merlin - the death song of uther pendragon
Spoilers - this isn't a musical episode.
In a land of myth and a time of magic, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the secret wizard is sneezing and the king is grumping. Oh, and the lenses are flaring. Quite a bit, actually. It’s distracting me from the banter, but from what I can tell, Arthur is annoyed with Merlin for sneezing every time he was about to kill something. And one time, Merlin fell into a stream to save the life of some (probably) doe-eyed embodiment of cuteness. I’m just loving that even with his kingly duties, he still finds time for a little one-on-one day with Merlin. It’s actually a good thing that Gwen is permanently stuck in Camelot to pick up the slack.
ARRRRGH! Our slice of idyllic life is interrupted by a noise, which Merlin thinks is a bird. Go ahead and laugh at him unless, like me, you have these little fuckers outside your bedroom window at night:
Because sometimes birds CAN sound like a woman about to be burned at the stake. Just saying. And, okay, this time it IS a woman about to be burned at the stake, but still. “Why couldn’t it have just been a bird?” Merlin asks the heavens, as Arthur grabs his sword and runs to investigate. “Never just a bird.” Heh.
Merlin dismounts and catches up to Arthur, who is crouching behind a tree being sensible about things. Merlin just runs past to get a closer look.
Arthur: “What are you doing?”
Merlin: “Well, I assume you want to risk our lives and see what’s going on.”
Arthur: “Never thought I’d say this, Merlin, but you’re learning.”
Oh, they are so adorable, I can barely stand it. So of course they run down into the village and stop an old woman’s execution at the very last possible second. The executioner tries to tell Arthur that it doesn’t concern him, so Arthur is all, ‘I’m your king, dickwad’ and it’s pretty awesome. Seeing an opening now he knows Arthur’s identity, however, the executioner mentions that the woman has been sentenced to death because her sorcery brought sickness and suffering to their village. “Did she receive a fair trial?” Huh. Looks like Merlin isn’t the only one who is learning.
“Your father would have shown her no mercy,” the executioner reminds him. Arthur gets all steely and serious. “I am not my father, now cut her down.” Honestly, it’s basically a miracle that Merlin doesn’t just drop to his knees and blow Arthur right in front of everyone at this moment. Because I probably would have. SO PROUD. The guy tries to disobey Arthur and light the pyre, and gets a sword pressed to his throat in return. “I said. Cut her down.” There are so many things I want to do to Arthur Pendragon right now, and, somehow, none of them involve slapping any kind of sense into him. These are glorious days, indeed.
That night, Arthur and Merlin have adopted the stray sorceress and Merlin is tending to her beside the fire, while Arthur brings in more firewood. He’s even doing menial labour. I was not prepared for this sudden reignition of my Arthur flame at all. *fans self* ANYWAY, it turns out that there wasn’t really that much of a need to save the woman, because Merlin says she’s not going to last through the night. Arthur just wants to make her as comfortable as possible. Come over here, Arthur. I wanna make YOU as comfortable as possible.
HOLY JESUS WHAT? Seriously, show, you have got to stop making dying old people grab my boys out of nowhere and SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE. The woman doesn’t want to scare Arthur, however, she just wants to give him a present to repay him for his kindness and compassion, which she says are qualities of a true king. Arthur unwraps his present, with a little glance up at Merlin, and we see some kind of ornate horn. Arthur says it’s beautiful, because he has been trained to be polite after many Christmases in which Morgana gave him socks and jocks and Uther gave him instructional scrolls on how to be a massive douchebag. But apparently the horn isn’t just for sitting on the mantelpiece back home; it can be used to summon the dead. The woman then promptly dies, and Arthur doesn’t immediately test it out by trying to bring her back.
The opening credits roll, and even though we’ve all seen the previews and know the title of this episode, let’s all guess where my brain immediately went.
BRING HIM BACK, I BEG OF YOU.
Please bring forth your exposition, Gaius. It’s the Horn of…Cathbad? Something like that. It was smuggled to safety before the temple fell during Uther’s attack on the Isle of the Blessed and hasn’t been heard of since. Until now. Arthur wants to know about its ability to open the door to the spirit world, and Gaius affirms that it can. In fact, he admits to taking part in such ceremonies, back when it was totally legal and stuff. Each year at Beltane, the high priestesses would gather at the Stones of Somewhere and use the horn to summon their ancestors. Beltane was, like, a really busy time, huh? Everything seems to happen then. Gaius hands the horn back to Arthur and tells him to keep it safe. There’s like a full circle of glances in which Arthur looks at Gaius, Gaius looks at Merlin, and Merlin looks at Arthur. And then Arthur looks into the distance and we PRAY that face means he’s thinking of summoning Lancelot.
Night falls on Camelot, and it’s party time. Arthur doesn’t look too happy about the festivities, even though everyone else is getting their drink on and laughing merrily. As Gwen tries to engage Arthur in conversation, earning a small smile and kiss on the cheek as reward, Elyan explains everything to Mordred. Even though the anniversary of Arthur’s coronation is cause for celebration, it is also the anniversary of Uther’s death. Mordred looks down at that because both seem to be a pretty good excuse to bring out the mead and merriment, in his opinion. We should also remember that Arthur’s birthday is the anniversary of his mother’s death, because it really, really sucks to be Arthur and he is never allowed to enjoy anything, ever. Arthur excuses himself from the table and nobody follows him, not even sad-faced Gwen and Merlin, because they understand and I love them for it.
ALSO. I would like to take a moment to enjoy the fact that the day before, on the eve of the anniversary of his father’s death, when Arthur is at his most emo, he decided to take a leave of absence for the entire day and just be alone with Merlin out in the woods. No knights, no queen, just Merlin. And for any concern anyone had that Arthur may have loved his knights more than Merlin in the last two episodes, this proves otherwise. Merlin is the one he lets see him at his most vulnerable. Merlin is the one he knows will cheer him up, or at least help him forget for a while. That sorry excuse for a hunting trip was basically a way for Arthur to recharge his emotional batteries to prepare him for the next day. And I think Merlin knew that, too, and maybe falling in that stream wasn’t such an accident.
I JUST. I REALLY LOVE THEM, OKAY?
But let’s bring the tone down somewhat as Arthur visits Uther’s tomb. It’s rather cold and stark, as one would expect, and there’s a nice carved likeness of Uther resting on top of it. Arthur takes a shaky breath, swallowing hard and holds back the sobs as he reaches towards it and the music swells and I want to give Arthur every hug I have left in my body to give right now.
The music carries us back to Arthur’s chambers, where he is pondering over the horn, until we are interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s Merlin. Oh. Merlin has learned to knock and wait since Arthur married Gwen, hasn’t he? Because I bet there was some initial awkwardness with Merlin just barrelling through the door at his leisure during the honeymoon period. Let’s not distract ourselves from the episode at hand, however! Thinking quickly, Arthur upends a fruit bowl onto the floor and tips it upside down over the horn to hide any evidence of his current thought process. Seriously, Arthur, you could have just shoved the thing down your pants and Merlin would never have noticed anything different to when you’re usually alone in your chambers with him. Fail. Poor Merlin has to pick up the apples at his feet and question Arthur’s actions with a cheerfulness we’ve seen Arthur use this year when Merlin was sad. THESE GUYS. Arthur replies that he was just thinking, and is very cagey about Merlin touching the fruit bowl, so of course Merlin zeroes in on it. He wants to know why he should leave it. “Because I’m telling you to and I’m the king of Camelot,” Arthur says, and I laugh out loud. “Not that seems to mean anything to you,” he adds, petulantly, and we all know that is actually Arthur’s favourite thing about Merlin and that Merlin’s scoff is fully justified.
Merlin makes a grab for the bowl and Arthur stops him, telling him to prepare the horses and to keep it a secret from everyone, even Guinevere. He holds a spoon in Merlin’s face. “You’re threatening me with a SPOON?” Merlin asks, and we cut to a shot of the corridor outside Arthur’s chambers to hear a whack and Merlin’s subsequent “OWWW!” WHAT DID HE DO WITH THAT SPOON? IF YOU LEAVE IT TO OUR IMAGINATIONS, SHOW, YOU JUST KNOW THE DIRTY, WRONG THINGS WE’RE GOING TO THINK.
Also, dear Arthur and Merlin:
ANOTHER MERLIN/ARTHUR ROAD TRIP. We are truly spoiled this week. Things look a bit eerie as Arthur and Merlin ride across the grassy plains, and Merlin has a bad feeling about it. Arthur thinks that’s just because Merlin is a coward, but Merlin says it’s because he values his life and doesn’t want to die horribly. Arthur concedes that this is a fair point, but they’re not turning back. They arrive at their destination, which, Arthur explains, is the Great Stones of Something that Gaius mentioned earlier. Basically, it’s Stonehenge minus the tourists.
As Arthur takes the horn from his saddle bag, Merlin reminds him that he’s about to use powerful magic, which, you know, is kind of a big deal considering it is still outlawed in Camelot and Arthur is about to become a giant hypocrite. “My father was taken from me before his time,” Arthur begins, and we KNOW any point Merlin may have wanted to make is now moot, given his role in that day. “Now there isn’t a day that passes where I don’t think of the things I wish I had said to him.” Yeah. Like, ‘you’re wrong and also a bucketful of crazy.’ Merlin’s horse agrees with me. Arthur then tugs a little harder on Merlin’s heartstrings and asks if he was given the same chance to see his own father and talk to him, wouldn’t he do the same. Merlin gives a slight nod to indicate that he totally would. Um, so why doesn’t he? The high priestesses used it a bunch of times, so it’s not like the thing has a limited use, I would imagine. Arthur COULD conceivably pay Uther a visit, and maybe his mum, then hand it over to Merlin who could hang out with his dad, and Lancelot and Will and Freya (if that’s possible - I’m not sure where she is) and BASICALLY EVERYONE HE HAS EVER LOVED BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL DEAD. I guess that particular scenario will be left in the capable hands of fic writers, because it is not suggested here. Arthur and Merlin walk towards not!Stonehenge and then Arthur blows his horn (can’t stop sniggering) and walks towards the light until he crosses over. Like Stargate. Or this…
(I freaking LOVED that show. I had a guinea pig named after Quinn.)
It goes a bit X-Files in the land of blue lens flare for a while, because Uther’s approaching distorted silhouette looks a lot like an alien about to probe Arthur with a spoon, but then we finally see Uther in all his ghostly glory. They exchange the usual pleasantries you’d expect from son and dead father, and then Arthur opens the emotional floodgates. “There are times when I feel so alone I wish more than anything that you were by my side.” All the hugs, Arthur Pendragon. ALL THE HUGS.
Uther calmly and softly tells Arthur that if he were at his son’s side, he fears Arthur would not like all that he had to say. Oh, here we go, damn him. He tells Arthur that many of his kingly decisions go against all that Uther has taught him. “I have done what I have believed to be right,” Arthur says, sort of robotically? Like he knows what’s coming, probably even knew it before he even blew on the horn, but did it anyway. Arthur gets a lecture on ignoring tradition and ancient laws, allowing common men to become knights, who question Arthur’s decisions and make him look weak. “Listening to others is a sign of strength, not weakness,” Arthur argues. Seriously, Arthur. All the hugs. Uther doesn’t know how Arthur expects anyone to fear a king who does not know his own mind. “I don’t want my people to respect me because they fear me,” Arthur counters. All the hugs and all the, um, hornblowing, Arthur. This is what you deserve. Uther, however, says that if this is the case, Arthur’s people will not respect him at all.
And THEN Uther starts on Arthur’s marriage to a serving girl instead of using his betrothal to form an alliance with another kingdom. “I married for love,” Arthur says, suddenly a bit stronger in his conviction than he was when arguing about his knights and his entire kingdom. I sort of expected Uther to slam his fist down somewhere and be all, THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU MARRY THAT IDIOT MANSERVANT OF YOURS? but instead he lets Arthur continue for a bit. “I love Guinevere. More than… I can express.” Heh. Uther tells Arthur that there are some things more important than love, like his duty to strengthen and protect the kingdom. “You have failed,” he tells Arthur. Quick poll: who wants to punch Uther in the face right now? Yeah.
Arthur had always strived to make Uther proud. “How can I be proud of a son who ignores everything that I taught him? Who is destroying my legacy.” OH GOD, Arthur is broken. He’s all hesitant and can’t form the right words and it’s like he’s grasping at straws when he says, “I’ve brought peace to the kingdom, I’ve-“ GAAAAAAHHHHHH. Uther tells him that the peace cannot last, and if he is not strong, the kingdom will fall. He tells Arthur to leave.
Arthur doesn’t want to go yet, because there is still so much he wants to say, but he can’t say it because it’s like Uther has sucked all the words out of him and he’s just, like, stammering and THE TEAR ROLLING DOWN HIS PERFECT CHEEK! THE SNIFFLE! HEART = BREAKING. Uther tells him that if he stays, he’ll be forever trapped in the spirit world. Yeah GET OUT, ARTHUR. Nobody wants to be trapped with that for all eternity. “THIS can’t be the last time I’ll ever see you.” Oh my god, Arthur. He never gave you what you wanted from him. He never will give you what you wanted from him. Just get the fuck out. Uther tells Arthur to think about everything Uther has said to him, and that it isn’t too late. Then he’s all, “Now gooooooooooo,” and it is kind of hilarious and campy.
Arthur turns his back and walks towards the world of the living and just when he’s about to make his exit, Uther speaks up. “I will always love you, Arthur.” Uh-huh, and making someone feel like a worthless piece of shit is exactly how to show that love, you utter cocknozzle. Arthur looks back in time to see Uther fade, and then it’s back outside to the waiting, sympathetic arms of Merlin. Well, they end the scene before Arthur makes it to Merlin, but that’s totally what it was leading up to.
Another campfire scene. Merlin seems to have held his tongue for a very long time but now decides, as he’s sitting back and looking across the fire at Arthur, that it might be time to get him to open up. He asks if Arthur wants to talk about what happened at the stones and Arthur tells him his father doesn’t approve of the way he’s chosen to rule Uther’s kingdom. “You mean YOUR kingdom,” Merlin stresses, and he’s, like, SEETHING, rage bubbling just under the surface at Uther’s effect on Arthur. He gives Arthur a pep talk, saying that Arthur has always done what he believes is right, and his people respect him. “Some people still think you’re a foolish, arrogant ass,” he adds, because being thanked by Arthur in a serious tone is a bit too much to handle. And with that tiny bit of comforting normalcy, they bed down for the night.
So series five is a bit like series one, but instead of Arthur and Merlin alternating saving each other’s lives with each storyline, they seem to be alternating cheering each other up.
You know, when I signed up for scenes at the round table with all the hot knights, this must have been in very fine print, because it turns out that the round table is considerably much more boring in canon than it is in my head. For one thing, everyone is fully clothed. Leon is reporting….I don’t know, something boring with boring facts and figures and basically, everyone is propping their eyes open with matchsticks. I’m pretty sure Mordred and Elyan and playing Words With Friends against each other under the table. Gwaine is probably playing Angry Birds, because I could just see him, like, really hating on those smug little pigs. I love Leon. Before this, I would have said I love Leon’s voice so much, I could watch an hour of him reading the phone book and be satisfied. I now know this is a big, fat lie. We’re going to need some serious caffeine to get through this HOLY JESUS FUCK WHAT WAS THAT? The doors to the room swing open with a massive noise and every single knight, one king and one servant nearly shit their pants. You know that moment when you’re in class and everyone is half asleep because the teacher is talking about the history of something historically boring and then THWAP!, she whacks her ruler onto the desk and makes everyone leap six feet into the air? Yeah, times that by 100.
The fright is like an intravenous shot of red bull, and all the knights are now alert and ready for Leon to continue, which he does after a quick glare in the direction of the doors. I am laughing, because this is actually hilarious, and then BOOM! The chandelier crashes into the centre of the table. Sorry, Leon, we’ll never get to hear the rest of your boring report. Surprisingly, neither Merlin or Mordred cast accusing glares at one another from across the room, which is the default conclusion I would have come to in that situation. But I love that scene. Really, really love it. It’s so hilarious with no music and no dialogue other than Leon’s droning that is impossible to pay attention to, so everything is just non-verbal communication and sound effects. Very well played, show. Very well played, indeed.
Outside, Arthur is barking orders about having the table repaired, while Merlin is a bit distracted thinking about what happened. “Did you get a terrible fright?” Arthur asks. “Yes. My heart nearly jumped out through my mouth,” Merlin replies. Arthur tells Merlin that maybe he should have the rest of the day off and put his feet up, which Merlin doesn’t believe, but seeks confirmation anyway. Heh. As Arthur stomps off insulting Merlin’s intelligence yet again, Merlin feels something spooky. Before he can investigate any further, Arthur impatiently calls for him.
As lightning crackles over Camelot, Elyan, Gwaine and Percival are getting changed with some random knights. Gwaine wants to know why it always takes Percival twice as long to change out of his armour. “Because I’m twice the size of you, little man.” They’ve really spruced up the sails on this particular ship this year, haven’t they? Gwaine insults the size of Percival’s brain, because he has learned from the best and the smile Percival gives the retreating Gwaine pretty much puts another gust of wind behind those sails. I like to think that the armoury scenes will fill the empty void left in my heart from the lack of new Teen Wolf locker room scenes. They’re basically the same, right? Except without Coach Finstock.
Suddenly alone in the armoury and STILL removing his armour, Percival hears a noise and investigates. It’s Casper the unfriendly ghost!
Spookiness ensures for a bit and then suddenly, an axe flies into Percival’s shoulder. Hm, do we think it was an axe murderer, or merely and axe-ident? (SHUT UP) Percival is going with the former, and as Gaius bandages up the wound, says the axe must have fallen off the rack. Gaius is surprised that a falling axe would cause such a deep wound. “Not as surprised as I was,” Percival says, and I love him. Merlin assists and pushes Percival for more info when he admits to the situation being strange. He felt a presence in the room, like someone was watching him before the axing. “I’m sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me,” Percival says, dismissively, and I have this entire head canon for Percival in which he acts so dim-witted because people keep telling him that’s what he is, and he likes that Gwaine can play off him so well with that quick wit and wicked humour. It makes them a team, a duo a bit like Arthur and Merlin, and it wasn’t what he was looking for when Lancelot first brought him to Camelot, but it’s exactly what he needed.
After Percival has left, Gaius questions Merlin. He gets the distinct impression that there is something Merlin isn’t telling him for some strange reason involving the fact that there usually is. Merlin caves after approximately two seconds and admits he and Arthur went to not!Stonehenge. He then tells Gaius about feeling the same presence as Percival had, and Gaius worries. Gaius explains, RATHER BELATEDLY, that the priestesses trained for years before summoning the dead because there are rules and stuff. Most importantly, the one thing you should never do is look back at the spirit as the Stargate closed, or they would release the spirit into this world. Come the fuck on, Gaius. You knew that the majority of Arthur and Merlin’s family and close friends are dead. You knew they were in the possession of something that would allow them to speak with the dead. And you didn’t think to drop this important fact into conversation earlier? It wasn’t like you were even hiding your past magic from Arthur this time. No excuses.
Wait, so that means Uther deliberately played the “I love you” card so Arthur would turn around and thus let Uther back into Camelot. We’ve always know the guy is an arsehole, but that is way too harsh. So much rage. Basically I feel like this cougar, and Arthur is the little kitty cub:
(Yes, I admitted to being a cougar. I have been watching Teen Wolf. This comes as no surprise to anyone. Ooh, imagine if there were werecougars who, like, preyed on hot young werewolves. I would be all over that.)
“WHAT,” is Arthur’s response. Which is an acceptable response of the uninformed. Also, let us note that Arthur is eating dinner alone in his chambers. We are yet to see Arthur and Gwen have much influence on each other’s lives at all. And she has a dead father, too. She would probably understand if Arthur wanted to talk to her about it.
Merlin tries to convince Arthur that the ghost of his dead dad is behind all the recent shenanigans, but Arthur doesn’t believe his father would do such things. “I think he’d do anything to protect his legacy,” Merlin says. “Who knows what he’s capable of.” Arthur is still going to need some extra convincing, though, just like Merlin needs to be told twice to leave Arthur’s side. Yeah, I think Merlin might be the cougar to Arthur’s kitty cub.
And just to convince Arthur that Merlin is right, here comes Gwen. She’s taking a stroll down a corridor when things get spooky. Windows and doors start rattling and suddenly she is tripped onto her back and dragged across the floor like a sack of potatoes. It’s very Paranormal Sacktivity. Her boobs are still uneven, by the way. I forgot to check that in the last two eps. She gets up and flees, only to be brained by a wall candle thingy, and then stuff starts flying around everywhere, including a spear headed straight for her. Luckily, Gwen manages to escape into another room and shut the doors just as the spear gets stuck in the gap, narrowly missing her and her pretty purple gown. Unluckily, she has managed to put herself in a room with EVERY POTENTIAL PROJECTILE EVER and is knocked unconscious rather quickly. The fireplace ignites, which in turn ignites some laundry hung above it, and things do not look good for our queen.
It’s a good thing Merlin finally obeyed Arthur and left the room, because he discovers the trail of overturned debris leading down the corridor and follows it until he finds the smoking kitchen. A quick bit of muscle and magic to get entry, and Merlin lifts Gwen like a fireman and saves her life. Arthur is going to reward him VERY well.
Well, Arthur is going to reward Merlin eventually, I’m sure. For now, he’s annoyed at Merlin, who is still trying to convince him that Uther is haunting the castle. With Gwen safely tucked away in Merlin’s bed and administered Gaius’ trusty prescription of ‘time and a sleeping draught’, Arthur thinks things over. “I’ve always known my father could be cruel but why would he do this to Guinevere? He knows how much I love her.” Neither Merlin nor Gaius wants to be the one to answer that one, and Arthur seems to understand. He addresses Gaius with another question, albeit begrudgingly. “What do you know about ghosts?”
(My English teacher made us watch this show every week for a good part of an entire year because she was awesome. And, I now suspect, probably lazy. But mostly awesome.)
Magical montage time! Gaius prepares a potion while his voice over explains that in order to send Uther back to where he belongs before he does any more damage and, like, goes after the SORCERER MANSERVANT you would think would be his number one priority at this point, the person who summoned the spirit, must blow the horn to send it back. The montage music continues as Arthur stands in his chambers, looking at the horn and WHAT THE EVER EFFING EFF, MERLIN? Merlin drops a platter off camera and both Arthur and I nearly DIE. Merlin apologises and Arthur blusters, telling Merlin that fortunately, he’s not easily frightened. Yeah, the way he is adjusting his trousers says otherwise. Merlin thinks it looked like Arthur jumped out of his skin. Arthur covers by grumping about Merlin’s clumsiness and Gaius’ slowness at potion making.
A noise comes from behind a door, and Scooby and Shaggy investigate as slowly and carefully as possible to create extra tensiony tension before opening the little storage room door and peering inside with manly malice. Nothing. Sighs of relief all ‘round and GAAAAAH! DON’T DO THAT TO ME. Merlin jumps, and we see a cute little rat just casually making his way along the wall. It’s a good indication of just how scared Arthur was, that he doesn’t resort to the default of blaming Merlin for the cleanliness of his chambers, and instead breathes out and tries to make fun of Merlin’s “ghost.” Relieved, they turn around and then ZOINKS! simultaneously leap six feet into the air. I completely expected one of them to end up in the arms of the other.
Okay, hearts back to regular beating, let’s return to the scene. Gaius remains unamused at the hilarious scare he gave Arthur and Merlin. No reaction at all. But he probably catches them coming out of the closet panting like that a lot.
Once everyone is seated, Gaius places vials of potion in front of Arthur and Merlin, explaining that it will allow them to see Uther in his spirit form. Then once they are in his presence, Arthur must blow the horn. (Yes, I’m trying to not react, but cannot stop giggling every time it is mentioned.) You would think Gaius would like to take a swig and see his old friend again, too, but he doesn’t. Arthur asks if the potion is safe and Gaius is all like, “Ummmmmmm….” and doesn’t want to commit to a definite answer for legal reasons, so Arthur gets Merlin to go first. Merlin downs his in one shot and remains poker-faced, but since his immediate reaction isn’t to die instantly, Arthur drinks his own vial. AHAHAHAHA! Arthur’s reaction is not so poker-faced. It is, he says, the foulest thing he has ever tasted. And he’s tasted Merlin’s…cooking! “Sorry, did I forget to tell you about that part?” Merlin asks, cheekily. Gaius allows himself a smile. SO CUTE.
Sam and Dean head out for a spot of ghost hunting. They’re probably more like Ghostfacers, but whatever. Merlin instantly sees something and Arthur follows him. Oh, Merlin realises as he gives a little wave, it’s just their shadows. Arthur’s shadow slaps Merlin’s shadow across the head. Heh. They continue to creep along until they encounter a rattling door and stop. DON’T WORRY, it’s just Sir Leon.
Leon: “Arthur. Merlin.”
Arthur & Merlin: “Leon.”
Oh god, I am so in love with this episode I want to stick it up in my locker and draw little hearts around it. Leon asks if everything is okay and Arthur tries to act cool. He can’t come up with any plausible excuse for wandering the halls together late at night, so tells Merlin to explain what they’re doing. Merlin has trouble as well. “We’re…I’m teaching him so poetry.” THEIR FACES. Arthur’s is all, ‘OMG WHAT?’ Leon’s is all, ‘HUH’. And Merlin’s is all, ‘THAT’S RIGHT, BITCH, POETRY’ like he’s daring Leon to laugh. “IIIIII…love poetry,” Arthur says, because they’ve committed to the excuse now and may as well run with it. Merlin tries not to laugh, not very successfully. “I was as surprised as you are,” Merlin tells Leon. “He can’t get enough of it!” Leon’s eyebrows creep up into his pretty fringe of curls, and he decides to leave them to their poetry. AHAHAHAHAHA.
Somehow, I think Leon stumbles upon those two ‘learning poetry’ more times than he cares to remember. I just wish he had pressed for an example so Arthur could be all “AHEM…
Roses are red
Violence is hot.
It’s a sign of affection
When I slap you a lot.”
Once Leon is out of the picture, Arthur questions Merlin’s admittedly pretty bad excuse. Merlin asks what Arthur wanted him to say. “I don’t know, something that didn’t make me sound like a lovestruck girl.” And THAT’S when Uther decides to make an appearance. He stays long enough to ensure he has broken up whatever it was that was about to happen between his son and his manservant, and then ghosts off somewhere. As they hunt, Arthur takes the opportunity to talk about his feelings, telling Merlin that more than anything, he wanted to make Uther proud when he became king. Merlin shakes his head. “You’ve always done what you believe to be right, even if you knew your father would disapprove of it. Do you not see how different you are to him? Camelot’s a better place since you became king.” Arthur says his father clearly doesn’t think so. Merlin continues. “The people believe in you, Arthur. That counts for nothing if you don’t believe in yourself.” Oh, Merlin, you’re also getting all the hugs this week. This is basically an entire episode of the relationship between them that I have been wanting to see.
Seeing that it would be best to split the dynamic duo up at this point, Uther creates a diversion which has Merlin checking the storeroom while Arthur presses on ahead. The storeroom seems okay until SWEET MOTHER OF JINKIES, DEATH BY PIGEON. They ARE like rats with wings. Then Uther takes over from his avian buddies, and traps Merlin in the storeroom via lots of fallen debris. Merlin calls out for Arthur.
Arthur, meanwhile, is a little freaked out by every spooky spook ever, and stops when the torches are blown out and he hears approaching footsteps. He’s praying it’s Merlin, but no. Surprise!Uther. Uther leads him on a chase to the throne room and takes a seat in his Arthur’s throne.
Ugh, this is equally creepy and sad to watch. Uther is here to stop his own son from destroying the kingdom he built and admits to trying to kill Gwen because he can’t see how a serving girl could understand what it means to be queen. “Guinevere is wise and strong and I trust her more than anyone.” Yeah, skipping over that last bit for the sake of sanity. Uther says that is Arthur’s weakness - he puts too much trust in other people. He says that Arthur, and Arthur alone, must rule Camelot.
“I would rather not rule at all than rule alone,” Arthur says, defiant. Yep, I like this Arthur. Uther says he tried to prepare Arthur his whole life to become king. “Did you learn nothing?” he asks. “I watched you rule. I learnt that if you trust no one, you will always live in fear. Your hatred came from fear, not strength. I loved and respected you, but I have to rule the kingdom in my own way. I have to do what I believe to be right.” Seriously, Arthur, anything. What do you want? Tell me anything and I’ll do it right now. Do you like pie? I’ll bake you pie. I’ll bake you all the pies.
Uther is not so impressed, and will not allow Arthur to destroy all that he has built. “Then you’ll have to kill me,” Arthur says, arms open in invitation. “I’m not you, Father. I can’t rule the way you did.” Uther remains immune to Arthur’s woobie face. He decides that Camelot must come before all else, even Arthur, and then knocks his son out cold.
Yeah, so this is all good and dramatic, but it seems a little too caricature-ish, doesn’t it? Because of everything awful that Uther ever did, he always loved Arthur, and I’m not seeing the amount of emotional indecision you wold expect in Uther. Maybe that’s what death had done to him, though, I dunno.
Uther slowly walks towards Arthur to, I don’t know, finish him off or something. I don’t think he’s thought that through, because it’s not like he could rule as an invisible ghost, and if Arthur dies, he’ll have to kill Gwen as well, and then I have no idea who inherits the kingdom, but you would imagine that Morgana will come sniffing around again. And eventually he’d just be haunting an empty, broken castle for all eternity. Doesn’t matter, because before he can do anything, we hear a voice behind him.
“Get. Away from him, Uther.” And you would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling manservant! Merlin tells Uther that he has caused enough harm and that he doesn’t belong here and must return to the spirit world. “This is MY kingdom,” Uther says, turning to face Merlin. “You think you can drag me from it? You are nothing but a serving boy.” (Wait, so Uther knew about the knights and Gwen but didn’t know Merlin was a sorcerer. Was he getting an edited version of his kingdom instead of the extended director’s cut?)
“I am much more than that,” Merlin says and, let’s face it, it’s all kinds of hot. Uther tries to poltergeist a bench into Merlin, but Merlin stops it with some simple glowy eyed action, and I like to think the shaking is with rage, not fear.
Uther: “You have magic.”
Merlin: “I was born with it.”
Uther: “I made you Arthur’s servant. You are a SORCERER.”
Merlin: “Even while you were king, there was magic at the heart of Camelot.”
Me: *flails*
Uther: “I will not allow you and your kind to poison my kingdom!”
And Uther stalks toward Merlin, threatening, while Merlin, finally, gets to stand his ground. There is no cowering, no having to hide who he is and OH GOD THE FEELS. MERLIN’S FACE. He tells Uther he is wrong. About so much. “Arthur is a better and more worthy king than you ever were.” He magicks the VERY ANGRY Uther out of the throne room and heads out to find him. OF COURSE, Uther would sneak up behind him. And OF COURSE Merlin would enter the armoury where EVERYTHING CAN KILL HIM OMG. Uther pins Merlin to the door by the jacket with a couple of lances and comes towards him with a sword. “It will give me great pleasure killing you,” he says, sword raised, OF COURSE, Arthur arrives just in time to save him.
Uther turns to his son, who has his horn raised high (ahem), and starts begging for his undead life. Arthur tears up. “You’ve had your turn. Now it’s mine.” And then he puts his horn to his mouth and blows (*twitches*).
“Merlin has-“ Uther manages, before he is sent back to the land of the dead and truly horrible. Merlin has what, Uther? Merlin has perfect cheekbones? Merlin has put on a bit of weight since we last met but it suits him? Merlin has a couple of lances stuck into his side? Merlin has to buy a new jacket now; do you think you could give him a raise?
It remains unsaid, spoken into the void. And Arthur and Merlin lock watery eyes for a very long time, full of ALL THE FEELS, and now there is, literally, nothing standing between them. And then Arthur unpinned Merlin from the door, teasing that he looked a bit like a beautiful butterfly all spread out for admiration, and then they collapsed into each other and hugged and probably made out for a bit, and there was also some poetry reading in which Arthur told the story of the man from the kingdom of Nantucket. Merlin enjoyed that one very much.
But we skip all that and when we return the next morning, Merlin is getting Arthur dressed (aw, spoilsports) while Arthur talks about having always looked up to his father and having to accept that he can’t please him and be true to himself. “I want to build a kingdom that is fair and just. One where everyone is respected, regardless of rank.”
“Does that include me?” Merlin asks. Arthur screws up his nose ever so slightly, but then assures Merlin that it does. “So! Does that mean that you’re not going to hit me anymore?” HAAAAAAAH! Thank you, Merlin.
“When do I EVER hit you?” “All the time.” THIS EPISODE IS PERFECT. Arthur explains that it’s not hitting, but merely friendly slaps. Horseplay. Merlin asks if that means he can give Arthur a ‘friendly slap’ and Arthur says Merlin can certainly try. Yeah, good idea while Merlin is hovering behind you, idiot.
Merlin picks up Arthur’s gloves and Gets. An. Idea. He spins and uses the gloves to slap Arthur upside the head, rather forcefully. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. <3 Arthur’s hair is all mussed up from the impact and there’s a significant amount of shock involved on both sides. “What was that?” Arthur asks. Merlin is suddenly not so cocky. “Horseplay,” he eventually answers in a tiny voice. And then. Okay. Wait. I have to remember to breathe for a bit. Then Arthur takes his gloves, puts them on and tells Merlin that he’s doing the horseplay thing all wrong. Okay. Okay. Hang on. Okay, so then Arthur…GOD THIS IS SO AWESOME I AM KIND OF SHAKING RIGHT NOW.
THEN. “Why don’t I show you,” Arthur says, all sly about it, and…. SO. Arthur…. HE MAKES A FIST WITH HIS GLOVED HAND. And the leather creaks as he squeezes the fist tighter and looks at Merlin meaningfully. Merlin’s face is all OH SHIT as he looks back at Arthur, and we fade to black.
So there you have it, Merlin fans. This episode will now be known as the one in which Merlin and Arthur spent all their time together and talked about their feelings and there was a thing with a spoon and lots of horn-blowing and moments in the closet and romantic poetry and then it ended with ARTHUR FISTING MERLIN, HOW DID THIS ACTUALLY MAKE IT ONSCREEN OMG.
Yep, I could have just saved myself 7000 words and just posted the above paragraph and it would have said almost all I really wanted to about this episode.
NEXT WEEK: Does anyone really care about this while Arthur and Merlin are… Okay. Leon greets Princess Mithian (oh yay, I liked her) in the dead of night. And then carries her to bed. I…well, I could be persuaded to agree to their union, is all I’m saying. Mithian has no one else to turn to but Arthur. And Leon, AM I RIGHT? Arthur’s sword gets a bit of action. Ahem. As do Merlin’s glowy eyes. And Morgana’s there, too. Merlin appears to get taken out in battle. And Arthur appears to get captured without him. “You kill me and you’ll have all of Camelot to answer to.” Damn right he will, Arthur.
(Let it be known that when I watched this ep live, I was too busy flailing around laughing at the ending that I completely failed to notice the return of Mithian in the preview. It was just lot to process at the time, okay?)
In a land of myth and a time of magic, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the secret wizard is sneezing and the king is grumping. Oh, and the lenses are flaring. Quite a bit, actually. It’s distracting me from the banter, but from what I can tell, Arthur is annoyed with Merlin for sneezing every time he was about to kill something. And one time, Merlin fell into a stream to save the life of some (probably) doe-eyed embodiment of cuteness. I’m just loving that even with his kingly duties, he still finds time for a little one-on-one day with Merlin. It’s actually a good thing that Gwen is permanently stuck in Camelot to pick up the slack.
ARRRRGH! Our slice of idyllic life is interrupted by a noise, which Merlin thinks is a bird. Go ahead and laugh at him unless, like me, you have these little fuckers outside your bedroom window at night:
Click to viewBecause sometimes birds CAN sound like a woman about to be burned at the stake. Just saying. And, okay, this time it IS a woman about to be burned at the stake, but still. “Why couldn’t it have just been a bird?” Merlin asks the heavens, as Arthur grabs his sword and runs to investigate. “Never just a bird.” Heh.
Merlin dismounts and catches up to Arthur, who is crouching behind a tree being sensible about things. Merlin just runs past to get a closer look.
Arthur: “What are you doing?”
Merlin: “Well, I assume you want to risk our lives and see what’s going on.”
Arthur: “Never thought I’d say this, Merlin, but you’re learning.”
Oh, they are so adorable, I can barely stand it. So of course they run down into the village and stop an old woman’s execution at the very last possible second. The executioner tries to tell Arthur that it doesn’t concern him, so Arthur is all, ‘I’m your king, dickwad’ and it’s pretty awesome. Seeing an opening now he knows Arthur’s identity, however, the executioner mentions that the woman has been sentenced to death because her sorcery brought sickness and suffering to their village. “Did she receive a fair trial?” Huh. Looks like Merlin isn’t the only one who is learning.
“Your father would have shown her no mercy,” the executioner reminds him. Arthur gets all steely and serious. “I am not my father, now cut her down.” Honestly, it’s basically a miracle that Merlin doesn’t just drop to his knees and blow Arthur right in front of everyone at this moment. Because I probably would have. SO PROUD. The guy tries to disobey Arthur and light the pyre, and gets a sword pressed to his throat in return. “I said. Cut her down.” There are so many things I want to do to Arthur Pendragon right now, and, somehow, none of them involve slapping any kind of sense into him. These are glorious days, indeed.
That night, Arthur and Merlin have adopted the stray sorceress and Merlin is tending to her beside the fire, while Arthur brings in more firewood. He’s even doing menial labour. I was not prepared for this sudden reignition of my Arthur flame at all. *fans self* ANYWAY, it turns out that there wasn’t really that much of a need to save the woman, because Merlin says she’s not going to last through the night. Arthur just wants to make her as comfortable as possible. Come over here, Arthur. I wanna make YOU as comfortable as possible.
HOLY JESUS WHAT? Seriously, show, you have got to stop making dying old people grab my boys out of nowhere and SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE. The woman doesn’t want to scare Arthur, however, she just wants to give him a present to repay him for his kindness and compassion, which she says are qualities of a true king. Arthur unwraps his present, with a little glance up at Merlin, and we see some kind of ornate horn. Arthur says it’s beautiful, because he has been trained to be polite after many Christmases in which Morgana gave him socks and jocks and Uther gave him instructional scrolls on how to be a massive douchebag. But apparently the horn isn’t just for sitting on the mantelpiece back home; it can be used to summon the dead. The woman then promptly dies, and Arthur doesn’t immediately test it out by trying to bring her back.
The opening credits roll, and even though we’ve all seen the previews and know the title of this episode, let’s all guess where my brain immediately went.
BRING HIM BACK, I BEG OF YOU.
Please bring forth your exposition, Gaius. It’s the Horn of…Cathbad? Something like that. It was smuggled to safety before the temple fell during Uther’s attack on the Isle of the Blessed and hasn’t been heard of since. Until now. Arthur wants to know about its ability to open the door to the spirit world, and Gaius affirms that it can. In fact, he admits to taking part in such ceremonies, back when it was totally legal and stuff. Each year at Beltane, the high priestesses would gather at the Stones of Somewhere and use the horn to summon their ancestors. Beltane was, like, a really busy time, huh? Everything seems to happen then. Gaius hands the horn back to Arthur and tells him to keep it safe. There’s like a full circle of glances in which Arthur looks at Gaius, Gaius looks at Merlin, and Merlin looks at Arthur. And then Arthur looks into the distance and we PRAY that face means he’s thinking of summoning Lancelot.
Night falls on Camelot, and it’s party time. Arthur doesn’t look too happy about the festivities, even though everyone else is getting their drink on and laughing merrily. As Gwen tries to engage Arthur in conversation, earning a small smile and kiss on the cheek as reward, Elyan explains everything to Mordred. Even though the anniversary of Arthur’s coronation is cause for celebration, it is also the anniversary of Uther’s death. Mordred looks down at that because both seem to be a pretty good excuse to bring out the mead and merriment, in his opinion. We should also remember that Arthur’s birthday is the anniversary of his mother’s death, because it really, really sucks to be Arthur and he is never allowed to enjoy anything, ever. Arthur excuses himself from the table and nobody follows him, not even sad-faced Gwen and Merlin, because they understand and I love them for it.
ALSO. I would like to take a moment to enjoy the fact that the day before, on the eve of the anniversary of his father’s death, when Arthur is at his most emo, he decided to take a leave of absence for the entire day and just be alone with Merlin out in the woods. No knights, no queen, just Merlin. And for any concern anyone had that Arthur may have loved his knights more than Merlin in the last two episodes, this proves otherwise. Merlin is the one he lets see him at his most vulnerable. Merlin is the one he knows will cheer him up, or at least help him forget for a while. That sorry excuse for a hunting trip was basically a way for Arthur to recharge his emotional batteries to prepare him for the next day. And I think Merlin knew that, too, and maybe falling in that stream wasn’t such an accident.
I JUST. I REALLY LOVE THEM, OKAY?
But let’s bring the tone down somewhat as Arthur visits Uther’s tomb. It’s rather cold and stark, as one would expect, and there’s a nice carved likeness of Uther resting on top of it. Arthur takes a shaky breath, swallowing hard and holds back the sobs as he reaches towards it and the music swells and I want to give Arthur every hug I have left in my body to give right now.
The music carries us back to Arthur’s chambers, where he is pondering over the horn, until we are interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s Merlin. Oh. Merlin has learned to knock and wait since Arthur married Gwen, hasn’t he? Because I bet there was some initial awkwardness with Merlin just barrelling through the door at his leisure during the honeymoon period. Let’s not distract ourselves from the episode at hand, however! Thinking quickly, Arthur upends a fruit bowl onto the floor and tips it upside down over the horn to hide any evidence of his current thought process. Seriously, Arthur, you could have just shoved the thing down your pants and Merlin would never have noticed anything different to when you’re usually alone in your chambers with him. Fail. Poor Merlin has to pick up the apples at his feet and question Arthur’s actions with a cheerfulness we’ve seen Arthur use this year when Merlin was sad. THESE GUYS. Arthur replies that he was just thinking, and is very cagey about Merlin touching the fruit bowl, so of course Merlin zeroes in on it. He wants to know why he should leave it. “Because I’m telling you to and I’m the king of Camelot,” Arthur says, and I laugh out loud. “Not that seems to mean anything to you,” he adds, petulantly, and we all know that is actually Arthur’s favourite thing about Merlin and that Merlin’s scoff is fully justified.
Merlin makes a grab for the bowl and Arthur stops him, telling him to prepare the horses and to keep it a secret from everyone, even Guinevere. He holds a spoon in Merlin’s face. “You’re threatening me with a SPOON?” Merlin asks, and we cut to a shot of the corridor outside Arthur’s chambers to hear a whack and Merlin’s subsequent “OWWW!” WHAT DID HE DO WITH THAT SPOON? IF YOU LEAVE IT TO OUR IMAGINATIONS, SHOW, YOU JUST KNOW THE DIRTY, WRONG THINGS WE’RE GOING TO THINK.
Also, dear Arthur and Merlin:
ANOTHER MERLIN/ARTHUR ROAD TRIP. We are truly spoiled this week. Things look a bit eerie as Arthur and Merlin ride across the grassy plains, and Merlin has a bad feeling about it. Arthur thinks that’s just because Merlin is a coward, but Merlin says it’s because he values his life and doesn’t want to die horribly. Arthur concedes that this is a fair point, but they’re not turning back. They arrive at their destination, which, Arthur explains, is the Great Stones of Something that Gaius mentioned earlier. Basically, it’s Stonehenge minus the tourists.
As Arthur takes the horn from his saddle bag, Merlin reminds him that he’s about to use powerful magic, which, you know, is kind of a big deal considering it is still outlawed in Camelot and Arthur is about to become a giant hypocrite. “My father was taken from me before his time,” Arthur begins, and we KNOW any point Merlin may have wanted to make is now moot, given his role in that day. “Now there isn’t a day that passes where I don’t think of the things I wish I had said to him.” Yeah. Like, ‘you’re wrong and also a bucketful of crazy.’ Merlin’s horse agrees with me. Arthur then tugs a little harder on Merlin’s heartstrings and asks if he was given the same chance to see his own father and talk to him, wouldn’t he do the same. Merlin gives a slight nod to indicate that he totally would. Um, so why doesn’t he? The high priestesses used it a bunch of times, so it’s not like the thing has a limited use, I would imagine. Arthur COULD conceivably pay Uther a visit, and maybe his mum, then hand it over to Merlin who could hang out with his dad, and Lancelot and Will and Freya (if that’s possible - I’m not sure where she is) and BASICALLY EVERYONE HE HAS EVER LOVED BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL DEAD. I guess that particular scenario will be left in the capable hands of fic writers, because it is not suggested here. Arthur and Merlin walk towards not!Stonehenge and then Arthur blows his horn (can’t stop sniggering) and walks towards the light until he crosses over. Like Stargate. Or this…
(I freaking LOVED that show. I had a guinea pig named after Quinn.)
It goes a bit X-Files in the land of blue lens flare for a while, because Uther’s approaching distorted silhouette looks a lot like an alien about to probe Arthur with a spoon, but then we finally see Uther in all his ghostly glory. They exchange the usual pleasantries you’d expect from son and dead father, and then Arthur opens the emotional floodgates. “There are times when I feel so alone I wish more than anything that you were by my side.” All the hugs, Arthur Pendragon. ALL THE HUGS.
Uther calmly and softly tells Arthur that if he were at his son’s side, he fears Arthur would not like all that he had to say. Oh, here we go, damn him. He tells Arthur that many of his kingly decisions go against all that Uther has taught him. “I have done what I have believed to be right,” Arthur says, sort of robotically? Like he knows what’s coming, probably even knew it before he even blew on the horn, but did it anyway. Arthur gets a lecture on ignoring tradition and ancient laws, allowing common men to become knights, who question Arthur’s decisions and make him look weak. “Listening to others is a sign of strength, not weakness,” Arthur argues. Seriously, Arthur. All the hugs. Uther doesn’t know how Arthur expects anyone to fear a king who does not know his own mind. “I don’t want my people to respect me because they fear me,” Arthur counters. All the hugs and all the, um, hornblowing, Arthur. This is what you deserve. Uther, however, says that if this is the case, Arthur’s people will not respect him at all.
And THEN Uther starts on Arthur’s marriage to a serving girl instead of using his betrothal to form an alliance with another kingdom. “I married for love,” Arthur says, suddenly a bit stronger in his conviction than he was when arguing about his knights and his entire kingdom. I sort of expected Uther to slam his fist down somewhere and be all, THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU MARRY THAT IDIOT MANSERVANT OF YOURS? but instead he lets Arthur continue for a bit. “I love Guinevere. More than… I can express.” Heh. Uther tells Arthur that there are some things more important than love, like his duty to strengthen and protect the kingdom. “You have failed,” he tells Arthur. Quick poll: who wants to punch Uther in the face right now? Yeah.
Arthur had always strived to make Uther proud. “How can I be proud of a son who ignores everything that I taught him? Who is destroying my legacy.” OH GOD, Arthur is broken. He’s all hesitant and can’t form the right words and it’s like he’s grasping at straws when he says, “I’ve brought peace to the kingdom, I’ve-“ GAAAAAAHHHHHH. Uther tells him that the peace cannot last, and if he is not strong, the kingdom will fall. He tells Arthur to leave.
Arthur doesn’t want to go yet, because there is still so much he wants to say, but he can’t say it because it’s like Uther has sucked all the words out of him and he’s just, like, stammering and THE TEAR ROLLING DOWN HIS PERFECT CHEEK! THE SNIFFLE! HEART = BREAKING. Uther tells him that if he stays, he’ll be forever trapped in the spirit world. Yeah GET OUT, ARTHUR. Nobody wants to be trapped with that for all eternity. “THIS can’t be the last time I’ll ever see you.” Oh my god, Arthur. He never gave you what you wanted from him. He never will give you what you wanted from him. Just get the fuck out. Uther tells Arthur to think about everything Uther has said to him, and that it isn’t too late. Then he’s all, “Now gooooooooooo,” and it is kind of hilarious and campy.
Arthur turns his back and walks towards the world of the living and just when he’s about to make his exit, Uther speaks up. “I will always love you, Arthur.” Uh-huh, and making someone feel like a worthless piece of shit is exactly how to show that love, you utter cocknozzle. Arthur looks back in time to see Uther fade, and then it’s back outside to the waiting, sympathetic arms of Merlin. Well, they end the scene before Arthur makes it to Merlin, but that’s totally what it was leading up to.
Another campfire scene. Merlin seems to have held his tongue for a very long time but now decides, as he’s sitting back and looking across the fire at Arthur, that it might be time to get him to open up. He asks if Arthur wants to talk about what happened at the stones and Arthur tells him his father doesn’t approve of the way he’s chosen to rule Uther’s kingdom. “You mean YOUR kingdom,” Merlin stresses, and he’s, like, SEETHING, rage bubbling just under the surface at Uther’s effect on Arthur. He gives Arthur a pep talk, saying that Arthur has always done what he believes is right, and his people respect him. “Some people still think you’re a foolish, arrogant ass,” he adds, because being thanked by Arthur in a serious tone is a bit too much to handle. And with that tiny bit of comforting normalcy, they bed down for the night.
So series five is a bit like series one, but instead of Arthur and Merlin alternating saving each other’s lives with each storyline, they seem to be alternating cheering each other up.
You know, when I signed up for scenes at the round table with all the hot knights, this must have been in very fine print, because it turns out that the round table is considerably much more boring in canon than it is in my head. For one thing, everyone is fully clothed. Leon is reporting….I don’t know, something boring with boring facts and figures and basically, everyone is propping their eyes open with matchsticks. I’m pretty sure Mordred and Elyan and playing Words With Friends against each other under the table. Gwaine is probably playing Angry Birds, because I could just see him, like, really hating on those smug little pigs. I love Leon. Before this, I would have said I love Leon’s voice so much, I could watch an hour of him reading the phone book and be satisfied. I now know this is a big, fat lie. We’re going to need some serious caffeine to get through this HOLY JESUS FUCK WHAT WAS THAT? The doors to the room swing open with a massive noise and every single knight, one king and one servant nearly shit their pants. You know that moment when you’re in class and everyone is half asleep because the teacher is talking about the history of something historically boring and then THWAP!, she whacks her ruler onto the desk and makes everyone leap six feet into the air? Yeah, times that by 100.
The fright is like an intravenous shot of red bull, and all the knights are now alert and ready for Leon to continue, which he does after a quick glare in the direction of the doors. I am laughing, because this is actually hilarious, and then BOOM! The chandelier crashes into the centre of the table. Sorry, Leon, we’ll never get to hear the rest of your boring report. Surprisingly, neither Merlin or Mordred cast accusing glares at one another from across the room, which is the default conclusion I would have come to in that situation. But I love that scene. Really, really love it. It’s so hilarious with no music and no dialogue other than Leon’s droning that is impossible to pay attention to, so everything is just non-verbal communication and sound effects. Very well played, show. Very well played, indeed.
Outside, Arthur is barking orders about having the table repaired, while Merlin is a bit distracted thinking about what happened. “Did you get a terrible fright?” Arthur asks. “Yes. My heart nearly jumped out through my mouth,” Merlin replies. Arthur tells Merlin that maybe he should have the rest of the day off and put his feet up, which Merlin doesn’t believe, but seeks confirmation anyway. Heh. As Arthur stomps off insulting Merlin’s intelligence yet again, Merlin feels something spooky. Before he can investigate any further, Arthur impatiently calls for him.
As lightning crackles over Camelot, Elyan, Gwaine and Percival are getting changed with some random knights. Gwaine wants to know why it always takes Percival twice as long to change out of his armour. “Because I’m twice the size of you, little man.” They’ve really spruced up the sails on this particular ship this year, haven’t they? Gwaine insults the size of Percival’s brain, because he has learned from the best and the smile Percival gives the retreating Gwaine pretty much puts another gust of wind behind those sails. I like to think that the armoury scenes will fill the empty void left in my heart from the lack of new Teen Wolf locker room scenes. They’re basically the same, right? Except without Coach Finstock.
Suddenly alone in the armoury and STILL removing his armour, Percival hears a noise and investigates. It’s Casper the unfriendly ghost!
Spookiness ensures for a bit and then suddenly, an axe flies into Percival’s shoulder. Hm, do we think it was an axe murderer, or merely and axe-ident? (SHUT UP) Percival is going with the former, and as Gaius bandages up the wound, says the axe must have fallen off the rack. Gaius is surprised that a falling axe would cause such a deep wound. “Not as surprised as I was,” Percival says, and I love him. Merlin assists and pushes Percival for more info when he admits to the situation being strange. He felt a presence in the room, like someone was watching him before the axing. “I’m sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me,” Percival says, dismissively, and I have this entire head canon for Percival in which he acts so dim-witted because people keep telling him that’s what he is, and he likes that Gwaine can play off him so well with that quick wit and wicked humour. It makes them a team, a duo a bit like Arthur and Merlin, and it wasn’t what he was looking for when Lancelot first brought him to Camelot, but it’s exactly what he needed.
After Percival has left, Gaius questions Merlin. He gets the distinct impression that there is something Merlin isn’t telling him for some strange reason involving the fact that there usually is. Merlin caves after approximately two seconds and admits he and Arthur went to not!Stonehenge. He then tells Gaius about feeling the same presence as Percival had, and Gaius worries. Gaius explains, RATHER BELATEDLY, that the priestesses trained for years before summoning the dead because there are rules and stuff. Most importantly, the one thing you should never do is look back at the spirit as the Stargate closed, or they would release the spirit into this world. Come the fuck on, Gaius. You knew that the majority of Arthur and Merlin’s family and close friends are dead. You knew they were in the possession of something that would allow them to speak with the dead. And you didn’t think to drop this important fact into conversation earlier? It wasn’t like you were even hiding your past magic from Arthur this time. No excuses.
Wait, so that means Uther deliberately played the “I love you” card so Arthur would turn around and thus let Uther back into Camelot. We’ve always know the guy is an arsehole, but that is way too harsh. So much rage. Basically I feel like this cougar, and Arthur is the little kitty cub:
(Yes, I admitted to being a cougar. I have been watching Teen Wolf. This comes as no surprise to anyone. Ooh, imagine if there were werecougars who, like, preyed on hot young werewolves. I would be all over that.)
“WHAT,” is Arthur’s response. Which is an acceptable response of the uninformed. Also, let us note that Arthur is eating dinner alone in his chambers. We are yet to see Arthur and Gwen have much influence on each other’s lives at all. And she has a dead father, too. She would probably understand if Arthur wanted to talk to her about it.
Merlin tries to convince Arthur that the ghost of his dead dad is behind all the recent shenanigans, but Arthur doesn’t believe his father would do such things. “I think he’d do anything to protect his legacy,” Merlin says. “Who knows what he’s capable of.” Arthur is still going to need some extra convincing, though, just like Merlin needs to be told twice to leave Arthur’s side. Yeah, I think Merlin might be the cougar to Arthur’s kitty cub.
And just to convince Arthur that Merlin is right, here comes Gwen. She’s taking a stroll down a corridor when things get spooky. Windows and doors start rattling and suddenly she is tripped onto her back and dragged across the floor like a sack of potatoes. It’s very Paranormal Sacktivity. Her boobs are still uneven, by the way. I forgot to check that in the last two eps. She gets up and flees, only to be brained by a wall candle thingy, and then stuff starts flying around everywhere, including a spear headed straight for her. Luckily, Gwen manages to escape into another room and shut the doors just as the spear gets stuck in the gap, narrowly missing her and her pretty purple gown. Unluckily, she has managed to put herself in a room with EVERY POTENTIAL PROJECTILE EVER and is knocked unconscious rather quickly. The fireplace ignites, which in turn ignites some laundry hung above it, and things do not look good for our queen.
It’s a good thing Merlin finally obeyed Arthur and left the room, because he discovers the trail of overturned debris leading down the corridor and follows it until he finds the smoking kitchen. A quick bit of muscle and magic to get entry, and Merlin lifts Gwen like a fireman and saves her life. Arthur is going to reward him VERY well.
Well, Arthur is going to reward Merlin eventually, I’m sure. For now, he’s annoyed at Merlin, who is still trying to convince him that Uther is haunting the castle. With Gwen safely tucked away in Merlin’s bed and administered Gaius’ trusty prescription of ‘time and a sleeping draught’, Arthur thinks things over. “I’ve always known my father could be cruel but why would he do this to Guinevere? He knows how much I love her.” Neither Merlin nor Gaius wants to be the one to answer that one, and Arthur seems to understand. He addresses Gaius with another question, albeit begrudgingly. “What do you know about ghosts?”
(My English teacher made us watch this show every week for a good part of an entire year because she was awesome. And, I now suspect, probably lazy. But mostly awesome.)
Magical montage time! Gaius prepares a potion while his voice over explains that in order to send Uther back to where he belongs before he does any more damage and, like, goes after the SORCERER MANSERVANT you would think would be his number one priority at this point, the person who summoned the spirit, must blow the horn to send it back. The montage music continues as Arthur stands in his chambers, looking at the horn and WHAT THE EVER EFFING EFF, MERLIN? Merlin drops a platter off camera and both Arthur and I nearly DIE. Merlin apologises and Arthur blusters, telling Merlin that fortunately, he’s not easily frightened. Yeah, the way he is adjusting his trousers says otherwise. Merlin thinks it looked like Arthur jumped out of his skin. Arthur covers by grumping about Merlin’s clumsiness and Gaius’ slowness at potion making.
A noise comes from behind a door, and Scooby and Shaggy investigate as slowly and carefully as possible to create extra tensiony tension before opening the little storage room door and peering inside with manly malice. Nothing. Sighs of relief all ‘round and GAAAAAH! DON’T DO THAT TO ME. Merlin jumps, and we see a cute little rat just casually making his way along the wall. It’s a good indication of just how scared Arthur was, that he doesn’t resort to the default of blaming Merlin for the cleanliness of his chambers, and instead breathes out and tries to make fun of Merlin’s “ghost.” Relieved, they turn around and then ZOINKS! simultaneously leap six feet into the air. I completely expected one of them to end up in the arms of the other.
Okay, hearts back to regular beating, let’s return to the scene. Gaius remains unamused at the hilarious scare he gave Arthur and Merlin. No reaction at all. But he probably catches them coming out of the closet panting like that a lot.
Once everyone is seated, Gaius places vials of potion in front of Arthur and Merlin, explaining that it will allow them to see Uther in his spirit form. Then once they are in his presence, Arthur must blow the horn. (Yes, I’m trying to not react, but cannot stop giggling every time it is mentioned.) You would think Gaius would like to take a swig and see his old friend again, too, but he doesn’t. Arthur asks if the potion is safe and Gaius is all like, “Ummmmmmm….” and doesn’t want to commit to a definite answer for legal reasons, so Arthur gets Merlin to go first. Merlin downs his in one shot and remains poker-faced, but since his immediate reaction isn’t to die instantly, Arthur drinks his own vial. AHAHAHAHA! Arthur’s reaction is not so poker-faced. It is, he says, the foulest thing he has ever tasted. And he’s tasted Merlin’s…cooking! “Sorry, did I forget to tell you about that part?” Merlin asks, cheekily. Gaius allows himself a smile. SO CUTE.
Sam and Dean head out for a spot of ghost hunting. They’re probably more like Ghostfacers, but whatever. Merlin instantly sees something and Arthur follows him. Oh, Merlin realises as he gives a little wave, it’s just their shadows. Arthur’s shadow slaps Merlin’s shadow across the head. Heh. They continue to creep along until they encounter a rattling door and stop. DON’T WORRY, it’s just Sir Leon.
Leon: “Arthur. Merlin.”
Arthur & Merlin: “Leon.”
Oh god, I am so in love with this episode I want to stick it up in my locker and draw little hearts around it. Leon asks if everything is okay and Arthur tries to act cool. He can’t come up with any plausible excuse for wandering the halls together late at night, so tells Merlin to explain what they’re doing. Merlin has trouble as well. “We’re…I’m teaching him so poetry.” THEIR FACES. Arthur’s is all, ‘OMG WHAT?’ Leon’s is all, ‘HUH’. And Merlin’s is all, ‘THAT’S RIGHT, BITCH, POETRY’ like he’s daring Leon to laugh. “IIIIII…love poetry,” Arthur says, because they’ve committed to the excuse now and may as well run with it. Merlin tries not to laugh, not very successfully. “I was as surprised as you are,” Merlin tells Leon. “He can’t get enough of it!” Leon’s eyebrows creep up into his pretty fringe of curls, and he decides to leave them to their poetry. AHAHAHAHAHA.
Somehow, I think Leon stumbles upon those two ‘learning poetry’ more times than he cares to remember. I just wish he had pressed for an example so Arthur could be all “AHEM…
Roses are red
Violence is hot.
It’s a sign of affection
When I slap you a lot.”
Once Leon is out of the picture, Arthur questions Merlin’s admittedly pretty bad excuse. Merlin asks what Arthur wanted him to say. “I don’t know, something that didn’t make me sound like a lovestruck girl.” And THAT’S when Uther decides to make an appearance. He stays long enough to ensure he has broken up whatever it was that was about to happen between his son and his manservant, and then ghosts off somewhere. As they hunt, Arthur takes the opportunity to talk about his feelings, telling Merlin that more than anything, he wanted to make Uther proud when he became king. Merlin shakes his head. “You’ve always done what you believe to be right, even if you knew your father would disapprove of it. Do you not see how different you are to him? Camelot’s a better place since you became king.” Arthur says his father clearly doesn’t think so. Merlin continues. “The people believe in you, Arthur. That counts for nothing if you don’t believe in yourself.” Oh, Merlin, you’re also getting all the hugs this week. This is basically an entire episode of the relationship between them that I have been wanting to see.
Seeing that it would be best to split the dynamic duo up at this point, Uther creates a diversion which has Merlin checking the storeroom while Arthur presses on ahead. The storeroom seems okay until SWEET MOTHER OF JINKIES, DEATH BY PIGEON. They ARE like rats with wings. Then Uther takes over from his avian buddies, and traps Merlin in the storeroom via lots of fallen debris. Merlin calls out for Arthur.
Arthur, meanwhile, is a little freaked out by every spooky spook ever, and stops when the torches are blown out and he hears approaching footsteps. He’s praying it’s Merlin, but no. Surprise!Uther. Uther leads him on a chase to the throne room and takes a seat in his Arthur’s throne.
Ugh, this is equally creepy and sad to watch. Uther is here to stop his own son from destroying the kingdom he built and admits to trying to kill Gwen because he can’t see how a serving girl could understand what it means to be queen. “Guinevere is wise and strong and I trust her more than anyone.” Yeah, skipping over that last bit for the sake of sanity. Uther says that is Arthur’s weakness - he puts too much trust in other people. He says that Arthur, and Arthur alone, must rule Camelot.
“I would rather not rule at all than rule alone,” Arthur says, defiant. Yep, I like this Arthur. Uther says he tried to prepare Arthur his whole life to become king. “Did you learn nothing?” he asks. “I watched you rule. I learnt that if you trust no one, you will always live in fear. Your hatred came from fear, not strength. I loved and respected you, but I have to rule the kingdom in my own way. I have to do what I believe to be right.” Seriously, Arthur, anything. What do you want? Tell me anything and I’ll do it right now. Do you like pie? I’ll bake you pie. I’ll bake you all the pies.
Uther is not so impressed, and will not allow Arthur to destroy all that he has built. “Then you’ll have to kill me,” Arthur says, arms open in invitation. “I’m not you, Father. I can’t rule the way you did.” Uther remains immune to Arthur’s woobie face. He decides that Camelot must come before all else, even Arthur, and then knocks his son out cold.
Yeah, so this is all good and dramatic, but it seems a little too caricature-ish, doesn’t it? Because of everything awful that Uther ever did, he always loved Arthur, and I’m not seeing the amount of emotional indecision you wold expect in Uther. Maybe that’s what death had done to him, though, I dunno.
Uther slowly walks towards Arthur to, I don’t know, finish him off or something. I don’t think he’s thought that through, because it’s not like he could rule as an invisible ghost, and if Arthur dies, he’ll have to kill Gwen as well, and then I have no idea who inherits the kingdom, but you would imagine that Morgana will come sniffing around again. And eventually he’d just be haunting an empty, broken castle for all eternity. Doesn’t matter, because before he can do anything, we hear a voice behind him.
“Get. Away from him, Uther.” And you would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling manservant! Merlin tells Uther that he has caused enough harm and that he doesn’t belong here and must return to the spirit world. “This is MY kingdom,” Uther says, turning to face Merlin. “You think you can drag me from it? You are nothing but a serving boy.” (Wait, so Uther knew about the knights and Gwen but didn’t know Merlin was a sorcerer. Was he getting an edited version of his kingdom instead of the extended director’s cut?)
“I am much more than that,” Merlin says and, let’s face it, it’s all kinds of hot. Uther tries to poltergeist a bench into Merlin, but Merlin stops it with some simple glowy eyed action, and I like to think the shaking is with rage, not fear.
Uther: “You have magic.”
Merlin: “I was born with it.”
Uther: “I made you Arthur’s servant. You are a SORCERER.”
Merlin: “Even while you were king, there was magic at the heart of Camelot.”
Me: *flails*
Uther: “I will not allow you and your kind to poison my kingdom!”
And Uther stalks toward Merlin, threatening, while Merlin, finally, gets to stand his ground. There is no cowering, no having to hide who he is and OH GOD THE FEELS. MERLIN’S FACE. He tells Uther he is wrong. About so much. “Arthur is a better and more worthy king than you ever were.” He magicks the VERY ANGRY Uther out of the throne room and heads out to find him. OF COURSE, Uther would sneak up behind him. And OF COURSE Merlin would enter the armoury where EVERYTHING CAN KILL HIM OMG. Uther pins Merlin to the door by the jacket with a couple of lances and comes towards him with a sword. “It will give me great pleasure killing you,” he says, sword raised, OF COURSE, Arthur arrives just in time to save him.
Uther turns to his son, who has his horn raised high (ahem), and starts begging for his undead life. Arthur tears up. “You’ve had your turn. Now it’s mine.” And then he puts his horn to his mouth and blows (*twitches*).
“Merlin has-“ Uther manages, before he is sent back to the land of the dead and truly horrible. Merlin has what, Uther? Merlin has perfect cheekbones? Merlin has put on a bit of weight since we last met but it suits him? Merlin has a couple of lances stuck into his side? Merlin has to buy a new jacket now; do you think you could give him a raise?
It remains unsaid, spoken into the void. And Arthur and Merlin lock watery eyes for a very long time, full of ALL THE FEELS, and now there is, literally, nothing standing between them. And then Arthur unpinned Merlin from the door, teasing that he looked a bit like a beautiful butterfly all spread out for admiration, and then they collapsed into each other and hugged and probably made out for a bit, and there was also some poetry reading in which Arthur told the story of the man from the kingdom of Nantucket. Merlin enjoyed that one very much.
But we skip all that and when we return the next morning, Merlin is getting Arthur dressed (aw, spoilsports) while Arthur talks about having always looked up to his father and having to accept that he can’t please him and be true to himself. “I want to build a kingdom that is fair and just. One where everyone is respected, regardless of rank.”
“Does that include me?” Merlin asks. Arthur screws up his nose ever so slightly, but then assures Merlin that it does. “So! Does that mean that you’re not going to hit me anymore?” HAAAAAAAH! Thank you, Merlin.
“When do I EVER hit you?” “All the time.” THIS EPISODE IS PERFECT. Arthur explains that it’s not hitting, but merely friendly slaps. Horseplay. Merlin asks if that means he can give Arthur a ‘friendly slap’ and Arthur says Merlin can certainly try. Yeah, good idea while Merlin is hovering behind you, idiot.
Merlin picks up Arthur’s gloves and Gets. An. Idea. He spins and uses the gloves to slap Arthur upside the head, rather forcefully. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. <3 Arthur’s hair is all mussed up from the impact and there’s a significant amount of shock involved on both sides. “What was that?” Arthur asks. Merlin is suddenly not so cocky. “Horseplay,” he eventually answers in a tiny voice. And then. Okay. Wait. I have to remember to breathe for a bit. Then Arthur takes his gloves, puts them on and tells Merlin that he’s doing the horseplay thing all wrong. Okay. Okay. Hang on. Okay, so then Arthur…GOD THIS IS SO AWESOME I AM KIND OF SHAKING RIGHT NOW.
THEN. “Why don’t I show you,” Arthur says, all sly about it, and…. SO. Arthur…. HE MAKES A FIST WITH HIS GLOVED HAND. And the leather creaks as he squeezes the fist tighter and looks at Merlin meaningfully. Merlin’s face is all OH SHIT as he looks back at Arthur, and we fade to black.
So there you have it, Merlin fans. This episode will now be known as the one in which Merlin and Arthur spent all their time together and talked about their feelings and there was a thing with a spoon and lots of horn-blowing and moments in the closet and romantic poetry and then it ended with ARTHUR FISTING MERLIN, HOW DID THIS ACTUALLY MAKE IT ONSCREEN OMG.
Yep, I could have just saved myself 7000 words and just posted the above paragraph and it would have said almost all I really wanted to about this episode.
NEXT WEEK: Does anyone really care about this while Arthur and Merlin are… Okay. Leon greets Princess Mithian (oh yay, I liked her) in the dead of night. And then carries her to bed. I…well, I could be persuaded to agree to their union, is all I’m saying. Mithian has no one else to turn to but Arthur. And Leon, AM I RIGHT? Arthur’s sword gets a bit of action. Ahem. As do Merlin’s glowy eyes. And Morgana’s there, too. Merlin appears to get taken out in battle. And Arthur appears to get captured without him. “You kill me and you’ll have all of Camelot to answer to.” Damn right he will, Arthur.
(Let it be known that when I watched this ep live, I was too busy flailing around laughing at the ending that I completely failed to notice the return of Mithian in the preview. It was just lot to process at the time, okay?)