(no subject)
ohkay,
i havent written in here in forever due to the fact tht i became obsessed with my xanga, but too many people were reading it tht i didnt want, i hate when people i dont talk to anymore read my shit & then act like they knw about everything, it really pisses me off, i stopped talking to you it means i dont want anything to do with you
i really wanted to type in here about a recent problem, if yu read my journal before you should remember a kid named eddie, well things ended pretty badly between us i became a swinger &&; realtionship phobic, but recently i ran into someone & we hung out for like an hour & i was like "wow this kid is cool" & i never thought id see him again, but then i remember something he told me about being a mallrat on my myspace, i'm part of a group called "nesh.mallrats" & so i went through them & i found him, i found him on myspace. i was excited so i messgaed him & added him & we started to talk & like i told my best friend brittany about him so she got involved as well, & like he supposivly told her tht He likes me but needs to get to knw me, but like he never tells me anything like tht, & i'm really confused & normally im a blunt person i'll tell you things that i need to knw. or you need to knw, but when it comes to him i cant. i cannot just be likeso do you like me or not?" cuz i'm too afraid of the answer, maybe i should just give up & stop caring, but like its not tht easy, i cant stop thinking about him, &yeah. its driving me insane & i cant take it anymore, &; sometimes i think he likes me & others i think hes fucking with my head& i seriously hate it. what i hate the most is the fact that i cant walk away. its like my heart &my mind are telling me two different things, like my min d is saying get the fuck out of this before you get hurt, & my heart says wait it out. but how much waiting do i have to do? sure theyre other fish in the sea but hes my Nemo..i cant give up till iknw& sigh,, this is why
swingers shouldnt fall in love
&why does it seem tht i always fall for what i cant have? i mean it sucks. sure eventually i get most of them but then like i get screwed it sucks, why cant i find someone tht just isnt at all like my past; i seriously though tht this kid was tht person, that guy& so far, i'm still getting dicked over like now someone i dearly hate is like competing with me & rar. i cant even get into tht0;
MY HOUSE i
hate it here&
its so full of like anger & hate, someone is always pissed off &; i hate it, i hate the fact that our house can never be happy, like its impossible, cuz like yeah it just is, someone is always mad & starts shit, it drives me up the fucking wall. it really does, & i just need to get out of here, iknw highschool just started but i need to get the fuck out of this place, get my diploma & going as far away as possible & i wont even look back..i honestly wont, i'll get my shit & leave all this behnd my past is something i wanna leave the most, i'm running from everything..i always do, & i'm just so sick of all of it, the fact tht i just constantly am miserable when im here or whatever. it needs to end so much. i fucking cant stand it anymore. sigh.