loveless, set four.
This will probably be senseless unless you're familiar with at least the first few volumes of Kouga Yun's Loveless universe. It also draws a bit of setup from silver_lined's fools rush in, but not much. Other than that, though this is the sixth post to this AU, it's pretty stand-alone. ♥ Part seven definitely planned. For now, it's Top3.
a/n: sanada and nozawa. after hours and hours going IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THEM, i'm going to blame it on the fundamental fact that they are not happy kjakjhawe, sorry.
*
They never know what she wants. She and the old man, they're both inscrutable in the way they do things. The only visible difference is the respect (or lack) they have for this thing called natural chemistry.
Johnny's an anthropologist.
Mary's a mathematician.
She calls all her units Zero because they're everything and nothing: they come before the first and round out the countdown; because the addition of one adds exponential value; because a circle is stronger than a heart.
They feel no pain, theoretically and statistically. Tests have proven their nerve-altering therapies largely successful, if not yet perfect. The first thing the boys learn is not to be clumsy. They're in command of their bodies when others their age are tripping over their feet. Competence is a matter of survival.
They're all Zero. They have no true names and no particular bonds until they're forged-
"Found," Johnny lectures. "Bonds are not made. They always exist, only waiting to be discovered."
"A waste of time," Mary tells him, dismissive. "The entire process is a grand waste of precious resources."
Within her Zero system, fighters are trained well, and sacrifices exist by their own code. Such antiquated notions as one true, lifelong and fated mean nothing.
It's a perfect, practical little game within which she is free to experiment. To take the strongest, to create the best.
*
"Lawless," Mary says without preamble. "Do you remember them?"
"No?" Sanada blinks, tail swishing.
"Incorrect, Sanada-kun," Mary clicks her tongue.
"No, Ma'am?" Hashimoto tries, one ear up, the other down.
Mary sighs, turning to the door. "Kamei-kun!" she calls, and in walks a boy with an easy demeanour and light coloured eyes. His ears go from ash grey to a pretty kind of Western champagne as he steps into the light. Hashimoto's seen him before. Kamei smiles and shyly Hashimoto smiles back. Sanada, too- oh.
"Are we gonna fight for him?" Hashimoto blurts out just as he thinks it, and Sanada takes on a stricken look. They share a worried glance.
Kamei's a sacrifice, Hashimoto and Sanada both fighters. Neither of them bonded yet (in True Pair terminology), they're adept enough at fighting on Auto, but Hashimoto doesn't want to fight Sanada. Not over something that could be serious.
"No," Mary says though. "You're going to share him."
*
It takes Hashimoto a while to wrap his head around it.
It's not that 2 + 1 is a particularly difficult equation even for someone who dislikes math as much as he does, but since it goes against everything he thinks he should know about the way the world works... For a little while, Hashimoto feels like he's walking through doors sideways (and the way the other pairs look at him doesn't help much either).
So it takes a little getting used to, being three, but when he gets it, he gets it. It's quite simple after all: it's just like being two, except… three. That's all. They've got a name, which is 0, and an existence just like any other pair. Pretty soon, Hashimoto's fine with that.
Sanada takes a little longer to come 'round.
They're together after class-Hashimoto's not in high school yet, unlike Sanada and Kamei, but fighter training is a level field.
Level, if one disregards how they're the only pair of fighters in the entire hall.
"We're not… like, this isn't cheating or anything, is it?" Sanada asks, voice low, nervous.
They're side by side. Across the mats, their would-be opponent tugs confusedly on a lock of his own hair, quite self-absorbed. It looks like they've got time for a little debate, so Hashimoto crosses his arms. "How are we cheating if we didn't make our rules?"
"You mean, if we didn't make our moves?" Sanada says. "Yeah, but there's still two of us against one of him. We're not like, less or anything, are we? Somebody was saying in class, your bond mate is like your other half of a whole. Half! We're not like, thirds or something, are we?"
"Stupid," Hashimoto says, affecting the condescending tone his big sister used to use on him quite often, and passes on something she's told him before: "There's no formula to love."
Sanada blinks in surprise. "Love?"
"Obviously," Hashimoto rolls his eyes. "Kame, me and you. Now gimme your stupid hand. If us two lose to Takaki, I'mma hurt you."
*
It's love enough to Hashimoto anyway. Kamei's an older sibling away from home, and Sanada is Hashimoto's other half in the literal sense. They get along well.
Each night, Hashimoto gives Kamei a kiss on the cheek past homework, music, a phone call, or whatever their sacrifice is doing, and Kamei strokes his fingers through Hashimoto's hair softly. Content then, Hashimoto will shuffle over to the double bed he shares with Sanada on the other side of the room and curl up, his sleep always dreamless.
*
Kamei's bed is empty occasionally when Hashimoto wakes for his morning runs at 4am, but Hashimoto doesn't think too much of it. High school students are a different league from middle schoolers after all, as Kamei and Sanada have both told him before, so Hashimoto runs to his music in peace. If his footfalls sound steadier than his heartbeat, then that's just the way things are.
Kamei's always there after class anyway, and never misses a practice match, which is what's really important. Where he goes surely doesn't matter, Hashimoto thinks, since he always comes back.
-until, that is, Kamei comes back without his ears.
Hashimoto doesn't get a good look-barely a glimpse across a hall full of students between classes, but he knows it's his sacrifice-then Kamei's gone, swallowed by the crowd, leaving surprise and confusion clouded over Hashimoto's head. The uneasy feeling he'd woken with that morning coils tighter in his stomach.
It's ignorable enough until final period when abruptly, he feels like he has to be sick.
*
{ Severance. }
The forbidden Zero spell. Hashimoto's only heard legends of it. Has heard that Faithless knows it. Has never seen it or experienced it or cast it before himself, but he knows this… heartache couldn't be anything else.
Unsurprisingly Sanada's in the bathroom near the nurse's office as well, when Hashimoto emerges from the stall, looking just as pale under his Shibuya tan. Hashimoto takes the next set of taps over and splashes water on his face, uncharacteristically quiet. He doesn't feel like talking. Doesn't feel like thinking.
(Hasshi…) Sanada doesn't speak aloud. He grips the cold metal trough with one hand, knuckles white. His other hand is pressed to the side of his neck, fingers dug in over their name, their 0...
Staring at the running water makes Hashimoto want to drown.
(…yeah.)
Kamei's gone.
*
They know better than to ask Mary about it, and since they're Zero, the true pairs barely kick up a fuss. Zero sacrifices live under one rule, after all, and everyone knows it: to be a hindrance is to be replaced.
"Kamei-kun became a hindrance," Mary tells them. "He was not as devoted to the Zero system as required of a participant, and rules are rules."
Hashimoto has no idea what she's talking about, but Sanada looks miserable, like he probably knows something. Hashimoto vows to quiz him about it later, when they're out of Mary's office and not trapped in a sense of déjà vu as Mary turns toward the door.
"Nozawa-kun!" she calls, and in walks a boy with a slim build and heart-shaped face. His ears are the colour of midnight, the same as his hair, and they sit flat and nervous as he steps into the light. Hashimoto's seen him before.
Nozawa doesn't smile though, and neither do Hashimoto or Sanada smile back.
"I'm sorry," Nozawa says, voice quiet, tone wretched. He looks up from the floor as reluctantly as his hand slips from the side of his neck.
It doesn't hurt, Hashimoto tells himself, seeing their name on someone else. It doesn't hurt that Kamei's gone. Why would it hurt? They're Zero after all, and Zero feel no pain.
*
Kamei's things are gone as well by the time Sanada leads Nozawa to their room, and for a moment Hashimoto doesn't know what to think again. He's struck with a sudden, irrational upset as Nozawa sets his bag down in the empty space. Pushing past, stalking over, Hashimoto gets beside the mattress and shoves at the single bed and kicks things out of the way until it's lined up beside the double on his-and-Sanada's side of the room.
The other two stare at him.
"We're sleeping together," Hashimoto says, his glare needlessly baleful, daring them to dispute the notion.
"You didn't before?" is all Nozawa asks, though, sounding almost relieved. His voice is soft, inflection nothing like Kamei's. Hashimoto doesn't know if that's better or worse.
"What do you mean?" Sanada asks.
"I mean," Nozawa tells them, "back home, my family…" He gestures to the mattresses side by side. "All five of us slept like this."
"Oh," Sanada says, ears perking up perhaps too readily as he tries to smile. "That's good. No, that's real good! It's cosier, right? And maybe you'll be less homesick this way."
"I don't know," Nozawa says, with a small and lopsided grin. "I wouldn't want you guys being anything like my two younger siblings."
Hashimoto frowns. "As if. For starters, we'd be totally taller."
*
They don't end up talking about Kamei after all. Or rather, Hashimoto never finds a good time to ask Sanada about it, since Sanada seems to have attached himself to Nozawa's side. The two of them are in the same year after all, where Kamei was one up again, and are even timetabled into most of the same classes. They help each other with their homework at night.
Hashimoto's a little jealous of the time they get to spend with each other, truth told, but as long as he works hard and keeps the faith, he knows he won't be left behind. They're Zero after all, all three of them.
Scraps of rumours about Kamei float around-that he had a girlfriend outside Seven Voices, that they lost their ears together, that he hadn't ever cared for his fighters.
Hashimoto knows at least some of it isn't true, and decides not to think too hard about the rest.
Nozawa's his sacrifice now.
Nozawa's nothing like Kamei.
*
Even so, it's painful for a whole host of other reasons and in other ways entirely, the first few mornings. Hashimoto misses his dawn runs because he hasn't slept well due to Nozawa pretending to be a helicopter in his dreams or something. Even if it doesn't hurt, being kicked and smacked in the face all night isn't much fun.
"You're in the middle tonight," Hashimoto declares, shoving Sanada over.
"Sorry," Nozawa says, tail swishing sheepishly as he tugs a space between their mattresses. "We can just-"
"No, it's okay!" Sanada grins, quick to assure, and tugs their mattresses right back to where they were.
"It is not okay!" Hashimoto protests. "I'm bruised!"
"So am I!" Sanada laughs, to Nozawa's mortal embarrassment. "What does it matter?" He launches a poke-assault on Hashimoto's stomach, but Hashimoto fends him off.
"It matters, it matters! It looks bad, and what if people think Nozawa's beating us up?"
"I would never-!"
Sanada laughs even more. "Hasshi, hey, I don't think people'd think Nozawa could beat up a fly, much less either of us. Right, Nozawa?"
"You're both being kind of stupid," Nozawa tells them firmly, though the high colour in his cheeks and the way the fur all down his tail is standing on end betray his embarrassment.
But it's the huge, kind smile Sanada's giving their sacrifice that derails Hashimoto's argument more than anything. "…you're right," he says presently, to either or neither of them. His voice sounds hollow to his ears. "I'm sorry." And he is, though he's not sure what for.
He's not sure if it's better or worse, either, when Sanada discovers the most effective way of protecting them all at night means holding Nozawa in a bear hug while they sleep.
*
It comes to be that their arrangement is Sanada and Nozawa on the double bed, Hashimoto on the single, which… works well, Hashimoto thinks. It's not like he feels the cold any more or less by himself, and that way he doesn't disturb anybody at the crack of dawn either, when he wakes to go running.
Hashimoto can't argue with logic, whether or not that may be because he's never been very logical himself.
*
His relationship with Sanada hasn't changed, not really, and their bond with Nozawa is made of the same stuff as what they'd had with Kamei-nothing so poetic as red threads of fate, but connected just the same. Nozawa's voice reaches them both when he calls, and he can hear their voices as well.
It's just that sometimes Hashimoto wishes that weren't the case, maybe, though he's not sure why that is.
(Hashimoto?) Nozawa's voice floats through the back of Hashimoto's consciousness, calling him, and Hashimoto knows it's not for a battle. Just the same way he knows Sanada's already where Nozawa is.
It's not that he regrets finding his way to the Home Economics room when there's two lots of fried rice and eggs from final period waiting, that they all can share.
Sanada's tastes better, though Hashimoto's sure that's just because Nozawa can't cook.
*
Nozawa's weird.
He's got a lot of old man hobbies (like calmly drinking tea), which his tail likes to mock. It curls around the table leg by his seat, its tip sliding and stroking and doing random things that drive Sanada completely up the wall with distraction more often than not.
Nozawa won't even say anything even if he notices, and just pours Hashimoto more ocha. "Don't drink it so fast."
"Okay."
"You've got to savour the smell."
"Oh my god," Sanada flails. "Non-chan will you please stop that?"
Nozawa blinks innocently. "Stop what?"
"You know what! Ah-!"
Behind his cup, Hashimoto smiles, watching the two of them.
…It's pretty funny, actually.
*
What's not so funny is training.
Mary has them face pair after pair in a specialised program that not even the other Zero units have to do. She watches like a hawk and it makes Hashimoto kind of uncomfortable, even if her eye is really on Nozawa more. A weak sacrifice is a useless sacrifice, a hindrance, and should be eliminated-she's told them a hundred times she doesn't want them if they lose, and her rules are their rules.
Hashimoto grits his teeth and narrows his focus.
But it's not the same.
A battle is waged between two pairs of combatants.
The fighter launches the offence, and the sacrifice receives the damage.
The fighter opens the battle, then manifests his power in the form of spells.
Damage is accumulated in the form of restraints.
When the sacrifice undergoes a complete restraint,
He is unable to continue,
And that is a loss.
It's not the fighting… Hashimoto can fight. His defence is good.
Burn bridges, he casts. Destroy paths! Deny access!
{{ Separate, then! }} their opponent shouts. {{ Bind! Hold in isolation and restrict in the solitude of one! }}
We refuse!
Sanada steps in. We are one, but three in strength. Fear the unnatural. Cave! Unknown darkness constrict!
Hashimoto can fight, and so can Sanada.
They've been trained well, and so has Nozawa.
But it's not the same.
The fighter fights, but the sacrifice is in control of the battle.
The fighter unit performs according to the will of the sacrifice.
The sacrifice must show himself completely to his fighter.
And in total honesty order them,
Without indecision.
Mary watches them and each time they win, she leaves the room without a word. And each time she does, Hashimoto feels Nozawa crumple inside. He doesn't fold-no Zero ever folds-but the confusion and frustration and uncertainty shut away during the fight crashes outward in a wave almost palpable.
(What am I doing wrong?)
And again, Hashimoto tries to shut out Nozawa's voice. He doesn't have any answers.
*
The thing is though, that they're all in this together.
*
Sanada's out late the day Hashimoto decides to admit it, doing things for the Culture Committee that he's vice-president of. Nozawa's not on the committee of anything, and so he's doing homework. Hashimoto's got some of his own but has no mind for it. Not currently.
"Sanada's probably already said this, but you're our sacrifice now," he tells Nozawa, apropos of nothing.
Nozawa's pen stops moving.
"We'll protect you no matter what," Hashimoto promises. "From whoever what. Even if it's Mary-san. Just so y'know, you know…"
It's long enough before Nozawa replies that Hashimoto's already gone back to his 800-character essay.
"…why do you say things like that, Hashimoto?"
Hashimoto looks up, blinking as if he's already forgotten. "What?"
Nozawa eyes haven't left his notebook, and he's sitting very still, pen held very tight. "It's not that I'm scared of Mary, or losing matches, you know... not really."
Hashimoto holds just as still as Nozawa. "Um. Oh?"
"I mean, it's more like… it's you guys. That I don't want to lose."
Nozawa's voice is soft, and a strange kind of vulnerable that he's not usually. Hashimoto, slowly, lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. A smile forms on his face and he snickers a bit, pushing his essay draft away to flop down onto his bed. "Okay. You mean you don't want to lose Sanada, right?"
Nozawa glances over, perplexed. "It's not that I like him better-"
"But you do!" There's more amusement than accusation behind Hashimoto's words, though.
"-hey, no! Well, only because we used to be in the same training group, before…"
Hashimoto sits up, grinning. "You guys were really? That's like me and K-"
The surprise must show plain on his face when his throat abruptly closes over Kamei's name, because Nozawa gives a sympathetic smile and pretends to go back to his homework for a little bit.
Feeling embarrassed and stupid, Hashimoto pulls his blanket up over his head. "…sorry," he mumbles at length, face buried in his pillow. "It's not that I… I mean…" He likes Nozawa, he does. But somewhere still hurts after all, somehow. Sometimes, the stupid misery still comes back and it sucks. "Sorry."
"Don't be," Nozawa tells him though, voice quiet. "The Separation category restrictions are already bad enough when they stick in battle, even the basic ones. I can't imagine… you know."
Hashimoto knows. The forbidden Zero spell.
"I think I'd want to die."
*
The three of them get called to Mary's office before training that evening. It's a cold place, Hashimoto thinks, her office, though none of them can feel the temperature. It's just an impression from looking around.
Sanada's ears twitch, forward, back, forward, back, and Nozawa's tail is curled tightly just behind his knee, his ears flat against his hair. They stand hand in hand, and Hashimoto wants to tell them not to be so obviously nervous but can't seem to find the words for it. So he chews on his lower lip, and the three of them wait in silence.
They never know what she wants.
Mary doesn't seem too angry though, or really angry at all as she taps on her clipboard. Not that that means anything necessarily.
It's a long few minutes before she speaks.
"Nozawa-kun."
She sounds cold too, and doesn't take her eyes off of her clipboard. Hashimoto tries not to feel guilty. Mary's never liked sacrifices much.
"Yes, Ma'am?" Nozawa replies.
Mary looks up, then. "How are you getting along with Hashimoto-kun?"
Surprised, Hashimoto turns-and blinks down at the steady hand Nozawa's holding out.
"We get along well, Ma'am," Nozawa says, and Hashimoto looks back up at him only to get stuck for a moment in the shaky determination behind Nozawa's eyes.
"Hashimoto-kun?" Mary asks.
"…" Belatedly, Hashimoto takes Nozawa's hand before forcing his eyes toward Mary. "Um. I like Nozawa-kun. He directions me well." And both statements are true enough, even if-
"Not as well as Kamei-kun?" Mary says.
Hashimoto's brow knots. "I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to," Mary tells him. "It was written on your face." Dramatically, she sighs. "It seems to me that Nozawa-kun is a less capable sacrifice than Kamei was..."
"That- that's not true," Sanada interrupts. "It's definitely not the case!"
Mary clicks her tongue. "For you, perhaps, Sanada-kun. However, Nozawa's command of Hashimoto is not half that which Kamei had over you. And they know it." Mary raises an eyebrow Nozawa's way, briefly, and her smile isn't nice at all.
There's a great many things Hashimoto wants to argue back to that, not least of which is what the hell. It hasn't been so long since Kamei went; Nozawa's trying his best; Hashimoto's trying his best, mostly, and they got a bit closer just before. You leave him alone! he tells Mary in his mind, hands balled into fists and maybe gripping Nozawa's a little too hard.
But their teacher just keeps on talking. "You and Nozawa may fight like a bond pair, Sanada-kun, but Hashimoto is all but accompanying you on Auto, his full power untapped and wasted. Controlling one sacrifice is standard, you see; however, I created you three to be exceptional. It's disappointing, but…"
Suddenly Nozawa's the one who's gripping too tight.
"Nozawa-kun," Mary says, "you must be aware that you're holding these fighters back."
Nozawa's stands unnaturally still, head bowed, not even his tail moving. Hashimoto can't even tell if he's breathing. "…yes, Ma'am," he says softly.
Mary smiles. "And what do you think about that?"
"If I truly was holding Sanada-kun back," Nozawa says-no louder, but his voice is clear when he looks up. "Sanada-kun or Hashimoto-kun. Then I'd be better off dead."
"That's- no!" Hashimoto knows he isn't always the smartest, but even he can tell that given an answer any less selflessly honest, Mary would have just declared Nozawa an unfit sacrifice anyway. "That's not fair!"
"I won't let you take him from us," Sanada's saying, his words, though shaky, cutting through the ringing in Hashimoto's ears.
"But Nozawa here made his choice, Sanada-kun," Mary says reasonably, and suddenly Hashimoto wonders if she forced Kamei's hand just like this. Wonders if Kamei really chose to leave them for some stupid girl or if Mary just- "We'll get you a new sacrifice who can-"
"Sanada doesn't want a new sacrifice," Hashimoto snaps, pulling his hand from Nozawa's. "And neither do I!" He can feel Nozawa's surprised stare on his back, but Hashimoto knows he isn't being as selfless as he'd like to seem. Two months ago to the day, he lost Kamei and it hurt. "It's not like we're trading cards you can just swap and stuff-you can't just do that! It's not fair."
His words ring in the spaces between them all.
"…'fair' again, Hashimoto-kun?" Mary asks with an unreadable expression. "I created you. I arranged for foster parents for you. It's only my training that's made you as strong as you are, and you have the audacity to speak to me of what is 'fair' after how well I've treated you?"
"My feelings are my feelings," Hashimoto tells her, "and you cannot abuse them. You will not abuse them. My friends are my friends, and also under my protection. You will not touch them.
(Hasshi, are you out of your freaking mind?) Sanada's call rings hysterical in the back of Hashimoto's consciousness just as Nozawa's voice cuts through the swirl of white noise and anger in his head: "Hashimoto, disarm yourself!"
…even before he's registered the command, Hashimoto's domain systems shut down and he blinks.
He hadn't even realised he'd started.
Guiltily, he glances over his shoulder. Nozawa looks upset, Sanada beside himself with worry and other stuff, and Hashimoto's gaze drops back down at his shoes, ears and tail and shoulders and spirits all sagging. "Sorry."
He knows he's probably lucky that it's just sacrifices that Mary hates, or maybe he'd be dead. "Your spells would not have touched me," is all she says. He can feel her eyes on him though, for a while, thinking other things, and it makes him nervous now that his anger is gone. "However, you seem to feel pretty strongly about… those two?"
She indicates Sanada and Nozawa standing side by side; Hashimoto keeps his mouth shut and his eyes on the floor and just nods.
Mary hums, and lead sinks slowly deeper in Hashimoto's stomach. "Well then, it's a shame I'll have to start from scratch, but since one of you must go... I suppose you won't mind, Hashimoto-kun?"
She smiles and asks nicely, but it's not as if she gives him a choice.
*
*
"I told you," Johnny tells Mary later. "Your core Zero Project will never amount to anything, much less this tangential madness. There is no balance if you remove one leg of a tripod; they should never have been three to start with. Lawless was an anomaly that should not be unnaturally replicated."
Mary sniffs. "I got a perfectly functional pair out of the experiment."
"Sanada-kun and Nozawa?" Johnny asks. "I hear they've been dubbed Blameless."
"They're as tightly bound as any of your so-called 'True' pairs," Mary tells him.
"But no more so," Johnny observes. It isn't a question. "And what of your loose end?"
Mary can't quite keep the displeasure from her face. "Hashimoto? Volatile since the initial sacrifice exchange. Kamei didn't want him anyway-so much for your concept of fate."
"Hm," Johnny says. Then, after a beat: "Give him to me."
Mary arches a brow. "What use have you for damaged goods? You've never shown interest in my Zeroes before."
"I like any child with talent," Johnny tells her, "no matter whom he belongs to."
"And yet you're so adamant that 'pain is proof that you are alive' and all that, correct?" Mary asks. "The boy is a Zero. He does not feel."
"I wonder, though." Johnny steeples his fingers. "I'd like to test that hypothesis myself."
Mary clicks her tongue.
"You know he'll just reject another sacrifice at this point," Johnny points out, eloquent. "However, give him a little time…"
"Fine," Mary frowns. "You can have him, but only on loan. He comes back to the Zero Project when I see fit."
"Of course," Johnny says. And smiles. "I cannot give him a sacrifice, after all."
a/n: sanada and nozawa. after hours and hours going IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THEM, i'm going to blame it on the fundamental fact that they are not happy kjakjhawe, sorry.
*
They never know what she wants. She and the old man, they're both inscrutable in the way they do things. The only visible difference is the respect (or lack) they have for this thing called natural chemistry.
Johnny's an anthropologist.
Mary's a mathematician.
She calls all her units Zero because they're everything and nothing: they come before the first and round out the countdown; because the addition of one adds exponential value; because a circle is stronger than a heart.
They feel no pain, theoretically and statistically. Tests have proven their nerve-altering therapies largely successful, if not yet perfect. The first thing the boys learn is not to be clumsy. They're in command of their bodies when others their age are tripping over their feet. Competence is a matter of survival.
They're all Zero. They have no true names and no particular bonds until they're forged-
"Found," Johnny lectures. "Bonds are not made. They always exist, only waiting to be discovered."
"A waste of time," Mary tells him, dismissive. "The entire process is a grand waste of precious resources."
Within her Zero system, fighters are trained well, and sacrifices exist by their own code. Such antiquated notions as one true, lifelong and fated mean nothing.
It's a perfect, practical little game within which she is free to experiment. To take the strongest, to create the best.
*
"Lawless," Mary says without preamble. "Do you remember them?"
"No?" Sanada blinks, tail swishing.
"Incorrect, Sanada-kun," Mary clicks her tongue.
"No, Ma'am?" Hashimoto tries, one ear up, the other down.
Mary sighs, turning to the door. "Kamei-kun!" she calls, and in walks a boy with an easy demeanour and light coloured eyes. His ears go from ash grey to a pretty kind of Western champagne as he steps into the light. Hashimoto's seen him before. Kamei smiles and shyly Hashimoto smiles back. Sanada, too- oh.
"Are we gonna fight for him?" Hashimoto blurts out just as he thinks it, and Sanada takes on a stricken look. They share a worried glance.
Kamei's a sacrifice, Hashimoto and Sanada both fighters. Neither of them bonded yet (in True Pair terminology), they're adept enough at fighting on Auto, but Hashimoto doesn't want to fight Sanada. Not over something that could be serious.
"No," Mary says though. "You're going to share him."
*
It takes Hashimoto a while to wrap his head around it.
It's not that 2 + 1 is a particularly difficult equation even for someone who dislikes math as much as he does, but since it goes against everything he thinks he should know about the way the world works... For a little while, Hashimoto feels like he's walking through doors sideways (and the way the other pairs look at him doesn't help much either).
So it takes a little getting used to, being three, but when he gets it, he gets it. It's quite simple after all: it's just like being two, except… three. That's all. They've got a name, which is 0, and an existence just like any other pair. Pretty soon, Hashimoto's fine with that.
Sanada takes a little longer to come 'round.
They're together after class-Hashimoto's not in high school yet, unlike Sanada and Kamei, but fighter training is a level field.
Level, if one disregards how they're the only pair of fighters in the entire hall.
"We're not… like, this isn't cheating or anything, is it?" Sanada asks, voice low, nervous.
They're side by side. Across the mats, their would-be opponent tugs confusedly on a lock of his own hair, quite self-absorbed. It looks like they've got time for a little debate, so Hashimoto crosses his arms. "How are we cheating if we didn't make our rules?"
"You mean, if we didn't make our moves?" Sanada says. "Yeah, but there's still two of us against one of him. We're not like, less or anything, are we? Somebody was saying in class, your bond mate is like your other half of a whole. Half! We're not like, thirds or something, are we?"
"Stupid," Hashimoto says, affecting the condescending tone his big sister used to use on him quite often, and passes on something she's told him before: "There's no formula to love."
Sanada blinks in surprise. "Love?"
"Obviously," Hashimoto rolls his eyes. "Kame, me and you. Now gimme your stupid hand. If us two lose to Takaki, I'mma hurt you."
*
It's love enough to Hashimoto anyway. Kamei's an older sibling away from home, and Sanada is Hashimoto's other half in the literal sense. They get along well.
Each night, Hashimoto gives Kamei a kiss on the cheek past homework, music, a phone call, or whatever their sacrifice is doing, and Kamei strokes his fingers through Hashimoto's hair softly. Content then, Hashimoto will shuffle over to the double bed he shares with Sanada on the other side of the room and curl up, his sleep always dreamless.
*
Kamei's bed is empty occasionally when Hashimoto wakes for his morning runs at 4am, but Hashimoto doesn't think too much of it. High school students are a different league from middle schoolers after all, as Kamei and Sanada have both told him before, so Hashimoto runs to his music in peace. If his footfalls sound steadier than his heartbeat, then that's just the way things are.
Kamei's always there after class anyway, and never misses a practice match, which is what's really important. Where he goes surely doesn't matter, Hashimoto thinks, since he always comes back.
-until, that is, Kamei comes back without his ears.
Hashimoto doesn't get a good look-barely a glimpse across a hall full of students between classes, but he knows it's his sacrifice-then Kamei's gone, swallowed by the crowd, leaving surprise and confusion clouded over Hashimoto's head. The uneasy feeling he'd woken with that morning coils tighter in his stomach.
It's ignorable enough until final period when abruptly, he feels like he has to be sick.
*
{ Severance. }
The forbidden Zero spell. Hashimoto's only heard legends of it. Has heard that Faithless knows it. Has never seen it or experienced it or cast it before himself, but he knows this… heartache couldn't be anything else.
Unsurprisingly Sanada's in the bathroom near the nurse's office as well, when Hashimoto emerges from the stall, looking just as pale under his Shibuya tan. Hashimoto takes the next set of taps over and splashes water on his face, uncharacteristically quiet. He doesn't feel like talking. Doesn't feel like thinking.
(Hasshi…) Sanada doesn't speak aloud. He grips the cold metal trough with one hand, knuckles white. His other hand is pressed to the side of his neck, fingers dug in over their name, their 0...
Staring at the running water makes Hashimoto want to drown.
(…yeah.)
Kamei's gone.
*
They know better than to ask Mary about it, and since they're Zero, the true pairs barely kick up a fuss. Zero sacrifices live under one rule, after all, and everyone knows it: to be a hindrance is to be replaced.
"Kamei-kun became a hindrance," Mary tells them. "He was not as devoted to the Zero system as required of a participant, and rules are rules."
Hashimoto has no idea what she's talking about, but Sanada looks miserable, like he probably knows something. Hashimoto vows to quiz him about it later, when they're out of Mary's office and not trapped in a sense of déjà vu as Mary turns toward the door.
"Nozawa-kun!" she calls, and in walks a boy with a slim build and heart-shaped face. His ears are the colour of midnight, the same as his hair, and they sit flat and nervous as he steps into the light. Hashimoto's seen him before.
Nozawa doesn't smile though, and neither do Hashimoto or Sanada smile back.
"I'm sorry," Nozawa says, voice quiet, tone wretched. He looks up from the floor as reluctantly as his hand slips from the side of his neck.
It doesn't hurt, Hashimoto tells himself, seeing their name on someone else. It doesn't hurt that Kamei's gone. Why would it hurt? They're Zero after all, and Zero feel no pain.
*
Kamei's things are gone as well by the time Sanada leads Nozawa to their room, and for a moment Hashimoto doesn't know what to think again. He's struck with a sudden, irrational upset as Nozawa sets his bag down in the empty space. Pushing past, stalking over, Hashimoto gets beside the mattress and shoves at the single bed and kicks things out of the way until it's lined up beside the double on his-and-Sanada's side of the room.
The other two stare at him.
"We're sleeping together," Hashimoto says, his glare needlessly baleful, daring them to dispute the notion.
"You didn't before?" is all Nozawa asks, though, sounding almost relieved. His voice is soft, inflection nothing like Kamei's. Hashimoto doesn't know if that's better or worse.
"What do you mean?" Sanada asks.
"I mean," Nozawa tells them, "back home, my family…" He gestures to the mattresses side by side. "All five of us slept like this."
"Oh," Sanada says, ears perking up perhaps too readily as he tries to smile. "That's good. No, that's real good! It's cosier, right? And maybe you'll be less homesick this way."
"I don't know," Nozawa says, with a small and lopsided grin. "I wouldn't want you guys being anything like my two younger siblings."
Hashimoto frowns. "As if. For starters, we'd be totally taller."
*
They don't end up talking about Kamei after all. Or rather, Hashimoto never finds a good time to ask Sanada about it, since Sanada seems to have attached himself to Nozawa's side. The two of them are in the same year after all, where Kamei was one up again, and are even timetabled into most of the same classes. They help each other with their homework at night.
Hashimoto's a little jealous of the time they get to spend with each other, truth told, but as long as he works hard and keeps the faith, he knows he won't be left behind. They're Zero after all, all three of them.
Scraps of rumours about Kamei float around-that he had a girlfriend outside Seven Voices, that they lost their ears together, that he hadn't ever cared for his fighters.
Hashimoto knows at least some of it isn't true, and decides not to think too hard about the rest.
Nozawa's his sacrifice now.
Nozawa's nothing like Kamei.
*
Even so, it's painful for a whole host of other reasons and in other ways entirely, the first few mornings. Hashimoto misses his dawn runs because he hasn't slept well due to Nozawa pretending to be a helicopter in his dreams or something. Even if it doesn't hurt, being kicked and smacked in the face all night isn't much fun.
"You're in the middle tonight," Hashimoto declares, shoving Sanada over.
"Sorry," Nozawa says, tail swishing sheepishly as he tugs a space between their mattresses. "We can just-"
"No, it's okay!" Sanada grins, quick to assure, and tugs their mattresses right back to where they were.
"It is not okay!" Hashimoto protests. "I'm bruised!"
"So am I!" Sanada laughs, to Nozawa's mortal embarrassment. "What does it matter?" He launches a poke-assault on Hashimoto's stomach, but Hashimoto fends him off.
"It matters, it matters! It looks bad, and what if people think Nozawa's beating us up?"
"I would never-!"
Sanada laughs even more. "Hasshi, hey, I don't think people'd think Nozawa could beat up a fly, much less either of us. Right, Nozawa?"
"You're both being kind of stupid," Nozawa tells them firmly, though the high colour in his cheeks and the way the fur all down his tail is standing on end betray his embarrassment.
But it's the huge, kind smile Sanada's giving their sacrifice that derails Hashimoto's argument more than anything. "…you're right," he says presently, to either or neither of them. His voice sounds hollow to his ears. "I'm sorry." And he is, though he's not sure what for.
He's not sure if it's better or worse, either, when Sanada discovers the most effective way of protecting them all at night means holding Nozawa in a bear hug while they sleep.
*
It comes to be that their arrangement is Sanada and Nozawa on the double bed, Hashimoto on the single, which… works well, Hashimoto thinks. It's not like he feels the cold any more or less by himself, and that way he doesn't disturb anybody at the crack of dawn either, when he wakes to go running.
Hashimoto can't argue with logic, whether or not that may be because he's never been very logical himself.
*
His relationship with Sanada hasn't changed, not really, and their bond with Nozawa is made of the same stuff as what they'd had with Kamei-nothing so poetic as red threads of fate, but connected just the same. Nozawa's voice reaches them both when he calls, and he can hear their voices as well.
It's just that sometimes Hashimoto wishes that weren't the case, maybe, though he's not sure why that is.
(Hashimoto?) Nozawa's voice floats through the back of Hashimoto's consciousness, calling him, and Hashimoto knows it's not for a battle. Just the same way he knows Sanada's already where Nozawa is.
It's not that he regrets finding his way to the Home Economics room when there's two lots of fried rice and eggs from final period waiting, that they all can share.
Sanada's tastes better, though Hashimoto's sure that's just because Nozawa can't cook.
*
Nozawa's weird.
He's got a lot of old man hobbies (like calmly drinking tea), which his tail likes to mock. It curls around the table leg by his seat, its tip sliding and stroking and doing random things that drive Sanada completely up the wall with distraction more often than not.
Nozawa won't even say anything even if he notices, and just pours Hashimoto more ocha. "Don't drink it so fast."
"Okay."
"You've got to savour the smell."
"Oh my god," Sanada flails. "Non-chan will you please stop that?"
Nozawa blinks innocently. "Stop what?"
"You know what! Ah-!"
Behind his cup, Hashimoto smiles, watching the two of them.
…It's pretty funny, actually.
*
What's not so funny is training.
Mary has them face pair after pair in a specialised program that not even the other Zero units have to do. She watches like a hawk and it makes Hashimoto kind of uncomfortable, even if her eye is really on Nozawa more. A weak sacrifice is a useless sacrifice, a hindrance, and should be eliminated-she's told them a hundred times she doesn't want them if they lose, and her rules are their rules.
Hashimoto grits his teeth and narrows his focus.
But it's not the same.
A battle is waged between two pairs of combatants.
The fighter launches the offence, and the sacrifice receives the damage.
The fighter opens the battle, then manifests his power in the form of spells.
Damage is accumulated in the form of restraints.
When the sacrifice undergoes a complete restraint,
He is unable to continue,
And that is a loss.
It's not the fighting… Hashimoto can fight. His defence is good.
Burn bridges, he casts. Destroy paths! Deny access!
{{ Separate, then! }} their opponent shouts. {{ Bind! Hold in isolation and restrict in the solitude of one! }}
We refuse!
Sanada steps in. We are one, but three in strength. Fear the unnatural. Cave! Unknown darkness constrict!
Hashimoto can fight, and so can Sanada.
They've been trained well, and so has Nozawa.
But it's not the same.
The fighter fights, but the sacrifice is in control of the battle.
The fighter unit performs according to the will of the sacrifice.
The sacrifice must show himself completely to his fighter.
And in total honesty order them,
Without indecision.
Mary watches them and each time they win, she leaves the room without a word. And each time she does, Hashimoto feels Nozawa crumple inside. He doesn't fold-no Zero ever folds-but the confusion and frustration and uncertainty shut away during the fight crashes outward in a wave almost palpable.
(What am I doing wrong?)
And again, Hashimoto tries to shut out Nozawa's voice. He doesn't have any answers.
*
The thing is though, that they're all in this together.
*
Sanada's out late the day Hashimoto decides to admit it, doing things for the Culture Committee that he's vice-president of. Nozawa's not on the committee of anything, and so he's doing homework. Hashimoto's got some of his own but has no mind for it. Not currently.
"Sanada's probably already said this, but you're our sacrifice now," he tells Nozawa, apropos of nothing.
Nozawa's pen stops moving.
"We'll protect you no matter what," Hashimoto promises. "From whoever what. Even if it's Mary-san. Just so y'know, you know…"
It's long enough before Nozawa replies that Hashimoto's already gone back to his 800-character essay.
"…why do you say things like that, Hashimoto?"
Hashimoto looks up, blinking as if he's already forgotten. "What?"
Nozawa eyes haven't left his notebook, and he's sitting very still, pen held very tight. "It's not that I'm scared of Mary, or losing matches, you know... not really."
Hashimoto holds just as still as Nozawa. "Um. Oh?"
"I mean, it's more like… it's you guys. That I don't want to lose."
Nozawa's voice is soft, and a strange kind of vulnerable that he's not usually. Hashimoto, slowly, lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. A smile forms on his face and he snickers a bit, pushing his essay draft away to flop down onto his bed. "Okay. You mean you don't want to lose Sanada, right?"
Nozawa glances over, perplexed. "It's not that I like him better-"
"But you do!" There's more amusement than accusation behind Hashimoto's words, though.
"-hey, no! Well, only because we used to be in the same training group, before…"
Hashimoto sits up, grinning. "You guys were really? That's like me and K-"
The surprise must show plain on his face when his throat abruptly closes over Kamei's name, because Nozawa gives a sympathetic smile and pretends to go back to his homework for a little bit.
Feeling embarrassed and stupid, Hashimoto pulls his blanket up over his head. "…sorry," he mumbles at length, face buried in his pillow. "It's not that I… I mean…" He likes Nozawa, he does. But somewhere still hurts after all, somehow. Sometimes, the stupid misery still comes back and it sucks. "Sorry."
"Don't be," Nozawa tells him though, voice quiet. "The Separation category restrictions are already bad enough when they stick in battle, even the basic ones. I can't imagine… you know."
Hashimoto knows. The forbidden Zero spell.
"I think I'd want to die."
*
The three of them get called to Mary's office before training that evening. It's a cold place, Hashimoto thinks, her office, though none of them can feel the temperature. It's just an impression from looking around.
Sanada's ears twitch, forward, back, forward, back, and Nozawa's tail is curled tightly just behind his knee, his ears flat against his hair. They stand hand in hand, and Hashimoto wants to tell them not to be so obviously nervous but can't seem to find the words for it. So he chews on his lower lip, and the three of them wait in silence.
They never know what she wants.
Mary doesn't seem too angry though, or really angry at all as she taps on her clipboard. Not that that means anything necessarily.
It's a long few minutes before she speaks.
"Nozawa-kun."
She sounds cold too, and doesn't take her eyes off of her clipboard. Hashimoto tries not to feel guilty. Mary's never liked sacrifices much.
"Yes, Ma'am?" Nozawa replies.
Mary looks up, then. "How are you getting along with Hashimoto-kun?"
Surprised, Hashimoto turns-and blinks down at the steady hand Nozawa's holding out.
"We get along well, Ma'am," Nozawa says, and Hashimoto looks back up at him only to get stuck for a moment in the shaky determination behind Nozawa's eyes.
"Hashimoto-kun?" Mary asks.
"…" Belatedly, Hashimoto takes Nozawa's hand before forcing his eyes toward Mary. "Um. I like Nozawa-kun. He directions me well." And both statements are true enough, even if-
"Not as well as Kamei-kun?" Mary says.
Hashimoto's brow knots. "I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to," Mary tells him. "It was written on your face." Dramatically, she sighs. "It seems to me that Nozawa-kun is a less capable sacrifice than Kamei was..."
"That- that's not true," Sanada interrupts. "It's definitely not the case!"
Mary clicks her tongue. "For you, perhaps, Sanada-kun. However, Nozawa's command of Hashimoto is not half that which Kamei had over you. And they know it." Mary raises an eyebrow Nozawa's way, briefly, and her smile isn't nice at all.
There's a great many things Hashimoto wants to argue back to that, not least of which is what the hell. It hasn't been so long since Kamei went; Nozawa's trying his best; Hashimoto's trying his best, mostly, and they got a bit closer just before. You leave him alone! he tells Mary in his mind, hands balled into fists and maybe gripping Nozawa's a little too hard.
But their teacher just keeps on talking. "You and Nozawa may fight like a bond pair, Sanada-kun, but Hashimoto is all but accompanying you on Auto, his full power untapped and wasted. Controlling one sacrifice is standard, you see; however, I created you three to be exceptional. It's disappointing, but…"
Suddenly Nozawa's the one who's gripping too tight.
"Nozawa-kun," Mary says, "you must be aware that you're holding these fighters back."
Nozawa's stands unnaturally still, head bowed, not even his tail moving. Hashimoto can't even tell if he's breathing. "…yes, Ma'am," he says softly.
Mary smiles. "And what do you think about that?"
"If I truly was holding Sanada-kun back," Nozawa says-no louder, but his voice is clear when he looks up. "Sanada-kun or Hashimoto-kun. Then I'd be better off dead."
"That's- no!" Hashimoto knows he isn't always the smartest, but even he can tell that given an answer any less selflessly honest, Mary would have just declared Nozawa an unfit sacrifice anyway. "That's not fair!"
"I won't let you take him from us," Sanada's saying, his words, though shaky, cutting through the ringing in Hashimoto's ears.
"But Nozawa here made his choice, Sanada-kun," Mary says reasonably, and suddenly Hashimoto wonders if she forced Kamei's hand just like this. Wonders if Kamei really chose to leave them for some stupid girl or if Mary just- "We'll get you a new sacrifice who can-"
"Sanada doesn't want a new sacrifice," Hashimoto snaps, pulling his hand from Nozawa's. "And neither do I!" He can feel Nozawa's surprised stare on his back, but Hashimoto knows he isn't being as selfless as he'd like to seem. Two months ago to the day, he lost Kamei and it hurt. "It's not like we're trading cards you can just swap and stuff-you can't just do that! It's not fair."
His words ring in the spaces between them all.
"…'fair' again, Hashimoto-kun?" Mary asks with an unreadable expression. "I created you. I arranged for foster parents for you. It's only my training that's made you as strong as you are, and you have the audacity to speak to me of what is 'fair' after how well I've treated you?"
"My feelings are my feelings," Hashimoto tells her, "and you cannot abuse them. You will not abuse them. My friends are my friends, and also under my protection. You will not touch them.
(Hasshi, are you out of your freaking mind?) Sanada's call rings hysterical in the back of Hashimoto's consciousness just as Nozawa's voice cuts through the swirl of white noise and anger in his head: "Hashimoto, disarm yourself!"
…even before he's registered the command, Hashimoto's domain systems shut down and he blinks.
He hadn't even realised he'd started.
Guiltily, he glances over his shoulder. Nozawa looks upset, Sanada beside himself with worry and other stuff, and Hashimoto's gaze drops back down at his shoes, ears and tail and shoulders and spirits all sagging. "Sorry."
He knows he's probably lucky that it's just sacrifices that Mary hates, or maybe he'd be dead. "Your spells would not have touched me," is all she says. He can feel her eyes on him though, for a while, thinking other things, and it makes him nervous now that his anger is gone. "However, you seem to feel pretty strongly about… those two?"
She indicates Sanada and Nozawa standing side by side; Hashimoto keeps his mouth shut and his eyes on the floor and just nods.
Mary hums, and lead sinks slowly deeper in Hashimoto's stomach. "Well then, it's a shame I'll have to start from scratch, but since one of you must go... I suppose you won't mind, Hashimoto-kun?"
She smiles and asks nicely, but it's not as if she gives him a choice.
*
*
"I told you," Johnny tells Mary later. "Your core Zero Project will never amount to anything, much less this tangential madness. There is no balance if you remove one leg of a tripod; they should never have been three to start with. Lawless was an anomaly that should not be unnaturally replicated."
Mary sniffs. "I got a perfectly functional pair out of the experiment."
"Sanada-kun and Nozawa?" Johnny asks. "I hear they've been dubbed Blameless."
"They're as tightly bound as any of your so-called 'True' pairs," Mary tells him.
"But no more so," Johnny observes. It isn't a question. "And what of your loose end?"
Mary can't quite keep the displeasure from her face. "Hashimoto? Volatile since the initial sacrifice exchange. Kamei didn't want him anyway-so much for your concept of fate."
"Hm," Johnny says. Then, after a beat: "Give him to me."
Mary arches a brow. "What use have you for damaged goods? You've never shown interest in my Zeroes before."
"I like any child with talent," Johnny tells her, "no matter whom he belongs to."
"And yet you're so adamant that 'pain is proof that you are alive' and all that, correct?" Mary asks. "The boy is a Zero. He does not feel."
"I wonder, though." Johnny steeples his fingers. "I'd like to test that hypothesis myself."
Mary clicks her tongue.
"You know he'll just reject another sacrifice at this point," Johnny points out, eloquent. "However, give him a little time…"
"Fine," Mary frowns. "You can have him, but only on loan. He comes back to the Zero Project when I see fit."
"Of course," Johnny says. And smiles. "I cannot give him a sacrifice, after all."