merlin - arthur's bane part one
Holy crap, I haven't logged in since last year! That is a very long time indeed. But Merlin is back and therefore, so am I. Will endeavour to post an excuse or two in the future but for now, recap time.
In a land of myth and a time of overly dramatic openings, Merlin is searching for someone. He tries Arthur's bedroom, some random door which looks exactly the same as Arthur's bedroom, and the throne room, before taking a quick breather. The person is nowhere to be found. Finally, after running past EVERYONE IN CAMELOT, he reaches Arthur. Yay, hide-and-seek game accomplished! Merlin wins! No, wait, it turns out Arthur had sent him to search the entire castle for the queen. I don't like that game as much.
Arthur is not impressed with Merlin’s search techniques and asks if there’s anything he’s actually capable of doing. "Putting up with you," is Merlin’s quite justifiable response. OH, HERE WE GO. But just as I settle in for some prime bickering banter, someone clears their throat and interrupts them. Gwen, you are not keeping up your end of the bargain when I promised to try and accept your new role in our lives. Arthur is all patient politeness and Merlin is all, 'I am going to kill you once she’s returned to her own bedchamber later this evening' and then has a bit of an awkward moment with Gwen's handmaiden and my heart actually stops for a second in ABJECT HORROR. Please don’t conveniently set up the servants, I beg of you.
ROUND TABLE. Hi, Sir Elyan. HI, SIR LEON, HOW ARE YOU, BB? Ahem. Arthur addresses his knights, countrymen and friends and we go to a wide shot of the entire table. Hey, why isn’t Merlin sitting in that empty chair? Why is he standing when there is a chair he is, by now, completely entitled to? I briefly think, oh, it’s sweet that they’ve kept a spot for Lancelot’s ghost (or hopeful return from the dead) right next to Gwen, but then we discover that Gwaine is MIA. So it's Gwaine’s chair? But we now flash to Gwaine and discover that Percival is with him, so who’s sitting in Percival’s spot? My head hurts.
Wait, instead of focussing on seating arrangements, let’s backtrack to Arthur’s exposition. They have been blessed with peace and prosperity for three long years. Oh, yay, massive time jump. Also, one would think those good years would just fly by, instead of being long. It’s the years full of darkness and formulaic plots to overthrow the kingdom that really drag out. Never fear, because a shadow has been cast across our lands. Gwaine set off for…Ismir? (something like that) six weeks ago along with three score of Camelot’s finest men, including Percival (who doesn’t get a shout out from Arthur OR a seat at the table for some reason. What did he do? Flirt with Merlin?) and there has been no word from them since. Probably because mobile coverage is a total bitch once you get past the city gates.
We find Gwaine, Percival and Camelot’s finest wandering around in a blizzard because the writers watched Game of Thrones over the break and figured Gwaine looked the most like Jon Snow. It’s the Knight’s Watch. There’s a menacing growl and Gwaine commands everyone to flee. For some reason, every single knight is 5000% faster than Gwaine. Seriously, they all COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR and suddenly Gwaine is running alone. Gwaine, mate, you’ve gotta cut down on the mead and start working out a bit. Realising he is the slowest of the slow, he has no choice but to draw his sword and face the monster behind him. Aw, it’s a cute little wolf! The wolf snarls. I want to pet him and give him belly rubs and let him lick my face. Gwaine basically passes out. I want to pet him and give him belly rubs and….yeah.
Arthur quickly tells us that Sir Elyan led a search party to find Gwaine but came up empty handed. Maybe you should have let Leon, the competent one, go. “It is if they have vanished from the face of the earth,” Arthur tells us. Merlin’s concerned face is concerned.
The wolf sits by Gwaine’s unconscious body and howls for his alpha. Please be Derek Hale, please be Derek Hale.
Someone in black approaches. HI, MORGANA! And as I flail around thinking it’s totally adorable that Morgana adopted a puppy during the three year break because what a girl needs more than a kingdom to rule is a dog to love, let’s roll the opening titles.
Oh, Morgana adopted a whole pack of puppies! And not only do they provide unconditional love and fetch her cute knights, but they also double as her sled team. She returns to Castle Black, where Ser Davos is waiting. What are you doing in the north, Davos? Okay, quick skip to the end credits to find that Davos is actually named Ruadan but I’ll go with the former at least until I know how his real name is pronounced. He tells us that Gwaine is the last of Camelot’s patrol. Wait, so the others were captured already? I think I got confused back there. Anyway, Morgana is worried that Arthur is going to send more men and Davos actually says, “Calm yourself,” and I truly think Morgana is going to turn around and slap the salty life out of him for that. Instead, she flounces to her throne while Davos talks about something that is the ‘key to all knowledge’ which will tell them of Arthur’s Bane. They’ve been searching for it for three months, apparently, and Morgana is beginning to doubt that Davos is 100% truthful about its existence. He tells her to be patient, and she’s all, ‘I spent two long years seeing nothing but darkness (until I let the love of a few good wolf-pups into my heart)
I HAVE ALL THE PATIENCE.’
And, okay, I will agree that two years seeing nothing but darkness could justifiably be described as long. Morgana’s years were definitely longer than Arthur’s. Morgana’s pity party is interrupted by the opening of her throne room doors, and as Davos turns to see who it is, we get a shot of his neck. Nice tattoo, guy. Here’s who does it better:
(Just so you know, I watched that SO MANY TIMES before finding an embeddable copy and REGRET NOTHING.)
Oh, Gwaine’s awake. He tries a bit of flirting with Morgana and gets a quick kick courtesy of a guard’s boot for his troubles. “You’re not looking so pretty now, are you Sir Knight?” Ahahaha, not gonna lie, I ship them a little bit. Gwaine waits for Morgana to kill him, but she has something she needs help with first, and we cut to…
Okay, so you have to imagine that, but with hundreds of shirtless men (including Camelot’s finest) all brandishing picks and mining for that key thing. With sparks and manflesh. It is a massive and MASSIVELY HOMOEROTIC operation. Morgana, I shall now kneel at your feet and offer up all the love I have in my heart for your brilliance.
Meanwhile, back in Camelot, the actually LESS GAY place this week, if you can believe it, Elyan is recapping his expedition to Arthur, Leon, Gwen and Gaius. Merlin is standing over in the corner again. I am not commenting any further at this point except to say that it has been three fucking years and they still put Baby in the corner. Elyan says the rumour is that Morgana has occupied the tower of whatever, which I assume is Castle Black. Arthur wants to go rescue his men, Gaius thinks Morgana is setting a trap, Gwen has a suggestion. Yep, that’s right, Gwen gets to speak in chamber council meetings. Well done, Arthur. Not only that, but she has a good idea, to approach Morgana through Queen Annis’ lands. Leon thinks it’ll work, so a rider is dispatched immediately. Merlin does not look happy about this turn of events, and leaves the room to presumably go pack Arthur’s lucky questing undies or something. He doesn’t get any further than the new handmaiden and her tray of fruit.
As everyone else walks past, ignoring them (except Gwen who smiles a bit - NO, YOU ARE NOT SETTING UP THE SERVANTS, GWEN), Merlin helps the maid clear up the mess resulting from their collision. She apologises for always getting him into trouble, but he assures her that he’s used to it. Heh. “Merlin!” Arthur calls and Merlin handwaves it away, ‘cause the King’s not angry enough for immediate attention. “MERLIN!” Yeah, that’s angry enough. Still, Merlin takes a few seconds to be adorable and charming before running after his man. Oh, cute maid, he’s only going to break your heart.
Luckily, Arthur seems to have repopulated the castle with red capes during the past three years, as a whole bunch more ride out with them. On the road, Arthur explains to Merlin that he has to find out if Gwaine and Percival (who somebody has actually remembered at last) are still alive because of the bond he shares with the knights of the round table. “If it was you who disappeared, Merlin, I wouldn’t bother.” Every single person on that road trip knows this is a blatantly false statement so I won’t even bother defending it.
BACK TO THE GLORIOUSNESS OF MORGANA’S SEARCH FOR THE KEY.
Not sure what Occupational Health & Safety are going to say about all these men mining with only a pair of tight pants for protection, but they seem miraculously clean. Gwaine and Percival are work buddies and I take back everything I said about Gwaine needing to work out more because he is flawless. Turns out that none of the men have died this time, they’ve just all been put to work. Also, while they chat, Percival has his pick stuck in the rock and is just sort of making these little rocking back and forth motions with his hips and I AM DYING.
On the approach to Annis’ land, Arthur sends Elyan off with some men to follow the ridge line while the rest enter a gorge, otherwise known as ambush territory. No ambush, but Elyan returns to lead Arthur to a little village full of dead people he discovered. Delightful. As everyone explores in eerie silence, Merlin hears whispering for Emrys. He follows the sound to a cave, where an old man is lying by a little pool. Merlin notices the mark on the man’s wrist. Hey, this one’s still better.
Old Guy’s triskelion also appears to have some yellow mark over the top of it, which I can’t quite make out HOLY CRAP THAT SCARED THE BEJEESUS OUT OF ME. Old guy, who appeared dead, has suddenly woken and grabbed Merlin’s wrist. He tells Merlin he has been waiting for this moment all his life like he’s Phil Collins or something. Dude, you’re competing with King Arthur here; you’re going to need a better pickup line if you want to pull this guy. If it were me, I’d go with “I value your skills and trust your opinion above all others” but I may have a tendency to go too hard too early. Anyway, the guy has a not-so-cheerful message for Merlin. “For even as Camelot flowers, so the seeds of her destruction are being sown.” He tells Merlin of Arthur’s Bane and says Merlin would do well to fear it “for it stalks him. Like a ghost in the night.” Okay, look, I may have followed him into taverns and peeked into the knight’s changeroom on occasion but I wouldn’t say I’m a BANE, exactly. Just a little bit smitten is all. Wait, CAVE POOL PAY PER VIEW.
Turns out the bane isn’t your every day, run of the mill fangirl, it’s a handsome young man with dark hair and pale eyes who isn’t Merlin. I think we can all guess that this is Camlann and the bane is Mordred, who has definitely grown up well. Oh, and before the old guy died and left the legacy of H2O HD, he said that unless Merlin acts quickly, even he will not be able to alter the neverending circle of Arthur’s fate. Well, I kinda like the part where it has no end.
Arthur arrives on the scene and is actually, quite touching in his concern for Merlin, who is, y’know, a bit upset at having watched spoilers where Arthur dies at the end. He’s still all dismissive and, “C’mon, Merlin, you’ve see a dead body before,” but it seems, I don’t know, SOFTER than last year, maybe? I don’t know if it has been scripted, or Bradley has made the decision to file the edges off Arthur’s barbs himself, but it’s nice.
After a full day of burying an entire village, the knights are all sleeping by the fire. It’s like someone went around with a no homo ruler and set them all equally apart from each other. Next to Merlin, Arthur is sleeping in a coffin-esque pose, like he’s taunting Merlin on purpose, the bastard. Merlin decides to go for a late night dragon run.
Hi, Kilgharrah! Now that mummy and daddy are together, is nobody going to mention their wayward child? Your co-parenting skills are completely lacking, guys. The dragon tells Merlin that the yellow squiggle thing is the mark of a druid seer, who is apparently totes powerful and knows more than Kilgharrah. Merlin gets a pep-talk of the dragon variety. Only Merlin, and Merlin alone, can keep Arthur safe. Why does he always have to be alone, huh?
Hi, Queen Annis! She receives Arthur and is still as awesome as ever.
Back in Camelot, the maid serves up a delicious meal that Gwen can’t eat because she’s pining. She asks the maid to sit with her and hands over her meal. It’s basically every Merlin/Arthur fic but with chicks. There’s a bit of a hint that the maid has her eye on someone special, then there is comforting and hand-holding and… oh god, I’m shipping them.
Over dinner, Annis informs Arthur that Morgana has been stealing all the men she can find and putting them to work, tearing her citadel apart. So if Morgana needs worker bees to find her treasure, Arthur’s men are probably not dead yet. She hates to think what Morgana is searching for, and is instead in the mood for a little entertainment, namely, seeing Arthur’s fool perform. “Given all his failings, he must have SOME skills,” she thinks. Yeah, but you’re not going to see THOSE skills outside of Arthur’s chambers, Annis. Arthur orders Merlin to get right on that request and Merlin quietly reminds Arthur that he’s not a fool. “That’s debateable,” Arthur says, and Leon sits back, smiling like he has ALL the entertainment he needs right here.
Arthur’s faux resignation that there is no other option, and his hilarious faux smile of encouragement cracks me up. Merlin, on the other hand, is not so amused. He girds his loins, glows his eyes, and begins to juggle eggs. His performance is perfect and everyone applauds. I applauded too. Arthur’s WTF face is a sight to behold.
Later as Arthur undresses for bed, Merlin stares into the flames and gets all emo about witnessing Arthur’s death again. Arthur is still thinking about Merlin’s amazing juggling skills, because he didn’t even know Merlin could catch. (There you go, everyone, proof that Merlin isn’t the catcher, even in their bedroom.) Merlin tells Arthur that he has many talents which Arthur has failed to notice, but in a deadpan way that means he’s not in the mood for their special brand of foreplay tonight, so Arthur is all, “FINE, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, THEN,” with a sigh.
Merlin doesn’t think they should go to the tower, but Arthur says they have to, especially now that there’s hope that his men are alive. Arthur wants Merlin to stick to juggling and leave the important things to him. He throws his boots at Merlin, who fails to catch either one. “See? Explain that,” he says, exasperated, and it is adorable. It even gets a tiny smile out of Merlin. Merlin says he wishes he could, as Arthur flops down on the bed.
Okay, quick question, Merlin: WHY CAN’T YOU? Not that I wanted the reveal to happen offscreen in any way, shape or form, but are you telling me that in THREE years, you never had a chance to fill him in? What bullshit excuse did Gaius spin for that long? Camelot was supposed to bloom with you at Arthur’s side, not a step behind him. It was supposed to flourish with the help of magic and rainbows and unicorns, and now we can only assume that Arthur is still a bigot when it comes to these things. And that’s the most disappointing part for me, even more than the stagnation of Arthur’s relationship with Merlin - that Camelot has been restored to glory without its rightful king. I’m going to have to let this go in order to move on with the entire series. Ugh.
Night has fallen on Camelot and Gwen watches her maid sneak out of town. Gwen’s knowing smile indicates that she thinks the girl is off to meet a secret lover (and she will have to make a note to find another potential girlfriend for Merlin now) but we’ve all seen Morgana do the exact same thing a billion times, so we know something else is afoot. Also the music of evil is playing. The maid, Sefa, is meeting Davos, who seems to get around a lot. There’s darkness and ravens and chanting and we get another look at the Derek Hale tattoo for good measure. Not only do we learn Sefa’s name, we also learn that she’s a total tattle tale, and she relays Arthur’s travel itinerary to Davos. Oh, and she’s also Davos’ daughter. Not that you can really tell except for one brief moment before he leaves when he hopes that the Pendragons are treating her well, even though they’re only good for one thing: Death. Aw, I kind of like Sefa now and I hope she can eventually make this up to Gwen and they can be friends.
Annis sends Arthur on his way, telling him to be careful because she doesn’t want to lose a good ally. Why can’t these royal types just TELL people they like them? Back in Camelot, Sefa attends to Gwen and hasn’t got the job down pat yet, but Gwen is encouraging and sweet about it. She mentions seeing Sefa sneak out to meet up with her secret boyfriend, but isn’t rewarded with any girl talk. Baby steps, Gwen. And over in Castle Black, Morgana is informed of Arthur’s plans. She prepares for battle.
That night, Arthur is enjoying some knightly bonding around the campfire when he notices Merlin is still moping over by the water. Time for some more patented Arthurian cheering up! Arthur leaves his sword behind and sits down in a lower spot next to Merlin and he is being so sweet, I can hardly cope. He explains that the knights can joke and laugh and live life to the fullest because they are warriors, and know that each day could be their last. Merlin knows how dangerous Morgana is and he thinks Arthur doesn’t care. “Only about my men. More than friends, more than brothers, no matter what lies ahead of me I won’t abandon them, as I know they would not abandon me.”
Merlin tells Arthur he understands. “I wish I didn’t,” he says, looking up to give Arthur a look, “but I do.” And we know Merlin is talking about himself and Arthur, and Arthur gazes back with this soft little knowing smile and we know Arthur knows they’re talking about each other and they hold that gaze of approximately half a decade while I weep at its beauty. (Shut up.)
While Arthur leads Merlin back to the rest of the gang, Morgana’s welcoming party heads out to greet them. By the time the good guys are ready to leave in the morning, their camp is surrounded. FIGHT! Swords clang, stuff happens, Davos wounds Sir Leon and I’m sorry, but even if you’re an Onion Knight who bears the symbol of my number one fannish crush outside of this universe at the moment, if you hurt Leon, you are DEAD TO ME. Arthur swathes a path quite literally through the biggest and burliest bad guys to save Leon, which is appreciated, but then gets whacked in the back for his troubles. Merlin rushes in and drags Arthur away from the battle and with Arthur all groggy, he can rustle up a bit of magic to make their escape.
Time has passed enough for Merlin to feel it’s safe enough to make a little fire. When Arthur wakes up, he’s a little hazy on the recnt turn of events, so Merlin fills him in, particularly part where he saved Arthur’s neck again. Arthur is doubtful. “Yes. And I can juggle. I keep telling you I have MANY talents.” Arthur’s a little bit impressed, if a bit suspicious.
It’s nap time at the mine, and Gwaine is sharing a lovely queen sized rock with Percival, invisible pillow barrier firmly between them. Gwaine hears a noise and wakes Percival who is delightfully groggy. There’s a mysterious light in the distance. They see guards coming from the opposite direction from the light, so feign sleep again. Can I just point out that they are half naked and it is so cold that they are breathing out puffs of steam when they talk. Surely, a little snuggling together for warmth is required here. It’s like a RULE or something. I am most disappointed and hope they all die of hypothermia.
As they stomp around the wildnerness, Merlin discovers that Arthur is leading him towards their doom instead of away from it. He is about as pleased with this as I am with the knights’ sleeping arrangements. Arthur is worried about his men, Merlin is worried about Arthur. After giving him the usual, ’go home or shut up’ choice, Arthur does that fond, softening thing again, and tells Merlin to come with him. “You know, if Morgana doesn’t kill you, I will!” Merlin calls. Arthur informs him that threatening his king is treason. “What about threatening an ASS?” Merlin grumbles, but follows along, even though Arthur heard him.
Leon lives! Again! He and Elyan return to inform Gwen and Gaius of recent events. Gwen wants to know what has happened to Arthur, and Elyan assures her that he TRIED to protect him. Well, your life is just a big series of screw ups in this episode, isn’t it, Elyan? They don’t know what happened to Arthur. Or Merlin. Gaius and Gwen share a brief look and then Gaius wonders how Morgana knew of their secret plan. BETRAYAL IS AFOOT.
See, Gwaine? Merlin and Arthur are fully clothed and even they have to huddle together to sleep. It’s back-to-back, but still. Merlin is up for a little pillow talk and wants to chat about the old man in the village. Arthur urges him to think about something other than dead guys but Merlin is insistent that Arthur hears him out. Oh, so Merlin tells Arthur stuff after three years. I approve. He mentions that the old man may have been a druid seer and Arthur scoffs at listening to anything a sorcerer says. So, great, Arthur hasn’t changed at all, then. Even though Merlin insists that without Arthur, Camelot is nothing, Arthur knows that without his beliefs and moral code, he is nothing. He swears he will rescue his men or die trying. In turn, Merlin swears to protect Arthur or die at his side. God, if Arthur knew what that truly meant, they’d totally be making out at this point. Instead, there’s a shoulder punch and they turn away to sleep facing opposite directions again.
Hi Hoooooooooohhhhhh!
I kind of love how the colour of their trousers blends in with the rocks so if you squint (or, in my case, take off your glasses), it looks like all the men are just chipping away at rocks while naked. The mysterious blue light makes another appearance, so Gwaine goes to investigate while Percival somehow covers for him. Gwaine creeps around for a bit and then, BAM! He’s taken out by two big guards and fades to black. He’s going to have more brain damage that Arthur if he keeps this up.
Somehow during the night, Arthur and Merlin have moved around a bit so Arthur’s elbow is smooshing Merlin’s face and they’re snuggled into each other a bit more. Arthur wakes and can’t even do the tried and tested ‘pretend I’m still asleep and move in for the full cuddle’ manoeuvre because the clippy clop of hooves approaches above them. He has the sense to get a hand over Merlin’s mouth and keep them both still while Morgana continues her search. Oh, Arthur’s sad little face when he hears Morgana’s voice!
Back to walking through the wilderness, Arthurs wishes they had a horse. Merlin would like a pig. Because even if you can’t, as Arthur rightly says, ride a pig, you can roast it. With carrots and parsnips and apples. Arthur warns him. “No, you’re right, we won’t waste those apples. We’ll put them in a pie.” I like your pastry-based thinking, Merlin. Marry me. The food fantasising is interrupted when Merlin spies two fat, dead rabbits in the middle of the road. No. No, no, NO! You are not eating roadkill, boys. This is not Honey Boo Boo. This is not right.
Arthur finally gets a clue that two dead bunnies in the middle of the road is a bit suspicious and rushes in to save Merlin. He’s a bit too late, however, and they both end up being caught in the obvious net trap. Limbs are sticking out everywhere and they’re smooshed against the ropes and suspended from a tree, but it’s okay because Merlin still managed to get the rabbits. He’ll name them Mr and Mrs Twitchy Nose and they will be delicious.
Sefa is dragged into the throne room, where Queen Guinevere is residing. She’s pretty good at getting the truth out of her maid, and sounds quite reasonable about it. Then Sefa says that she was only helping her father who deserves respect for his sorcerer skills just as a warrior or physician is respected for theirs, and all bets are off. Gwen finds her guilty of treason and sentences her to death under the laws of Camelot. Eylan and Gaius are a bit concerned about this, but don’t speak up. Sefa is taken to the dungeons and Gwen sits down on her throne, because I bet that gown and all those jewels are suddenly a bit heavier than they were ten minutes ago. Please don’t kill her, Gwen. I was liking your rule up to now.
From high drama to AWESOMENESS. My recommendation is to experience this scene with your eyes closed. Then it’s just Merlin and Arthur bouncing up and down while grunting and panting a lot and Merlin trying to ‘reach Arthur’s sword’. Sheer brilliance, really. What actually happens is that Merlin tries to get Arthur’s sword to cut the ropes, drops it, blames Arthur, and then there is a lot of bouncing, grunting and panting as they’re tangled together. Actually, it’s good with your eyes open, too. I love how Arthur’s voice gets so small and defeated when he pretty much realises they will be stuck together all night. Merlin, meanwhile, is missing a rabbit.
Thank you, whoever is responsible for that full body pan up Gwaine’s unconscious body. WTF CREEPY TRANSPARENT HANDS. WTF CREEPY TRANSPARENT HANDS ATTACHED TO CREEPY TRANSPARENT ALIEN THING? It looks like it could be healing Gwaine so it’s on our side? Maybe? I have no idea what just happened.
It’s morning and Merlin and Arthur are still snoozing in their cosy net, with a fluffy bunny between them. The adorable scene is cut short when the net goes crashing to the ground and a bunch of men surround them on the ground. A particularly flouncy man flounces in and insincerely apologises for waking them, managing to stop Arthur from getting to his beloved sword. Mr Flouncy recognises the sword he’s pointing at Arthur’s chest and says the King of Camelot will fetch a handsome price alive or dead. He asks Arthur for any last requests. “Let my servant go,” Arthur says. “He doesn’t deserve to die like this.” Merlin, however, has other ideas, and tells Flouncy that they’ll have to go through him first, if they want to kill Arthur. Awwwwww, you guys are still so cute. Merlin is ordered by Arthur to step aside, but even Arthur knows that isn’t going to happen. He just says these things for the sake of it. Just like Merlin has to remind Arthur out loud that he never does as he’s told.
And just when Flouncy and Merlin are about to face off, a voice commands them to stop. It’s Mordred! And he has bought pheasants for dinner! Merlin is creeped the fuck out as their eyes meet. Mordred decides their fate is up to the Lady Morgana so Flouncy laughs and flounces away. Mordred offers Arthur a hand up, which Arthur accepts, and Mordred takes the opportunity to pull him close and get his creep on. “You don’t remember me, do you? You saved my life once. Many years ago.” Arthur still doesn’t remember, because he’s saved a lot of lives, especially pretty ones who look a bit like Merlin. Merlin remembers, though, and Mordred smiles at his name. “Hello, Arthur.” And we fade to black while I fall a little bit in love. I can now, right? He’s legal and stuff? This is the first time I feel blessed by a time skip.
Next week: The rocks are alive. The snow is falling. The raven is flying. The Mordred is creeping. Albion’s great trial has begun. Arthur is fighting. Merlin is leaping across a giant crevasse. More snow. And horses. And fighting. And Percival, be still my beating heart. AITHUSA YOU GIANT TRAITOR WTF ARE YOU DOING? And Mordred is still a creeper, bless him.
In a land of myth and a time of overly dramatic openings, Merlin is searching for someone. He tries Arthur's bedroom, some random door which looks exactly the same as Arthur's bedroom, and the throne room, before taking a quick breather. The person is nowhere to be found. Finally, after running past EVERYONE IN CAMELOT, he reaches Arthur. Yay, hide-and-seek game accomplished! Merlin wins! No, wait, it turns out Arthur had sent him to search the entire castle for the queen. I don't like that game as much.
Arthur is not impressed with Merlin’s search techniques and asks if there’s anything he’s actually capable of doing. "Putting up with you," is Merlin’s quite justifiable response. OH, HERE WE GO. But just as I settle in for some prime bickering banter, someone clears their throat and interrupts them. Gwen, you are not keeping up your end of the bargain when I promised to try and accept your new role in our lives. Arthur is all patient politeness and Merlin is all, 'I am going to kill you once she’s returned to her own bedchamber later this evening' and then has a bit of an awkward moment with Gwen's handmaiden and my heart actually stops for a second in ABJECT HORROR. Please don’t conveniently set up the servants, I beg of you.
ROUND TABLE. Hi, Sir Elyan. HI, SIR LEON, HOW ARE YOU, BB? Ahem. Arthur addresses his knights, countrymen and friends and we go to a wide shot of the entire table. Hey, why isn’t Merlin sitting in that empty chair? Why is he standing when there is a chair he is, by now, completely entitled to? I briefly think, oh, it’s sweet that they’ve kept a spot for Lancelot’s ghost (or hopeful return from the dead) right next to Gwen, but then we discover that Gwaine is MIA. So it's Gwaine’s chair? But we now flash to Gwaine and discover that Percival is with him, so who’s sitting in Percival’s spot? My head hurts.
Wait, instead of focussing on seating arrangements, let’s backtrack to Arthur’s exposition. They have been blessed with peace and prosperity for three long years. Oh, yay, massive time jump. Also, one would think those good years would just fly by, instead of being long. It’s the years full of darkness and formulaic plots to overthrow the kingdom that really drag out. Never fear, because a shadow has been cast across our lands. Gwaine set off for…Ismir? (something like that) six weeks ago along with three score of Camelot’s finest men, including Percival (who doesn’t get a shout out from Arthur OR a seat at the table for some reason. What did he do? Flirt with Merlin?) and there has been no word from them since. Probably because mobile coverage is a total bitch once you get past the city gates.
We find Gwaine, Percival and Camelot’s finest wandering around in a blizzard because the writers watched Game of Thrones over the break and figured Gwaine looked the most like Jon Snow. It’s the Knight’s Watch. There’s a menacing growl and Gwaine commands everyone to flee. For some reason, every single knight is 5000% faster than Gwaine. Seriously, they all COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR and suddenly Gwaine is running alone. Gwaine, mate, you’ve gotta cut down on the mead and start working out a bit. Realising he is the slowest of the slow, he has no choice but to draw his sword and face the monster behind him. Aw, it’s a cute little wolf! The wolf snarls. I want to pet him and give him belly rubs and let him lick my face. Gwaine basically passes out. I want to pet him and give him belly rubs and….yeah.
Arthur quickly tells us that Sir Elyan led a search party to find Gwaine but came up empty handed. Maybe you should have let Leon, the competent one, go. “It is if they have vanished from the face of the earth,” Arthur tells us. Merlin’s concerned face is concerned.
The wolf sits by Gwaine’s unconscious body and howls for his alpha. Please be Derek Hale, please be Derek Hale.
Click to viewSomeone in black approaches. HI, MORGANA! And as I flail around thinking it’s totally adorable that Morgana adopted a puppy during the three year break because what a girl needs more than a kingdom to rule is a dog to love, let’s roll the opening titles.
Oh, Morgana adopted a whole pack of puppies! And not only do they provide unconditional love and fetch her cute knights, but they also double as her sled team. She returns to Castle Black, where Ser Davos is waiting. What are you doing in the north, Davos? Okay, quick skip to the end credits to find that Davos is actually named Ruadan but I’ll go with the former at least until I know how his real name is pronounced. He tells us that Gwaine is the last of Camelot’s patrol. Wait, so the others were captured already? I think I got confused back there. Anyway, Morgana is worried that Arthur is going to send more men and Davos actually says, “Calm yourself,” and I truly think Morgana is going to turn around and slap the salty life out of him for that. Instead, she flounces to her throne while Davos talks about something that is the ‘key to all knowledge’ which will tell them of Arthur’s Bane. They’ve been searching for it for three months, apparently, and Morgana is beginning to doubt that Davos is 100% truthful about its existence. He tells her to be patient, and she’s all, ‘I spent two long years seeing nothing but darkness (until I let the love of a few good wolf-pups into my heart)
I HAVE ALL THE PATIENCE.’
And, okay, I will agree that two years seeing nothing but darkness could justifiably be described as long. Morgana’s years were definitely longer than Arthur’s. Morgana’s pity party is interrupted by the opening of her throne room doors, and as Davos turns to see who it is, we get a shot of his neck. Nice tattoo, guy. Here’s who does it better:
(Just so you know, I watched that SO MANY TIMES before finding an embeddable copy and REGRET NOTHING.)
Oh, Gwaine’s awake. He tries a bit of flirting with Morgana and gets a quick kick courtesy of a guard’s boot for his troubles. “You’re not looking so pretty now, are you Sir Knight?” Ahahaha, not gonna lie, I ship them a little bit. Gwaine waits for Morgana to kill him, but she has something she needs help with first, and we cut to…
Okay, so you have to imagine that, but with hundreds of shirtless men (including Camelot’s finest) all brandishing picks and mining for that key thing. With sparks and manflesh. It is a massive and MASSIVELY HOMOEROTIC operation. Morgana, I shall now kneel at your feet and offer up all the love I have in my heart for your brilliance.
Meanwhile, back in Camelot, the actually LESS GAY place this week, if you can believe it, Elyan is recapping his expedition to Arthur, Leon, Gwen and Gaius. Merlin is standing over in the corner again. I am not commenting any further at this point except to say that it has been three fucking years and they still put Baby in the corner. Elyan says the rumour is that Morgana has occupied the tower of whatever, which I assume is Castle Black. Arthur wants to go rescue his men, Gaius thinks Morgana is setting a trap, Gwen has a suggestion. Yep, that’s right, Gwen gets to speak in chamber council meetings. Well done, Arthur. Not only that, but she has a good idea, to approach Morgana through Queen Annis’ lands. Leon thinks it’ll work, so a rider is dispatched immediately. Merlin does not look happy about this turn of events, and leaves the room to presumably go pack Arthur’s lucky questing undies or something. He doesn’t get any further than the new handmaiden and her tray of fruit.
As everyone else walks past, ignoring them (except Gwen who smiles a bit - NO, YOU ARE NOT SETTING UP THE SERVANTS, GWEN), Merlin helps the maid clear up the mess resulting from their collision. She apologises for always getting him into trouble, but he assures her that he’s used to it. Heh. “Merlin!” Arthur calls and Merlin handwaves it away, ‘cause the King’s not angry enough for immediate attention. “MERLIN!” Yeah, that’s angry enough. Still, Merlin takes a few seconds to be adorable and charming before running after his man. Oh, cute maid, he’s only going to break your heart.
Luckily, Arthur seems to have repopulated the castle with red capes during the past three years, as a whole bunch more ride out with them. On the road, Arthur explains to Merlin that he has to find out if Gwaine and Percival (who somebody has actually remembered at last) are still alive because of the bond he shares with the knights of the round table. “If it was you who disappeared, Merlin, I wouldn’t bother.” Every single person on that road trip knows this is a blatantly false statement so I won’t even bother defending it.
BACK TO THE GLORIOUSNESS OF MORGANA’S SEARCH FOR THE KEY.
Not sure what Occupational Health & Safety are going to say about all these men mining with only a pair of tight pants for protection, but they seem miraculously clean. Gwaine and Percival are work buddies and I take back everything I said about Gwaine needing to work out more because he is flawless. Turns out that none of the men have died this time, they’ve just all been put to work. Also, while they chat, Percival has his pick stuck in the rock and is just sort of making these little rocking back and forth motions with his hips and I AM DYING.
On the approach to Annis’ land, Arthur sends Elyan off with some men to follow the ridge line while the rest enter a gorge, otherwise known as ambush territory. No ambush, but Elyan returns to lead Arthur to a little village full of dead people he discovered. Delightful. As everyone explores in eerie silence, Merlin hears whispering for Emrys. He follows the sound to a cave, where an old man is lying by a little pool. Merlin notices the mark on the man’s wrist. Hey, this one’s still better.
Old Guy’s triskelion also appears to have some yellow mark over the top of it, which I can’t quite make out HOLY CRAP THAT SCARED THE BEJEESUS OUT OF ME. Old guy, who appeared dead, has suddenly woken and grabbed Merlin’s wrist. He tells Merlin he has been waiting for this moment all his life like he’s Phil Collins or something. Dude, you’re competing with King Arthur here; you’re going to need a better pickup line if you want to pull this guy. If it were me, I’d go with “I value your skills and trust your opinion above all others” but I may have a tendency to go too hard too early. Anyway, the guy has a not-so-cheerful message for Merlin. “For even as Camelot flowers, so the seeds of her destruction are being sown.” He tells Merlin of Arthur’s Bane and says Merlin would do well to fear it “for it stalks him. Like a ghost in the night.” Okay, look, I may have followed him into taverns and peeked into the knight’s changeroom on occasion but I wouldn’t say I’m a BANE, exactly. Just a little bit smitten is all. Wait, CAVE POOL PAY PER VIEW.
Turns out the bane isn’t your every day, run of the mill fangirl, it’s a handsome young man with dark hair and pale eyes who isn’t Merlin. I think we can all guess that this is Camlann and the bane is Mordred, who has definitely grown up well. Oh, and before the old guy died and left the legacy of H2O HD, he said that unless Merlin acts quickly, even he will not be able to alter the neverending circle of Arthur’s fate. Well, I kinda like the part where it has no end.
Arthur arrives on the scene and is actually, quite touching in his concern for Merlin, who is, y’know, a bit upset at having watched spoilers where Arthur dies at the end. He’s still all dismissive and, “C’mon, Merlin, you’ve see a dead body before,” but it seems, I don’t know, SOFTER than last year, maybe? I don’t know if it has been scripted, or Bradley has made the decision to file the edges off Arthur’s barbs himself, but it’s nice.
After a full day of burying an entire village, the knights are all sleeping by the fire. It’s like someone went around with a no homo ruler and set them all equally apart from each other. Next to Merlin, Arthur is sleeping in a coffin-esque pose, like he’s taunting Merlin on purpose, the bastard. Merlin decides to go for a late night dragon run.
Hi, Kilgharrah! Now that mummy and daddy are together, is nobody going to mention their wayward child? Your co-parenting skills are completely lacking, guys. The dragon tells Merlin that the yellow squiggle thing is the mark of a druid seer, who is apparently totes powerful and knows more than Kilgharrah. Merlin gets a pep-talk of the dragon variety. Only Merlin, and Merlin alone, can keep Arthur safe. Why does he always have to be alone, huh?
Hi, Queen Annis! She receives Arthur and is still as awesome as ever.
Back in Camelot, the maid serves up a delicious meal that Gwen can’t eat because she’s pining. She asks the maid to sit with her and hands over her meal. It’s basically every Merlin/Arthur fic but with chicks. There’s a bit of a hint that the maid has her eye on someone special, then there is comforting and hand-holding and… oh god, I’m shipping them.
Over dinner, Annis informs Arthur that Morgana has been stealing all the men she can find and putting them to work, tearing her citadel apart. So if Morgana needs worker bees to find her treasure, Arthur’s men are probably not dead yet. She hates to think what Morgana is searching for, and is instead in the mood for a little entertainment, namely, seeing Arthur’s fool perform. “Given all his failings, he must have SOME skills,” she thinks. Yeah, but you’re not going to see THOSE skills outside of Arthur’s chambers, Annis. Arthur orders Merlin to get right on that request and Merlin quietly reminds Arthur that he’s not a fool. “That’s debateable,” Arthur says, and Leon sits back, smiling like he has ALL the entertainment he needs right here.
Arthur’s faux resignation that there is no other option, and his hilarious faux smile of encouragement cracks me up. Merlin, on the other hand, is not so amused. He girds his loins, glows his eyes, and begins to juggle eggs. His performance is perfect and everyone applauds. I applauded too. Arthur’s WTF face is a sight to behold.
Later as Arthur undresses for bed, Merlin stares into the flames and gets all emo about witnessing Arthur’s death again. Arthur is still thinking about Merlin’s amazing juggling skills, because he didn’t even know Merlin could catch. (There you go, everyone, proof that Merlin isn’t the catcher, even in their bedroom.) Merlin tells Arthur that he has many talents which Arthur has failed to notice, but in a deadpan way that means he’s not in the mood for their special brand of foreplay tonight, so Arthur is all, “FINE, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, THEN,” with a sigh.
Merlin doesn’t think they should go to the tower, but Arthur says they have to, especially now that there’s hope that his men are alive. Arthur wants Merlin to stick to juggling and leave the important things to him. He throws his boots at Merlin, who fails to catch either one. “See? Explain that,” he says, exasperated, and it is adorable. It even gets a tiny smile out of Merlin. Merlin says he wishes he could, as Arthur flops down on the bed.
Okay, quick question, Merlin: WHY CAN’T YOU? Not that I wanted the reveal to happen offscreen in any way, shape or form, but are you telling me that in THREE years, you never had a chance to fill him in? What bullshit excuse did Gaius spin for that long? Camelot was supposed to bloom with you at Arthur’s side, not a step behind him. It was supposed to flourish with the help of magic and rainbows and unicorns, and now we can only assume that Arthur is still a bigot when it comes to these things. And that’s the most disappointing part for me, even more than the stagnation of Arthur’s relationship with Merlin - that Camelot has been restored to glory without its rightful king. I’m going to have to let this go in order to move on with the entire series. Ugh.
Night has fallen on Camelot and Gwen watches her maid sneak out of town. Gwen’s knowing smile indicates that she thinks the girl is off to meet a secret lover (and she will have to make a note to find another potential girlfriend for Merlin now) but we’ve all seen Morgana do the exact same thing a billion times, so we know something else is afoot. Also the music of evil is playing. The maid, Sefa, is meeting Davos, who seems to get around a lot. There’s darkness and ravens and chanting and we get another look at the Derek Hale tattoo for good measure. Not only do we learn Sefa’s name, we also learn that she’s a total tattle tale, and she relays Arthur’s travel itinerary to Davos. Oh, and she’s also Davos’ daughter. Not that you can really tell except for one brief moment before he leaves when he hopes that the Pendragons are treating her well, even though they’re only good for one thing: Death. Aw, I kind of like Sefa now and I hope she can eventually make this up to Gwen and they can be friends.
Annis sends Arthur on his way, telling him to be careful because she doesn’t want to lose a good ally. Why can’t these royal types just TELL people they like them? Back in Camelot, Sefa attends to Gwen and hasn’t got the job down pat yet, but Gwen is encouraging and sweet about it. She mentions seeing Sefa sneak out to meet up with her secret boyfriend, but isn’t rewarded with any girl talk. Baby steps, Gwen. And over in Castle Black, Morgana is informed of Arthur’s plans. She prepares for battle.
That night, Arthur is enjoying some knightly bonding around the campfire when he notices Merlin is still moping over by the water. Time for some more patented Arthurian cheering up! Arthur leaves his sword behind and sits down in a lower spot next to Merlin and he is being so sweet, I can hardly cope. He explains that the knights can joke and laugh and live life to the fullest because they are warriors, and know that each day could be their last. Merlin knows how dangerous Morgana is and he thinks Arthur doesn’t care. “Only about my men. More than friends, more than brothers, no matter what lies ahead of me I won’t abandon them, as I know they would not abandon me.”
Merlin tells Arthur he understands. “I wish I didn’t,” he says, looking up to give Arthur a look, “but I do.” And we know Merlin is talking about himself and Arthur, and Arthur gazes back with this soft little knowing smile and we know Arthur knows they’re talking about each other and they hold that gaze of approximately half a decade while I weep at its beauty. (Shut up.)
While Arthur leads Merlin back to the rest of the gang, Morgana’s welcoming party heads out to greet them. By the time the good guys are ready to leave in the morning, their camp is surrounded. FIGHT! Swords clang, stuff happens, Davos wounds Sir Leon and I’m sorry, but even if you’re an Onion Knight who bears the symbol of my number one fannish crush outside of this universe at the moment, if you hurt Leon, you are DEAD TO ME. Arthur swathes a path quite literally through the biggest and burliest bad guys to save Leon, which is appreciated, but then gets whacked in the back for his troubles. Merlin rushes in and drags Arthur away from the battle and with Arthur all groggy, he can rustle up a bit of magic to make their escape.
Time has passed enough for Merlin to feel it’s safe enough to make a little fire. When Arthur wakes up, he’s a little hazy on the recnt turn of events, so Merlin fills him in, particularly part where he saved Arthur’s neck again. Arthur is doubtful. “Yes. And I can juggle. I keep telling you I have MANY talents.” Arthur’s a little bit impressed, if a bit suspicious.
It’s nap time at the mine, and Gwaine is sharing a lovely queen sized rock with Percival, invisible pillow barrier firmly between them. Gwaine hears a noise and wakes Percival who is delightfully groggy. There’s a mysterious light in the distance. They see guards coming from the opposite direction from the light, so feign sleep again. Can I just point out that they are half naked and it is so cold that they are breathing out puffs of steam when they talk. Surely, a little snuggling together for warmth is required here. It’s like a RULE or something. I am most disappointed and hope they all die of hypothermia.
As they stomp around the wildnerness, Merlin discovers that Arthur is leading him towards their doom instead of away from it. He is about as pleased with this as I am with the knights’ sleeping arrangements. Arthur is worried about his men, Merlin is worried about Arthur. After giving him the usual, ’go home or shut up’ choice, Arthur does that fond, softening thing again, and tells Merlin to come with him. “You know, if Morgana doesn’t kill you, I will!” Merlin calls. Arthur informs him that threatening his king is treason. “What about threatening an ASS?” Merlin grumbles, but follows along, even though Arthur heard him.
Leon lives! Again! He and Elyan return to inform Gwen and Gaius of recent events. Gwen wants to know what has happened to Arthur, and Elyan assures her that he TRIED to protect him. Well, your life is just a big series of screw ups in this episode, isn’t it, Elyan? They don’t know what happened to Arthur. Or Merlin. Gaius and Gwen share a brief look and then Gaius wonders how Morgana knew of their secret plan. BETRAYAL IS AFOOT.
See, Gwaine? Merlin and Arthur are fully clothed and even they have to huddle together to sleep. It’s back-to-back, but still. Merlin is up for a little pillow talk and wants to chat about the old man in the village. Arthur urges him to think about something other than dead guys but Merlin is insistent that Arthur hears him out. Oh, so Merlin tells Arthur stuff after three years. I approve. He mentions that the old man may have been a druid seer and Arthur scoffs at listening to anything a sorcerer says. So, great, Arthur hasn’t changed at all, then. Even though Merlin insists that without Arthur, Camelot is nothing, Arthur knows that without his beliefs and moral code, he is nothing. He swears he will rescue his men or die trying. In turn, Merlin swears to protect Arthur or die at his side. God, if Arthur knew what that truly meant, they’d totally be making out at this point. Instead, there’s a shoulder punch and they turn away to sleep facing opposite directions again.
Hi Hoooooooooohhhhhh!
I kind of love how the colour of their trousers blends in with the rocks so if you squint (or, in my case, take off your glasses), it looks like all the men are just chipping away at rocks while naked. The mysterious blue light makes another appearance, so Gwaine goes to investigate while Percival somehow covers for him. Gwaine creeps around for a bit and then, BAM! He’s taken out by two big guards and fades to black. He’s going to have more brain damage that Arthur if he keeps this up.
Somehow during the night, Arthur and Merlin have moved around a bit so Arthur’s elbow is smooshing Merlin’s face and they’re snuggled into each other a bit more. Arthur wakes and can’t even do the tried and tested ‘pretend I’m still asleep and move in for the full cuddle’ manoeuvre because the clippy clop of hooves approaches above them. He has the sense to get a hand over Merlin’s mouth and keep them both still while Morgana continues her search. Oh, Arthur’s sad little face when he hears Morgana’s voice!
Back to walking through the wilderness, Arthurs wishes they had a horse. Merlin would like a pig. Because even if you can’t, as Arthur rightly says, ride a pig, you can roast it. With carrots and parsnips and apples. Arthur warns him. “No, you’re right, we won’t waste those apples. We’ll put them in a pie.” I like your pastry-based thinking, Merlin. Marry me. The food fantasising is interrupted when Merlin spies two fat, dead rabbits in the middle of the road. No. No, no, NO! You are not eating roadkill, boys. This is not Honey Boo Boo. This is not right.
Arthur finally gets a clue that two dead bunnies in the middle of the road is a bit suspicious and rushes in to save Merlin. He’s a bit too late, however, and they both end up being caught in the obvious net trap. Limbs are sticking out everywhere and they’re smooshed against the ropes and suspended from a tree, but it’s okay because Merlin still managed to get the rabbits. He’ll name them Mr and Mrs Twitchy Nose and they will be delicious.
Sefa is dragged into the throne room, where Queen Guinevere is residing. She’s pretty good at getting the truth out of her maid, and sounds quite reasonable about it. Then Sefa says that she was only helping her father who deserves respect for his sorcerer skills just as a warrior or physician is respected for theirs, and all bets are off. Gwen finds her guilty of treason and sentences her to death under the laws of Camelot. Eylan and Gaius are a bit concerned about this, but don’t speak up. Sefa is taken to the dungeons and Gwen sits down on her throne, because I bet that gown and all those jewels are suddenly a bit heavier than they were ten minutes ago. Please don’t kill her, Gwen. I was liking your rule up to now.
From high drama to AWESOMENESS. My recommendation is to experience this scene with your eyes closed. Then it’s just Merlin and Arthur bouncing up and down while grunting and panting a lot and Merlin trying to ‘reach Arthur’s sword’. Sheer brilliance, really. What actually happens is that Merlin tries to get Arthur’s sword to cut the ropes, drops it, blames Arthur, and then there is a lot of bouncing, grunting and panting as they’re tangled together. Actually, it’s good with your eyes open, too. I love how Arthur’s voice gets so small and defeated when he pretty much realises they will be stuck together all night. Merlin, meanwhile, is missing a rabbit.
Thank you, whoever is responsible for that full body pan up Gwaine’s unconscious body. WTF CREEPY TRANSPARENT HANDS. WTF CREEPY TRANSPARENT HANDS ATTACHED TO CREEPY TRANSPARENT ALIEN THING? It looks like it could be healing Gwaine so it’s on our side? Maybe? I have no idea what just happened.
It’s morning and Merlin and Arthur are still snoozing in their cosy net, with a fluffy bunny between them. The adorable scene is cut short when the net goes crashing to the ground and a bunch of men surround them on the ground. A particularly flouncy man flounces in and insincerely apologises for waking them, managing to stop Arthur from getting to his beloved sword. Mr Flouncy recognises the sword he’s pointing at Arthur’s chest and says the King of Camelot will fetch a handsome price alive or dead. He asks Arthur for any last requests. “Let my servant go,” Arthur says. “He doesn’t deserve to die like this.” Merlin, however, has other ideas, and tells Flouncy that they’ll have to go through him first, if they want to kill Arthur. Awwwwww, you guys are still so cute. Merlin is ordered by Arthur to step aside, but even Arthur knows that isn’t going to happen. He just says these things for the sake of it. Just like Merlin has to remind Arthur out loud that he never does as he’s told.
And just when Flouncy and Merlin are about to face off, a voice commands them to stop. It’s Mordred! And he has bought pheasants for dinner! Merlin is creeped the fuck out as their eyes meet. Mordred decides their fate is up to the Lady Morgana so Flouncy laughs and flounces away. Mordred offers Arthur a hand up, which Arthur accepts, and Mordred takes the opportunity to pull him close and get his creep on. “You don’t remember me, do you? You saved my life once. Many years ago.” Arthur still doesn’t remember, because he’s saved a lot of lives, especially pretty ones who look a bit like Merlin. Merlin remembers, though, and Mordred smiles at his name. “Hello, Arthur.” And we fade to black while I fall a little bit in love. I can now, right? He’s legal and stuff? This is the first time I feel blessed by a time skip.
Next week: The rocks are alive. The snow is falling. The raven is flying. The Mordred is creeping. Albion’s great trial has begun. Arthur is fighting. Merlin is leaping across a giant crevasse. More snow. And horses. And fighting. And Percival, be still my beating heart. AITHUSA YOU GIANT TRAITOR WTF ARE YOU DOING? And Mordred is still a creeper, bless him.