merlin - lamia
I swear, LJ, if this doesn't post soon, things are going to be elevated to enchanted!Leon levels of rage around here.
In a land of myth and a time of cookie cutter medieval villages, a couple are bunking down in their little house for the night. Mr Villager observes a chill in the air, and Mrs Villager chuckles and tells him he has said that every night for the last thirty years. And you’re just bringing it up NOW? I probably would have told him to cut that shit out about 29.5 years ago. Or invested in some extra insulation or something. Anyway, they’re just about to retire to bed (where one hopes things are not as boringly repetitive, for Mrs Villager’s sake) when a scream is heard outside. Bloody hell, not those ghost things again!
As the elder of the village, it is Mr Villager’s duty to go outside and investigate. He tells his wife to lock the door behind him and not let anyone in. Also, don’t have sex, drink, do drugs or say you’ll be right back. It’s all pretty standard.
There’s suspense aplenty as Mr Villager sneaks around the village. I am on the edge of my seat, waiting for the next random farm animal to jump out and scare us. Will it be the scary chicken again? Her clucking was exceptional, and she deserves more work. I wouldn’t mind mixing it up a bit with a goose or two. We shall know soon enough, because things are building up to the big scare…here goes… oh, it’s just a catatonic guy. I am disappoint. Oh and there was some kind of scaly hissing thing in the shadows. Roll opening titles.
It’s laundry day at Gwen’s place. I guess she can’t spend her WHOLE life mopping sweaty brows. Her folding is interrupted by a visitor - Mrs Villager! They go way back, apparently, but haven’t seen each other for many years. I’m sure we’d all like to sit down over a cuppa and find out more about their relationship, but Mrs Villager needs help and we must move the plot along swiftly.
Well, they may not have seen each other for a while, but Mrs Villager seemed to know Gwen had the ear of the king, curse those medieval tabloids. I bet The Daily (Chain) Mail has been RUTHLESS, hacking carrier pigeons and whatnot. Adding to the scandal, Arthur grants Mrs Villager an audience in his own rooms, because he’s a pretty chill king and all that. He’s also displaying a nice bit of man cleavage via a casually laced tunic. A bit jealous of Gwen’s lately, Arthur?
Arthur agrees to do everything he can to help the village, which has lost three good men from the mysterious illness, because that’s what a dutiful king does. <3 Arthur. Unfortunately, Camelot is currently infected with a severe case of “sweating sickness” and Gaius cannot be spared. Wait, people are sweating and Gwen isn’t mopping their collective brows? It’s a good thing Merlin is around. While Merlin tends to the latest patient, Gaius makes a suggestion: Merlin can go to the village in his place. Hee, Arthur’s FACE. And I know Merlin is a young MAN now, but Doctor Merlin totally makes me think of this:
Gaius is certain that if the diagnosis is straightforward, Merlin has gained enough knowledge over the years to be able to prescribe a remedy. And if it turns out to be a bit more difficult, which we all know it will, Merlin can bring his findings back to Gaius. “Findings?” Arthur says. “Merlin can’t find his own backside most of the time.” Oh, Arthur. That’s just what he says so you’ll help him look for it. Gaius thinks Merlin is capable of much more than Arthur imagines. Arthur pauses, clearly IMAGINING, as he looks at Merlin from across the room. *cough*
Later, Gaius carves up a lovely (and v. white) loaf of bread while Merlin studies and doubts his ability to be a physician. He’s not sure about people putting their lives in his hands. “I put my life in your hands every day, Merlin, as does Arthur, Gwen and all of Camelot, though they may not know it. You are the one who holds the fate of this kingdom in the balance.” Merlin thinks that’s different, because it doesn’t require a lifetime of learning. Gaius says it requires intelligence, courage and compassion, which makes Merlin a bit bashful and adorable, and says he has every faith in him. Sometimes Gaius’ words and actions make me so full of rage, and then we get THIS Gaius and I love him.
Merlin is packing for the big trip, when Gaius enters to give him his medicine bag. Oh dear, is this one of those foreshadowing, changing of the guard type moments? If they off Gaius this year, you just know Kilgharrah will be next, just so Arthur, Merlin and Aithusa can all struggle with losing their daddy/mentor/father figure. Anyway, best not to dwell. Merlin, Gwen and Mrs Villager ride out with the knights. Hey, Mrs Villager is Ditchwater Sal from Stardust, which also starred Michelle Pfeiffer as a villainess called Lamia. The more you know.
As predicted by Leon, our gang arrive just before nightfall. Mr Villager is happy to see his wife. And Gwen. Hugs all ‘round. He’s not so happy to see Merlin, however, as he was expecting Gaius, not “a boy.” Hey, mate! Gift horse. Keep out of its fucking mouth. If Uther was still alive, you wouldn’t have seen anyone. Well, maybe Arthur would have gotten into a strop and snuck out to save you all, but he still would’ve just taken “the boy” with him.
“His NAME is MERLIN,” Elyan says, and I fall a little bit in love. Gwen tries to smooth things over, explaining that Merlin was appointed as acting physician by King Arthur, himself, but they remain unconvinced. Merlin heads off to see the patients while Elyan stands his ground and stays to give Mr & Mrs Villager the stinkeye. I heart Elyan already this week. I guess Gwen became friends with this couple during Elyan’s absent years? He doesn’t seem to like them much.
Doctor Merlin does his rounds with Nurse Gwen, while Mr Villager answers a few questions about the patients. Merlin decides they need to have their heart and blood flow stimulated and, since Arthur isn’t around, he will have to rely on belladonna and patchouli for that. Heh, patchouli stink.
Merlin smiles reassuringly and asks Gwen and Mr Villager to fetch hot water and lots of blankets, so he’s alone to try his miracle cure: magic. It doesn’t work. Uh-oh. You know what’d probably help right now? One of those whiteboards made out of glass like the one House used.
Up late reading the latest medical journal, Merlin hears a noise and goes outside to investigate. Someone is asleep in the room, but I can’t make out if it’s Gwen or not. Things are all creepy outside again, as Merlin wanders around armed with a stick. The scaly hissy thing has returned so I’m waiting for either that or the chicken to jump out any minute now. Or maybe the chicken IS the scaly hissy thing. Maybe it has EVOLVED. Merlin rounds a corner, his big stick pointing in the direction of…GWAINE! Holy shit, that actually scared the crap out of me.
Gwaine apologies for having to attend to a call of nature, and Merlin fusses about nearly killing him. “With a fishing rod?” Gwaine says. “Sir Gwaine was slain with a fishing rod. That’s the stuff of legends, hey?” They laugh, Gwaine gets handsy, Merlin takes another poke at Gwaine with his rod, I am enjoying this episode. Oh, and the hissy thing hisses a bit more.
The next morning, Merlin’s patients have gotten worse. When he tells Mr Villager that there’s something at work that he doesn’t understand, Mr Villager knows what’s going on: SORCERY. Apparently, he sensed an evil presence the other night prior to the opening titles. Merlin decides it’s time to go home and refer to Gaius.
On the journey back to Camelot, the gang spot smoke in the forest up ahead. Leon instructs them all to dismount, muzzle their horses and shut the hell up. He’s extra hot when he takes charge like that. Sneaking up, they discover a group of bandits. Leon thinks it’s best to try to get past them without being noticed, and then Gwaine draws his sword. He points out some of the bandits in a circle, taunting a young woman. Not even waiting for a signal, Gwaine leaps into the fray.
HAPPY ADVENTURETIMES BARFIGHT MUSIC! The knights all rush in to help Gwaine and there is much manly growling and sword clanging, and homoerotic exchanges of nods perfectly choreographed to the soundtrack. SO MUCH LOVE. Percival is particularly badass and hoists one bandit up on his shoulders, swings him around to knock out another, then kind of just shrugs his shoulders to crack the first bandit’s back. Dude. Merlin takes care of one via his usual glowy eyes, and is quite proud of himself. The rest of the bandits flee in abject terror and the gang are congratulating each other on a job well done, when Percival calls them over from behind a tree.
He has the girl in his arms, fearing that they were too late to save her. Doctor Merlin begins diagnosing and, well, from the screaming and kicking around in Percival’s arms, I’m guessing she’s not dead yet. Percival soothes her, and Gwen steps in to undo her bound hands. She says her name is Lamia and she appears all meek and mild until Merlin again tries to tend to her wounds. Okay, so this chick hates Merlin? Clearly evil.
Leon puts himself in front of Merlin and asks Lamia if she’s strong enough to ride. Well that depends on which one of you I’m mounting, thinks Lamia. Also, I don’t know what Leon’s worried about, given that Percival could just CARRY her back to Camelot without breaking a sweat. As everyone heads out, Elyan gives Merlin a little sympathy pat on the back. He has earned himself this week’s Knight of the Week trophy. Trust me, it wasn’t going to take much this week.
Night approaches, so Leon finds a nice place to make camp for the night. Merlin offers his hand to help Lamia dismount, and she shies away from him again, so Percival shoves Merlin away and is v. mean. Grr. Poor Merlin is clearly hurt and doesn’t understand. Gwen tries to excuse Percival as just being tired. Oh yeah? Well if he’s so tired, why is he the one up on watch later that night?
Percival hears a girl crying and leaves the fire to find Lamia sobbing under a tree. He promises her she’ll be safe now and pulls her into his chest. His face is a bit creeper-like, but then the camera cuts to Lamia’s face and she’s HEAPS CREEPIER as her eyes turn into yellow snake eyes and it looks like she’s about to make her evil move until…MERLIN! Merlin apologises for breaking up the little tryst and offers Lamia some water. She glares at him. Percival follows suit. I mean, seriously, Merlin, how dare you try to tend her wounds and help her and offer her refreshments. You’re such an a-hole.
Also, HEY! Lamia is Jojo from Raw! I recommend checking that show out sometime, if only for the Geoff/Pavel. Here’s a bit from early on in the series. There’s UST, a kiss, more UST and so forth during the first seriesalone and Geoff is a bit of a dick, but lovely deep down. Plus, there’s cheffy stuff. <3
The full moon casts its moony glow over Camelot. Inside the castle, Arthur is stressing over the fact that he hasn’t seen Merlin in two days. Also Gwen and the knights, I suppose. The sweating sickness is under control, according to Gaius, so Arthur decides it’s time to go and retrieve his wayward servant. At first light, Arthur leads his B Team (consisting of Agravaine, Gaius and a bunch of nameless redcapes) to the village. I don’t know how he’s going to entertain himself without Merlin’s banter, but something tells me they’ll be sick of Eye Spy by the end of it. “Something beginning with T.” “Is it trees?” “Yes. It’s always trees.”
Breakfast time at Camp Lamia. Merlin is munching on an apple away from the rest of the group, and he does not look happy about the situation at all. This is exactly like the situation at my place today, except Merlin was the dog, Lamia was Duck!Merlin and Duck!Arthur, and the knights were me. Seriously! Boring Pet Story: The ducks don’t trust the dog, even though all he wants to do is sniff them a bit and mostly just share their delicious seedy noms, so if I want bonding time with the ducks (which I raised since they were orphaned babies, and released back into the wild) when they visit, I have to find a place to get the dog to sit and stay so he can keep an eye on us, but not be close enough to spook the ducks. Logistical nightmare.
So! Gwen walks over to Merlin to inform him that Lamia still won’t eat and has no appetite. “Poor girl,” she says, while Merlin just keeps munching, pretty much indicating that Lamia can go fuck herself as far as he’s concerned. Leon tells them all to pack and prepare to ride east. Merlin is all, WTF, Camelot is west, you numpties, but the knights all explain that Lamia has asked them to take her home, and they’re not all that concerned about their original quest.
Still set on helping the village they were sent to help, Merlin tries to get them all to see sense. I mean, he understands that vaginas are few and far between in Camelot, but this is getting ridiculous. Leon’s had enough of Merlin’s backchatting and decides to exert his authoritah once more, except this time, it’s not as hot. “You dare to question our judgement? You are not a knight. You’re not even a physician. You’re nothing but a servant.” And YOU’RE a dick, Leon. Heart = Broken. Gwen agrees with Merlin, but is shut down by Elyan, who tells her it’s none of her business. Lamia is smug.
Things are too quiet for Arthur’s liking on the road to the village. That’s probably because he doesn’t have Merlin or Gwaine chewing his ear off. Or something bad has happened to all those dead blokes they’ve just found. Arthur thinks the bodies (all without a mark on them) are those of Southron slave traders, and Agravaine finds an open cage. Gaius notes the scratches made on the inside of the door by human hand and deduces that they were pretty darn desperate to escape. Oh, wait, one of the dead dudes isn’t dead yet. Arthur decides they’ll have to take him with them, to be treated in the village.
Taking a break, Leon and Gwaine jostle over who gets to bring Lamia a drink. The jostling turns to shoving and harsh words, which I kind of like in this context, because these two DO have opposite approaches to life in general and it’s interesting to see that used. Things escalate until Merlin tells them to stop. They pause and look like they’re going to cool down…until one last shove turns into swords being drawn and Ding! Ding! Ding! Leon Vs Gwaine is on. Percival and Elyan step in to pull them apart, but not before Leon’s arm gets sliced. Merlin is not impressed, and takes Leon away for treatment. Lamia is loving the shit out of it. Her face is kind of what I think mine must be like every week, so I can’t hate.
Arthur arrives at the village to discover that the gang left for Camelot the morning before. He all but facepalms and prepares to ride back out after them at dawn. Meanwhile, Gaius checks out the patients and concludes that Merlin was right about the sorcery. I love it when Gaius says that word.
Merlin finishes stitching up Leon’s wound. If only he’d done the guy’s mouth as well, he thinks, as Leon complains that Merlin’s needle is the size of a spear. Ahahahahaha. *breathes* Ahahahahaha. Gwen wraps a bandage around Leon’s arm and is thanked with the most impolite thank you of all time. Once Leon has stomped his way back to Lamia, Merlin and Gwen discuss the sitch. Merlin has never known Leon and Gwaine to act like that, and Gwen says she hardly recognises Elyan. Um, and this is different HOW, exactly, Gwen? You’ve barely even spoken to him since he came back and I doubt very much that you even know the real Elyan.
Merlin suspects Lamia as the root of all current evil, as the knights are like brothers and never acted this way until she came on the scene. “But she’s just a girl,” Gwen says. Trust me, Gwen, we’re all just as shocked as you are.
Gaius (who seems to have a replica medicine bag as a spare, which kind of cheapens the earlier moment with Merlin) reports back to Arthur, telling him the guy they rescued is indeed a slave trader, who was carrying a girl who they suspected was bewitching them. Arthur doesn’t know how a group of men out in the woods doing manly stuff could be interested in a girl, either, until Gaius explains that she’s a Lamia.
A Lamia is, wait for iiiiiiiitttttt, a creature of magic. I know! Shocked! Shocked, I tell you! Way back when, the high priestesses of the old religion decided to experiment with a little DNA fuckery and mingled the blood of a girl with that of a serpent. These genetically modified harlots could “control the mind of a man and suck the life from him with a single embrace” and transform into hideous monsters, which sounds absolutely delightful.
As Arthur worries about a Lamia on the loose, we cut to Elyan investigating a noise in the forest. It’s Lamia. Oh, and there’s that single embrace Gaius was talking about. Hope that kiss was worth it, mate.
When everyone simultaneously wakes the next morning, Elyan is missing. Let’s go over the tree-sharing couples before we split up to search for him, yeah? Gwen/Merlin, Leon/Gwaine and Percival/Lamia. Maybe Merlin WAS sharing a room with Gwen back in the village. He is, after all, the only person Arthur could probably trust. Anyway, Leon leads the guys out to search, while Gwen stays behind with Lamia, who is not very comforting at all.
Arthur hones his tracking skills with his B team. One of the knights, in particular, is having trouble with his cape. This is why they’re the B team.
The knights bring Elyan back to camp, but he doesn’t look too good. Gwen has now joined Merlin on the side of suspecting Lamia, but she and Merlin cannot convince the knights to take Elyan back to Camelot. Instead, Lamia suggests a castle not far from where they are, where they can take shelter and care for Elyan. Their protests are cut off by Leon, who not only breaks my heart, but scatters the shattered remains around like confetti at his and Lamia’s wedding. “SILENCE! BOTH OF YOU! You have no say in these matters. You come with us or you stay here, it’s up to you.” :(((((((((((((
Riding towards Lamia’s mystery castle, Gwen and Merlin try to come up with a plan. Gwen wants to try reasoning with them, which Merlin thinks is pointless since they’re obviously under an enchantment. Merlin’s plan is more of the ‘Arthur comes and saves the day’ variety, which Gwen doesn’t have much faith in. And this is why Merlin’s relationship with Arthur is better than yours, Gwen. Merlin doesn’t have that kind of doubt. Remember a couple of weeks ago, when you thought Merlin was dead but Arthur wouldn’t stop until he found him? Yeah. They believe in each other, in a way that you never seem to. Now try telling me you’re this show’s one true romance.
And just in case Arthur is having trouble finding them, they decide to leave a trail of breadcrumbs in the much more inedible form of clothing fragments, for their man to follow. Good idea, because it’s not easy to follow a trail when your beloved uncle covers up as many important clues as he can.
As they enter the tunnels, Merlin forgets his advice to Gwen and tries to reason with Percival. PERCIVAL? Out of all those knights who have been quite lovely to you this year, THAT’S who you chose? The one who has been snuggling up to Lamia the most? Okay, then. Surprising no-one, Percival isn’t going to listen to Merlin’s logic. “You heard Sir Leon. We have no interest in your opinion so keep your mouth shut…or I shut it for you.”
Okay, at this point? Everyone is so fucking lucky that Merlin doesn’t just drop them where they stand. Initially, the way Merlin was treated in this episode made me uncomfortable, but now I think it’s a testament to his strength of character, that he allows it. Because that’s what Merlin is doing, here. And whether it’s for the knights’ sake, or Gwen’s, or that tiny sliver of a chance that someone will discover his secret in the process, I don’t know. All I know is that Merlin could stop them whenever he wanted and this makes him all kinds of awesome.
Travelling through the tunnels, it’s a bit unfair that Gwaine is the one carrying Elyan, when Percival would be having a much easier time of it. Lamia somehow extinguishes the torches so she can disappear, and it’s up to Merlin to magically reignite his torch and then, er, relight Leon’s fire.
(Could’ve gone with a Doors reference. Went with boyband.)
Unfortunately for everybody involved, Merlin’s love is not the only thing Leon desires right now, as he wonders where Lamia has gone. The knights all rush off in search of her. Gwen and Merlin exchange FML’s, then follow.
They enter a giant chamber full of skeletons. Gwen is now helping Gwaine hold up her brother. Ahahaha, MERLIN’S FACE. It’s worth a thousand words, if those words include “OH FFS, THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE, I CAN’T EVEN.” Leon agrees that things don’t look to rosy right now…which is why they must find Lamia and get out. When Merlin disagrees and tries to explain the situation, Leon turns on him. Again. But this time with torch-waving and pushing him over into a pile of long-since dead bodies. You know what? After this, I’m going to go back and watch that scene last year where Goblin!Gaius spat in Leon’s face. On a loop. Until I feel better. Thankfully, Gwen stops them from taking things further, by reminding them that Elyan needs to be taken somewhere warmer.
They find a little room to settle down and make a fire in. Percival and Leon decide to keep looking for Lamia, with Leon getting all up in Merlin’s face to tell him to stay and do exactly what Gwaine says. Gwaine smashes a wooden crate with his boot to emphasise things, and the noise takes Leon’s attention away from Merlin, earning him some brownie points from me. Elyan’s still Knight of the Week, though. Mostly because he was lovely, then a bit mean, then unconscious through most of this crapfest.
Despite Agravaine’s attempts to dissuade him, Arthur is not giving up. Not even a cold trail with no clues will stop him. Sure, the knights of Camelot can take care of themselves, but Guinevere is with them, so Arthur will ride all night until they’re found.
Back in the tunnels, Merlin is angsting, Gwen is concerned for Elyan, and Gwaine needs more wood. Well, if you’d just be a bit nicer to Merlin… *cough* Merlin wants to go fetch some. Gwaine wants him to stay put. Merlin tells Gwaine it’s not safe for him out there and Gwaine doesn’t appreciate Merlin sticking that cute little nose into his business. He gets all scary angry, so Merlin backs off. He may as well just tuck his tail between his legs and roll over like a puppy, such is his submission. And even that is not enough to stop Gwaine from swiping at his face with the torch as he leaves. Seriously, Merlin, if you wanted to, like, turn them all into spider monkeys or something, I wouldn’t think any less of you. And Gwen’s too concerned for her brother to offer any sympathy, which is fair enough, but still.
Suspense builds as Gwaine wanders around the tunnels in search of wood. Or Lamia. Or both. ACK! SURPRISE RAT SCARE! The rat squeaks and scurries to hide inside the rib cage of a dead body. He’s all, “Squeak. Squeak. Bet you that hack of a chicken can’t do that. Squeak.” Oh, and elsewhere in the tunnels, Lamia manages to separate Leon and Percival.
Gwen has been thinking while she strokes her brother’s hair. She can’t understand how she and Merlin haven’t been enchanted along with the knights. “You’re a woman. All the victims have been men,” Merlin says, WALKING RIGHT INTO THE NEXT STEP IN LOGIC.
Gwen: So why haven’t you fallen under her spell?
Merlin: Just lucky, I guess.
Gwen: Nooo, I don’t think so.
Merlin: Maybe it’s because I’m not a knight.
Gwen: Neither were those villagers.
Merlin: Gah! I DON’T KNOW! LET’S MAKE A PACT TO STOP THINKING RIGHT NOW.
Gwen: “There’s something about YOU, Merlin. It’s the way she looks at you, as if you were the enemy.”
Me: OH COME ON, THERE IS ONLY ONE CONCLUSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY DRAW FROM THIS. OKAY, TWO. BUT ONE IS MORE PROBABLE TO YOU RIGHT NOW:
(#savecommunity)
Somehow the distant sound of screaming is heard over the 5 billion decibel “AWOOGA! AWOOGA!” of Gwen’s gaydar going off, and Merlin goes to investigate. When he tells her not to leave the room, whatever she does, her little distressed noise and lip-biting is SO DARN ADORABLE, GUYS.
Merlin whispers for Gwaine in the dark. Be careful, Merlin, there are skeleton-dwelling rats around here. Gwaine’s shoulder can be seen, the rest of him obscured by a pillar, but Gwaine continues to ignore Merlin, the bastard. Merlin taps him on the shoulder and GAAAAAHHHH! Gwaine’s nearly-lifeless body falls onto Merlin. Say what you want about the acting on this show, but Eoin Macken does a very good impression of a waxwork exhibit.
Meanwhile, Arthur finds a bit of Gwen’s tunic, which he’d recognise anywhere, tied to a branch. Run, Arthur’s horse, run like the wind.
In the tunnels, Percival follows the sound of Lamia’s whining. Worst. Siren Call. Ever. She thanks him for finding her, then sucks the life out of him. Well, at least she’s polite about it. Also, I am disappointed that poor Gwaine’s kiss was off-camera.
Oh, hi, Leon. What’s that? You witnessed the life-sucking snog? And now everything you thought to be true is a lie and your heart is broken? Yeah. WELCOME TO MY WORLD FOR MOST OF YOUR SCENES DURING THIS EPISODE, MISTER.
“Nooooooooo!” Leon screams, and rushes at Lamia with his sword. Okay, I do love your dramatic No moments. It helps that you’re making an effort here, Leon, but it could take some time before things are back to the way they used to be between us.
There is no post-kiss swoon to the ground for Leon. Instead, Lamia uses the trusty old “throw him around the room a bit” magic and knocks him out. Well, it’s nice that he managed to keep himself pure for me Merlin, too. Speaking of, Merlin arrives to interrupt Lamia, who is crouched over Leon, ready for a little face sucking. “You won’t find me such easy prey.” \o/
Lamia is pretty cocky, saying she’s not afraid of the big bad Merlin’s magic and that she could have killed him anytime she wished. “Then what are you waiting for?” Merlin asks. Actually, that’s a question I’d like answered. No time for trivial things like explanations of motives now, however, as Lamia makes the first move and throws Merlin against a wall. Merlin retaliates by magically sending a sword through her gut. Yay, Merlin.
While Merlin quickly checks on Percival, we hear that familiar hissing sound coming from where Lamia fell. TENTACLE MONSTER! Letting the reptilian side of the family tree shine, transformed!Lamia advances. Merlin manages to run out of the room, shouting a quick spell to cave in the entrance with falling blocks. Phew, that was close, Merlin. Wait, did you just trap Leon and Percival in there with that thing? Harsh, but understandable after everything. Oh, and by the way, it seems that no wall of rubble can contain her. RUN!
Gwen hears some commotion and can obey the menfolk’s instructions no longer. She takes her sword and goes in search of the action, relieved when Merlin runs her way. That relief is short-lived when she sees what’s chasing him. Hee. Merlin pushes her ahead of him and they make a run for it, but ACK! A tentacle has grabbed Merlin’s foot and drags him in. Nooooooooo!
“GET AWAY FROM HIIIIIIIMMMM!” Gwen screams, as she rushes at the monster and stabs it. It is awesome. The Lamia is hurt, but not enough to stop advancing on them. Gwen and Merlin are on their backs, looking up at certain death. Things are at their most grim. Time to suck it up and use your magic in front of another person, Merlin. Merlin agrees and his eyes yellow up in preparation. He raises his hand. Everyone is holding their breath. Except Gwen, because she’s too busy being terrified. Then…the Lamia falls to the ground with a sword stuck in its back, and Arthur appears behind it.
Yaaaaaaaaaaay! I love that Gwen is all overjoyed smiles and leaps up to enthusiastically throw herself at Arthur, while Merlin stays on the ground and LOOKS at him, with the look that says, OH, THE MANY AND VARIED WAYS I SHALL SHOW MY APPRECIATION LATER, YOU MAGNIFICENT PIECE OF MAN-SHAPED MAGNIFICENCE. And also, phew, he nearly gave away BOTH secrets today.
Once Merlin has decided the Arthur/Gwen cuteness has gone on long enough, he complains a bit. Arthur immediately switches attention and helps Merlin up and CAN’T STOP TOUCHING HIM. “It’s almost good to see you, Merlin.” “Likewise.” “Almost.” I don’t know how this is charged with so much more affection than Gwen being spun around giddily in Arthur’s arms, but it is.
Everyone is back in the village. Gaius tells Arthur he has given the knights the same treatment that cured the villagers and they’ll be okay. Percival even finds the strength to half-sit up and give Arthur a manly handshake. Arthur is positively BOUNCY as he leaves. He sees Merlin bent over outside and CANNOT walk past that. I mean, he has found Merlin’s backside and it’s only fair to let Merlin know where it is again.
“So. Merlin. Being saved by a woman. That really can’t feel good.” Merlin tells him it feels a lot better than being dead. Arthur screws up his nose and weighs up these options, deciding he’d have to think about it. “Well, don’t think too hard,” Merlin says. “I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” Hee. Arthur, amused, punches Merlin in the arm and takes his leave. Merlin smiles, pleased. Look, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this once or twice before, but I think these two boys are delightful together.
Once things are back to normal in Camelot, Arthur summons Gwen to his chambers to see how she is after recent events. Arthur is all playful and flirty and it is impossible for me to resist stuff like this, even with my Merlin/Arthur loyalties. He says he thought he knew everything about Gwen - her loyalty and wisdom - but wants to know when she became this fearless hero. After a bit more flirting, Arthur seriously tells her that she was “equal to any knight in Camelot” and that he’s proud of her. And then they kiss and there is sunlight shining through the window and violins and lens flare and WHO THE FUCK CARES BECAUSE:
NEXT WEEK: LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. ALSO JOUSTING. AND LANCELOT.
In a land of myth and a time of cookie cutter medieval villages, a couple are bunking down in their little house for the night. Mr Villager observes a chill in the air, and Mrs Villager chuckles and tells him he has said that every night for the last thirty years. And you’re just bringing it up NOW? I probably would have told him to cut that shit out about 29.5 years ago. Or invested in some extra insulation or something. Anyway, they’re just about to retire to bed (where one hopes things are not as boringly repetitive, for Mrs Villager’s sake) when a scream is heard outside. Bloody hell, not those ghost things again!
As the elder of the village, it is Mr Villager’s duty to go outside and investigate. He tells his wife to lock the door behind him and not let anyone in. Also, don’t have sex, drink, do drugs or say you’ll be right back. It’s all pretty standard.
Click to viewThere’s suspense aplenty as Mr Villager sneaks around the village. I am on the edge of my seat, waiting for the next random farm animal to jump out and scare us. Will it be the scary chicken again? Her clucking was exceptional, and she deserves more work. I wouldn’t mind mixing it up a bit with a goose or two. We shall know soon enough, because things are building up to the big scare…here goes… oh, it’s just a catatonic guy. I am disappoint. Oh and there was some kind of scaly hissing thing in the shadows. Roll opening titles.
It’s laundry day at Gwen’s place. I guess she can’t spend her WHOLE life mopping sweaty brows. Her folding is interrupted by a visitor - Mrs Villager! They go way back, apparently, but haven’t seen each other for many years. I’m sure we’d all like to sit down over a cuppa and find out more about their relationship, but Mrs Villager needs help and we must move the plot along swiftly.
Well, they may not have seen each other for a while, but Mrs Villager seemed to know Gwen had the ear of the king, curse those medieval tabloids. I bet The Daily (Chain) Mail has been RUTHLESS, hacking carrier pigeons and whatnot. Adding to the scandal, Arthur grants Mrs Villager an audience in his own rooms, because he’s a pretty chill king and all that. He’s also displaying a nice bit of man cleavage via a casually laced tunic. A bit jealous of Gwen’s lately, Arthur?
Arthur agrees to do everything he can to help the village, which has lost three good men from the mysterious illness, because that’s what a dutiful king does. <3 Arthur. Unfortunately, Camelot is currently infected with a severe case of “sweating sickness” and Gaius cannot be spared. Wait, people are sweating and Gwen isn’t mopping their collective brows? It’s a good thing Merlin is around. While Merlin tends to the latest patient, Gaius makes a suggestion: Merlin can go to the village in his place. Hee, Arthur’s FACE. And I know Merlin is a young MAN now, but Doctor Merlin totally makes me think of this:
Gaius is certain that if the diagnosis is straightforward, Merlin has gained enough knowledge over the years to be able to prescribe a remedy. And if it turns out to be a bit more difficult, which we all know it will, Merlin can bring his findings back to Gaius. “Findings?” Arthur says. “Merlin can’t find his own backside most of the time.” Oh, Arthur. That’s just what he says so you’ll help him look for it. Gaius thinks Merlin is capable of much more than Arthur imagines. Arthur pauses, clearly IMAGINING, as he looks at Merlin from across the room. *cough*
Later, Gaius carves up a lovely (and v. white) loaf of bread while Merlin studies and doubts his ability to be a physician. He’s not sure about people putting their lives in his hands. “I put my life in your hands every day, Merlin, as does Arthur, Gwen and all of Camelot, though they may not know it. You are the one who holds the fate of this kingdom in the balance.” Merlin thinks that’s different, because it doesn’t require a lifetime of learning. Gaius says it requires intelligence, courage and compassion, which makes Merlin a bit bashful and adorable, and says he has every faith in him. Sometimes Gaius’ words and actions make me so full of rage, and then we get THIS Gaius and I love him.
Merlin is packing for the big trip, when Gaius enters to give him his medicine bag. Oh dear, is this one of those foreshadowing, changing of the guard type moments? If they off Gaius this year, you just know Kilgharrah will be next, just so Arthur, Merlin and Aithusa can all struggle with losing their daddy/mentor/father figure. Anyway, best not to dwell. Merlin, Gwen and Mrs Villager ride out with the knights. Hey, Mrs Villager is Ditchwater Sal from Stardust, which also starred Michelle Pfeiffer as a villainess called Lamia. The more you know.
As predicted by Leon, our gang arrive just before nightfall. Mr Villager is happy to see his wife. And Gwen. Hugs all ‘round. He’s not so happy to see Merlin, however, as he was expecting Gaius, not “a boy.” Hey, mate! Gift horse. Keep out of its fucking mouth. If Uther was still alive, you wouldn’t have seen anyone. Well, maybe Arthur would have gotten into a strop and snuck out to save you all, but he still would’ve just taken “the boy” with him.
“His NAME is MERLIN,” Elyan says, and I fall a little bit in love. Gwen tries to smooth things over, explaining that Merlin was appointed as acting physician by King Arthur, himself, but they remain unconvinced. Merlin heads off to see the patients while Elyan stands his ground and stays to give Mr & Mrs Villager the stinkeye. I heart Elyan already this week. I guess Gwen became friends with this couple during Elyan’s absent years? He doesn’t seem to like them much.
Doctor Merlin does his rounds with Nurse Gwen, while Mr Villager answers a few questions about the patients. Merlin decides they need to have their heart and blood flow stimulated and, since Arthur isn’t around, he will have to rely on belladonna and patchouli for that. Heh, patchouli stink.
Merlin smiles reassuringly and asks Gwen and Mr Villager to fetch hot water and lots of blankets, so he’s alone to try his miracle cure: magic. It doesn’t work. Uh-oh. You know what’d probably help right now? One of those whiteboards made out of glass like the one House used.
Up late reading the latest medical journal, Merlin hears a noise and goes outside to investigate. Someone is asleep in the room, but I can’t make out if it’s Gwen or not. Things are all creepy outside again, as Merlin wanders around armed with a stick. The scaly hissy thing has returned so I’m waiting for either that or the chicken to jump out any minute now. Or maybe the chicken IS the scaly hissy thing. Maybe it has EVOLVED. Merlin rounds a corner, his big stick pointing in the direction of…GWAINE! Holy shit, that actually scared the crap out of me.
Gwaine apologies for having to attend to a call of nature, and Merlin fusses about nearly killing him. “With a fishing rod?” Gwaine says. “Sir Gwaine was slain with a fishing rod. That’s the stuff of legends, hey?” They laugh, Gwaine gets handsy, Merlin takes another poke at Gwaine with his rod, I am enjoying this episode. Oh, and the hissy thing hisses a bit more.
The next morning, Merlin’s patients have gotten worse. When he tells Mr Villager that there’s something at work that he doesn’t understand, Mr Villager knows what’s going on: SORCERY. Apparently, he sensed an evil presence the other night prior to the opening titles. Merlin decides it’s time to go home and refer to Gaius.
On the journey back to Camelot, the gang spot smoke in the forest up ahead. Leon instructs them all to dismount, muzzle their horses and shut the hell up. He’s extra hot when he takes charge like that. Sneaking up, they discover a group of bandits. Leon thinks it’s best to try to get past them without being noticed, and then Gwaine draws his sword. He points out some of the bandits in a circle, taunting a young woman. Not even waiting for a signal, Gwaine leaps into the fray.
HAPPY ADVENTURETIMES BARFIGHT MUSIC! The knights all rush in to help Gwaine and there is much manly growling and sword clanging, and homoerotic exchanges of nods perfectly choreographed to the soundtrack. SO MUCH LOVE. Percival is particularly badass and hoists one bandit up on his shoulders, swings him around to knock out another, then kind of just shrugs his shoulders to crack the first bandit’s back. Dude. Merlin takes care of one via his usual glowy eyes, and is quite proud of himself. The rest of the bandits flee in abject terror and the gang are congratulating each other on a job well done, when Percival calls them over from behind a tree.
He has the girl in his arms, fearing that they were too late to save her. Doctor Merlin begins diagnosing and, well, from the screaming and kicking around in Percival’s arms, I’m guessing she’s not dead yet. Percival soothes her, and Gwen steps in to undo her bound hands. She says her name is Lamia and she appears all meek and mild until Merlin again tries to tend to her wounds. Okay, so this chick hates Merlin? Clearly evil.
Leon puts himself in front of Merlin and asks Lamia if she’s strong enough to ride. Well that depends on which one of you I’m mounting, thinks Lamia. Also, I don’t know what Leon’s worried about, given that Percival could just CARRY her back to Camelot without breaking a sweat. As everyone heads out, Elyan gives Merlin a little sympathy pat on the back. He has earned himself this week’s Knight of the Week trophy. Trust me, it wasn’t going to take much this week.
Night approaches, so Leon finds a nice place to make camp for the night. Merlin offers his hand to help Lamia dismount, and she shies away from him again, so Percival shoves Merlin away and is v. mean. Grr. Poor Merlin is clearly hurt and doesn’t understand. Gwen tries to excuse Percival as just being tired. Oh yeah? Well if he’s so tired, why is he the one up on watch later that night?
Percival hears a girl crying and leaves the fire to find Lamia sobbing under a tree. He promises her she’ll be safe now and pulls her into his chest. His face is a bit creeper-like, but then the camera cuts to Lamia’s face and she’s HEAPS CREEPIER as her eyes turn into yellow snake eyes and it looks like she’s about to make her evil move until…MERLIN! Merlin apologises for breaking up the little tryst and offers Lamia some water. She glares at him. Percival follows suit. I mean, seriously, Merlin, how dare you try to tend her wounds and help her and offer her refreshments. You’re such an a-hole.
Also, HEY! Lamia is Jojo from Raw! I recommend checking that show out sometime, if only for the Geoff/Pavel. Here’s a bit from early on in the series. There’s UST, a kiss, more UST and so forth during the first seriesalone and Geoff is a bit of a dick, but lovely deep down. Plus, there’s cheffy stuff. <3
The full moon casts its moony glow over Camelot. Inside the castle, Arthur is stressing over the fact that he hasn’t seen Merlin in two days. Also Gwen and the knights, I suppose. The sweating sickness is under control, according to Gaius, so Arthur decides it’s time to go and retrieve his wayward servant. At first light, Arthur leads his B Team (consisting of Agravaine, Gaius and a bunch of nameless redcapes) to the village. I don’t know how he’s going to entertain himself without Merlin’s banter, but something tells me they’ll be sick of Eye Spy by the end of it. “Something beginning with T.” “Is it trees?” “Yes. It’s always trees.”
Breakfast time at Camp Lamia. Merlin is munching on an apple away from the rest of the group, and he does not look happy about the situation at all. This is exactly like the situation at my place today, except Merlin was the dog, Lamia was Duck!Merlin and Duck!Arthur, and the knights were me. Seriously! Boring Pet Story: The ducks don’t trust the dog, even though all he wants to do is sniff them a bit and mostly just share their delicious seedy noms, so if I want bonding time with the ducks (which I raised since they were orphaned babies, and released back into the wild) when they visit, I have to find a place to get the dog to sit and stay so he can keep an eye on us, but not be close enough to spook the ducks. Logistical nightmare.
So! Gwen walks over to Merlin to inform him that Lamia still won’t eat and has no appetite. “Poor girl,” she says, while Merlin just keeps munching, pretty much indicating that Lamia can go fuck herself as far as he’s concerned. Leon tells them all to pack and prepare to ride east. Merlin is all, WTF, Camelot is west, you numpties, but the knights all explain that Lamia has asked them to take her home, and they’re not all that concerned about their original quest.
Still set on helping the village they were sent to help, Merlin tries to get them all to see sense. I mean, he understands that vaginas are few and far between in Camelot, but this is getting ridiculous. Leon’s had enough of Merlin’s backchatting and decides to exert his authoritah once more, except this time, it’s not as hot. “You dare to question our judgement? You are not a knight. You’re not even a physician. You’re nothing but a servant.” And YOU’RE a dick, Leon. Heart = Broken. Gwen agrees with Merlin, but is shut down by Elyan, who tells her it’s none of her business. Lamia is smug.
Things are too quiet for Arthur’s liking on the road to the village. That’s probably because he doesn’t have Merlin or Gwaine chewing his ear off. Or something bad has happened to all those dead blokes they’ve just found. Arthur thinks the bodies (all without a mark on them) are those of Southron slave traders, and Agravaine finds an open cage. Gaius notes the scratches made on the inside of the door by human hand and deduces that they were pretty darn desperate to escape. Oh, wait, one of the dead dudes isn’t dead yet. Arthur decides they’ll have to take him with them, to be treated in the village.
Taking a break, Leon and Gwaine jostle over who gets to bring Lamia a drink. The jostling turns to shoving and harsh words, which I kind of like in this context, because these two DO have opposite approaches to life in general and it’s interesting to see that used. Things escalate until Merlin tells them to stop. They pause and look like they’re going to cool down…until one last shove turns into swords being drawn and Ding! Ding! Ding! Leon Vs Gwaine is on. Percival and Elyan step in to pull them apart, but not before Leon’s arm gets sliced. Merlin is not impressed, and takes Leon away for treatment. Lamia is loving the shit out of it. Her face is kind of what I think mine must be like every week, so I can’t hate.
Arthur arrives at the village to discover that the gang left for Camelot the morning before. He all but facepalms and prepares to ride back out after them at dawn. Meanwhile, Gaius checks out the patients and concludes that Merlin was right about the sorcery. I love it when Gaius says that word.
Merlin finishes stitching up Leon’s wound. If only he’d done the guy’s mouth as well, he thinks, as Leon complains that Merlin’s needle is the size of a spear. Ahahahahaha. *breathes* Ahahahahaha. Gwen wraps a bandage around Leon’s arm and is thanked with the most impolite thank you of all time. Once Leon has stomped his way back to Lamia, Merlin and Gwen discuss the sitch. Merlin has never known Leon and Gwaine to act like that, and Gwen says she hardly recognises Elyan. Um, and this is different HOW, exactly, Gwen? You’ve barely even spoken to him since he came back and I doubt very much that you even know the real Elyan.
Merlin suspects Lamia as the root of all current evil, as the knights are like brothers and never acted this way until she came on the scene. “But she’s just a girl,” Gwen says. Trust me, Gwen, we’re all just as shocked as you are.
Gaius (who seems to have a replica medicine bag as a spare, which kind of cheapens the earlier moment with Merlin) reports back to Arthur, telling him the guy they rescued is indeed a slave trader, who was carrying a girl who they suspected was bewitching them. Arthur doesn’t know how a group of men out in the woods doing manly stuff could be interested in a girl, either, until Gaius explains that she’s a Lamia.
A Lamia is, wait for iiiiiiiitttttt, a creature of magic. I know! Shocked! Shocked, I tell you! Way back when, the high priestesses of the old religion decided to experiment with a little DNA fuckery and mingled the blood of a girl with that of a serpent. These genetically modified harlots could “control the mind of a man and suck the life from him with a single embrace” and transform into hideous monsters, which sounds absolutely delightful.
As Arthur worries about a Lamia on the loose, we cut to Elyan investigating a noise in the forest. It’s Lamia. Oh, and there’s that single embrace Gaius was talking about. Hope that kiss was worth it, mate.
When everyone simultaneously wakes the next morning, Elyan is missing. Let’s go over the tree-sharing couples before we split up to search for him, yeah? Gwen/Merlin, Leon/Gwaine and Percival/Lamia. Maybe Merlin WAS sharing a room with Gwen back in the village. He is, after all, the only person Arthur could probably trust. Anyway, Leon leads the guys out to search, while Gwen stays behind with Lamia, who is not very comforting at all.
Arthur hones his tracking skills with his B team. One of the knights, in particular, is having trouble with his cape. This is why they’re the B team.
The knights bring Elyan back to camp, but he doesn’t look too good. Gwen has now joined Merlin on the side of suspecting Lamia, but she and Merlin cannot convince the knights to take Elyan back to Camelot. Instead, Lamia suggests a castle not far from where they are, where they can take shelter and care for Elyan. Their protests are cut off by Leon, who not only breaks my heart, but scatters the shattered remains around like confetti at his and Lamia’s wedding. “SILENCE! BOTH OF YOU! You have no say in these matters. You come with us or you stay here, it’s up to you.” :(((((((((((((
Riding towards Lamia’s mystery castle, Gwen and Merlin try to come up with a plan. Gwen wants to try reasoning with them, which Merlin thinks is pointless since they’re obviously under an enchantment. Merlin’s plan is more of the ‘Arthur comes and saves the day’ variety, which Gwen doesn’t have much faith in. And this is why Merlin’s relationship with Arthur is better than yours, Gwen. Merlin doesn’t have that kind of doubt. Remember a couple of weeks ago, when you thought Merlin was dead but Arthur wouldn’t stop until he found him? Yeah. They believe in each other, in a way that you never seem to. Now try telling me you’re this show’s one true romance.
And just in case Arthur is having trouble finding them, they decide to leave a trail of breadcrumbs in the much more inedible form of clothing fragments, for their man to follow. Good idea, because it’s not easy to follow a trail when your beloved uncle covers up as many important clues as he can.
As they enter the tunnels, Merlin forgets his advice to Gwen and tries to reason with Percival. PERCIVAL? Out of all those knights who have been quite lovely to you this year, THAT’S who you chose? The one who has been snuggling up to Lamia the most? Okay, then. Surprising no-one, Percival isn’t going to listen to Merlin’s logic. “You heard Sir Leon. We have no interest in your opinion so keep your mouth shut…or I shut it for you.”
Okay, at this point? Everyone is so fucking lucky that Merlin doesn’t just drop them where they stand. Initially, the way Merlin was treated in this episode made me uncomfortable, but now I think it’s a testament to his strength of character, that he allows it. Because that’s what Merlin is doing, here. And whether it’s for the knights’ sake, or Gwen’s, or that tiny sliver of a chance that someone will discover his secret in the process, I don’t know. All I know is that Merlin could stop them whenever he wanted and this makes him all kinds of awesome.
Travelling through the tunnels, it’s a bit unfair that Gwaine is the one carrying Elyan, when Percival would be having a much easier time of it. Lamia somehow extinguishes the torches so she can disappear, and it’s up to Merlin to magically reignite his torch and then, er, relight Leon’s fire.
(Could’ve gone with a Doors reference. Went with boyband.)
Unfortunately for everybody involved, Merlin’s love is not the only thing Leon desires right now, as he wonders where Lamia has gone. The knights all rush off in search of her. Gwen and Merlin exchange FML’s, then follow.
They enter a giant chamber full of skeletons. Gwen is now helping Gwaine hold up her brother. Ahahaha, MERLIN’S FACE. It’s worth a thousand words, if those words include “OH FFS, THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE, I CAN’T EVEN.” Leon agrees that things don’t look to rosy right now…which is why they must find Lamia and get out. When Merlin disagrees and tries to explain the situation, Leon turns on him. Again. But this time with torch-waving and pushing him over into a pile of long-since dead bodies. You know what? After this, I’m going to go back and watch that scene last year where Goblin!Gaius spat in Leon’s face. On a loop. Until I feel better. Thankfully, Gwen stops them from taking things further, by reminding them that Elyan needs to be taken somewhere warmer.
They find a little room to settle down and make a fire in. Percival and Leon decide to keep looking for Lamia, with Leon getting all up in Merlin’s face to tell him to stay and do exactly what Gwaine says. Gwaine smashes a wooden crate with his boot to emphasise things, and the noise takes Leon’s attention away from Merlin, earning him some brownie points from me. Elyan’s still Knight of the Week, though. Mostly because he was lovely, then a bit mean, then unconscious through most of this crapfest.
Despite Agravaine’s attempts to dissuade him, Arthur is not giving up. Not even a cold trail with no clues will stop him. Sure, the knights of Camelot can take care of themselves, but Guinevere is with them, so Arthur will ride all night until they’re found.
Back in the tunnels, Merlin is angsting, Gwen is concerned for Elyan, and Gwaine needs more wood. Well, if you’d just be a bit nicer to Merlin… *cough* Merlin wants to go fetch some. Gwaine wants him to stay put. Merlin tells Gwaine it’s not safe for him out there and Gwaine doesn’t appreciate Merlin sticking that cute little nose into his business. He gets all scary angry, so Merlin backs off. He may as well just tuck his tail between his legs and roll over like a puppy, such is his submission. And even that is not enough to stop Gwaine from swiping at his face with the torch as he leaves. Seriously, Merlin, if you wanted to, like, turn them all into spider monkeys or something, I wouldn’t think any less of you. And Gwen’s too concerned for her brother to offer any sympathy, which is fair enough, but still.
Suspense builds as Gwaine wanders around the tunnels in search of wood. Or Lamia. Or both. ACK! SURPRISE RAT SCARE! The rat squeaks and scurries to hide inside the rib cage of a dead body. He’s all, “Squeak. Squeak. Bet you that hack of a chicken can’t do that. Squeak.” Oh, and elsewhere in the tunnels, Lamia manages to separate Leon and Percival.
Gwen has been thinking while she strokes her brother’s hair. She can’t understand how she and Merlin haven’t been enchanted along with the knights. “You’re a woman. All the victims have been men,” Merlin says, WALKING RIGHT INTO THE NEXT STEP IN LOGIC.
Gwen: So why haven’t you fallen under her spell?
Merlin: Just lucky, I guess.
Gwen: Nooo, I don’t think so.
Merlin: Maybe it’s because I’m not a knight.
Gwen: Neither were those villagers.
Merlin: Gah! I DON’T KNOW! LET’S MAKE A PACT TO STOP THINKING RIGHT NOW.
Gwen: “There’s something about YOU, Merlin. It’s the way she looks at you, as if you were the enemy.”
Me: OH COME ON, THERE IS ONLY ONE CONCLUSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY DRAW FROM THIS. OKAY, TWO. BUT ONE IS MORE PROBABLE TO YOU RIGHT NOW:
(#savecommunity)
Somehow the distant sound of screaming is heard over the 5 billion decibel “AWOOGA! AWOOGA!” of Gwen’s gaydar going off, and Merlin goes to investigate. When he tells her not to leave the room, whatever she does, her little distressed noise and lip-biting is SO DARN ADORABLE, GUYS.
Merlin whispers for Gwaine in the dark. Be careful, Merlin, there are skeleton-dwelling rats around here. Gwaine’s shoulder can be seen, the rest of him obscured by a pillar, but Gwaine continues to ignore Merlin, the bastard. Merlin taps him on the shoulder and GAAAAAHHHH! Gwaine’s nearly-lifeless body falls onto Merlin. Say what you want about the acting on this show, but Eoin Macken does a very good impression of a waxwork exhibit.
Meanwhile, Arthur finds a bit of Gwen’s tunic, which he’d recognise anywhere, tied to a branch. Run, Arthur’s horse, run like the wind.
In the tunnels, Percival follows the sound of Lamia’s whining. Worst. Siren Call. Ever. She thanks him for finding her, then sucks the life out of him. Well, at least she’s polite about it. Also, I am disappointed that poor Gwaine’s kiss was off-camera.
Oh, hi, Leon. What’s that? You witnessed the life-sucking snog? And now everything you thought to be true is a lie and your heart is broken? Yeah. WELCOME TO MY WORLD FOR MOST OF YOUR SCENES DURING THIS EPISODE, MISTER.
“Nooooooooo!” Leon screams, and rushes at Lamia with his sword. Okay, I do love your dramatic No moments. It helps that you’re making an effort here, Leon, but it could take some time before things are back to the way they used to be between us.
There is no post-kiss swoon to the ground for Leon. Instead, Lamia uses the trusty old “throw him around the room a bit” magic and knocks him out. Well, it’s nice that he managed to keep himself pure for me Merlin, too. Speaking of, Merlin arrives to interrupt Lamia, who is crouched over Leon, ready for a little face sucking. “You won’t find me such easy prey.” \o/
Lamia is pretty cocky, saying she’s not afraid of the big bad Merlin’s magic and that she could have killed him anytime she wished. “Then what are you waiting for?” Merlin asks. Actually, that’s a question I’d like answered. No time for trivial things like explanations of motives now, however, as Lamia makes the first move and throws Merlin against a wall. Merlin retaliates by magically sending a sword through her gut. Yay, Merlin.
While Merlin quickly checks on Percival, we hear that familiar hissing sound coming from where Lamia fell. TENTACLE MONSTER! Letting the reptilian side of the family tree shine, transformed!Lamia advances. Merlin manages to run out of the room, shouting a quick spell to cave in the entrance with falling blocks. Phew, that was close, Merlin. Wait, did you just trap Leon and Percival in there with that thing? Harsh, but understandable after everything. Oh, and by the way, it seems that no wall of rubble can contain her. RUN!
Gwen hears some commotion and can obey the menfolk’s instructions no longer. She takes her sword and goes in search of the action, relieved when Merlin runs her way. That relief is short-lived when she sees what’s chasing him. Hee. Merlin pushes her ahead of him and they make a run for it, but ACK! A tentacle has grabbed Merlin’s foot and drags him in. Nooooooooo!
“GET AWAY FROM HIIIIIIIMMMM!” Gwen screams, as she rushes at the monster and stabs it. It is awesome. The Lamia is hurt, but not enough to stop advancing on them. Gwen and Merlin are on their backs, looking up at certain death. Things are at their most grim. Time to suck it up and use your magic in front of another person, Merlin. Merlin agrees and his eyes yellow up in preparation. He raises his hand. Everyone is holding their breath. Except Gwen, because she’s too busy being terrified. Then…the Lamia falls to the ground with a sword stuck in its back, and Arthur appears behind it.
Yaaaaaaaaaaay! I love that Gwen is all overjoyed smiles and leaps up to enthusiastically throw herself at Arthur, while Merlin stays on the ground and LOOKS at him, with the look that says, OH, THE MANY AND VARIED WAYS I SHALL SHOW MY APPRECIATION LATER, YOU MAGNIFICENT PIECE OF MAN-SHAPED MAGNIFICENCE. And also, phew, he nearly gave away BOTH secrets today.
Once Merlin has decided the Arthur/Gwen cuteness has gone on long enough, he complains a bit. Arthur immediately switches attention and helps Merlin up and CAN’T STOP TOUCHING HIM. “It’s almost good to see you, Merlin.” “Likewise.” “Almost.” I don’t know how this is charged with so much more affection than Gwen being spun around giddily in Arthur’s arms, but it is.
Everyone is back in the village. Gaius tells Arthur he has given the knights the same treatment that cured the villagers and they’ll be okay. Percival even finds the strength to half-sit up and give Arthur a manly handshake. Arthur is positively BOUNCY as he leaves. He sees Merlin bent over outside and CANNOT walk past that. I mean, he has found Merlin’s backside and it’s only fair to let Merlin know where it is again.
“So. Merlin. Being saved by a woman. That really can’t feel good.” Merlin tells him it feels a lot better than being dead. Arthur screws up his nose and weighs up these options, deciding he’d have to think about it. “Well, don’t think too hard,” Merlin says. “I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” Hee. Arthur, amused, punches Merlin in the arm and takes his leave. Merlin smiles, pleased. Look, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this once or twice before, but I think these two boys are delightful together.
Once things are back to normal in Camelot, Arthur summons Gwen to his chambers to see how she is after recent events. Arthur is all playful and flirty and it is impossible for me to resist stuff like this, even with my Merlin/Arthur loyalties. He says he thought he knew everything about Gwen - her loyalty and wisdom - but wants to know when she became this fearless hero. After a bit more flirting, Arthur seriously tells her that she was “equal to any knight in Camelot” and that he’s proud of her. And then they kiss and there is sunlight shining through the window and violins and lens flare and WHO THE FUCK CARES BECAUSE:
NEXT WEEK: LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. LANCELOT. ALSO JOUSTING. AND LANCELOT.