Oh wow, I feel for you so much! I would absolutely react the exact same way as you, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
I'm in the same boat but reversed. I am definitely poly and my hubby is not. We've reached an agreement, (I can date ladies since I'm bi, but no men). I know that may not apply to you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish that I had more helpful advice.
He is rather firmly hetero, I'm afraid. Part of the irony is that I'm the one with bi tendencies, I just have no interest in dating outside our marriage.
For a while we had a poly roommate. I commented more than once that it's a pity I'm *not* wired that way, because I would have had a good situation going there.
What's so frustrating is that on a logic level, I get it. It makes sense. It's just my emotional side doesn't listen to my logical side at all.
Let's just be clear: human relationships are complicated when there's just two people to deal with! Adding in anymore just exponentially increases the issues, missed communications and likely divides the feelings.
I think you might have mentioned this poly issue in a previous entry because this doesn't feel like brand new info to me. And maybe I mentioned that I interviewed a poly LJ user when I was doing my talk_show years ago. It was a fascinating study just from the outside looking in, and worthy of exploration
( ... )
I think I mentioned it the last time I did Idol, when this relationship was still very new.
I honestly wish I didn't feel the way I do. I wish I could feel compersion, that I wasn't dealing abandonment issues every time he left, that I could meet one of his others socially without feeling like I've been hit in the gut. It would make things so much easier on us.
I tell people that every new relationship begins with you dealing with the last few people your partner dated. You've been hurt by partners, esp. your ex-husband. When you've been hurt this way, it has long term effects. Hang in there and try and believe what you're seeing more than what you're contemplating. You've been through so much, I wish you could catch a break.
Not all of my issues come from past partners. I was temporarily abandoned by my immediate family when I was 4 (mom was dying of cancer, dad couldn't handle a preschooler so shipped me off to stay with relatives without telling me what was going on), and this has left some pretty deeply entrenched abandonment issues. Now that scared 4-year-old pops up at the worst times, and I still haven't figured out how to comfort her.
Comments 50
Reply
My poly friends tell me "some people just can't do poly and there is nothing wrong with that" which is no help whatsoever.
Reply
I'm in the same boat but reversed. I am definitely poly and my hubby is not. We've reached an agreement, (I can date ladies since I'm bi, but no men).
I know that may not apply to you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish that I had more helpful advice.
Reply
For a while we had a poly roommate. I commented more than once that it's a pity I'm *not* wired that way, because I would have had a good situation going there.
What's so frustrating is that on a logic level, I get it. It makes sense. It's just my emotional side doesn't listen to my logical side at all.
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
I think you might have mentioned this poly issue in a previous entry because this doesn't feel like brand new info to me. And maybe I mentioned that I interviewed a poly LJ user when I was doing my talk_show years ago. It was a fascinating study just from the outside looking in, and worthy of exploration ( ... )
Reply
I honestly wish I didn't feel the way I do. I wish I could feel compersion, that I wasn't dealing abandonment issues every time he left, that I could meet one of his others socially without feeling like I've been hit in the gut. It would make things so much easier on us.
Reply
When you've been hurt this way, it has long term effects. Hang in there and try and believe what you're seeing more than what you're contemplating.
You've been through so much, I wish you could catch a break.
Reply
Reply
I cannot offer any advice, just **hugs**
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment