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[diluvian]

Yesterday was the first day that I spent most of the day alone. I stayed with friends the night before, but then when they woke up to go to work I headed home

Comments

[rhiannonhero]

I have mixed thoughts about the work thing. Part of me thinks that some kind of schedule would be good for you, but most of me thinks you're doing the right thing by acknowledging the priorities for you right now lay in trying to get yourself together in the wake of this huge loss. The worst thing I think you could do would be to attempt to minimize the extent of this by going back to work too soon. I had people encouraging me to go back to work immediately following my miscarriage, and I did, and I really wish I hadn't. It deserved a lot more time to process than I gave it and I think you're doing the right thing. The danger, of course, lies in making sure that you find a reason to keep on keeping on, and sometimes work and the structure it provides can help with that, but perhaps there is another option for you.

When is your next counseling appointment?

[diluvian]

My next appointment is on Monday. Pretty much what you've mentioned I have been processing-work is structure, but maybe poison to me right now, time off reduces stress but by itself fails to provide any structure.

I have no idea what the best course of action is right now.

-Robert

[sobelle]

I'm glad to hear that you've got counseling set up... I think it can be very helpful if it's done well... and getting suggestions about possible structure is a good idea too...

I also agree that going back to work when you're this fragile is not necessarily a good idea.

There's nothing at all wrong in being completely human and acknowledging your grief and anger and pain... recognizing them, working through them and moving on gradually is much more healthy than what a lot of people do... which is deny that they're in agony and just push it away... until it comes back manifested twice as awful...

You have every right to the time to recover ::hugs::

[sobelle]

I agree with you - that its alright for a person to take the time he or she needs to recover. As a person who has done both - taken time immediately, and lied and pushed stuff away - I can say from experience that dealing with things immediately (when you have the opportunity to do so) is better than denying how hurt/confused you are.

I am (still!) very proud of you, Robert. You are doing incredibly well taking care of yourself, communicating, and in general working through this tragedy. I love you!

- Sarah (your cousin)