I think I've finally gotten it through to Ian that if he wants to be trusted and given more freedom then he has to be trustworthy and responsible at home first. It also doesn't hurt to do his own laundry, load the dishwasher when he sees the sink is full of dishes, and maybe run the vacuum once in a while. He's been doing all that plus calling in when he and his friends go from one location to another when he's out like he's supposed to so he's gotten to do way more things lately, but it was a big fight there for a while.
My problem with S is that he continues to stay on the phone all day if I don't put a stop to it, plus automatically thinking I'll drop everything to take him to a friends house.
He hasn't even picked up the drivers book we got him when he got here, and I told him if he had his permit, he can drive, with me in the car of course...
Plus not leaving dirty dishes in his room, dirty/wet towels on the floor, yada yada yada...
Inheriting a 17 year old sucks sometimes... especially when I had to give him up, he had manners and helped around the house.
I don't try to restrict how long mine can stay on the phone except late at night when he needs to be sleeping. I usually turn the house phone off after midnight and his cell is prepaid so he knows if he runs out of minutes there won't be any more going out for the rest of the month since he has to have it on him and functional to be allowed to go places so he won't use that one. You might want to ease up on the things that aren't very important and focus on the bigger issues. Too much nit-picking leaves them feeling put-upon and like you are just making rules for the sake of having rules and/or you're just being a douche. Ian still does leave dishes in his room, but at least now he's good about rounding them all up before they start to grow mold cities so I don't crack down on that. He hasn't really made a huge effort with the driving yet, but he has friends willing to come pick him up when they go out and he doesn't have money for the insurance and gas yet so that's probably why it isn't a high priority. I'm not gonna push it.
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He hasn't even picked up the drivers book we got him when he got here, and I told him if he had his permit, he can drive, with me in the car of course...
Plus not leaving dirty dishes in his room, dirty/wet towels on the floor, yada yada yada...
Inheriting a 17 year old sucks sometimes... especially when I had to give him up, he had manners and helped around the house.
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You might want to ease up on the things that aren't very important and focus on the bigger issues. Too much nit-picking leaves them feeling put-upon and like you are just making rules for the sake of having rules and/or you're just being a douche.
Ian still does leave dishes in his room, but at least now he's good about rounding them all up before they start to grow mold cities so I don't crack down on that. He hasn't really made a huge effort with the driving yet, but he has friends willing to come pick him up when they go out and he doesn't have money for the insurance and gas yet so that's probably why it isn't a high priority. I'm not gonna push it.
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