I love this, and I loved the host fic too -- I read it a long time ago, but it was nice to re-read it. I also like how you turned the point of view onto Gippal here and we kind of got a look at it from his point of view. The whole concept of unrequited love is so sad, but so sweet when it's finally returned. =)
The only thing that kind of stood out was this line:
Baralai glanced sideways at him, a much more restrained smile that Gippal's lighting his face.
Which kind of pops out of Gippal's point of view into sort of a neutral one. I like the image, but if you said something like "the smile that Gippal felt" (something) it would fit in better.
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The only thing that kind of stood out was this line:
Baralai glanced sideways at him, a much more restrained smile that Gippal's lighting his face.
Which kind of pops out of Gippal's point of view into sort of a neutral one. I like the image, but if you said something like "the smile that Gippal felt" (something) it would fit in better.
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