Crack. Pure and utter CRACK.
First, she mentioned doing another prompt post with Toews/Kane and Keith/Seabrook. She said she wanted a specific kind of fic, and it kind of ran away with me...
[9/18/2011 5:03:28 PM] Chica_charlie: I want to see fic of Jonny being the pursuer, for once. Trying to get Kaner to actually date him, properly, and Kaner being confused and dodging him, and everyone laughing their asses off because Kaner and Tazer are the dumbest of idiots.
[9/18/2011 5:04:03 PM] Kirin: Hmmm.
[9/18/2011 5:04:29 PM] Chica_charlie: Maybe Kaner thinks Jonny's not being serious, and is just jerking him around or making fun of him and that is not cool.
[9/18/2011 5:06:02 PM] Kirin: So like, Jon calls Pat up and asks him over to dinner, and Pat says yes but brings someone else with him (either from the team or just one of his buddies?) because he thinks, you know, pizza and beer and video games. But Jon was planning on them going *out* so he's half dressed up and Kaner's like "whoa, did you just do an interview or something?" and he has to lie to him and they order pizza and hang out and Kaner gets upset with him before they leave because Jon was being a dickhead to his friend?
[9/18/2011 5:06:14 PM] Chica_charlie: YES.
[9/18/2011 5:06:48 PM] Chica_charlie: Then Jon has to realize, he needs to be a little bit more obvious, but he is not good at that. So we have failing-at-being-obvious!Jon and clueless-oblivious!Pat = ABSOLUTE HILARIOUS MESS.
[9/18/2011 5:07:02 PM] Kirin: Right.
[9/18/2011 5:07:42 PM] Kirin: So Jon tries to be a little more obvious by inviting Pat to see a movie, in an actual theater. Because who doesn't know that means "I want to date you"?
[9/18/2011 5:07:58 PM] Chica_charlie: (Pat doesn't? LOL)
[9/18/2011 5:08:24 PM] Kirin: Except Pat keeps flirting with these girls in front of them the whole time, and the bastard even steals the popcorn Jon bought and lets the girls eat most of it.
[9/18/2011 5:08:50 PM] Chica_charlie: *snickers* He totally would.
[9/18/2011 5:08:56 PM] Chica_charlie: But what kind of movie are they watching?
[9/18/2011 5:08:57 PM] Chica_charlie: That could be important.
[9/18/2011 5:09:02 PM] Kirin: Of course he would, he's Patrick Kane.
[9/18/2011 5:09:20 PM] Kirin: It's the new action/comedy movie that Pat's been so excited about for MONTHS.
[9/18/2011 5:09:40 PM] Kirin: Jon doesn't really like those kind of movies, but Pat wants to see it, so...
[9/18/2011 5:09:53 PM] Chica_charlie: Poor Jonny.
[9/18/2011 5:09:58 PM] Kirin: Yeah.
[9/18/2011 5:10:03 PM] Kirin: Guy just can't get a break.
[9/18/2011 5:10:14 PM] Chica_charlie: What does he try next?
[9/18/2011 5:11:01 PM] Kirin: I don't know. Maybe they've got this team outing/press opportunity thing, and he wears a Kane jersey/t-shirt? Becuase come on. WHO DOES THAT IF THEY DON'T WANT IN YOUR PANTS?
[9/18/2011 5:11:37 PM] Kirin: And Pat thinks it's funny, and talks the rest of the guys into trading jerseys/shirts.
[9/18/2011 5:11:38 PM] Chica_charlie: BRIERE AND GIROUX CAN VOUCH FOR THIS IDEA.
[9/18/2011 5:11:51 PM] Chica_charlie: LOL FAAAAAAACEPALM. OH KANER YOU DUMBASS.
[9/18/2011 5:11:54 PM] Kirin: So they all end up wearing each others' shirts.
[9/18/2011 5:12:00 PM] Chica_charlie: That's.... ridiculously cute.
[9/18/2011 5:12:13 PM] Chica_charlie: Why can't this happen in real life.
[9/18/2011 5:12:35 PM] Kirin: But, since the guys are NOT stupid, they arrange it so that Kaner ends up with Jon's shirt. Because they're nice and trying to help slap Kaner upside the head with the clue-by-four.
[9/18/2011 5:12:38 PM] Kirin: (nod)
[9/18/2011 5:13:21 PM] Kirin: Which, of course, leads us to the FANGIRLS on the internet.
[9/18/2011 5:13:22 PM] Chica_charlie: They can see what he's trying to do?
[9/18/2011 5:13:35 PM] Chica_charlie: Hah, clue by four. That's hilarious.
[9/18/2011 5:14:03 PM] Chica_charlie: All the new guys are kind of confused, because they don't know the history of Jon and Pat's epic bromance?
[9/18/2011 5:14:08 PM] Kirin: Well, in general, they know that Jon wants to date Pat. In that instance? Maybe Duncs realizes that Jon's really upset when Kaner starts making them trade shirts.
[9/18/2011 5:15:01 PM] Chica_charlie: Awww. Duncs is sympathetic, where Seabs and Sharpie probably just cannot stop laughing at how faily everyone is.
[9/18/2011 5:15:09 PM] Kirin: (nod)
[9/18/2011 5:26:13 PM] Kirin: So Jon's depressed and bored and Kaner's been turing everything around on him so he's not inviting him to do things. So he gets online, but he can't think of anything to do, so he googles Pat.
[9/18/2011 5:27:01 PM] Chica_charlie: Haha oh Jon.
[9/18/2011 5:27:33 PM] Kirin: And there's this website, some online journaling thing, where this girl named Charlie something has posted one of the pictures from their outing last week, one of him and Pat laughing together and wearing each other's jersey. She uses that picture as evidence of their ~love for each other.
[9/18/2011 5:28:18 PM] Chica_charlie: charlie!
[9/18/2011 5:28:19 PM] Kirin: She goes on and on about all the evidence that backs up her claims, and surprisingly enough she's pretty spot on, at least on Jon's end.
[9/18/2011 5:28:39 PM] Chica_charlie: LOL
[9/18/2011 5:28:50 PM] Chica_charlie: BEST FANGIRL EVER
[9/18/2011 5:30:27 PM] Kirin: He isn't exactly sure it's a good idea, but he's mopey and depressed and she *gets* it, so he creates a fake account (he's officially onegoal88, because there's no way he's going to pretend to be a Toews fan; that'd just be weird) and starts talking to her.
[9/18/2011 5:30:57 PM] Chica_charlie: I LIKE THIS STORY A LOT.
[9/18/2011 5:31:00 PM] Chica_charlie: *chinhands*
[9/18/2011 5:32:56 PM] Kirin: They end up spamming her comments page talking about how it's obvious "Tazer is head over heels for Kaner", and Jon presents his idea that Kane just doesn't have a clue.
[9/18/2011 5:33:36 PM] Kirin: He thinks Jon's just his best friend, they're buddies, pals, and no matter how much Jon tries, nothing seems to get through to the idiot.
[9/18/2011 5:33:37 PM] Chica_charlie: Oh isn't he sneaky.
[9/18/2011 5:35:02 PM] Kirin: Charlie, having no idea who she's actually talking to, thinks onegoal88 (who he randomly named...IDK, who should he pretend to be?) is writing something called fanfic and apparently seems to love it.
[9/18/2011 5:35:33 PM] Chica_charlie: IDK
[9/18/2011 5:35:34 PM] Chica_charlie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[9/18/2011 5:37:26 PM] Kirin: He tells her about all the misunderstandings of late, even though he knows it's a bad idea (but he'd looked up that fanfic thing, and while it creeps him out a bit that people are writing about him and his friends having sex, it gives him the courage to keep writing since nobody will believe him anyway).
[9/18/2011 5:38:45 PM] Chica_charlie: Lol oh JON.
[9/18/2011 5:38:46 PM] Chica_charlie: <3
[9/18/2011 5:40:32 PM] Kirin: This goes on for a while, and Jon really likes this Charlie girl, and the other people that end up commenting on his "fic". He adds to it with each encounter that goes wrong between him and Pat (with enough left out to not get caught, of course), and starts thinking about solidifying it into an entry on his still empty journal, as they'd been encouraging him to do.
[9/18/2011 5:41:02 PM] Chica_charlie: I looooooooooooooooooooooooooove it. :D
[9/18/2011 5:43:12 PM] Kirin: Which he eventually does. He copy/pastes all his comments, and pulls up his rusty paper writing skills to make it at least grammatically correct instead of the horrible, misjointed thing it started as. He fleshes it out a bit, adding things between the not-dates-with-Pat, funny moments with the guys and random filler of him prepping before heading to practice or lying awake at night worrying about when/if Pat would ever wise up.
[9/18/2011 5:44:29 PM] Kirin: Once he has enough to justify posting the first "chapter" he freaks out for a while before doing it, and then leaves the computer before he loses his nerve and deletes the whole thing.
[9/18/2011 5:45:53 PM] Kirin: He gets distracted by Seabs and Duncan and Pat coming over for a Mario Kart tournament, and it's good. They hang out and drink and eat really greasy pizza that he'll regret tomorrow at practice, and it's like it was before he realized he wanted more out of Pat.
[9/18/2011 5:47:21 PM] Kirin: And he's so wrapped up in trying to beat Duncan that he doesn't give it much thought when Kaner's phone rings and he shouts that he's stealing Jon's office so he can hear, and so his mom doesn't have to listen to them being immature tools (though he's just jealous that he lost the wrestling match that would have qualified him for the finals).
[9/18/2011 5:48:08 PM] Chica_charlie: lol immature tools hahah
[9/18/2011 5:50:02 PM] Kirin: When Duncan and Brent decide to head home, Jon wishes them a good night and starts cleaning up, until he remembers that Pat was there, and he hasn't seen him in almost an hour. He's still in his office when Jon pushes open the door, and he's sitting behind his desk, looking at something on the computer, and Jon's heart stops for a second before tripping into double time.
[9/18/2011 5:51:20 PM] Chica_charlie: OH SHIT
[9/18/2011 5:51:22 PM] Chica_charlie: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
[9/18/2011 5:51:23 PM] Chica_charlie: *FLAILS*
[9/18/2011 5:52:46 PM] Kirin: Pat glances up, and he's frowning, upset.
"Did you write this?" he asks, turning the laptop so Jon can see that, yes, he is reading the not-quite-fictional story.
"I- look, Pat, I can explain," Jon starts, reaching for the computer, though it's too late to hide it now.
But Pat won't let him, pushes out of the rolling chair Jon's had since college and shoving at Jon's chest, forcing him to back up.
"What the fuck, man!"
[9/18/2011 5:52:58 PM] Chica_charlie: OHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo D:
[9/18/2011 5:55:49 PM] Kirin: Jon's shoulder bumps a bookshelf, and Pat settles a dark look on him, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why'd you go and do something that dumb? Seriously, if you were that broken up about it, why didn't you just tell me straight up?"
"Because you didn't seem to get it!" Jon finds himself shouting, a furious blush rising in his cheeks. "Everything was always a joke or a chance to hang out with the guys."
[9/18/2011 5:56:25 PM] Chica_charlie: OH BOYS. <3
[9/18/2011 5:57:17 PM] Kirin: "Yeah, because you didn't ask to do anything we don't already do!" Pat points out. "You asked me to come over the same way you always have. You asked me to go see a movie with you, the same way you always have. You asked me if I wanted to do dinner, the same. way. you always. have. Christ, Jon, how was I supposed to know?"
[9/18/2011 5:57:33 PM] Kirin: "How was I supposed to ask, then? Huh?"
[9/18/2011 5:58:55 PM] Kirin: "Well, you could have tried something along the lines of 'Hey, Pat, I have reservations for "insert swanky, nice date restaraunt here", would you like to go out with me?' Or I don't know, maybe you could have said 'I want to date you, how do you feel about that?'"
[9/18/2011 5:59:18 PM] Chica_charlie: boyyys omg :(
[9/18/2011 5:59:30 PM] Kirin: "I uh. Oh."
[9/18/2011 6:00:47 PM] Chica_charlie: OH JON
[9/18/2011 6:02:13 PM] Kirin: "Yeah, 'oh', you giant dork. Come on," Pat sighs, brushing past Jon.
"Um, what? Where are we going?" Jon asks as he follows him towards the door, grabbing his keys along the way.
"We're going out to dinner. You're going to pay, and if you're really nice, I might let you kiss me before I go home. And then, you're going to think of something we can do on our second date, because I expect to be wooed before I even think about putting out."
[9/18/2011 6:02:40 PM] Chica_charlie: OH GOD HOW IS HE SO COOL (h)
[9/18/2011 6:05:00 PM] Kirin: They don't go anywhere fancy for dinner, just a diner a few blocks down, but Pat does let Jon push him against his door before he gets into the car to go home, lets him brush their lips together in a soft first kiss that would have made his first girlfriend's father proud. After he gets home, Jon stands in his living room for twenty minutes with a stupid grin on his face before heading to his office.
[9/18/2011 6:05:17 PM] Chica_charlie: *happy flailysigh*
[9/18/2011 6:07:59 PM] Kirin: He finds the last message Charlie had sent him, about an idea for the story where fake!Jon could accidentally leave some fanfic about him and fake!Pat on the computer, which "of course Pat would find, because he's nosy like that," leading to Jon being able to admit that it's kind of what he wants from the other man. He tells her it worked (in regards to a good plot point, because really. She wouldn't believe him if he told her who he was and what was really going on) and types out a quick email to his agent.
[9/18/2011 6:08:42 PM] Kirin: The next day, he knows, Charlie will get an email saying she's won free tickets to a Jets/Hawks game, and they'll be available at the Will Call.
[9/18/2011 6:09:01 PM] Kirin: He likes to think he can hear her "fangirling" all the way from Winnipeg.
[9/18/2011 6:09:09 PM] Chica_charlie: :D :D
[9/18/2011 6:09:21 PM] Chica_charlie: THIS WINS EVERYTHING. YOU WIN ALL THE EVERYTHING.
In the middle of all that crazyness, she dropped THIS bomb on me:
[9/18/2011 5:15:19 PM] Chica_charlie: DID YOU HEAR THE RUMOR ABOUT BB SHARPIE?
And that devolved into this.
[9/18/2011 5:15:26 PM] Kirin: So Jonny's all depressed and kicked!puppy and-
[9/18/2011 5:15:28 PM] Kirin: WHAT?
[9/18/2011 5:15:38 PM] Chica_charlie: POSSIBLY. THERE MIGHT BE A BB SHARP. I AM EXCITED.
[9/18/2011 5:15:53 PM] Kirin: OH MY GOD, THAT IS GOING TO BE AN ADORABLE FUCKING KID.
[9/18/2011 5:16:11 PM] Chica_charlie: I KNOW RIGHT. THIS KID WILL BE SO FULL OF AWESOME AND SO BEAUTIFUL, I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.
[9/18/2011 5:16:55 PM] Kirin: AND IT'S GONNA CALL KANER AND TAZER AND DUNCS AND SEABS AND HOSSA AND AND JELLY UNCLE!
[9/18/2011 5:17:23 PM] Chica_charlie: AUGHHHHHH OMG YES. ALSO THERE IS A BB HOSSA COMING TOO. THAT IS NOT A RUMOR.
[9/18/2011 5:17:26 PM] Kirin: AND ONE DAY SOMEONE'S GONNA CATCH IT CALLING BUR "PAPA" AND THEN IT'LL ALL COME OUT IN THE OPEN AND WE WILL SIT BACK AND GO "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!"
[9/18/2011 5:17:39 PM] Chica_charlie: *DEAD. DEAD FOREVER OF THE CUTE*
[9/18/2011 5:17:51 PM] Kirin: BB HOSSA?!
[9/18/2011 5:17:55 PM] Kirin: OH GOD.
[9/18/2011 5:17:59 PM] Kirin: I CAN'T.
[9/18/2011 5:18:01 PM] Chica_charlie: THE HAIR.
[9/18/2011 5:18:06 PM] Chica_charlie: THE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR, KIRIN.
[9/18/2011 5:18:27 PM] Kirin: NO, HOSSA. BEING ALL "HELLO BB, THIS IS HOW YOU SKATE."
[9/18/2011 5:18:28 PM] Chica_charlie: ALSO, ALSO DUNC GOT EVEN HOTTER OVER THE SUMMER, IDK HOW THAT HAPPENED BUT HOLY GOD.
[9/18/2011 5:18:35 PM] Chica_charlie: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD :D :D :D
[9/18/2011 5:18:56 PM] Kirin: AND SEABS AND KANER FIGHTING OVER WHICH BB!JERSEY THE KID WEARS.
[9/18/2011 5:19:08 PM] Chica_charlie: EEEEEEEE
[9/18/2011 5:19:41 PM] Kirin: AND SHARPIE BEING ALL "GIMME THE KID, I GOTTA PRACTICE MY JIGGLY WALK!" AND HOSSA IS "NO! MY BB, GO MAKE YOUR OWN!"
[9/18/2011 5:19:55 PM] Chica_charlie: THEY WILL HAVE BB RACES
[9/18/2011 5:20:00 PM] Kirin: THEY *WILL*.
[9/18/2011 5:20:01 PM] Chica_charlie: "MY KID CAN SKATE FASTER THAN YOURS"
[9/18/2011 5:20:06 PM] Chica_charlie: AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL TAKE BETS
[9/18/2011 5:20:20 PM] Kirin: "MY KID CAN HIT THE CROSSBAR MORE OFTEN THAN YOURS, ON PURPOSE!"
[9/18/2011 5:20:27 PM] Chica_charlie: HAHAHAHAHAH
[9/18/2011 5:20:43 PM] Chica_charlie: I want to work for a hockey team so bad. Just so I can be smack dab in the middle of this.
[9/18/2011 5:20:49 PM] Kirin: Jesus, I know.
[9/18/2011 5:21:03 PM] Kirin: I had a dream I was the 'Hawks photographer.
[9/18/2011 5:21:11 PM] Kirin: It was epic.
[9/18/2011 5:21:12 PM] Chica_charlie: *_______*
[9/18/2011 9:53:00 PM] Chica_charlie: There's also going to be a bb!Scott. JEEZ GUYS DID YOU PLAN THIS?
[9/18/2011 9:53:07 PM] Chica_charlie: Maybe they want to make a mini-Hawks team.
[9/18/2011 9:53:17 PM] Kirin: Of course they planned it.
[9/18/2011 9:54:13 PM] Kirin: Everyone's going to have BBs sometime soon, and they're all gonna train them together, and in twenty years, those kids are gonna DOMINATE the ice as the new Hawks. Even the girls, because I can totally see Duncan's daughters fighting their way into the "boys club" that is the NHL.
[9/18/2011 9:55:01 PM] Chica_charlie: Yesss
[9/18/2011 9:56:20 PM] Kirin: And said girls will be some of the hardest hitters in the league, because you know their dads aren't going to put up with rumors that their babies only got in because of who their parents were.
[9/18/2011 9:56:48 PM] Chica_charlie: They'll be so badass.
[9/18/2011 9:56:59 PM] Kirin: (nod)
[9/18/2011 9:58:28 PM] Kirin: And Sharpie will have taught all the little ones how to shoot like him, and they'll do the same celebratory skate after a goal that he did, and the commentors will say things like "and another shout out to Hall of Famer Patrick Sharp, who many of these young players call Uncle."
[9/18/2011 9:58:53 PM] Chica_charlie: AWWWWW
[9/18/2011 9:59:38 PM] Kirin: And Sharpie will be insanely gloating because they'll all have fought to wear the 10 sweater, even Toews' kids and Hossa's and Kaner's.
[9/18/2011 9:59:58 PM] Chica_charlie: HAHAHA.
[9/18/2011 10:00:21 PM] Chica_charlie: I can just imagine team gatherings. With tons of bb!Hawks tottering around and playing with each other.
[9/18/2011 10:00:29 PM] Kirin: Yep.
[9/18/2011 10:01:36 PM] Kirin: And when they all head home at the end of the night, there'll be a mess of phone calls to the others involving things like "did my daughter stay with you?" and "looks like Junior's with me for the night, I'll drop him off in the morning when I go to pick up Alex from Brouwer's."
[9/18/2011 10:02:33 PM] Chica_charlie: Delightful.
[9/18/2011 10:03:09 PM] Kirin: And the kids will all be named after the teammates.
[9/18/2011 10:03:17 PM] Chica_charlie: Omg!
[9/18/2011 10:04:10 PM] Kirin: Sharpie will have a Marian and a Brian, Brent will have a Pat, a Jonny, and a Viktor. Tazer will have a Campbell.
[9/18/2011 10:04:26 PM] Kirin: So it'll all be very confusing.
[9/18/2011 10:05:26 PM] Kirin: "Hey, Tazer, come here! No, not you the- Jonny, you- damn it. HEY, YOU, IN THE HAT WITH THE THING ON THE TOP STANDING IN THAT PLACE LOOKING AT THAT STUFF, COME HERE!"
[9/18/2011 10:06:08 PM] Chica_charlie: *dying*
[9/18/2011 10:06:30 PM] Chica_charlie: Wait, how old are they at this point? Do any of the bbs hate each other or love each other a lot? TELL ME MORE.
[9/18/2011 10:06:32 PM] Chica_charlie: :D
[9/18/2011 10:08:12 PM] Kirin: Oh, they're ranged from around 6 months to three/four years old. And there's at least three of each age, so you know, they all get along for the most part. When there *are* squabbles, one of the dads ends it by saying something like "Deal with it like 'Hawks" and so the kids have a mini UFC match and all's good again.
[9/18/2011 10:09:08 PM] Chica_charlie: Oh god those kids will have so many broken bones lol.
[9/18/2011 10:09:43 PM] Chica_charlie: THe nearest hospital with be like, oh you're one of the baby Hawks, and all the doctors will eventually stop being surprised.
[9/18/2011 10:12:24 PM] Kirin: And Toews will be there one day with a little girl that has a really high fever and the nurse will be "Wait. This isn't your daughter." and he'll look at the little girl and go "Oh. Right, you're...are you Brent's girl or Stally's?" and she'll be like "Hossa!" and he'll *facepalm* and assure the nurse that he's allowed to authorize medical exams, see, it says so on this little card here, wait, let him find the right- "Are you X or Y?"
[9/18/2011 10:12:41 PM] Chica_charlie: *giggling forever*
[9/18/2011 10:13:16 PM] Chica_charlie: Okay now I want to know the details of this ridiculous family tree.
[9/18/2011 10:13:26 PM] Kirin: God, don't get me started.
[9/18/2011 10:13:32 PM] Chica_charlie: *pouts*
[9/18/2011 10:13:32 PM] Kirin: Please.
[9/18/2011 10:14:07 PM] Chica_charlie: Okay. I won't.
[9/18/2011 10:14:11 PM] Chica_charlie: I will just imagine.
[9/18/2011 10:15:39 PM] Kirin: The better question is this: who's their mother? Because while Brouwer and Hossa and them have their wives, there's still Toews/Kane, Keith/Seabrook, Sharp/Bur/Sharp (I guess Abby is mom to both of their kids) and Crow/Campoli, etc.
[9/18/2011 10:15:53 PM] Kirin: SO WHO HAD THE GAY BABIES FOR THE BOYS?
[9/18/2011 10:16:34 PM] Chica_charlie: Hmmmm. Friends? Random people?
[9/18/2011 10:16:51 PM] Kirin: I don't think they'd ask a random person to be their babymomma.
[9/18/2011 10:17:09 PM] Kirin: ...maybe they held a contest.
[9/18/2011 10:17:15 PM] Chica_charlie: LOL WHAT
[9/18/2011 10:17:46 PM] Kirin: Like "WIN A CHANCE TO BIRTH A FUTURE BLACKHAWK! Full medical/criminal history required at submission."
[9/18/2011 10:18:10 PM] Chica_charlie: Oh god lol.
[9/18/2011 10:18:51 PM] Kirin: And "Actual sex not included (though could be discussed- DAMN IT, KANER, DON'T PUT THAT!)"
[9/18/2011 10:19:33 PM] Chica_charlie: And that's when pat starts giggling and jon tackles him to the bed and they make out
[9/18/2011 10:19:47 PM] Kirin: Yep.
So I was talking to chica_charlie last night, and this is what happened.
Seriously. My brain, it is in a weird place.
[9/18/2011 5:03:28 PM] Chica_charlie: I want to see fic of Jonny being the pursuer, for once. Trying to get Kaner to actually date him, properly, and Kaner being confused and dodging him, and everyone laughing their asses off because Kaner and Tazer are the dumbest of idiots.
[9/18/2011 5:04:03 PM] Kirin: Hmmm.
[9/18/2011 5:04:29 PM] Chica_charlie: Maybe Kaner thinks Jonny's not being serious, and is just jerking him around or making fun of him and that is not cool.
[9/18/2011 5:06:02 PM] Kirin: So like, Jon calls Pat up and asks him over to dinner, and Pat says yes but brings someone else with him (either from the team or just one of his buddies?) because he thinks, you know, pizza and beer and video games. But Jon was planning on them going *out* so he's half dressed up and Kaner's like "whoa, did you just do an interview or something?" and he has to lie to him and they order pizza and hang out and Kaner gets upset with him before they leave because Jon was being a dickhead to his friend?
[9/18/2011 5:06:14 PM] Chica_charlie: YES.
[9/18/2011 5:06:48 PM] Chica_charlie: Then Jon has to realize, he needs to be a little bit more obvious, but he is not good at that. So we have failing-at-being-obvious!Jon and clueless-oblivious!Pat = ABSOLUTE HILARIOUS MESS.
[9/18/2011 5:07:02 PM] Kirin: Right.
[9/18/2011 5:07:42 PM] Kirin: So Jon tries to be a little more obvious by inviting Pat to see a movie, in an actual theater. Because who doesn't know that means "I want to date you"?
[9/18/2011 5:07:58 PM] Chica_charlie: (Pat doesn't? LOL)
[9/18/2011 5:08:24 PM] Kirin: Except Pat keeps flirting with these girls in front of them the whole time, and the bastard even steals the popcorn Jon bought and lets the girls eat most of it.
[9/18/2011 5:08:50 PM] Chica_charlie: *snickers* He totally would.
[9/18/2011 5:08:56 PM] Chica_charlie: But what kind of movie are they watching?
[9/18/2011 5:08:57 PM] Chica_charlie: That could be important.
[9/18/2011 5:09:02 PM] Kirin: Of course he would, he's Patrick Kane.
[9/18/2011 5:09:20 PM] Kirin: It's the new action/comedy movie that Pat's been so excited about for MONTHS.
[9/18/2011 5:09:40 PM] Kirin: Jon doesn't really like those kind of movies, but Pat wants to see it, so...
[9/18/2011 5:09:53 PM] Chica_charlie: Poor Jonny.
[9/18/2011 5:09:58 PM] Kirin: Yeah.
[9/18/2011 5:10:03 PM] Kirin: Guy just can't get a break.
[9/18/2011 5:10:14 PM] Chica_charlie: What does he try next?
[9/18/2011 5:11:01 PM] Kirin: I don't know. Maybe they've got this team outing/press opportunity thing, and he wears a Kane jersey/t-shirt? Becuase come on. WHO DOES THAT IF THEY DON'T WANT IN YOUR PANTS?
[9/18/2011 5:11:37 PM] Kirin: And Pat thinks it's funny, and talks the rest of the guys into trading jerseys/shirts.
[9/18/2011 5:11:38 PM] Chica_charlie: BRIERE AND GIROUX CAN VOUCH FOR THIS IDEA.
[9/18/2011 5:11:51 PM] Chica_charlie: LOL FAAAAAAACEPALM. OH KANER YOU DUMBASS.
[9/18/2011 5:11:54 PM] Kirin: So they all end up wearing each others' shirts.
[9/18/2011 5:12:00 PM] Chica_charlie: That's.... ridiculously cute.
[9/18/2011 5:12:13 PM] Chica_charlie: Why can't this happen in real life.
[9/18/2011 5:12:35 PM] Kirin: But, since the guys are NOT stupid, they arrange it so that Kaner ends up with Jon's shirt. Because they're nice and trying to help slap Kaner upside the head with the clue-by-four.
[9/18/2011 5:12:38 PM] Kirin: (nod)
[9/18/2011 5:13:21 PM] Kirin: Which, of course, leads us to the FANGIRLS on the internet.
[9/18/2011 5:13:22 PM] Chica_charlie: They can see what he's trying to do?
[9/18/2011 5:13:35 PM] Chica_charlie: Hah, clue by four. That's hilarious.
[9/18/2011 5:14:03 PM] Chica_charlie: All the new guys are kind of confused, because they don't know the history of Jon and Pat's epic bromance?
[9/18/2011 5:14:08 PM] Kirin: Well, in general, they know that Jon wants to date Pat. In that instance? Maybe Duncs realizes that Jon's really upset when Kaner starts making them trade shirts.
[9/18/2011 5:15:01 PM] Chica_charlie: Awww. Duncs is sympathetic, where Seabs and Sharpie probably just cannot stop laughing at how faily everyone is.
[9/18/2011 5:15:09 PM] Kirin: (nod)
[9/18/2011 5:26:13 PM] Kirin: So Jon's depressed and bored and Kaner's been turing everything around on him so he's not inviting him to do things. So he gets online, but he can't think of anything to do, so he googles Pat.
[9/18/2011 5:27:01 PM] Chica_charlie: Haha oh Jon.
[9/18/2011 5:27:33 PM] Kirin: And there's this website, some online journaling thing, where this girl named Charlie something has posted one of the pictures from their outing last week, one of him and Pat laughing together and wearing each other's jersey. She uses that picture as evidence of their ~love for each other.
[9/18/2011 5:28:18 PM] Chica_charlie: charlie!
[9/18/2011 5:28:19 PM] Kirin: She goes on and on about all the evidence that backs up her claims, and surprisingly enough she's pretty spot on, at least on Jon's end.
[9/18/2011 5:28:39 PM] Chica_charlie: LOL
[9/18/2011 5:28:50 PM] Chica_charlie: BEST FANGIRL EVER
[9/18/2011 5:30:27 PM] Kirin: He isn't exactly sure it's a good idea, but he's mopey and depressed and she *gets* it, so he creates a fake account (he's officially onegoal88, because there's no way he's going to pretend to be a Toews fan; that'd just be weird) and starts talking to her.
[9/18/2011 5:30:57 PM] Chica_charlie: I LIKE THIS STORY A LOT.
[9/18/2011 5:31:00 PM] Chica_charlie: *chinhands*
[9/18/2011 5:32:56 PM] Kirin: They end up spamming her comments page talking about how it's obvious "Tazer is head over heels for Kaner", and Jon presents his idea that Kane just doesn't have a clue.
[9/18/2011 5:33:36 PM] Kirin: He thinks Jon's just his best friend, they're buddies, pals, and no matter how much Jon tries, nothing seems to get through to the idiot.
[9/18/2011 5:33:37 PM] Chica_charlie: Oh isn't he sneaky.
[9/18/2011 5:35:02 PM] Kirin: Charlie, having no idea who she's actually talking to, thinks onegoal88 (who he randomly named...IDK, who should he pretend to be?) is writing something called fanfic and apparently seems to love it.
[9/18/2011 5:35:33 PM] Chica_charlie: IDK
[9/18/2011 5:35:34 PM] Chica_charlie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[9/18/2011 5:37:26 PM] Kirin: He tells her about all the misunderstandings of late, even though he knows it's a bad idea (but he'd looked up that fanfic thing, and while it creeps him out a bit that people are writing about him and his friends having sex, it gives him the courage to keep writing since nobody will believe him anyway).
[9/18/2011 5:38:45 PM] Chica_charlie: Lol oh JON.
[9/18/2011 5:38:46 PM] Chica_charlie: <3
[9/18/2011 5:40:32 PM] Kirin: This goes on for a while, and Jon really likes this Charlie girl, and the other people that end up commenting on his "fic". He adds to it with each encounter that goes wrong between him and Pat (with enough left out to not get caught, of course), and starts thinking about solidifying it into an entry on his still empty journal, as they'd been encouraging him to do.
[9/18/2011 5:41:02 PM] Chica_charlie: I looooooooooooooooooooooooooove it. :D
[9/18/2011 5:43:12 PM] Kirin: Which he eventually does. He copy/pastes all his comments, and pulls up his rusty paper writing skills to make it at least grammatically correct instead of the horrible, misjointed thing it started as. He fleshes it out a bit, adding things between the not-dates-with-Pat, funny moments with the guys and random filler of him prepping before heading to practice or lying awake at night worrying about when/if Pat would ever wise up.
[9/18/2011 5:44:29 PM] Kirin: Once he has enough to justify posting the first "chapter" he freaks out for a while before doing it, and then leaves the computer before he loses his nerve and deletes the whole thing.
[9/18/2011 5:45:53 PM] Kirin: He gets distracted by Seabs and Duncan and Pat coming over for a Mario Kart tournament, and it's good. They hang out and drink and eat really greasy pizza that he'll regret tomorrow at practice, and it's like it was before he realized he wanted more out of Pat.
[9/18/2011 5:47:21 PM] Kirin: And he's so wrapped up in trying to beat Duncan that he doesn't give it much thought when Kaner's phone rings and he shouts that he's stealing Jon's office so he can hear, and so his mom doesn't have to listen to them being immature tools (though he's just jealous that he lost the wrestling match that would have qualified him for the finals).
[9/18/2011 5:48:08 PM] Chica_charlie: lol immature tools hahah
[9/18/2011 5:50:02 PM] Kirin: When Duncan and Brent decide to head home, Jon wishes them a good night and starts cleaning up, until he remembers that Pat was there, and he hasn't seen him in almost an hour. He's still in his office when Jon pushes open the door, and he's sitting behind his desk, looking at something on the computer, and Jon's heart stops for a second before tripping into double time.
[9/18/2011 5:51:20 PM] Chica_charlie: OH SHIT
[9/18/2011 5:51:22 PM] Chica_charlie: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
[9/18/2011 5:51:23 PM] Chica_charlie: *FLAILS*
[9/18/2011 5:52:46 PM] Kirin: Pat glances up, and he's frowning, upset.
"Did you write this?" he asks, turning the laptop so Jon can see that, yes, he is reading the not-quite-fictional story.
"I- look, Pat, I can explain," Jon starts, reaching for the computer, though it's too late to hide it now.
But Pat won't let him, pushes out of the rolling chair Jon's had since college and shoving at Jon's chest, forcing him to back up.
"What the fuck, man!"
[9/18/2011 5:52:58 PM] Chica_charlie: OHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo D:
[9/18/2011 5:55:49 PM] Kirin: Jon's shoulder bumps a bookshelf, and Pat settles a dark look on him, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why'd you go and do something that dumb? Seriously, if you were that broken up about it, why didn't you just tell me straight up?"
"Because you didn't seem to get it!" Jon finds himself shouting, a furious blush rising in his cheeks. "Everything was always a joke or a chance to hang out with the guys."
[9/18/2011 5:56:25 PM] Chica_charlie: OH BOYS. <3
[9/18/2011 5:57:17 PM] Kirin: "Yeah, because you didn't ask to do anything we don't already do!" Pat points out. "You asked me to come over the same way you always have. You asked me to go see a movie with you, the same way you always have. You asked me if I wanted to do dinner, the same. way. you always. have. Christ, Jon, how was I supposed to know?"
[9/18/2011 5:57:33 PM] Kirin: "How was I supposed to ask, then? Huh?"
[9/18/2011 5:58:55 PM] Kirin: "Well, you could have tried something along the lines of 'Hey, Pat, I have reservations for "insert swanky, nice date restaraunt here", would you like to go out with me?' Or I don't know, maybe you could have said 'I want to date you, how do you feel about that?'"
[9/18/2011 5:59:18 PM] Chica_charlie: boyyys omg :(
[9/18/2011 5:59:30 PM] Kirin: "I uh. Oh."
[9/18/2011 6:00:47 PM] Chica_charlie: OH JON
[9/18/2011 6:02:13 PM] Kirin: "Yeah, 'oh', you giant dork. Come on," Pat sighs, brushing past Jon.
"Um, what? Where are we going?" Jon asks as he follows him towards the door, grabbing his keys along the way.
"We're going out to dinner. You're going to pay, and if you're really nice, I might let you kiss me before I go home. And then, you're going to think of something we can do on our second date, because I expect to be wooed before I even think about putting out."
[9/18/2011 6:02:40 PM] Chica_charlie: OH GOD HOW IS HE SO COOL (h)
[9/18/2011 6:05:00 PM] Kirin: They don't go anywhere fancy for dinner, just a diner a few blocks down, but Pat does let Jon push him against his door before he gets into the car to go home, lets him brush their lips together in a soft first kiss that would have made his first girlfriend's father proud. After he gets home, Jon stands in his living room for twenty minutes with a stupid grin on his face before heading to his office.
[9/18/2011 6:05:17 PM] Chica_charlie: *happy flailysigh*
[9/18/2011 6:07:59 PM] Kirin: He finds the last message Charlie had sent him, about an idea for the story where fake!Jon could accidentally leave some fanfic about him and fake!Pat on the computer, which "of course Pat would find, because he's nosy like that," leading to Jon being able to admit that it's kind of what he wants from the other man. He tells her it worked (in regards to a good plot point, because really. She wouldn't believe him if he told her who he was and what was really going on) and types out a quick email to his agent.
[9/18/2011 6:08:42 PM] Kirin: The next day, he knows, Charlie will get an email saying she's won free tickets to a Jets/Hawks game, and they'll be available at the Will Call.
[9/18/2011 6:09:01 PM] Kirin: He likes to think he can hear her "fangirling" all the way from Winnipeg.
[9/18/2011 6:09:09 PM] Chica_charlie: :D :D
[9/18/2011 6:09:21 PM] Chica_charlie: THIS WINS EVERYTHING. YOU WIN ALL THE EVERYTHING.
In the middle of all that crazyness, she dropped THIS bomb on me:
[9/18/2011 5:15:19 PM] Chica_charlie: DID YOU HEAR THE RUMOR ABOUT BB SHARPIE?
And that devolved into this.
[9/18/2011 5:15:26 PM] Kirin: So Jonny's all depressed and kicked!puppy and-
[9/18/2011 5:15:28 PM] Kirin: WHAT?
[9/18/2011 5:15:38 PM] Chica_charlie: POSSIBLY. THERE MIGHT BE A BB SHARP. I AM EXCITED.
[9/18/2011 5:15:53 PM] Kirin: OH MY GOD, THAT IS GOING TO BE AN ADORABLE FUCKING KID.
[9/18/2011 5:16:11 PM] Chica_charlie: I KNOW RIGHT. THIS KID WILL BE SO FULL OF AWESOME AND SO BEAUTIFUL, I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE.
[9/18/2011 5:16:55 PM] Kirin: AND IT'S GONNA CALL KANER AND TAZER AND DUNCS AND SEABS AND HOSSA AND AND JELLY UNCLE!
[9/18/2011 5:17:23 PM] Chica_charlie: AUGHHHHHH OMG YES. ALSO THERE IS A BB HOSSA COMING TOO. THAT IS NOT A RUMOR.
[9/18/2011 5:17:26 PM] Kirin: AND ONE DAY SOMEONE'S GONNA CATCH IT CALLING BUR "PAPA" AND THEN IT'LL ALL COME OUT IN THE OPEN AND WE WILL SIT BACK AND GO "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!"
[9/18/2011 5:17:39 PM] Chica_charlie: *DEAD. DEAD FOREVER OF THE CUTE*
[9/18/2011 5:17:51 PM] Kirin: BB HOSSA?!
[9/18/2011 5:17:55 PM] Kirin: OH GOD.
[9/18/2011 5:17:59 PM] Kirin: I CAN'T.
[9/18/2011 5:18:01 PM] Chica_charlie: THE HAIR.
[9/18/2011 5:18:06 PM] Chica_charlie: THE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR, KIRIN.
[9/18/2011 5:18:27 PM] Kirin: NO, HOSSA. BEING ALL "HELLO BB, THIS IS HOW YOU SKATE."
[9/18/2011 5:18:28 PM] Chica_charlie: ALSO, ALSO DUNC GOT EVEN HOTTER OVER THE SUMMER, IDK HOW THAT HAPPENED BUT HOLY GOD.
[9/18/2011 5:18:35 PM] Chica_charlie: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD :D :D :D
[9/18/2011 5:18:56 PM] Kirin: AND SEABS AND KANER FIGHTING OVER WHICH BB!JERSEY THE KID WEARS.
[9/18/2011 5:19:08 PM] Chica_charlie: EEEEEEEE
[9/18/2011 5:19:41 PM] Kirin: AND SHARPIE BEING ALL "GIMME THE KID, I GOTTA PRACTICE MY JIGGLY WALK!" AND HOSSA IS "NO! MY BB, GO MAKE YOUR OWN!"
[9/18/2011 5:19:55 PM] Chica_charlie: THEY WILL HAVE BB RACES
[9/18/2011 5:20:00 PM] Kirin: THEY *WILL*.
[9/18/2011 5:20:01 PM] Chica_charlie: "MY KID CAN SKATE FASTER THAN YOURS"
[9/18/2011 5:20:06 PM] Chica_charlie: AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL TAKE BETS
[9/18/2011 5:20:20 PM] Kirin: "MY KID CAN HIT THE CROSSBAR MORE OFTEN THAN YOURS, ON PURPOSE!"
[9/18/2011 5:20:27 PM] Chica_charlie: HAHAHAHAHAH
[9/18/2011 5:20:43 PM] Chica_charlie: I want to work for a hockey team so bad. Just so I can be smack dab in the middle of this.
[9/18/2011 5:20:49 PM] Kirin: Jesus, I know.
[9/18/2011 5:21:03 PM] Kirin: I had a dream I was the 'Hawks photographer.
[9/18/2011 5:21:11 PM] Kirin: It was epic.
[9/18/2011 5:21:12 PM] Chica_charlie: *_______*
[9/18/2011 9:53:00 PM] Chica_charlie: There's also going to be a bb!Scott. JEEZ GUYS DID YOU PLAN THIS?
[9/18/2011 9:53:07 PM] Chica_charlie: Maybe they want to make a mini-Hawks team.
[9/18/2011 9:53:17 PM] Kirin: Of course they planned it.
[9/18/2011 9:54:13 PM] Kirin: Everyone's going to have BBs sometime soon, and they're all gonna train them together, and in twenty years, those kids are gonna DOMINATE the ice as the new Hawks. Even the girls, because I can totally see Duncan's daughters fighting their way into the "boys club" that is the NHL.
[9/18/2011 9:55:01 PM] Chica_charlie: Yesss
[9/18/2011 9:56:20 PM] Kirin: And said girls will be some of the hardest hitters in the league, because you know their dads aren't going to put up with rumors that their babies only got in because of who their parents were.
[9/18/2011 9:56:48 PM] Chica_charlie: They'll be so badass.
[9/18/2011 9:56:59 PM] Kirin: (nod)
[9/18/2011 9:58:28 PM] Kirin: And Sharpie will have taught all the little ones how to shoot like him, and they'll do the same celebratory skate after a goal that he did, and the commentors will say things like "and another shout out to Hall of Famer Patrick Sharp, who many of these young players call Uncle."
[9/18/2011 9:58:53 PM] Chica_charlie: AWWWWW
[9/18/2011 9:59:38 PM] Kirin: And Sharpie will be insanely gloating because they'll all have fought to wear the 10 sweater, even Toews' kids and Hossa's and Kaner's.
[9/18/2011 9:59:58 PM] Chica_charlie: HAHAHA.
[9/18/2011 10:00:21 PM] Chica_charlie: I can just imagine team gatherings. With tons of bb!Hawks tottering around and playing with each other.
[9/18/2011 10:00:29 PM] Kirin: Yep.
[9/18/2011 10:01:36 PM] Kirin: And when they all head home at the end of the night, there'll be a mess of phone calls to the others involving things like "did my daughter stay with you?" and "looks like Junior's with me for the night, I'll drop him off in the morning when I go to pick up Alex from Brouwer's."
[9/18/2011 10:02:33 PM] Chica_charlie: Delightful.
[9/18/2011 10:03:09 PM] Kirin: And the kids will all be named after the teammates.
[9/18/2011 10:03:17 PM] Chica_charlie: Omg!
[9/18/2011 10:04:10 PM] Kirin: Sharpie will have a Marian and a Brian, Brent will have a Pat, a Jonny, and a Viktor. Tazer will have a Campbell.
[9/18/2011 10:04:26 PM] Kirin: So it'll all be very confusing.
[9/18/2011 10:05:26 PM] Kirin: "Hey, Tazer, come here! No, not you the- Jonny, you- damn it. HEY, YOU, IN THE HAT WITH THE THING ON THE TOP STANDING IN THAT PLACE LOOKING AT THAT STUFF, COME HERE!"
[9/18/2011 10:06:08 PM] Chica_charlie: *dying*
[9/18/2011 10:06:30 PM] Chica_charlie: Wait, how old are they at this point? Do any of the bbs hate each other or love each other a lot? TELL ME MORE.
[9/18/2011 10:06:32 PM] Chica_charlie: :D
[9/18/2011 10:08:12 PM] Kirin: Oh, they're ranged from around 6 months to three/four years old. And there's at least three of each age, so you know, they all get along for the most part. When there *are* squabbles, one of the dads ends it by saying something like "Deal with it like 'Hawks" and so the kids have a mini UFC match and all's good again.
[9/18/2011 10:09:08 PM] Chica_charlie: Oh god those kids will have so many broken bones lol.
[9/18/2011 10:09:43 PM] Chica_charlie: THe nearest hospital with be like, oh you're one of the baby Hawks, and all the doctors will eventually stop being surprised.
[9/18/2011 10:12:24 PM] Kirin: And Toews will be there one day with a little girl that has a really high fever and the nurse will be "Wait. This isn't your daughter." and he'll look at the little girl and go "Oh. Right, you're...are you Brent's girl or Stally's?" and she'll be like "Hossa!" and he'll *facepalm* and assure the nurse that he's allowed to authorize medical exams, see, it says so on this little card here, wait, let him find the right- "Are you X or Y?"
[9/18/2011 10:12:41 PM] Chica_charlie: *giggling forever*
[9/18/2011 10:13:16 PM] Chica_charlie: Okay now I want to know the details of this ridiculous family tree.
[9/18/2011 10:13:26 PM] Kirin: God, don't get me started.
[9/18/2011 10:13:32 PM] Chica_charlie: *pouts*
[9/18/2011 10:13:32 PM] Kirin: Please.
[9/18/2011 10:14:07 PM] Chica_charlie: Okay. I won't.
[9/18/2011 10:14:11 PM] Chica_charlie: I will just imagine.
[9/18/2011 10:15:39 PM] Kirin: The better question is this: who's their mother? Because while Brouwer and Hossa and them have their wives, there's still Toews/Kane, Keith/Seabrook, Sharp/Bur/Sharp (I guess Abby is mom to both of their kids) and Crow/Campoli, etc.
[9/18/2011 10:15:53 PM] Kirin: SO WHO HAD THE GAY BABIES FOR THE BOYS?
[9/18/2011 10:16:34 PM] Chica_charlie: Hmmmm. Friends? Random people?
[9/18/2011 10:16:51 PM] Kirin: I don't think they'd ask a random person to be their babymomma.
[9/18/2011 10:17:09 PM] Kirin: ...maybe they held a contest.
[9/18/2011 10:17:15 PM] Chica_charlie: LOL WHAT
[9/18/2011 10:17:46 PM] Kirin: Like "WIN A CHANCE TO BIRTH A FUTURE BLACKHAWK! Full medical/criminal history required at submission."
[9/18/2011 10:18:10 PM] Chica_charlie: Oh god lol.
[9/18/2011 10:18:51 PM] Kirin: And "Actual sex not included (though could be discussed- DAMN IT, KANER, DON'T PUT THAT!)"
[9/18/2011 10:19:33 PM] Chica_charlie: And that's when pat starts giggling and jon tackles him to the bed and they make out
[9/18/2011 10:19:47 PM] Kirin: Yep.
So I was talking to chica_charlie last night, and this is what happened.
Seriously. My brain, it is in a weird place.