insanity
I have been told time and time and time again that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, I'm wondering today, am I just doing that?
S and I have seemingly tried to negotiate the terms of our relationship with not much success. It seems that we both have a different view on polyamory and they don't exactly match. So, there is this thing - very effective, I've heard - called compromise. Polyamory, itself, is a fluid state, determined solely by the parties involved in whatever relationship structure those within define. What works for some may not work for others.
S is the predominate relationship in my life at this time - she's been around for 1.5 years - she wants to be my primary. In that, she means that I only get to have sex with her, but I am allowed to "play" with others, both together and solo (this is new TODAY). boifran has been in my life since last August and is a budding slave to this budding Mistress - our play has included sex since the beginning.
In my mind, both are full time relatiships with very different structures. The relationship with S is much more egalitarian than the Mistress/slave dynamic that I have with boifran. They feel VERY differently to me, but S cannot understand or feel the difference. All she can see is that I am playing with and fucking someone else (and leting them fuck me - goddess forbid!) and she has to share. Today, she reminded me that the sex has always been the issue for her. She's ok with the play aspect, but the sex is troublesome.
She asked me to put my individual endeavors on hold some time ago, but a recent attempt to co-top fell flat as a result of bottom not being interested in us as a couple, only me. I couldn't see any reason not to continue MY relationship with new bottom because I thought S and I were still "allowed" to have solo adventures. S considers this disrespectful - continuation of new relationship should have been completely cut off because she was no longer involved.
I made an offer to her today: S keeps her side squeeze (yes, she has one that she fucks, too; but side DOESN'T fuck her); I keep boifran (including all current activities); and only pursue new co-relationships with S for a trial period. I am willing to do this for some pre-determined period of time, but I still want to have "sex" with other people in the future, too. If this is not a possibility down the road, this is NOT going to work.
She's giving this some thought. Love sometimes sucks. Friends rock.
S and I have seemingly tried to negotiate the terms of our relationship with not much success. It seems that we both have a different view on polyamory and they don't exactly match. So, there is this thing - very effective, I've heard - called compromise. Polyamory, itself, is a fluid state, determined solely by the parties involved in whatever relationship structure those within define. What works for some may not work for others.
S is the predominate relationship in my life at this time - she's been around for 1.5 years - she wants to be my primary. In that, she means that I only get to have sex with her, but I am allowed to "play" with others, both together and solo (this is new TODAY). boifran has been in my life since last August and is a budding slave to this budding Mistress - our play has included sex since the beginning.
In my mind, both are full time relatiships with very different structures. The relationship with S is much more egalitarian than the Mistress/slave dynamic that I have with boifran. They feel VERY differently to me, but S cannot understand or feel the difference. All she can see is that I am playing with and fucking someone else (and leting them fuck me - goddess forbid!) and she has to share. Today, she reminded me that the sex has always been the issue for her. She's ok with the play aspect, but the sex is troublesome.
She asked me to put my individual endeavors on hold some time ago, but a recent attempt to co-top fell flat as a result of bottom not being interested in us as a couple, only me. I couldn't see any reason not to continue MY relationship with new bottom because I thought S and I were still "allowed" to have solo adventures. S considers this disrespectful - continuation of new relationship should have been completely cut off because she was no longer involved.
I made an offer to her today: S keeps her side squeeze (yes, she has one that she fucks, too; but side DOESN'T fuck her); I keep boifran (including all current activities); and only pursue new co-relationships with S for a trial period. I am willing to do this for some pre-determined period of time, but I still want to have "sex" with other people in the future, too. If this is not a possibility down the road, this is NOT going to work.
She's giving this some thought. Love sometimes sucks. Friends rock.