Onerous

Aug 19, 2009 20:38

Onerous, Onew/Key
PG, 319 w
Thanks to Ju for beta

typing. )

pairing: onew/key, !fanfic, shinee

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Comments 29

dhengsaeng August 19 2009, 17:20:05 UTC
SPOT FOR rabidpanda8d
i can't write fluffs like you bb ;;

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rabidpanda8d August 19 2009, 19:08:59 UTC
YAY! I got the first spot!!!! 8D ANYWAY!
Aww bb~ It was still cute though! X3

“Kibum. I think I. I think,” he paused between his stuttering, “I think I like you. Or something,” he stopped.

***Of course dubu will say "or something." 8D So cute~ I wanna pinch his cheeks~ *pinches dubu's cheek lightly* *Key swats hands away* Ow! *pouts, rubs injured hand*

“I still prefer girls, hyung,”

***LIES! ALL LIES! XO YOU LOVE THE DUBU KEY! NOW STOP PLAYING HARD TO GET!

The next morning, you saw him feeding Taemin on the couch. He looked happy, and it somehow gutted you a little bit.

***AWW!!!! MY DUBU~~~~ HIS CUTE ASS SON~~~~ SUCH A CUTE SCENE!!!!! X3 ~<3333333333
KEY YOU ARE JEALOUS NOW ACCEPT THE CUTE DUBU OR I SHALL STEAL HIM AWAY FROM YOU. *shot by Key*

....

Is there going to be another little drabble of this bb? I wanna be with you~ QmQ OnKey fighting! XD You should write more~ you're very good at it Key~ continue it please! ^^ ~<3

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rabidpanda8d August 19 2009, 19:14:06 UTC
OOPS 4got the last quote. ^^;

And Jonghyun puked all over his pancake.

***My stomach was hurting from laughing so hard bb~ XD It was hilarious! XD Oh the poor pancakes....I feel bad for them....Now they're inedible. 8O

Still a great story bb~ XD

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dhengsaeng August 19 2009, 19:30:51 UTC
YOU EVEN QUOTE ALTHOUGH THIS IS LIKE, EFFIN SHORT ♥
aww thank you ;; i am flattered :')
urm, i'm gonna write more in the future but not a sequel to this one
imma force maself to write more fluff. even if it HAS to end in a sad way

THANK YOU FOR ENJOYING DEAR <3
you're like, 4 years older than me and i'm calling you 'dear'. shoot me nao if you want to

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rabidpanda8d August 19 2009, 19:53:33 UTC
YAY FOR FLUFF!!!! 8D (not too sad I hope. Q.Q)

LE GASP! I WOULD NEVER SHOOT MY KEY! YOU'RE PRECIOUS TO ME~ 8D I mean I sometimes I call you sweetie so it's ALL good. XD

Hey bb~ I feel kind of dumb asking you this, but I've been wondering how you make the words blue....I totally PHAIL. QmQ

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dhengsaeng August 20 2009, 06:53:53 UTC
aww ty for reading bb ♥
ikr D;

my birthday's in.. NINE DAYS OMG YAY /flails arms around

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dhengsaeng August 21 2009, 05:27:25 UTC
AWW TY ;;
i know! and your journal is now 14 y/o and above AAA

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cruel_disorder August 19 2009, 21:34:00 UTC
“Call me once again and-“

I think "Call me one more time and - " conveys his frustration a bit better? Also, present tense usually works better with second person POV :) I'd like to have read a bit more of Kibum's thoughts on Onew's confession, what may have prompted Onew to confess, as well as Jonghyun's involvement with all this - rather than a drabble, this definitely had the potential as a longer story. It just felt like something was missing overall, like there were pieces that should've fit inbetween the lines. Nice effort though ^^ The last line made me laugh~

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dhengsaeng August 20 2009, 06:51:25 UTC
CONCRIT ♥
oh yes. my beta told me the same thing about the 'written from the second person's POV', and i thought i might just do it on another fic ;;

this definitely had the potential as a longer story
omg really? ;___; the plunnie just came up on my mind and a drabble was the only one i could think of. /fails

ty for reading anyway. :)

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eukyungkyung August 20 2009, 04:42:01 UTC
oh
jealous!key

hehe

^_^v

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dhengsaeng August 20 2009, 06:52:40 UTC
jealous!key is win as always.
ty for reading ♥

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