A Meme Before Bed
chica_charlieposted this and I couldn't resist.
1.
2. Jonathan Toews
Patrick Sharp
3. Duncan Keith
4. Adam Burish
5. Brent Seabrook
6. Patrick Kane
7. Troy Brouwer
8. Andrew Ladd
9. Kris Versteeg
10. Viktor Stalberg
11. Marcus Kruger
12. Niklas Hjalmarsson
Does 10 strike you as a voyeur and/or an exhibitionist?
(Stalberg)
Christ. He’d probably be a voyeur, if I had to pick. But left to his own devices? I think he’s a little more mainstream than that.
Who in all the multi-verse would 11 most likely bottom to?
(Marcus Kruger)
WTF? I…have no idea. Sharp, because everyone would bottom to him.
Would you rather do 3 or 5?
(Keith, Seabrook)
Oh God, why do you do this to me? Duncan. I love Seabs, I do, but. Duncs seems like he’d be a lot wilder.
Which of 4 and 1 would you rather have do you?
(Toews, Burish)
Bur, hands down. Because while Jonny would probably be fun, Bur could pin me to a wall and just go.
12 and 2 are having sex in an airplane. Construct a snippet of dialogue that happens during this encounter.
(Hjalmarsson, Sharp)
“Ow, watch the teeth!” Niklas hisses, swatting Patrick away from his neck. “A hundred dollars is not near enough for permanent scarring.”
“We’re splitting the hundred,” Patrick rolls his eyes, “and Kane said he wouldn’t pay up unless he was 100% sure it actually happened. Now lean back and think of Finland.”
“I’m Swedish, you ass.”
“Whatever, shut up and enjoy your orgasm.”
How much would you pay to see naked pictures of 11? Have you? Where can the rest of us find these pictures?
(Kruger)
Well, if he ever does the naked ESPN photo shoot, I’d pay whatever the magazine cost…
Where are 5 and 9 most likely to have sex? Who on your list is most likely to write a trashy novel about it?
(Seabrook, Versteeg)
Back before the trade, in the training room after a bad game. And, oddly enough, Steeger would probably be the one to write about it!
When 12 masturbates, he or she thinks about...
(Niklas Hjalmarsson)
Some Swedish supermodel? Ooooh, no! Alexander Skarsgard!
What is 11's favorite sex toy?
(Kruger)
He looks like the Naughty Librarian type. You know, the unassuming one everyone thinks is all mild and sweet? So probably a giant vibrator that like, rotates or something.
Come up with a title for a 12/7/1 threeway. Would you read it? Would you write it? What would some of the warnings be?
(Hjalmarsson, Brouwer, Toews)
Oh fuck. Um. Keeping His Word (because they got drunk one night and Kaner started up a game of Truth or Dare, and Jon’s question of “What would it take for you to bone Nik and Troy?” had gotten “Winning the Cup” as an answer. And Jon isn’t one to go back on his word.)
…I would read the hell out of it, and could possibly be talked into writing it after I have Sprog. Because I’d need to be very, very drunk.
Warnings: drunken shenanigans, victory!sex, CRACK.
Who's more likely to be tied up during consensual sex, 2 or 6?
(Sharp, Kane)
Fuck me. I wanna say both. Sharp because he’d really like to just be able to feel, and not have to do anything for once. Kane because damn it, the boy fucking squirms all over the place and won’t hold still otherwise.
If 11 and 3 are carrying on a torrid and forbidden love affair, who's most likely to spill the beans? What would the other person do to retaliate?
(Kruger, Keith)
Neither would spill the beans. If it ever got out, it would probably be because Kaner somehow found out, and then went and ran his mouth about it. And then he’d find out why they really call Duncs “Jigsaw”.
As a birthday present, 7's longtime lover 5 offers to do whatever 7 wants in bed. What's 7's secret birthday wish?
(Brouwer, Seabrook)
Oh, they totally fuck in Toews’ bed, because Brent’s never forgiven Jon and Pat for having sex on his kitchen counter. Or something.
Choose a food item for 4 and 12 to use together.
(Burish, Hjalmarsson)
I wanna say Swedish meatballs, but that’d just be weird. So we’re gonna go with Klappgröt (totally just found that on Wikipedia!) because Bur can lick it off Nik’s stomach, among other things.
8 and 4 are in a fulltime relationship. Who's the top?
(Ladd, Burish)
Oooooh, this is a tough one. I’m gonna say both of them are, and they just fight for who gets to be on top each time.
Which fetish is 9 least likely to indulge?
(Versteeg)
Gags. The boy loves to talk, why would he want to stop during sex?
What would you do if you had 8 naked, willing, and ready in your bed? What would 5 do if he/she had 8 naked, willing and able in his/her bed?
(Ladd, Seabrook)
What wouldn’t I do is a better question. And the answer to that is nothing. Seabs would probably freak the fuck out for a while, and then call Duncan, and after Duncan gave him permission, he would fuck the ever loving life out of that boy.
What wouldn't 10 and 4 tell their friends about their sex life, assuming they had both a mutual sex life and some friends?
(Stalberg, Burish)
Burish has no shame, so he’d tell him every dirty little detail at the most inappropriate moments (on camera, during press conferences, the middle of someone taking a big gulp of something. You get the picture). But he wouldn’t tell them that Viktor always comes when he calls him baby and scrapes his teeth up his neck. Because that? That’s just for him.
10 gets a tattoo to declare his/her eternal love for 9. Where is it? What does it say?
(Stalberg, Versteeg)
It’s the outline of Kris’ bite radius (imprint of his teeth?) on his upper thigh, just below the curve of his ass, because Kris always, always leaves a giant bruise there to mark his territory, and Viktor figures the pain of a tattoo is worth being able to sit without discomfort and awkward questions from his friends.
Imagine that 2 writes an erotic 11/6 fic. What sort of summary might the fic he/she writes have?
(Sharp, Kruger/Kane)
The day Marcus Kruger found a way to shut Patrick Kane’s mouth (in a figurative way).
If 2 walked into the room wearing nothing but a red thong and a feather boa, how would 8 react?
(Sharp, Ladd)
He’d probably ask what bet Sharpie had lost this time.
And the obligatory fill in the blanks erotic fairy tale! Change the numbers with the matching names on your list.
9 and 1 are having a quickie in a broom closet when 8 walks in on them. Naturally enough, 8 joins in, first paging 3, who's in the middle of fucking 5 into the mattress. 3 abandons 5 on the verge of orgasm, excited by the possibility of illicit broom closet sex, and 5, irate, becomes a highly paid prostitute until the well-meaning and generous 4 attempts to rescue him/her. But 5 will have none of it, refuses to be redeemed, and opens a high-class brothel in Los Angeles, where 10 is one of his/her regular clients.
Kris Versteeg and Jonathan Toews are having a quickie in a broom closet when Andrew Ladd walks in on them. Naturally enough, Andrew Ladd joins in (of course, he’s not stupid), first paging Duncan Keith who’s in the middle of fucking Brent Seabrook into the mattress (as he does). Duncan Keith abandons Brent Seabrook on the verge of orgasm (NO HE DOESN’T, HE WOULDN’T LEAVE HIS SEABS HANGING, NOT FOR ANYTHING), excited by the possibility of illicit broom closet sex, and Brent Seabrook, irate, becomes a highly paid prostitute until the well-meaning and generous Adam Burish (BAHAHAHAHAH!) attempts to rescue him. But Brent Seabrook will have none of it, refuses to be redeemed, and opens a high-class brothel in Los Angels where Viktor Stalberg is one of his regular clients.
AND THEN I HAD TO DO IT AGAIN, WITH PEOPLE OTHER THAN HOCKEY PLAYERS.
1. Eliot Spencer
2. Jake Jensen
3. John Sheppard
4. Sherlock Holmes
5. Cougar
6. John Watson
7. Dean Winchester
8. Brad Colbert
9. Nate Fick
10. Franklin Clay
11. Tony Stark
12. Steve Rogers
Does 10 strike you as a voyeur and/or an exhibitionist?
(Clay)
Yes.
Who in all the multi-verse would 11 most likely bottom to?
(Stark)
Steve Rogers, because he’s in love.
Would you rather do 3 or 5?
(Sheppard, Cougar)
Can I say both? …at the same time?
Which of 4 and 1 would you rather have do you?
(Sherlock Holmes, Eliot Spencer)
Again, can I say both? But if it came down to making a choice or not getting either, I’d pick Eliot. I love Holmes, but Eliot. UNF.
12 and 2 are having sex in an airplane. Construct a snippet of dialogue that happens during this encounter.
(Rogers/Jensen) OH MY GOD, WHAT?!
“This is…really weird,” Steve mumbles, but it doesn’t stop him from arching into the hand wrapped around his dick, eyes squeezed shut in a vain attempt to block out the fact that he’s having sex with someone who looks exactly like him.
“Do you think,” Jensen pants, feeling the sweat trail down his spine, “this counts as masturbation?”
How much would you pay to see naked pictures of 11? Have you? Where can the rest of us find these pictures?
(Stark)
UM, HOW MUCH MONEY IS THERE IN THE WORLD?
If I’d found naked pictures of him, I would have shared them, I promise.
UNF.
Where are 5 and 9 most likely to have sex? Who on your list is most likely to write a trashy novel about it?
(Cougar/Fick)
Somewhere in Iraq, the only place they would have crossed paths.
Jensen would write the novel, after making Cougar tell him about it over and over again, in excruciating detail.
When 12 masturbates, he or she thinks about...
(Rogers)
That time Tony took a face full of some sort of aphrodisiac-laced powder (otherwise it would have hit the Hulk, and nobody wanted to think about how that would have ended) and locked himself in his lab until it wore itself out of his system. Steve had stood guard outside, back to the clear glass walls, eyes never straying beyond the odd, abstract painting right in front of him. He hadn’t seen anything, but the sounds.
What is 11's favorite sex toy?
(Stark)
Does Steve Rogers count? If not, then probably the Captain Fucking America dildo he’d bought as a lark and kind of fell in love with. It has wings.
Come up with a title for a 12/7/1 threeway. Would you read it? Would you write it? What would some of the warnings be?
(Rogers/Winchester/Spencer)
Nazis, Demons, and Bastards (Oh My!)
Warnings: Violence (not in the bedroom; or at least not dangerous violence), Language (Dean’s got a dirty mouth, and Eliot’s not much better), and Size Kink (because Steve and Eliot are not small people, and Dean really likes it)
I would read this in a heartbeat! I’m not sure I’d survive writing it, though.
Who's more likely to be tied up during consensual sex, 2 or 6?
(Jensen, Watson)
Jensen, hands down.
If 11 and 3 are carrying on a torrid and forbidden love affair, who's most likely to spill the beans? What would the other person do to retaliate?
(Stark/Sheppard)
Tony would accidentally tell Pepper, or Natasha and Clint would get curious as to why he kept disappearing and follow him. John would make him go to the Pegasus galaxy to help wipe out the Wraith and the Genii and whatever other enemies they had out there, so he could finally go back to Earth and tell those skanks that no, Tony isn’t available, damn it!
As a birthday present, 7's longtime lover 5 offers to do whatever 7 wants in bed. What's 7's secret birthday wish?
(Winchester/Cougar)
Dean wants to wear the hat while he rides Cougar like a fucking horse.
Choose a food item for 4 and 12 to use together.
(Holmes/Rogers)
Apple pie, because everyone says Steve (or Cap) is “sweet as apple pie” or “American as apple pie”, and Holmes likes the idea of him blushing every time it happens.
8 and 4 are in a fulltime relationship. Who's the top?
(Colbert/Holmes)
UNF. Brad totally fucks the crazy out of Holmes.
Which fetish is 9 least likely to indulge?
(Fick)
Gun play? Because that’s just stupid.
What would you do if you had 8 naked, willing, and ready in your bed? What would 5 do if he/she had 8 naked, willing and able in his/her bed?
(Colbert, Cougar)
I’d climb that boy like a tree, and do dirty, dirty things to him, until he blushed. Cougar would probably do the same.
What wouldn't 10 and 4 tell their friends about their sex life, assuming they had both a mutual sex life and some friends?
(Clay/Holmes)
UNF, RDJ AND JDM?!
They wouldn’t mention how often they have sex in places that aren’t the bed, because otherwise nobody would come over to their house any more.
10 gets a tattoo to declare his/her eternal love for 9. Where is it? What does it say?
(Clay/Fick)
Semper Fi, on the inside of his left thigh, where nobody but Nate and Clay would see it. Not because it’s just for them, but because Clay is Army to the bone, and the other Losers would flip their shit if they knew he had USMC moto on him.
Imagine that 2 writes an erotic 11/6 fic. What sort of summary might the fic he/she writes have?
(Jensen, Stark/Watson)
Where Tony Stark is totally okay with being called Holmes, and Watson does not appreciate Jarvis’ ability to record audio/video in any part of the house.
If 2 walked into the room wearing nothing but a red thong and a feather boa, how would 8 react?
(Jensen, Colbert)
Brad would tie Jensen to the bed with the boa, have his wicked way with him, and then leave him for the other Losers to untie and deal with.
And the obligatory fill in the blanks erotic fairy tale! Change the numbers with the matching names on your list.
9 and 1 are having a quickie in a broom closet when 8 walks in on them. Naturally enough, 8 joins in, first paging 3, who's in the middle of fucking 5 into the mattress. 3 abandons 5 on the verge of orgasm, excited by the possibility of illicit broom closet sex, and 5, irate, becomes a highly paid prostitute until the well-meaning and generous 4 attempts to rescue him/her. But 5 will have none of it, refuses to be redeemed, and opens a high-class brothel in Los Angeles, where 10 is one of his/her regular clients.
Nate Fick and Eliot Spencer are having a quickie in a broom closet (UNF) when Brad Colbert walks in on them (uh-oh, watch out Eliot!). Naturally enough, Brad joins in (because he’s not stupid), first paging John Sheppard, who’s in the middle of fucking Cougar into the mattress (UNF, again). John abandons Cougar on the verge of orgasm (stupid move, John), excited by the possibility of illicit broom closet sex (that’s a lot of military boys in one closet; I think I saw a porn about this once…), and Cougar, irate, becomes a highly paid prostitute until the well-meaning and generous Sherlock Holmes attempts to rescue him (ha!). But Brent will have none of it, refuses to be redeemed, and opens a high-class brothel in Los Angeles, where Franklin Clay is one of his regular clients (oh my God).