A life remembered.
For those of you who have wondered why I have been so out of it this last week. here is why...
Tuesday of last week September 19th, 2006 my grandmother on my Dad's side died. She was the favorite of all my grand parents living or passed. She was the one who was there for me in some of the worst points of my childhood. She was the one who took me to and stood beside me when I fought to get out of special ed when I was in the 8th grade (They put me there for emotional issues not inteligence I was labeled SED). Even though I was the one who fought for it. I was the one who faced the board and pled my case...she stood by me. For the longest time she was one of the cheif sources of emotional support in my life. I could go on for hours about the things she has done for me.
When I got the call that night from my father...it was obvious he was trying to be strong, as he always is. He has a very hard time showing any emotion...probably where i get it from. Even though he tried to be the usual solid wall I could tell he was stressing. Then he told me and I knew instantly why. Oddly my first thoughts weren't of the loss of her. It was concern for him. His emotional state. For all my Dad proclaims and plays the bad ass, unshakeable monolith I knew and know this hit him hard. However he assured me he was dealing and would let me know more once he did. He hadn't heard the news directly. He was at a meeting in San Francisco when the rest home she had been in for the last several years called. His wife, my 2nd stepmother Sandy took the call. I haven't talked to her about this yet... I need to.
I was numb. I sprang into action trying to track down my sister to let her know. She and my Dad are on an incommunicado arrangement for a variety of reasons. Neither side of which I agree with but that is a whole other rant which I will probably never write. Unfortunately, I suspect because I am on a speaking basis with our father and therefore its guilt by association, Becky doesn't/won't talk to me either. I have no fucking clue why. Her choice. I hope it will change one day. but I digress. I didn't have a means to contact her but I knew my step brother Steve did. So I called him at 12:30am and left a message. I also tried to look up my first step mother Susan (my sisters mom) but to no avail. I figured there wasn't anything else I could do that evening so I tried to compartmentalize it and finish my work day...that didn't work. I ended up going home.
I tried to call Steve againt he next day again got a message. Left a message with my cel contact info and left it at that. I called my Father let him know what I had attempted. He was surprised but thankfull. So at least I knew I was doing the right thing. Anneke was and has been very supportive of me during this as have been my friends and my craft working partner. I am thankfull to all of you for that.
I tried to get ahold of my mom with no luck (her phone is having issues it turns out). I called my other G'mother and let her know about it and that I couldn't get ahold of my mom. She said she would call her work to get ahold of her.
It was my weekend to visit my son so I went down to do so. I crashed at my friend Cam's place that after noon. As I slept my cel phone rang three times in half an hour. I checked the number saw it was a 916 (Sacramento) number and figured it was my brother Steve calling me back. I was so friggin tired (not having gotten to sleep before 4p (I work nights and usually go to bed at 8am)) I figured I would just let it go to voicemail. well after the third call it was pretty obvious they weren't getting the hint...nor did they leave a message so I answered it. What I heard on the other end of the line wasn't my brother...it was actually the LAST person I expected to hear from. The aforementioned step mother Susan. Apparently Steven elected to give the number to her and let her deal with it instead of calling me himself...or near as I can figure anyway. Either way, to say I was shocked is putting it mildly. I will probably write up a thing on the call later. Either way, she expressed her condolances and proceded to apologize for my childhood and for "being such a horrible mom". Don't ask. yes I have/had serious issues with her in the past. However I was under the impression we had made our peace on it. I wasn't exactly in the best of headspace to have that conversation at the time but we talked for a bit and I told her I would be open to continuing contact with her and we could discuss our past issues at lenght if she so chose later. She seemed pleased with this and we exchanged contact info (email address and what not.)
I finally got a call from my mom. My Grandmother was able to get ahold of her. She was pretty torn up about it. She really liked Marcia (I called her Footy when I was a kid...don't ask.. I have been told the story as to how I gave her that nickname when I was like 3 or 4 but I sure as shit don't remember it, but the name stuck) and got along with her well.
I talked with my Dad again and passed along the condolances from Susan, my Mom and her Mom. He told me that he was having her ashes shipped to the same cemetary my grandfathers and Uncles and great Grandmother are buried and that he would email me the plot information, asking that I stop by it next time I was in the area to make sure it was all as it should be. Of course I will. He also told me he had placed/arranged for an obituary in the Ontario paper.
My remaining G'mother said she would mail me the Obituary that was posted in the paper. I received it in yesterdays mail and read it this morning when I got home from work. It finally started to trigger the emotion that tried to well up at various points but still hasn't been able to be released. I am one of those people who sucks at showing emotion. I have tried to release it...I have had no success. I almost cried several times while writing this...but no dice. I really hate that.
Out of all the people on my Flist I think maybe two of you have ever met Footy let alone know who she is, but I feel I must post the obit anyway. She was a wonderfull woman. A bit of a Hypochondriac at time, but she also had a genuine long list of physical ailments. Despite it all, she was one hell of a woman and I know I for one will miss her like nobodies business.
From the Ontario California Daily Bulletin Saturday September 23rd 2006 (it may have actually been Friday. The date wasn't on the copy my g'mother sent me)
"REMEMBRANCE
Marcia J. Underwood
Long time Ontario resident Marcia Jean Underwood, 81,passed away on Tuesday, September 19, in Eureka, California. She is survived by her son, Gordon Underwood, Two grandchildren and four great grandchildren.
Marcia was born in Upland, California and spend most of her childhood, and nearly all of her adult life in Ontario. She was very active in the Ontario artist community and volunteered as an arts and crafts instructor for the City Recreation Department over many summers. Before retiring, Marcia worked last for the Department of Corrections in Norco, as well as previous positions with the Bank of America and in local retail businesses. She also supported and volunteered for many local cultural arts programs and events. Marcia moved to Eureka, California in 1989, where she continued a very active life in the fine arts.
No services are planned. The family requests that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made in her name to the Rosalind Russell Medical Research Center for Arthritis at University of California, San Francisco."
She was so much to me. I sincerly hope she is in a better place.
Good bye Footy .... I already miss you more than I could possibly express...Thank you for being there for me... and for helping to make me the person I am today, For accepting me for who and what I am...no matter what. You literally helped keep me alive through some of the toughest points in my child and early adulthood.
I honestly believe you left the world a little better place than you entered it...and in the end that is all any of us can really ask for. I love you.
-Michael
Tuesday of last week September 19th, 2006 my grandmother on my Dad's side died. She was the favorite of all my grand parents living or passed. She was the one who was there for me in some of the worst points of my childhood. She was the one who took me to and stood beside me when I fought to get out of special ed when I was in the 8th grade (They put me there for emotional issues not inteligence I was labeled SED). Even though I was the one who fought for it. I was the one who faced the board and pled my case...she stood by me. For the longest time she was one of the cheif sources of emotional support in my life. I could go on for hours about the things she has done for me.
When I got the call that night from my father...it was obvious he was trying to be strong, as he always is. He has a very hard time showing any emotion...probably where i get it from. Even though he tried to be the usual solid wall I could tell he was stressing. Then he told me and I knew instantly why. Oddly my first thoughts weren't of the loss of her. It was concern for him. His emotional state. For all my Dad proclaims and plays the bad ass, unshakeable monolith I knew and know this hit him hard. However he assured me he was dealing and would let me know more once he did. He hadn't heard the news directly. He was at a meeting in San Francisco when the rest home she had been in for the last several years called. His wife, my 2nd stepmother Sandy took the call. I haven't talked to her about this yet... I need to.
I was numb. I sprang into action trying to track down my sister to let her know. She and my Dad are on an incommunicado arrangement for a variety of reasons. Neither side of which I agree with but that is a whole other rant which I will probably never write. Unfortunately, I suspect because I am on a speaking basis with our father and therefore its guilt by association, Becky doesn't/won't talk to me either. I have no fucking clue why. Her choice. I hope it will change one day. but I digress. I didn't have a means to contact her but I knew my step brother Steve did. So I called him at 12:30am and left a message. I also tried to look up my first step mother Susan (my sisters mom) but to no avail. I figured there wasn't anything else I could do that evening so I tried to compartmentalize it and finish my work day...that didn't work. I ended up going home.
I tried to call Steve againt he next day again got a message. Left a message with my cel contact info and left it at that. I called my Father let him know what I had attempted. He was surprised but thankfull. So at least I knew I was doing the right thing. Anneke was and has been very supportive of me during this as have been my friends and my craft working partner. I am thankfull to all of you for that.
I tried to get ahold of my mom with no luck (her phone is having issues it turns out). I called my other G'mother and let her know about it and that I couldn't get ahold of my mom. She said she would call her work to get ahold of her.
It was my weekend to visit my son so I went down to do so. I crashed at my friend Cam's place that after noon. As I slept my cel phone rang three times in half an hour. I checked the number saw it was a 916 (Sacramento) number and figured it was my brother Steve calling me back. I was so friggin tired (not having gotten to sleep before 4p (I work nights and usually go to bed at 8am)) I figured I would just let it go to voicemail. well after the third call it was pretty obvious they weren't getting the hint...nor did they leave a message so I answered it. What I heard on the other end of the line wasn't my brother...it was actually the LAST person I expected to hear from. The aforementioned step mother Susan. Apparently Steven elected to give the number to her and let her deal with it instead of calling me himself...or near as I can figure anyway. Either way, to say I was shocked is putting it mildly. I will probably write up a thing on the call later. Either way, she expressed her condolances and proceded to apologize for my childhood and for "being such a horrible mom". Don't ask. yes I have/had serious issues with her in the past. However I was under the impression we had made our peace on it. I wasn't exactly in the best of headspace to have that conversation at the time but we talked for a bit and I told her I would be open to continuing contact with her and we could discuss our past issues at lenght if she so chose later. She seemed pleased with this and we exchanged contact info (email address and what not.)
I finally got a call from my mom. My Grandmother was able to get ahold of her. She was pretty torn up about it. She really liked Marcia (I called her Footy when I was a kid...don't ask.. I have been told the story as to how I gave her that nickname when I was like 3 or 4 but I sure as shit don't remember it, but the name stuck) and got along with her well.
I talked with my Dad again and passed along the condolances from Susan, my Mom and her Mom. He told me that he was having her ashes shipped to the same cemetary my grandfathers and Uncles and great Grandmother are buried and that he would email me the plot information, asking that I stop by it next time I was in the area to make sure it was all as it should be. Of course I will. He also told me he had placed/arranged for an obituary in the Ontario paper.
My remaining G'mother said she would mail me the Obituary that was posted in the paper. I received it in yesterdays mail and read it this morning when I got home from work. It finally started to trigger the emotion that tried to well up at various points but still hasn't been able to be released. I am one of those people who sucks at showing emotion. I have tried to release it...I have had no success. I almost cried several times while writing this...but no dice. I really hate that.
Out of all the people on my Flist I think maybe two of you have ever met Footy let alone know who she is, but I feel I must post the obit anyway. She was a wonderfull woman. A bit of a Hypochondriac at time, but she also had a genuine long list of physical ailments. Despite it all, she was one hell of a woman and I know I for one will miss her like nobodies business.
From the Ontario California Daily Bulletin Saturday September 23rd 2006 (it may have actually been Friday. The date wasn't on the copy my g'mother sent me)
"REMEMBRANCE
Marcia J. Underwood
Long time Ontario resident Marcia Jean Underwood, 81,passed away on Tuesday, September 19, in Eureka, California. She is survived by her son, Gordon Underwood, Two grandchildren and four great grandchildren.
Marcia was born in Upland, California and spend most of her childhood, and nearly all of her adult life in Ontario. She was very active in the Ontario artist community and volunteered as an arts and crafts instructor for the City Recreation Department over many summers. Before retiring, Marcia worked last for the Department of Corrections in Norco, as well as previous positions with the Bank of America and in local retail businesses. She also supported and volunteered for many local cultural arts programs and events. Marcia moved to Eureka, California in 1989, where she continued a very active life in the fine arts.
No services are planned. The family requests that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made in her name to the Rosalind Russell Medical Research Center for Arthritis at University of California, San Francisco."
She was so much to me. I sincerly hope she is in a better place.
Good bye Footy .... I already miss you more than I could possibly express...Thank you for being there for me... and for helping to make me the person I am today, For accepting me for who and what I am...no matter what. You literally helped keep me alive through some of the toughest points in my child and early adulthood.
I honestly believe you left the world a little better place than you entered it...and in the end that is all any of us can really ask for. I love you.
-Michael