Comments | diamondsofsix: [one shot] Too Much

diamondsofsix

[one shot] Too Much

Feb 07, 2009 21:18

Ah, very nervous here. Never written a JE centric fanfic before, I have practically no clue how this fandom works... But I am just taking a plunge into it and hoping I won't get decapitated!

Title: Too Much
Author: diamondsofsix
Beta: lykwhoah
Genre: general, slash
Pairings: Murakami/Yokoyama
Word count: 3000
Rating: R?
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Johnny's ( Read more... )

yokoyama, one shot, hina/yoko, eito, fanfiction, murakami

Comments 8

(The comment has been removed)

diamondsofsix February 8 2009, 01:50:04 UTC

HEY STOP SPAMMING MY LJ!!

Just kidding bb XD

rebecka_jo February 8 2009, 04:18:12 UTC

This was so enjoyable. I appreciate how refined the writing is; often that is lost when writers become more 'in the know' with fandom writing and spend less time on detail and mood, assuming much of it.

The tone of the story is very even, which I liked. The structure is very formal, but maybe you can play around with the transitions? The narration is a tiny bit stilted as it flickers from one thing to another.
I think this comes from describing the result of an action without describing the action itself.

It doesn't take away from anything, and it's really a matter of taste. I suppose the nemesis style would be stream-of-consciousness; where the dialogue does the transitioning in first-person so everything is described in some way. Does that make sense? No.But, seriously, I liked this so much, I like how carefully you crafted this, and your characterization of Hina is refreshingly subdued and introspective while maintaining his personality. The situation has been done a lot before (Yoko is a lush), but it feels fresh. & I'm sick ( ... )

diamondsofsix February 8 2009, 12:38:31 UTC

First of all I'd like to thank you for the "long" comment, it is very much appreciated! There is nothing better than reading comments from people who have actually sat down and thought through what they have read.

I will keep in mind what you say about the stiff narration and transitions, I appreciate that you pointed this out because I have been suspicious of just that for a long time.

I also thank you very much for the compliments and will try and strive to blend it all together.

Hope you get well soon, being sick is seriously the worst.

ununoriginal February 8 2009, 16:57:29 UTC

omg why does it end there??? :p

srsly, it's a beautifully written story - i like all the insights that can be drawn from the way you describe yoko, hina, as well as the interactions of the various members of eito.

thanks so much for sharing this! yokohina 最高!! ^___^

diamondsofsix February 8 2009, 19:02:59 UTC

'cause I'm an evil bitch haha!

Thank you for your uplifting comment! I am happy you enjoyed it <3

And one can never get enough yokohina *shakes head seriously*

pepperdrops February 9 2009, 23:41:18 UTC

this was very very very very enjoyable ( ... )

diamondsofsix February 10 2009, 11:28:17 UTC

Wow! Well I have to say that's something of the most flattering I have ever read. I have to admit I was blushing pretty hard there at the end!

Thank you so much for taking the time to type all that up, and for reading the story so thoroughly and giving me your evaluation afterward. I appreciate it very much.

Personally I have never been able to handle the "in this universe everyone is gay and it's natural to sex up your bandmates" so I try to write it down in a way that still makes it plausible ^^

Again, thank you very much.

pepperdrops February 10 2009, 15:20:30 UTC

aw but it's the truth, though!
you totally earned it!

oh but telling you how much you WIN is my duty! at least, i think it should be my duty to give credit to the author of such a wonderful story when i read it.

i agree. absolutely. you do it very well!

you are very welcome :)