he pouted his way to the other side of the mess after the mountain of a man patted him on the head and asked him if it was past his bedtime.
When Sheppard slides into the seat across from him, the first thing that catches his eye is the ears. Dude looks like he's related to Spock. But then it's the hair, because no matter how many products he uses, he can't get it to go like that for the life of him. They spend the rest of the night discussing their personal hair routines, and only manage to cover gel and paste before they pass out.
Charlie says
HAHA.
HIS BEDTIME laksdgakjsdhaksdjfasdlkfajs
Kirin Delano says
Ronon's entranced by Duncan Keith, listening with rapt attention as they describe what it is they do on the ice. He thinks it's awesome that they wear knives on their feet, and promises to show Seabs how to hit a man cleanly and make sure he can't move for at least a minute. Seabs isn't too sure he'll ever be able to *use* any of the moves Ronon's talking about, but it'd be cool to know anyway
Duncan mentions offhandedly how dangerous the game is, how easy it is to get injured, and they they start comparing "war wounds".
Charlie says
KNIVES ON THEIR FEET OMG
Kirin Delano says
Brent gets a little green around the gills when Ronon describes in detail the time he broke his arm punching someone's sternum into their spine, but Duncan thinks it's interesting. Then, when he says he lost seven teeth during a game and Brent proudly adds that Duncan *came back after a few stitches and some gauze*, Ronon is suddenly a lot closer to Duncan than he had been.
He makes eye contact, and says something that neither of them understand but the get the general context of it, based on the reverance in Ronon's voice, and says he'd be honored to take Duncan to bed if he wanted.
Charlie says
OH GOD.
Kirin Delano says
Duncan doesn't really know what to say, because Ronon is HOT and HUGE and it would be interesting to say the least, but he's a little scary and Brent is RIGHT THERE, LOOKING AT HIM and he is not blushing, honestly. He might be coming down with the flu, he felt a little flu-ish when he woke up this morning, he swears.
Charlie says
.........ngh.
*___*
do want
all of it
Kirin Delano says
But Seabs, he's a lot smarter than most people give him credit for. He knows this is a once in a lifetime chance, and it's not often that someone could just completely dominate Duncan fucking Keith, so he nods furiously and practically shouts an affirmative in their faces, on the basis that he gets to watch. Which Ronon's cool with, because anyone that repeatedly slams people into walls is cool.
Charlie says
oh good lord
poor duncs tho haha
Kirin Delano says
So they use all their sneaky stealth skills to slip out of the mess unnoticed, which means everyone but Bur, Sharpie, and Lorne (who are too involved in their own thoughts to notice ANYTHING short of a nuclear explosion) watches them leave with knowing smirks.
Charlie says
BAHAHA
Kirin Delano says
Even Rodney, Beckett, Keller, and Tazer know what's happening, because Ronon makes a stop at the medical bay to grab some condoms. After that slideshow Beckett had given him his first week in Atlantis, he was always double extra carefully sure that he was safe. He didn't want his dick rotting off, he had seven years of running to make up for!
Charlie says
oh god lol
Kirin Delano says
They go to Ronon's room, and by the time they finally collapse from sheer exhaustion they've broken the bed (which Rodney had once proclaimed "impossible" after watching Ronon jump on it), three lamps, dented a dozen wall panels, discovered some sort of Ancient sex toy that kind of resembled a sling Duncan had seen in a porn movie once, and set off three different alarms.
Charlie says
*laughing forever* wow, this is the most amazing thing EVER
Kirin Delano says
Ronon lost a lock of hair, Duncan isn't able to sit for more than three weeks (but is suddenly a lot more limber than he was, and has a lot more stamina on the ice, for some reason that Q isn't thinking about too deeply), Brent's voice is completely shot, people have stopped grabbing Duncs by the back of the neck 'cause suddenly it's *weird*, and all three of them are treated for dehydration.
THE END!
Charlie says
nghhhhhhhh wow
i am laughing and drooling and making a horrified face all at the same time lol
how did you manage that
POST IT NOW
I kind of really want to write this into an actual fic. I might. My brain scares me. I'm going to bed now.