After All These Years for anja_foley by sarea_okelani
Title: After All These Years
Author: sarea_okelani
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Every couple has secrets.
A/N: Written for anja_foley, who was probably wondering if she would ever get to see her story. anja_foley asked for the incorporation of the Amortentia Love Potion. Thanks to a certain someone for her beta. You're the wind beneath my wings, d00d. Also, yay for D/G ficathons!
After All These Years
~.~
Ginny Weasley had lost her virginity at the ripe young age of seventeen, and while her knowledge of sex was limited, she was sure that no one could possibly say that they had it better than she did.
It was only very reluctantly that she released Draco Malfoy -- the only man she had ever known in a carnal sense -- from the confines of her thighs. She couldn't bear to have him move when she was climaxing, and liked to stay joined with him for at least several moments afterward. He knew this about her, and was patient about it -- after all, it wasn't as though he had any pressing appointments, post-coitus.
Ginny let out a satisfied sigh and rolled to her side, presenting him with her back. She tugged the sheets over her somewhat sticky shoulders, feeling the euphoria of good sex envelope her in its comforting warmth.
"I have an idea."
She snuggled deeper into the covers, already half asleep. Sex tended to do that to her, whereas it had the opposite effect on Draco; it energized him and made him even more annoying than usual. "Mmm," was Ginny's response as she closed her eyes and yawned.
"I think it's a good idea, so we should do it," Draco continued in his typical fashion.
"For the last time, Draco, I don't want to go to the broom show," Ginny mumbled.
"You're missing out on the greatest event of the spring! They're previewing the Tornado Z4; even your brothers and Potter will be there!" he exclaimed. "But -- never mind that." Ginny felt him shift on the bed. "I wasn't talking about the broom show. I think we ought to get married."
Ginny snuffled, drifting further off into that murky place between sleep and wakefulness ... and then his words penetrated. She bolted upright, turning to face him, heedless of the sheet falling to her waist. "What? What did you say?"
It took Draco a moment to respond, as he was staring with open appreciation at her naked chest. Finally, he dragged his gaze up to look her in the eye. "We should get married."
Ginny laughed a bit nervously. "Haha, Draco, very funny." But her heart was pounding ... or was it her head? Perhaps they were both pounding a bit.
"I'm serious," he said, and it was true that she'd never seen him look more intent. "I want you to be my wife." He closed the small distance between them and tugged her down again, wrapping one arm around her waist. Dipping his head, he pulled one of her nipples -- already sensitized from his earlier attentions -- into his mouth. "I want to see these," he declared, his breath making her shiver, "every morning when I wake up, for the rest of my life."
If circumstances had been different, Ginny would have been a puddle of goo by now. Every part of her was shrieking that she should accept, that she should berate him for his less-than-romantic proposal and then tell him she'd marry him. But she couldn't do it. "We talked about this," she said a bit unsteadily. It was just the sex-induced endorphins that were making him say these things. She just had to give it a bit of time, and then he'd get back to normal. "We said that marriage wasn't anything we were interested in..."
"I've changed my mind," he said easily, and without the least hint of apology. "I've been giving this a lot of thought, you know, and there's no reason not to do it, while there's every reason we should." He kissed her softly, and it took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to weaken. "It'll only ever be you, Gin."
Ginny had never felt more like crying. She blinked back the wetness in her eyes, glad for the cover of darkness so that he wouldn't be able to tell. "I'll never love anyone the way I love you," she said truthfully. "But marriage is ... well, it's a really big step, Draco, and I just ... need some time to think about it."
She held her breath. Draco did not take well to being said "no" to, even though it wasn't really a no. He generally liked to hear an unequivocal "yes" when it came to his requests. To her surprise, however, he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead and said quietly, "All right."
Ginny's sleepiness was gone. She felt Draco settle into the bed -- for once not feeling the need to jump up and go jogging, or build a birdhouse, or bake a complicated English trifle, or whatever he did to occupy himself and use up the extra energy. He draped an arm over her stomach, his other arm going under her pillow (his favorite sleeping position), and soon she felt his deep, even breaths against the back of her neck. She tried to do the same, but sleep would not come.
She was wide awake now, and wondering how in the world she was going to be able to tell Draco that she couldn't marry him.
~.~
Ginny fingered her napkin nervously as she watched Hermione dig in to her garden salad. She was hoping to finish lunch before bringing it up, but it was only the first course and her stomach was already tied in knots. There was no way she would be able to choke down an entire meal.
Hermione seemed to sense that something was amiss. "What's the matter, Ginny? You're not eating. And..." She peered closely at her friend. "...you look rather upset."
Ginny took a deep breath and nodded. "I am upset."
Hermione put down her fork in surprise. "Have I done something? I knew it was a bit strange, your owling me for lunch in the middle of the week..."
"No, no," Ginny hastened to assure. "It's not you. It's..." She hesitated. Hermione waited, eyebrows raised. "It's Draco. He's ... I ... we're ... I think I have to break up with him," she blurted.
Hermione looked surprised. "I see." Then to herself, something that sounded like, "Now I owe Ron five Galleons."
"What?" Ginny asked distractedly.
"Nothing. What makes you say that? I thought you two were getting along well. I saw the two of you last week at Neville's party, and thought someone would have to shoehorn you apart."
"We are getting on well," Ginny said miserably. "That's the worst part."
Hermione seemed to try to make sense of this, then gave up. "I can't follow these irrational leaps of logic. What in the world is going on?"
Ginny forced herself to take deep breaths and calm down. She needed to be very clear about the situation, since she was depending on Hermione to help her. She also needed to frame the rather delicate matter in a way that would elicit sympathy from her friend, since she needed Hermione to want to help her. "Remember the time we played truth or dare with Lavender and Hannah?"
Hermione looked at her blankly, before a spark of recognition lit her eyes. "Yes…" she said slowly. "But that was back at Hogwarts. What could that possibly have to do with--"
"I'll get to that," Ginny said a bit desperately. "Well … remember how I was dared to give Draco Amortentia? And I did, and it was funny?"
"Of course," Hermione said. "Everyone enjoyed that. Made a right fool of himself. Of course, that was before you actually started seeing him for real. I've always wondered if that was the catalyst for--"
"You see, the thing is," Ginny plunged ahead before she could lose her nerve, "I sort of … didn't stop."
The blank look was back. "Didn't stop what? Seeing Draco? Obviously not, since you live together now…"
"Giving him the potion!" Ginny burst out.
Hermione's mouth open and closed like a fish. "What are you saying? You mean … no. No one would-" She stopped at the look on Ginny's face. "Dear Godric. But Ginny, why?"
"I don't know!" Ginny cried. "It just sort of - happened. It was funny at the beginning, you know, just as you said. So just … once in awhile, I'd … slip it into his drink or something. And I started to like him a lot when we were together … I liked the way he treated me … the things he said …" She trailed off.
Hermione looked at Ginny with a mix of incredulity and pity. "I just - I never imagined - how were you even able to have access to any of his food or drink?"
Ginny shrugged. "Actually, it was fairly easy after that first time. When we were together I had more opportunity to - slip it to him. Oh Godric, that sounds so terrible. I'm going to the special hell, aren't I?" she wailed.
"Well, yes," Hermione said. "But at least you're starting to feel remorse now. At least, I assume you are feeling remorse…?"
Ginny nodded in misery. "He wants to get married."
Hermione seemed to forget the situation for a moment. "What? How wonderful! Your mum will be so pleased. Congratu-I mean … oh dear."
Ginny looked crestfallen. "I can't do it, Hermione. I never meant for it to go as far - or as long - as it did. I can't marry Draco this way. I couldn't live with myself."
"Well, I'm glad there are some lines you've drawn, Ginny," said Hermione a bit tartly, "since drugging someone for six years was not one of them."
"I'm a horrible person!" Ginny wailed. "You have to help me fix this. I've determined to stop giving him the potion, but he's taken it this long … I don't know if that's all I need to do…"
Hermione looked at her dubiously. "You know he's going to realize what you've done the second it wears off, don't you? And that it might get very ugly? That he could possibly have you fined, or worse--"
"I know," Ginny said in a small voice. "But I don't really have any other choice, do I? I can't give it to him forever. I wouldn't want to, and I know it wasn't right of me to have done it for so long. It just seemed ... harmless ... he was such a better person when he wasn't hating all of us. Well, me ..." Even to her own ears it sounded weak. "I can't believe it's been six years," she finished lamely.
"All right, well, from what I know of love potions, they do have limited potency. You have to keep administering it in order for it to remain in effect, as you know. I can only recall one documented case of prolonged exposure to Amortentia -- but it isn't as though I've researched the matter extensively; I'm sure there are more. In any case, in that particular situation the vict--er, dosee," Hermione amended, trying to be tactful, "had been taking Amortentia for over fifteen years. When the potion was no longer given to him, it took two weeks, more or less, for the effects to wear off. If we use that as a basis for comparison, it should take less than a week for Draco to fully recover."
"Plenty of time to adopt a new identity and move to Siberia," Ginny joked weakly. But she had never felt less like laughing; Draco was going to hate her. Even more than he had before.
"I've just remembered another case," Hermione said suddenly. "Ginny," she began, a bit delicately, "do you know the story of Tom Riddle's mother?"
Ginny was so startled by that name being brought up at a time like this that it took her a moment to respond. "Very vaguely," she replied. After the Dark Lord's defeat, Ginny was one of the few people who had stayed away from all the news coverage that resulted. She simply had not wanted it to infect her life for one more second. "Why?"
"Well," Hermione hesitated, as if uncertain whether or not to go on. Then she seemed to make up her mind that it was something Ginny needed to hear. "You know that the Dark Lord was a half blood," she said quietly, so that they would not be overheard. Two women discussing Voldemort over lunch was not exactly the norm. At Ginny's nod, she continued, "Well, this is an extremely condensed version of events, but the story goes that his mother, a witch named Merope Gaunt, fell in love with a Muggle -- Tom Riddle's father. She won his affections by using a love potion, and they married. After she got pregnant, she stopped giving him the potion, and it wore off -- it's never been clear to me how long it took." Hermione seemed to muse on this a bit, "I could go to the library and research this, but it will be a challenge separating the truth from the sensationalistic journalism that followed after his defeat..."
"What happened?" Ginny demanded, impatient with her friend's tangent. "To Merope?"
"She sort of ... was abandoned and died alone. But that won't happen you!" Hermione added hastily. "I wasn't making that comparison. I was just trying to determine how much time it might take for the potion to wear off..."
"That is exactly what is going to happen to me," Ginny said, feeling a lump form in her throat. "It's going to get out somehow, and no one will want to be with me, because I'll always be the girl who couldn't get a man to love her unless he was drugged. Why was I so stupid?"
"It was because you loved him," Hermione said, looking so understanding and sympathetic that Ginny almost started bawling right there.
"I still do love him," Ginny said hollowly. "That's why I have to ... free him."
"Well you know," said Hermione hopefully. "If you lo--"
"Don't even say it," Ginny interrupted, and stabbed at her wilting lettuce.
~.~
After her conversation with Hermione, Ginny resolved to put her detoxification plan into action immediately. She wasn't the sort of woman who had to keep her lover with a love potion. Well, she amended, not anymore at least.
It had always been rather easy to give Draco the potion. His privileged background worked to his disadvantage for once -- he was used to being waited on, and so he never questioned Ginny bringing him tea every morning. It was an indulgence she perpetuated due to the ease with which she was able to slip Amortentia into the dark brew.
This morning was like any other. Ginny, always an early riser, went to the kitchen to prepare their morning repast. A very simple one this morning -- a couple of slices of toast, and of course, tea. Once the kettle announced that the water was boiling, Ginny prepared the tea, adding cream and sugar in the amounts Draco preferred - a healthy dollop of cream with a scant teaspoon of sugar. It had always surprised Ginny that Draco, who, as anyone remotely close to him knew, had quite a sweet tooth, would prefer his tea on the bitter side. It was just one of the little things she knew about him that she really had no right to know. It was knowledge that belonged to someone else, someone he would have chosen of his own accord, some big-breasted, dark-haired floozy like Pansy Parkinson, whom he'd dated at Hogwarts before … well, before Ginny had started drugging him.
Ginny realized she was gripping the delicate teaspoon with excessive force when it bent slightly in her hand. She straightened it again as best as she could, and made short work of preparing her own tea. When the tray was ready Ginny hesitated. This was normally when she would add the Amortentia to Draco's tea, and she was riveted to the spot, unable to bring herself to move, to take the Amortentia-less tea up to him.
She set the tray down, took the Amortentia from the cupboard and quickly, so she wasn't even thinking about what she was doing, added a dose of the potion to Draco's tea. Ginny ignored her clamoring conscience as she made her way up the stairs, but halfway up, it become too loud for her to ignore any longer. Her hands were trembling, causing the teacups to rattle in their saucers. She made her way back to the kitchen, where she poured out both cups and made them again, this time leaving the Amortentia in the cupboard.
She felt a bit light headed as she made her way up the stairs a second time, and she couldn't tell if it was from fear or relief. Likely a bit of both.
This is the right thing to do, she told herself. Right for him, certainly, and right for her as well. She couldn't go through her entire life with someone she'd had to coerce into loving her. She deserved more. She wanted Draco, and there was a part of her that couldn't help but hope that potion or no, he'd love her, but even she was not deluded enough to believe that to be a realistic outcome. She hoped that he would simply believe that he'd fallen out of love with her, and not that he'd been under the influence of a love potion. However, it seemed unlikely, what with his magical background -- he would probably make an accurate assessment of the situation once he returned to his senses. That would perhaps be the cruelest blow of all, to have him look at her with disgust and hatred, when she had grown used to something quite different.
"Good morning." She forced herself to sound cheerful as she entered their bedroom. It would probably just be her bedroom soon, with just her in her lonely bed by herself. She could hardly bear to think of it. He would want to take all his things with him -- maybe even some things that were theirs. Such as the Kneazle lamp they'd purchased at some street fair two years ago. He'd paid for it, sure, but he had never liked it as much as she did, and he wasn't the one who dusted it every week, and she would be damned if she allowed him to walk out of the flat with her lamp.
"Mmph," Draco grunted, rolling over, exposing much of his upper body. The sight did nothing to comfort Ginny in her agitated state.
"Get up, lazy bones!" This was normally said with affection and amusement; today there was an edge in her voice that Ginny could not help.
Draco cracked one eye open, staring at her with his slate gaze. "Have I ever mentioned how annoying you are?" he asked, voice rough from sleep.
"Drink your tea," was Ginny's reply as she plunked the cup and saucer down on the bedside table. She slid the plate of toast next to it.
Food roused him, as it always did, and he grabbed the toast first. He took a huge bite, then noticed that she was not following suit. He raised one eyebrow, and Ginny said, "I ate downstairs." It was a lie; she couldn't even think about eating when her stomach was twisting itself into knots.
She held her breath as Draco reached for the tea and took a large gulp. He lowered the cup slowly. "This tastes funny," he said.
"It does?" Ginny's heart was pounding. The Amortentia must have added a particular flavor that he'd gotten used to. "Are you sure?"
Draco considered the cup of tea for a moment, then resolutely put it back onto the saucer. "Yes, it's not right."
"I'll make you another one," Ginny said, taking it away. She could feel Draco watching her as she left the room hurriedly. Her imagination was working overtime. He couldn't possibly know that anything was amiss. She knew, and of course she was projecting her own reactions onto him. As far as he was concerned, the tea simply tasted different this morning.
Ginny made another cup, again without adding the potion. Perhaps this time, he wouldn't notice.
The look on Draco's face said different as he lowered the cup again. "What have you done to the tea?" he demanded, giving her a hard look. Ginny was practically sweating; this was ridiculous, it was just a cup of tea! He needn't act as though she'd committed some sort of crime.
"Nothing! I -- oh, I know, you know what's happened, it's funny," she said, laughing a little, hoping it was convincing although she was lying through her teeth. "I got some new tea, actually, when I was shopping with Hermione yesterday. It's supposedly got some very ... er, healthy ... er, properties."
"Really," he drawled. "Like what?"
"Umm ... well, for one thing, it's supposed to wake you up faster and ... make you more cheerful. Don't you feel awake and quite peppy? Yes, you look it," Ginny said, not allowing him a word edgewise. "I'm sure you'll get used to it. I know it's done wonders for me."
"I think you're quite cheerful enough in the mornings," Draco muttered.
"Er ... now, don't be a dippy Darren!" Ginny chirped, hardly knowing what she was saying. She took the cup out of his hands. After all, it wasn't really important that he finish the tea, as the point was that he not take the potion. "You're so resistant to change," she continued, looking at anywhere but him. "This is really for the best, you know. It's better for you, and better for me, and we can move on, and have ... many lovely teas ... in the future." Finally she dared to glance at him.
Draco was staring at her, looking rather astonished.
"I'll just ... go now." Ginny fled the room.
~.~
It had been three days, but Ginny hadn't noticed much change in Draco's behavior yet (he had continued to frown at the tea she'd brought, giving her looks that were oddly accusatory, as if she were trying to poison him; the irony nearly did Ginny in). He'd brought up the marriage question again, but she put him off by saying that a serious decision like that needed at least a week's contemplation. He'd been surprisingly cooperative about it, which was a relief. Ginny figured that a week was all that would be needed for the love potion to wear off, and by then he wouldn't want to marry her. That would save her the heartache of becoming un-engaged.
In almost every other aspect, however, he had gotten even more demanding -- especially about sex, which he seemed to want constantly.
Now was no exception, though it really wasn't appropriate given the fact that they were visiting her parents. The whole family was there, and Ginny hadn't really wanted to go. It was only due to her mother's extreme talent at making Ginny feel guilty that they'd even shown up. Draco and Ginny were currently locked in what used to be Ron's room (Ginny's old room had been turned into a sewing room three years ago), hoping that no one would notice their absence for at least fifteen minutes. Possibly ten.
"Draco, we can't," Ginny said, half-heartedly trying to push him away. She was unbelievably turned on, Draco's amorous mood making him single-mindedly intent on providing and receiving pleasure, but she hadn't taken complete leave of her senses. "I haven't taken anything, and you haven't charmed yourself..."
"I'll pull out," he promised, and even though something made Ginny instinctively wary of such a claim, something even more powerful inside her urged her forward.
"All right," she agreed. She allowed him to tug her knickers off, then lay on the bed and parted her knees. The sound Draco made as he fell between her legs, hooking the backs of her knees over his arms, was a growl that Ginny felt right down to her toes. He paused then, staring down at her as she ached for him. Given the situation, she had tried to avoid being intimate with him, but there was just no denying him when he got like this -- not to mention he would have been extremely suspicious of her reticence. Most significantly, however, Ginny simply could not deny herself these last moments with him, the last times she would ever be able to make love with him, feel him on her and in her. Now exposed and vulnerable, she whispered, "Please..."
"Not yet," Draco rasped a bit unsteadily. He reached between them to grab his erection with his right hand, rubbing himself against her and coating himself liberally with her wetness. He ran the tip of himself all through her folds and probed at her entrance, but never made any serious attempt to enter her. She was so aroused now that it was painful, and she was sobbing out her need and desire, unsure what he wanted from her. "I'll make you a deal," he rasped. "I'll give you what you want..."
"Yes! I accept!" Ginny said, lifting her hips, trying without success to get him to penetrate her.
"... if you marry me."
Ginny groaned and nearly sobbed. Why was he still so hung up on this? According to Hermione, it should have taken less than a week for the potion to wear off. Surely there'd be signs of that by now? "You said you'd give me a week!"
"I lied." He gave a shallow thrust, just giving her a small taste of what she could have if only she'd cooperate. "It wouldn't be so terrible, would it? You could spend the rest of your life doing this with me, couldn't you?"
God, he was the very devil, put on earth just to torture her. Or perhaps, in this case, to punish her for her transgressions.
"Yes, I could," she finally said, and the gray of his eyes fairly gleamed.
"Good, then it's settled." He sank into her and kissed her, and she moaned into his mouth as he began moving his hips in that way he had that brought her to orgasm almost immediately.
It happened so quickly that she was just coming down from the high when she realized he was going to come soon. She opened her mouth to remind him of his promise, but something stopped her from actually speaking the words. Would it be so terrible if she got pregnant? If she couldn't have Draco, she could have some small part of him ... he wouldn't ever have to know ... she wasn't trying to shackle him to her ... in fact, she was trying to let him go ... What was the harm?
Well, yes, you stupid woman, because then you'll follow Merope Gaunt's exact footsteps, won't you? And if history is anything to go by, your child could be the next Dark Lord. Merlin, she hated her brain sometimes. In any case it was a moot point, as with a groan, Draco pulled out and spent himself all over her thighs.
She held his shuddering body tightly, and hoped that when the potion wore off, he'd at least remember that there had been good times.
~.~
Hermione found Ginny at the back of the bar, nursing a shot of firewhisky. Her friend's appearance left a lot to be desired.
"You don't look so good, Ginny," she said, taking a seat next to her in the booth. "A glass of white wine, please," she told the passing server. "Whatever you recommend."
"I can't do it anymore, Hermione, I can't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop," said Ginny, staring at nothing. "It's been eight days. It should have worn off by now, but he's still going about, normal as you please."
"Hmm. Well, have you considered the possibility that perhaps you've been brewing the potion wrong, and he actually is in love with you?"
"Of course I've thought it," Ginny said without expression. "I've considered every possibility. But I know I brewed that potion correctly. Potions was one of my best subjects. And I won't allow myself to believe something that will only hurt me when it turns out not to be true. I won't delude myself that way. I'm done deluding myself," she finished, looking down at her hand, which boasted a large diamond engagement ring.
"Then you know there's only one option," Hermione said gently.
"I have to tell him."
"You have to tell him."
~.~
You can do this. You can do this. You are a strong woman. You can't live with the uncertainty anymore. It's time you took responsibility for your actions. So do it.
Ginny knocked on Draco's study door, and entered without his tacit approval, as was her wont. "I have something to tell you, and it might make you a bit annoyed," Ginny said immediately, twisting her hands nervously. "Okay, maybe a lot annoyed."
Draco was lying on the sofa, reading a newspaper. He folded one corner down to look at her. "I know what this is about."
"You do?" she said, feeling relief and terror both at once.
"Did you use my razor to shave your legs again?" he complained.
"No," said Ginny, her stomach sinking.
"You threw away my Playwizard magazines? Damn it, Gin, I keep telling you I read those for the interesting articles..."
"It's not the magazines," Ginny said. Then, under her breath, "Though I would have binned them if I'd known."
"Did you buy another pygmy puff?" Draco asked disbelievingly. "They're already taking over the flat! I can't take a shower without one of those damn things popping out at me from nowhere, giving me a heart attack."
"They just like you!" Ginny defended, stung. Her pygmy puffs were her babies.
"There's too many of them," Draco said grimly. "Some of them have to go."
"None of them are going!" Ginny cried. "You never minded them before. This is only because--" She stopped. It was happening! He had never talked about getting rid of the puffs before, Ginny thought miserably. This was clearly a sign that whatever artificial influence she'd had over him was fading. Well, she wasn't going to lose her puffs on top of losing Draco!
"Because?" Draco prompted with a raised eyebrow.
This was her chance to tell him the truth, to come clean about what she'd been doing. She swallowed past the large lump in her throat. "Because you'll be the one who's going," she said in a small voice.
At first there was no reaction from him. She wasn't even sure he had heard her. And then he moved, so fast it made her gasp. One moment he was lounging on the sofa; the next he had her wrists in hands that were like manacles. His face had darkened to resemble a storm cloud, and Ginny wouldn't have been surprised to feel high-speed winds whipping her hair around or rain soaking her clothes.
"And just what the hell do you mean by that?" His voice was perfectly calm and controlled, but Ginny could see the flashing in his eyes that signaled a simmering anger lurking just below the surface.
"You're going to leave me, because … because I've been giving you Amortentia!" she cried. She bit her lip. What in the world had possessed her to just blurt it out like that? As if having done it weren't enough, she couldn't even break it to him gently.
"Oh," said Draco. He was stock still, though he still held her wrists. Realization was dawning on his face. "Oh."
But she wasn't sure what he was realizing, because surely if the truth had sunk in, things would be flying around the room. Hopefully not her, though.
"Well. That explains quite a lot," Draco mused.
Ginny was still waiting for the explosion. Why did he look so unperturbed? Surely what she'd said had been understood by now. Why wasn't there shouting and recriminations and curtains being set afire from rage?
"Maybe you didn't hear me," she ventured timidly. She hated to press her luck; if he wasn't angry with her, she should probably just leave it alone. But she needed it to be done, really done. "I said, I've been giving you--"
"No, you haven't," Draco interrupted.
"Yes, I have," Ginny said, almost pleadingly. Clearly he was still under the potion's effects; he couldn't believe she would do such a thing.
"You haven't."
Now his certainty was starting to goad her a bit, as Draco tended to do. "Yes, I bloody well have," she said hotly.
"And I say, you bloody well haven't," Draco shot back.
"I would know!" Ginny exclaimed with annoyance. "If I say I've been drugging you with love potion, then I have!"
"You haven't, because I've been doctoring it," he responded calmly.
This pronouncement had the effect of Silencio -- it was utterly quiet in the room as Ginny stared at him with confusion written all over her face and he looked right back, utterly nonplussed.
Finally, Ginny found her voice again. "What?" was the articulate sentiment that made it out of her mouth.
"I said--"
"What do you mean, you've been doctoring it? You mean ... you knew?"
"Ginny, you're such a silly thing. Of course I knew. I'm not an imbecile."
"But--" Ginny was so confused now that she literally did not know what to say, or which question to ask. Was she only hallucinating this? "Why?" is what she finally settled for. "Why didn't you tell me you knew? And why did you let me -- why didn't you stop me?"
"Well, I was flattered," Draco answered, again rendering Ginny silent. "No girl had ever wanted me enough to drug me, before." He grinned. "But of course, I didn't actually want to be drugged. It was the thought that counted, anyway."
"So the potion wasn't real? I never drugged you?" Disbelief was warring with relief and, it had to be admitted, a bit of resentment.
"Oh, you did, that first time. Gave me a dreadful headache. That's when I decided I couldn't abide it happening again."
"But how did you -- I gave you Amortentia! I'm sure I did!"
"You just want to know all my secrets, don't you?" Draco said, wagging a finger at her. "Well, I suppose it's all coming out now. The next time you tried to give it to me, I tossed the contents into a potted plant. Which, incidentally, probably still loves you even now. The time after that ... well, I can't remember ... but suffice it to say that I managed to avoid anything you plied me to eat or drink. And then I found out where you were keeping your batch, so I ... well, 'doctored' isn't really the right word; it just sounded impressive at the time. All I did was throw it out and replace it with a sugar mixture. The difficult part was getting it to resemble the consistency of Amortentia..." he mused.
"Why would you do all that? Just because you were ... flattered?" Ginny was aware of feelings of hurt she wasn't sure she had a right to, but there they were.
"Well, not just because I was flattered," Draco grinned. "I also adored your hot little body and desperately wanted to sleep with you."
Ginny made a sound of outrage and moved to hit him, only this was impossible with her wrists in his hands. "Why didn't you just tell me you knew?" she exclaimed.
"Because then you'd stop," Draco said roughly, letting her wrists go and hauling her close with his hands on her waist instead.
"What sort of mad logic that?"
"You're such a Gryffindor sometimes, Gin. Isn't it obvious? Because as long as you were trying to keep me under Amortentia, I knew you still loved me."
Ginny started to object -- only, as twisted as the logic was, it was actually quite sound. After all, why would she bother giving him a love potion if she didn't care? Still, her sense of rightness was offended. "So it was your way of testing me?" she demanded.
"I prefer to think of it as ... insurance," he said thoughtfully. "I can see from the look on your face that you have a problem with this. Might I remind you that it was you who were drugging me, lest you conveniently forget this pertinent fact? I was just trying to keep track of you. Who knew what mad thing you were going to do to me next?" He grinned again.
Ginny struggled against his embrace, miffed, but Draco held her tight.
"I've been very patient so far in answering your questions, my lovely bride to be," he said calmly. "It's time for you to answer a few, wouldn't you agree?"
"What questions could you possibly have?" she retorted. "It seems you were one step ahead of me the whole time."
"Well, I don't know why you stopped," Draco said, sounding casual, but Ginny had known him long enough not to be fooled. "I knew immediately when the tea was too bitter that you'd apparently had a change of heart. You don't love me anymore, is that it?"
Ginny ducked her head, unable to look him in the eye.
"Not that it matters," Draco continued. "You're going to be my wife; there's no getting out of that now. But I'm curious."
"Of course I love you, that's why I did it," Ginny mumbled. She gasped as the last word had hardly left her mouth before Draco was kissing her breathless, his tongue delving deep, hard and soft at the same time, and his hands were buried in her hair, keeping her head tilted back to meet his kiss.
"It's nice we had this talk, cleared some things up," Draco said several moments later, sprawled on the couch with Ginny on top of him.
They were silent as they each contemplated everything that had been revealed, everything they had kept from one another, everything they'd shared. There was really only one conclusion they could reach when considering all they had gone through, just to be together.
"We're both insane," Ginny said.
"Certifiable," Draco agreed.
= end =
End Notes: The title of this piece is kinda sorta inspired by Paul Simon. Draco and Ginny are both a little crazy in this story, but hey, it works for them. Not sure anyone but Draco could have pulled it off. :D Ginny mentions "the special hell," which was my special nod to any other "Firefly" fans out there. Oh, and of course, the English trifle belongs to Rachel from "Friends."
Author: sarea_okelani
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Every couple has secrets.
A/N: Written for anja_foley, who was probably wondering if she would ever get to see her story. anja_foley asked for the incorporation of the Amortentia Love Potion. Thanks to a certain someone for her beta. You're the wind beneath my wings, d00d. Also, yay for D/G ficathons!
After All These Years
~.~
Ginny Weasley had lost her virginity at the ripe young age of seventeen, and while her knowledge of sex was limited, she was sure that no one could possibly say that they had it better than she did.
It was only very reluctantly that she released Draco Malfoy -- the only man she had ever known in a carnal sense -- from the confines of her thighs. She couldn't bear to have him move when she was climaxing, and liked to stay joined with him for at least several moments afterward. He knew this about her, and was patient about it -- after all, it wasn't as though he had any pressing appointments, post-coitus.
Ginny let out a satisfied sigh and rolled to her side, presenting him with her back. She tugged the sheets over her somewhat sticky shoulders, feeling the euphoria of good sex envelope her in its comforting warmth.
"I have an idea."
She snuggled deeper into the covers, already half asleep. Sex tended to do that to her, whereas it had the opposite effect on Draco; it energized him and made him even more annoying than usual. "Mmm," was Ginny's response as she closed her eyes and yawned.
"I think it's a good idea, so we should do it," Draco continued in his typical fashion.
"For the last time, Draco, I don't want to go to the broom show," Ginny mumbled.
"You're missing out on the greatest event of the spring! They're previewing the Tornado Z4; even your brothers and Potter will be there!" he exclaimed. "But -- never mind that." Ginny felt him shift on the bed. "I wasn't talking about the broom show. I think we ought to get married."
Ginny snuffled, drifting further off into that murky place between sleep and wakefulness ... and then his words penetrated. She bolted upright, turning to face him, heedless of the sheet falling to her waist. "What? What did you say?"
It took Draco a moment to respond, as he was staring with open appreciation at her naked chest. Finally, he dragged his gaze up to look her in the eye. "We should get married."
Ginny laughed a bit nervously. "Haha, Draco, very funny." But her heart was pounding ... or was it her head? Perhaps they were both pounding a bit.
"I'm serious," he said, and it was true that she'd never seen him look more intent. "I want you to be my wife." He closed the small distance between them and tugged her down again, wrapping one arm around her waist. Dipping his head, he pulled one of her nipples -- already sensitized from his earlier attentions -- into his mouth. "I want to see these," he declared, his breath making her shiver, "every morning when I wake up, for the rest of my life."
If circumstances had been different, Ginny would have been a puddle of goo by now. Every part of her was shrieking that she should accept, that she should berate him for his less-than-romantic proposal and then tell him she'd marry him. But she couldn't do it. "We talked about this," she said a bit unsteadily. It was just the sex-induced endorphins that were making him say these things. She just had to give it a bit of time, and then he'd get back to normal. "We said that marriage wasn't anything we were interested in..."
"I've changed my mind," he said easily, and without the least hint of apology. "I've been giving this a lot of thought, you know, and there's no reason not to do it, while there's every reason we should." He kissed her softly, and it took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to weaken. "It'll only ever be you, Gin."
Ginny had never felt more like crying. She blinked back the wetness in her eyes, glad for the cover of darkness so that he wouldn't be able to tell. "I'll never love anyone the way I love you," she said truthfully. "But marriage is ... well, it's a really big step, Draco, and I just ... need some time to think about it."
She held her breath. Draco did not take well to being said "no" to, even though it wasn't really a no. He generally liked to hear an unequivocal "yes" when it came to his requests. To her surprise, however, he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead and said quietly, "All right."
Ginny's sleepiness was gone. She felt Draco settle into the bed -- for once not feeling the need to jump up and go jogging, or build a birdhouse, or bake a complicated English trifle, or whatever he did to occupy himself and use up the extra energy. He draped an arm over her stomach, his other arm going under her pillow (his favorite sleeping position), and soon she felt his deep, even breaths against the back of her neck. She tried to do the same, but sleep would not come.
She was wide awake now, and wondering how in the world she was going to be able to tell Draco that she couldn't marry him.
~.~
Ginny fingered her napkin nervously as she watched Hermione dig in to her garden salad. She was hoping to finish lunch before bringing it up, but it was only the first course and her stomach was already tied in knots. There was no way she would be able to choke down an entire meal.
Hermione seemed to sense that something was amiss. "What's the matter, Ginny? You're not eating. And..." She peered closely at her friend. "...you look rather upset."
Ginny took a deep breath and nodded. "I am upset."
Hermione put down her fork in surprise. "Have I done something? I knew it was a bit strange, your owling me for lunch in the middle of the week..."
"No, no," Ginny hastened to assure. "It's not you. It's..." She hesitated. Hermione waited, eyebrows raised. "It's Draco. He's ... I ... we're ... I think I have to break up with him," she blurted.
Hermione looked surprised. "I see." Then to herself, something that sounded like, "Now I owe Ron five Galleons."
"What?" Ginny asked distractedly.
"Nothing. What makes you say that? I thought you two were getting along well. I saw the two of you last week at Neville's party, and thought someone would have to shoehorn you apart."
"We are getting on well," Ginny said miserably. "That's the worst part."
Hermione seemed to try to make sense of this, then gave up. "I can't follow these irrational leaps of logic. What in the world is going on?"
Ginny forced herself to take deep breaths and calm down. She needed to be very clear about the situation, since she was depending on Hermione to help her. She also needed to frame the rather delicate matter in a way that would elicit sympathy from her friend, since she needed Hermione to want to help her. "Remember the time we played truth or dare with Lavender and Hannah?"
Hermione looked at her blankly, before a spark of recognition lit her eyes. "Yes…" she said slowly. "But that was back at Hogwarts. What could that possibly have to do with--"
"I'll get to that," Ginny said a bit desperately. "Well … remember how I was dared to give Draco Amortentia? And I did, and it was funny?"
"Of course," Hermione said. "Everyone enjoyed that. Made a right fool of himself. Of course, that was before you actually started seeing him for real. I've always wondered if that was the catalyst for--"
"You see, the thing is," Ginny plunged ahead before she could lose her nerve, "I sort of … didn't stop."
The blank look was back. "Didn't stop what? Seeing Draco? Obviously not, since you live together now…"
"Giving him the potion!" Ginny burst out.
Hermione's mouth open and closed like a fish. "What are you saying? You mean … no. No one would-" She stopped at the look on Ginny's face. "Dear Godric. But Ginny, why?"
"I don't know!" Ginny cried. "It just sort of - happened. It was funny at the beginning, you know, just as you said. So just … once in awhile, I'd … slip it into his drink or something. And I started to like him a lot when we were together … I liked the way he treated me … the things he said …" She trailed off.
Hermione looked at Ginny with a mix of incredulity and pity. "I just - I never imagined - how were you even able to have access to any of his food or drink?"
Ginny shrugged. "Actually, it was fairly easy after that first time. When we were together I had more opportunity to - slip it to him. Oh Godric, that sounds so terrible. I'm going to the special hell, aren't I?" she wailed.
"Well, yes," Hermione said. "But at least you're starting to feel remorse now. At least, I assume you are feeling remorse…?"
Ginny nodded in misery. "He wants to get married."
Hermione seemed to forget the situation for a moment. "What? How wonderful! Your mum will be so pleased. Congratu-I mean … oh dear."
Ginny looked crestfallen. "I can't do it, Hermione. I never meant for it to go as far - or as long - as it did. I can't marry Draco this way. I couldn't live with myself."
"Well, I'm glad there are some lines you've drawn, Ginny," said Hermione a bit tartly, "since drugging someone for six years was not one of them."
"I'm a horrible person!" Ginny wailed. "You have to help me fix this. I've determined to stop giving him the potion, but he's taken it this long … I don't know if that's all I need to do…"
Hermione looked at her dubiously. "You know he's going to realize what you've done the second it wears off, don't you? And that it might get very ugly? That he could possibly have you fined, or worse--"
"I know," Ginny said in a small voice. "But I don't really have any other choice, do I? I can't give it to him forever. I wouldn't want to, and I know it wasn't right of me to have done it for so long. It just seemed ... harmless ... he was such a better person when he wasn't hating all of us. Well, me ..." Even to her own ears it sounded weak. "I can't believe it's been six years," she finished lamely.
"All right, well, from what I know of love potions, they do have limited potency. You have to keep administering it in order for it to remain in effect, as you know. I can only recall one documented case of prolonged exposure to Amortentia -- but it isn't as though I've researched the matter extensively; I'm sure there are more. In any case, in that particular situation the vict--er, dosee," Hermione amended, trying to be tactful, "had been taking Amortentia for over fifteen years. When the potion was no longer given to him, it took two weeks, more or less, for the effects to wear off. If we use that as a basis for comparison, it should take less than a week for Draco to fully recover."
"Plenty of time to adopt a new identity and move to Siberia," Ginny joked weakly. But she had never felt less like laughing; Draco was going to hate her. Even more than he had before.
"I've just remembered another case," Hermione said suddenly. "Ginny," she began, a bit delicately, "do you know the story of Tom Riddle's mother?"
Ginny was so startled by that name being brought up at a time like this that it took her a moment to respond. "Very vaguely," she replied. After the Dark Lord's defeat, Ginny was one of the few people who had stayed away from all the news coverage that resulted. She simply had not wanted it to infect her life for one more second. "Why?"
"Well," Hermione hesitated, as if uncertain whether or not to go on. Then she seemed to make up her mind that it was something Ginny needed to hear. "You know that the Dark Lord was a half blood," she said quietly, so that they would not be overheard. Two women discussing Voldemort over lunch was not exactly the norm. At Ginny's nod, she continued, "Well, this is an extremely condensed version of events, but the story goes that his mother, a witch named Merope Gaunt, fell in love with a Muggle -- Tom Riddle's father. She won his affections by using a love potion, and they married. After she got pregnant, she stopped giving him the potion, and it wore off -- it's never been clear to me how long it took." Hermione seemed to muse on this a bit, "I could go to the library and research this, but it will be a challenge separating the truth from the sensationalistic journalism that followed after his defeat..."
"What happened?" Ginny demanded, impatient with her friend's tangent. "To Merope?"
"She sort of ... was abandoned and died alone. But that won't happen you!" Hermione added hastily. "I wasn't making that comparison. I was just trying to determine how much time it might take for the potion to wear off..."
"That is exactly what is going to happen to me," Ginny said, feeling a lump form in her throat. "It's going to get out somehow, and no one will want to be with me, because I'll always be the girl who couldn't get a man to love her unless he was drugged. Why was I so stupid?"
"It was because you loved him," Hermione said, looking so understanding and sympathetic that Ginny almost started bawling right there.
"I still do love him," Ginny said hollowly. "That's why I have to ... free him."
"Well you know," said Hermione hopefully. "If you lo--"
"Don't even say it," Ginny interrupted, and stabbed at her wilting lettuce.
~.~
After her conversation with Hermione, Ginny resolved to put her detoxification plan into action immediately. She wasn't the sort of woman who had to keep her lover with a love potion. Well, she amended, not anymore at least.
It had always been rather easy to give Draco the potion. His privileged background worked to his disadvantage for once -- he was used to being waited on, and so he never questioned Ginny bringing him tea every morning. It was an indulgence she perpetuated due to the ease with which she was able to slip Amortentia into the dark brew.
This morning was like any other. Ginny, always an early riser, went to the kitchen to prepare their morning repast. A very simple one this morning -- a couple of slices of toast, and of course, tea. Once the kettle announced that the water was boiling, Ginny prepared the tea, adding cream and sugar in the amounts Draco preferred - a healthy dollop of cream with a scant teaspoon of sugar. It had always surprised Ginny that Draco, who, as anyone remotely close to him knew, had quite a sweet tooth, would prefer his tea on the bitter side. It was just one of the little things she knew about him that she really had no right to know. It was knowledge that belonged to someone else, someone he would have chosen of his own accord, some big-breasted, dark-haired floozy like Pansy Parkinson, whom he'd dated at Hogwarts before … well, before Ginny had started drugging him.
Ginny realized she was gripping the delicate teaspoon with excessive force when it bent slightly in her hand. She straightened it again as best as she could, and made short work of preparing her own tea. When the tray was ready Ginny hesitated. This was normally when she would add the Amortentia to Draco's tea, and she was riveted to the spot, unable to bring herself to move, to take the Amortentia-less tea up to him.
She set the tray down, took the Amortentia from the cupboard and quickly, so she wasn't even thinking about what she was doing, added a dose of the potion to Draco's tea. Ginny ignored her clamoring conscience as she made her way up the stairs, but halfway up, it become too loud for her to ignore any longer. Her hands were trembling, causing the teacups to rattle in their saucers. She made her way back to the kitchen, where she poured out both cups and made them again, this time leaving the Amortentia in the cupboard.
She felt a bit light headed as she made her way up the stairs a second time, and she couldn't tell if it was from fear or relief. Likely a bit of both.
This is the right thing to do, she told herself. Right for him, certainly, and right for her as well. She couldn't go through her entire life with someone she'd had to coerce into loving her. She deserved more. She wanted Draco, and there was a part of her that couldn't help but hope that potion or no, he'd love her, but even she was not deluded enough to believe that to be a realistic outcome. She hoped that he would simply believe that he'd fallen out of love with her, and not that he'd been under the influence of a love potion. However, it seemed unlikely, what with his magical background -- he would probably make an accurate assessment of the situation once he returned to his senses. That would perhaps be the cruelest blow of all, to have him look at her with disgust and hatred, when she had grown used to something quite different.
"Good morning." She forced herself to sound cheerful as she entered their bedroom. It would probably just be her bedroom soon, with just her in her lonely bed by herself. She could hardly bear to think of it. He would want to take all his things with him -- maybe even some things that were theirs. Such as the Kneazle lamp they'd purchased at some street fair two years ago. He'd paid for it, sure, but he had never liked it as much as she did, and he wasn't the one who dusted it every week, and she would be damned if she allowed him to walk out of the flat with her lamp.
"Mmph," Draco grunted, rolling over, exposing much of his upper body. The sight did nothing to comfort Ginny in her agitated state.
"Get up, lazy bones!" This was normally said with affection and amusement; today there was an edge in her voice that Ginny could not help.
Draco cracked one eye open, staring at her with his slate gaze. "Have I ever mentioned how annoying you are?" he asked, voice rough from sleep.
"Drink your tea," was Ginny's reply as she plunked the cup and saucer down on the bedside table. She slid the plate of toast next to it.
Food roused him, as it always did, and he grabbed the toast first. He took a huge bite, then noticed that she was not following suit. He raised one eyebrow, and Ginny said, "I ate downstairs." It was a lie; she couldn't even think about eating when her stomach was twisting itself into knots.
She held her breath as Draco reached for the tea and took a large gulp. He lowered the cup slowly. "This tastes funny," he said.
"It does?" Ginny's heart was pounding. The Amortentia must have added a particular flavor that he'd gotten used to. "Are you sure?"
Draco considered the cup of tea for a moment, then resolutely put it back onto the saucer. "Yes, it's not right."
"I'll make you another one," Ginny said, taking it away. She could feel Draco watching her as she left the room hurriedly. Her imagination was working overtime. He couldn't possibly know that anything was amiss. She knew, and of course she was projecting her own reactions onto him. As far as he was concerned, the tea simply tasted different this morning.
Ginny made another cup, again without adding the potion. Perhaps this time, he wouldn't notice.
The look on Draco's face said different as he lowered the cup again. "What have you done to the tea?" he demanded, giving her a hard look. Ginny was practically sweating; this was ridiculous, it was just a cup of tea! He needn't act as though she'd committed some sort of crime.
"Nothing! I -- oh, I know, you know what's happened, it's funny," she said, laughing a little, hoping it was convincing although she was lying through her teeth. "I got some new tea, actually, when I was shopping with Hermione yesterday. It's supposedly got some very ... er, healthy ... er, properties."
"Really," he drawled. "Like what?"
"Umm ... well, for one thing, it's supposed to wake you up faster and ... make you more cheerful. Don't you feel awake and quite peppy? Yes, you look it," Ginny said, not allowing him a word edgewise. "I'm sure you'll get used to it. I know it's done wonders for me."
"I think you're quite cheerful enough in the mornings," Draco muttered.
"Er ... now, don't be a dippy Darren!" Ginny chirped, hardly knowing what she was saying. She took the cup out of his hands. After all, it wasn't really important that he finish the tea, as the point was that he not take the potion. "You're so resistant to change," she continued, looking at anywhere but him. "This is really for the best, you know. It's better for you, and better for me, and we can move on, and have ... many lovely teas ... in the future." Finally she dared to glance at him.
Draco was staring at her, looking rather astonished.
"I'll just ... go now." Ginny fled the room.
~.~
It had been three days, but Ginny hadn't noticed much change in Draco's behavior yet (he had continued to frown at the tea she'd brought, giving her looks that were oddly accusatory, as if she were trying to poison him; the irony nearly did Ginny in). He'd brought up the marriage question again, but she put him off by saying that a serious decision like that needed at least a week's contemplation. He'd been surprisingly cooperative about it, which was a relief. Ginny figured that a week was all that would be needed for the love potion to wear off, and by then he wouldn't want to marry her. That would save her the heartache of becoming un-engaged.
In almost every other aspect, however, he had gotten even more demanding -- especially about sex, which he seemed to want constantly.
Now was no exception, though it really wasn't appropriate given the fact that they were visiting her parents. The whole family was there, and Ginny hadn't really wanted to go. It was only due to her mother's extreme talent at making Ginny feel guilty that they'd even shown up. Draco and Ginny were currently locked in what used to be Ron's room (Ginny's old room had been turned into a sewing room three years ago), hoping that no one would notice their absence for at least fifteen minutes. Possibly ten.
"Draco, we can't," Ginny said, half-heartedly trying to push him away. She was unbelievably turned on, Draco's amorous mood making him single-mindedly intent on providing and receiving pleasure, but she hadn't taken complete leave of her senses. "I haven't taken anything, and you haven't charmed yourself..."
"I'll pull out," he promised, and even though something made Ginny instinctively wary of such a claim, something even more powerful inside her urged her forward.
"All right," she agreed. She allowed him to tug her knickers off, then lay on the bed and parted her knees. The sound Draco made as he fell between her legs, hooking the backs of her knees over his arms, was a growl that Ginny felt right down to her toes. He paused then, staring down at her as she ached for him. Given the situation, she had tried to avoid being intimate with him, but there was just no denying him when he got like this -- not to mention he would have been extremely suspicious of her reticence. Most significantly, however, Ginny simply could not deny herself these last moments with him, the last times she would ever be able to make love with him, feel him on her and in her. Now exposed and vulnerable, she whispered, "Please..."
"Not yet," Draco rasped a bit unsteadily. He reached between them to grab his erection with his right hand, rubbing himself against her and coating himself liberally with her wetness. He ran the tip of himself all through her folds and probed at her entrance, but never made any serious attempt to enter her. She was so aroused now that it was painful, and she was sobbing out her need and desire, unsure what he wanted from her. "I'll make you a deal," he rasped. "I'll give you what you want..."
"Yes! I accept!" Ginny said, lifting her hips, trying without success to get him to penetrate her.
"... if you marry me."
Ginny groaned and nearly sobbed. Why was he still so hung up on this? According to Hermione, it should have taken less than a week for the potion to wear off. Surely there'd be signs of that by now? "You said you'd give me a week!"
"I lied." He gave a shallow thrust, just giving her a small taste of what she could have if only she'd cooperate. "It wouldn't be so terrible, would it? You could spend the rest of your life doing this with me, couldn't you?"
God, he was the very devil, put on earth just to torture her. Or perhaps, in this case, to punish her for her transgressions.
"Yes, I could," she finally said, and the gray of his eyes fairly gleamed.
"Good, then it's settled." He sank into her and kissed her, and she moaned into his mouth as he began moving his hips in that way he had that brought her to orgasm almost immediately.
It happened so quickly that she was just coming down from the high when she realized he was going to come soon. She opened her mouth to remind him of his promise, but something stopped her from actually speaking the words. Would it be so terrible if she got pregnant? If she couldn't have Draco, she could have some small part of him ... he wouldn't ever have to know ... she wasn't trying to shackle him to her ... in fact, she was trying to let him go ... What was the harm?
Well, yes, you stupid woman, because then you'll follow Merope Gaunt's exact footsteps, won't you? And if history is anything to go by, your child could be the next Dark Lord. Merlin, she hated her brain sometimes. In any case it was a moot point, as with a groan, Draco pulled out and spent himself all over her thighs.
She held his shuddering body tightly, and hoped that when the potion wore off, he'd at least remember that there had been good times.
~.~
Hermione found Ginny at the back of the bar, nursing a shot of firewhisky. Her friend's appearance left a lot to be desired.
"You don't look so good, Ginny," she said, taking a seat next to her in the booth. "A glass of white wine, please," she told the passing server. "Whatever you recommend."
"I can't do it anymore, Hermione, I can't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop," said Ginny, staring at nothing. "It's been eight days. It should have worn off by now, but he's still going about, normal as you please."
"Hmm. Well, have you considered the possibility that perhaps you've been brewing the potion wrong, and he actually is in love with you?"
"Of course I've thought it," Ginny said without expression. "I've considered every possibility. But I know I brewed that potion correctly. Potions was one of my best subjects. And I won't allow myself to believe something that will only hurt me when it turns out not to be true. I won't delude myself that way. I'm done deluding myself," she finished, looking down at her hand, which boasted a large diamond engagement ring.
"Then you know there's only one option," Hermione said gently.
"I have to tell him."
"You have to tell him."
~.~
You can do this. You can do this. You are a strong woman. You can't live with the uncertainty anymore. It's time you took responsibility for your actions. So do it.
Ginny knocked on Draco's study door, and entered without his tacit approval, as was her wont. "I have something to tell you, and it might make you a bit annoyed," Ginny said immediately, twisting her hands nervously. "Okay, maybe a lot annoyed."
Draco was lying on the sofa, reading a newspaper. He folded one corner down to look at her. "I know what this is about."
"You do?" she said, feeling relief and terror both at once.
"Did you use my razor to shave your legs again?" he complained.
"No," said Ginny, her stomach sinking.
"You threw away my Playwizard magazines? Damn it, Gin, I keep telling you I read those for the interesting articles..."
"It's not the magazines," Ginny said. Then, under her breath, "Though I would have binned them if I'd known."
"Did you buy another pygmy puff?" Draco asked disbelievingly. "They're already taking over the flat! I can't take a shower without one of those damn things popping out at me from nowhere, giving me a heart attack."
"They just like you!" Ginny defended, stung. Her pygmy puffs were her babies.
"There's too many of them," Draco said grimly. "Some of them have to go."
"None of them are going!" Ginny cried. "You never minded them before. This is only because--" She stopped. It was happening! He had never talked about getting rid of the puffs before, Ginny thought miserably. This was clearly a sign that whatever artificial influence she'd had over him was fading. Well, she wasn't going to lose her puffs on top of losing Draco!
"Because?" Draco prompted with a raised eyebrow.
This was her chance to tell him the truth, to come clean about what she'd been doing. She swallowed past the large lump in her throat. "Because you'll be the one who's going," she said in a small voice.
At first there was no reaction from him. She wasn't even sure he had heard her. And then he moved, so fast it made her gasp. One moment he was lounging on the sofa; the next he had her wrists in hands that were like manacles. His face had darkened to resemble a storm cloud, and Ginny wouldn't have been surprised to feel high-speed winds whipping her hair around or rain soaking her clothes.
"And just what the hell do you mean by that?" His voice was perfectly calm and controlled, but Ginny could see the flashing in his eyes that signaled a simmering anger lurking just below the surface.
"You're going to leave me, because … because I've been giving you Amortentia!" she cried. She bit her lip. What in the world had possessed her to just blurt it out like that? As if having done it weren't enough, she couldn't even break it to him gently.
"Oh," said Draco. He was stock still, though he still held her wrists. Realization was dawning on his face. "Oh."
But she wasn't sure what he was realizing, because surely if the truth had sunk in, things would be flying around the room. Hopefully not her, though.
"Well. That explains quite a lot," Draco mused.
Ginny was still waiting for the explosion. Why did he look so unperturbed? Surely what she'd said had been understood by now. Why wasn't there shouting and recriminations and curtains being set afire from rage?
"Maybe you didn't hear me," she ventured timidly. She hated to press her luck; if he wasn't angry with her, she should probably just leave it alone. But she needed it to be done, really done. "I said, I've been giving you--"
"No, you haven't," Draco interrupted.
"Yes, I have," Ginny said, almost pleadingly. Clearly he was still under the potion's effects; he couldn't believe she would do such a thing.
"You haven't."
Now his certainty was starting to goad her a bit, as Draco tended to do. "Yes, I bloody well have," she said hotly.
"And I say, you bloody well haven't," Draco shot back.
"I would know!" Ginny exclaimed with annoyance. "If I say I've been drugging you with love potion, then I have!"
"You haven't, because I've been doctoring it," he responded calmly.
This pronouncement had the effect of Silencio -- it was utterly quiet in the room as Ginny stared at him with confusion written all over her face and he looked right back, utterly nonplussed.
Finally, Ginny found her voice again. "What?" was the articulate sentiment that made it out of her mouth.
"I said--"
"What do you mean, you've been doctoring it? You mean ... you knew?"
"Ginny, you're such a silly thing. Of course I knew. I'm not an imbecile."
"But--" Ginny was so confused now that she literally did not know what to say, or which question to ask. Was she only hallucinating this? "Why?" is what she finally settled for. "Why didn't you tell me you knew? And why did you let me -- why didn't you stop me?"
"Well, I was flattered," Draco answered, again rendering Ginny silent. "No girl had ever wanted me enough to drug me, before." He grinned. "But of course, I didn't actually want to be drugged. It was the thought that counted, anyway."
"So the potion wasn't real? I never drugged you?" Disbelief was warring with relief and, it had to be admitted, a bit of resentment.
"Oh, you did, that first time. Gave me a dreadful headache. That's when I decided I couldn't abide it happening again."
"But how did you -- I gave you Amortentia! I'm sure I did!"
"You just want to know all my secrets, don't you?" Draco said, wagging a finger at her. "Well, I suppose it's all coming out now. The next time you tried to give it to me, I tossed the contents into a potted plant. Which, incidentally, probably still loves you even now. The time after that ... well, I can't remember ... but suffice it to say that I managed to avoid anything you plied me to eat or drink. And then I found out where you were keeping your batch, so I ... well, 'doctored' isn't really the right word; it just sounded impressive at the time. All I did was throw it out and replace it with a sugar mixture. The difficult part was getting it to resemble the consistency of Amortentia..." he mused.
"Why would you do all that? Just because you were ... flattered?" Ginny was aware of feelings of hurt she wasn't sure she had a right to, but there they were.
"Well, not just because I was flattered," Draco grinned. "I also adored your hot little body and desperately wanted to sleep with you."
Ginny made a sound of outrage and moved to hit him, only this was impossible with her wrists in his hands. "Why didn't you just tell me you knew?" she exclaimed.
"Because then you'd stop," Draco said roughly, letting her wrists go and hauling her close with his hands on her waist instead.
"What sort of mad logic that?"
"You're such a Gryffindor sometimes, Gin. Isn't it obvious? Because as long as you were trying to keep me under Amortentia, I knew you still loved me."
Ginny started to object -- only, as twisted as the logic was, it was actually quite sound. After all, why would she bother giving him a love potion if she didn't care? Still, her sense of rightness was offended. "So it was your way of testing me?" she demanded.
"I prefer to think of it as ... insurance," he said thoughtfully. "I can see from the look on your face that you have a problem with this. Might I remind you that it was you who were drugging me, lest you conveniently forget this pertinent fact? I was just trying to keep track of you. Who knew what mad thing you were going to do to me next?" He grinned again.
Ginny struggled against his embrace, miffed, but Draco held her tight.
"I've been very patient so far in answering your questions, my lovely bride to be," he said calmly. "It's time for you to answer a few, wouldn't you agree?"
"What questions could you possibly have?" she retorted. "It seems you were one step ahead of me the whole time."
"Well, I don't know why you stopped," Draco said, sounding casual, but Ginny had known him long enough not to be fooled. "I knew immediately when the tea was too bitter that you'd apparently had a change of heart. You don't love me anymore, is that it?"
Ginny ducked her head, unable to look him in the eye.
"Not that it matters," Draco continued. "You're going to be my wife; there's no getting out of that now. But I'm curious."
"Of course I love you, that's why I did it," Ginny mumbled. She gasped as the last word had hardly left her mouth before Draco was kissing her breathless, his tongue delving deep, hard and soft at the same time, and his hands were buried in her hair, keeping her head tilted back to meet his kiss.
"It's nice we had this talk, cleared some things up," Draco said several moments later, sprawled on the couch with Ginny on top of him.
They were silent as they each contemplated everything that had been revealed, everything they had kept from one another, everything they'd shared. There was really only one conclusion they could reach when considering all they had gone through, just to be together.
"We're both insane," Ginny said.
"Certifiable," Draco agreed.
= end =
End Notes: The title of this piece is kinda sorta inspired by Paul Simon. Draco and Ginny are both a little crazy in this story, but hey, it works for them. Not sure anyone but Draco could have pulled it off. :D Ginny mentions "the special hell," which was my special nod to any other "Firefly" fans out there. Oh, and of course, the English trifle belongs to Rachel from "Friends."