Sometimes I think it is such a shame to not have children, a family. To have so many things but not give life to little heartbeats. To have so many resources, to have so much love, to possess so many lessons to pass on...not that it is too late. But, I hear the ticking in the middle of the night one day out of the week. It keeps me up along with ( Read more... )

Drying in the dark. Colors dull and dreary. Winter should last as long as 7/11 stays open. Lights out. Phone unplugged. TV off. Oven on. Tapping with a hiccup. Sliced finger, poked hand. Blood drops on the floor like Pollock at work. 411 please tell me the number of emergency, I need my ICE sitting next to me. Fire loud and hot like the ( Read more... )

Breaks and breaking points. It is all so relative. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and each person's "hard day" is different. Conflict resolution and apathy, indifference and acceptance of a way of being. Hair, hair everywhere eventually leaves one bald. I will just eat my french fries and that is the way it will always be...the way it ( Read more... )

I took a breath in and and allowed my carcass to come back to life. I opened my window and my room became occupied with the sea air, fresh with hints of salt and seaweed. My eyes became someone else's, a new landscape with the same view. My mind never thought the same, it merged with another and two lanes became one. My blood became hers, my ( Read more... )

A trip down memory lane and another memory made! Och Tamale! The moments stacked on top of each other like poker chips after hitting OO at roulette. The tailgate alone was worth the drive. My old formal date in a t-shirt holding a beer. K's ex K with his malt liquor. Some people don't change. Maybe it was acceptable regression for the night ( Read more... )

This question was brought to my attention over dinner last night with a friend. Worry that I am not feeling, dealing, risking, reaching...my heart, my fears, my depth. We talked about the past year. I try my best to view the world with purple tinted glasses, the glass half full technique. I recognize my blessings and count them every day. We ( Read more... )

Finally feeling better...almost normal! Yesterday I walked along the beach for about 40 minutes. It was so beautiful. Of course, I wondered why I don't do it more often, it is a nice change a pace from the work out room with better views! Tonight, I settled for a partial view of the pool with a splash of blue sky. Two neighbors were working ( Read more... )

I logged off and shut down the computer and then I felt the need to turn it back on. I have moments that fill me with so much love I can't ignore or wait to write about it. Even though I am half brain dead, the importance of what I want to say transcends any mental block ( Read more... )

I am so white, pasty pale, body soft. I haven't worked out for a couple weeks and I stare at every walker along the shore with envy. I had to sit outside for an hour today to get a hint of color...not for a tan but to prevent myself from looking like Casper before Halloween. I don't know if it helped but it felt nice relaxing on the deck with ( Read more... )

I am so tired of feeling crappy. I only have myself to blame but how can I turn Tori down? It would have been wise to turn the wine down, or the cocktails to follow out in WeHo. The pain in my side is killing every time I cough, Little Earthquakes. Ouch ( Read more... )