Today i went to my friends memorial service it was very difficult ( Read more... )

im not doign any better. in fact i am getting worst... i feel terrible for all the stuff i said to graeme... i was just hurting so much.. i didnt know how to react.. i wanted him too hurt as much as i did.. and now im in unbearable pain.... shoot me

im so sad... not only have i lost a friend... but i graeme and i are done aswell.... its hurts... because everything has been so emotionally draining. ive been through so much within the past few months... and the drama doesnt seem to stop ( Read more... )

last friday i was working (btw i work at pure gelato on elgin) i was informed that one of my friends had passed. i didnt believe it... until after my shift i called a few friends up and found otu it was true... it destroyed me.. i was in shock and in pain.... my friend who had passed was named martin. he was in Loas at the time of his death.... he ( Read more... )

im sick of this... its been weeks and im not feeling any better. however at times i do... but when im down in the dumps its bad like real bad.... i got a job... which pays a mere 7.45$ an hour.... its ok... but it doesnt make me happy... i know only i can make myself happy but i cant. i balled my eyes out after work yesterday overwelmed with a ( Read more... )

toronto was great ( Read more... )

So here I am in Toronto. I feel bad cause ive cried like every fucking day ive been here. I hate to do this to Mark. Im just still depressed. I realize im impatient and have gone threw a hell of a lot the past month. As everyone says the cuts still fresh. Its so fresh that the bloods fucking fire engine red. And its all over me. And I cant take it ( Read more... )

i had a mild attack this morning... but i feel better now i called my cousin and shes gonna meet me for a late lunch. im still really depressed, however tis great to see mark and have support and somone there. i cant wait till my depression passes because tis coem to next to unbearable and by the time i come back if im not better im taking drastik ( Read more... )

im not doing well. im really depressed and its not getting any better. i cant rely upon anyone to make me feel better or make me better. i need to do it on my own but im so lost and not very hopefull 4 days of non stop crying. anxiety attacks and inability to eat isnt the greatest. im so drained... nothing to look forward too. not even seeing mark ( Read more... )

Im unbelivably depressed… I hate what I have done I feel so empty… no one can understand or help… i just have a hard time being alone right now i really need support... its hard waking up at like 3:50 every morning balling ur eyes out with utter guilt and pain. especially when ur alone in this... i really want graeme but he cant be there for me to ( Read more... )