(Untitled)

[animeleader4]

I was thinking about this pairing for a while, so I decided to try my hand at a Jyori short story. I know it's kind of a rare pairing involving some of the less popular characters, but I still think it's sweet

Comments

[ajora]

Nice first try. I have some advice, if you don't mind.

If you read the community profile, you'd see this: "This community is, obviously, designed for drabbles, in this case defined as any story of 300 words or less."

My word processor pegs this ficlet as 567 words long. You might want to take this to digimonfics.

May I suggest reviewing a few grammar rules? You forgot to capitalize after the endstop at several places and need commas in several other places. There are places where you would be better off breaking the dialogue from the descriptive paragraphs, and other places that could use a little more fleshing out. You may also want to consider reducing your use of Japanese; too much of it is generally frowned upon, especially when English works just as well in a fic written in English for English-speaking audiences.

[animeleader4]

Thank you for the Concrit. Whle English is my first language, I do have a learning disability, usually, I have trouble finding a beta nowadays, so I just tried my best despite the fact. Also, I guess I used honorifics and titles and such just out of flavor more than anything else.

But, I'll try better, and well, sorry that this story doesn't really belong here, I had forgotten about the word limit for drabbles, but thank you!

[ajora]

It's hard for a lot of people to find betas. Have you tried ff.net's beta search option?

:) All anyone can ask is that you try. Good luck! Maybe Microsoft Office could help you catch grammar flubs, if you have access to it. It's not perfect, but sometimes it helps.

[animeleader4]

I've actually been using WordPad this entire time, I just haven't tried downloading anything better yet. I suppose I SHOULD go grab OpenOffice.

but again, thanks.