So this is why they didn't name me Grace....
I think I broke two of my toes, y'all. In my mad rush to get myself, five grocery bags, the mail, and my precious caramel iced latte into my house, I took what can only be described as an epic, wicked digger on my front steps.
After tripping on absolutely nothing, I watched my right ankle torque in a way that I thought was only possible in sub-par video game physics. Terrified that I'd be staring down the barrel of the gun of a summer sweltering away in a cast, I tried to over-correct with some kind of brilliant DanceSport/Olga Corbut/capoeira move (too bad I missed the Boston So You Think You Can Dance? auditions last week; it would have TOTALLY scored me a ticket to Vegas). Cue to my left foot smashing and twisting into the cement casing stairs.
After assessing that my right ankle was still indeed operational, I slid my other foot into view. Though it didn't look any different than it did moments earlier, the pain in my middle and "ring" toes (y'know, the one next to the baby toe) commenced immediately. Over the next few hours, my toes swelled and bruised. It started with a vein-like purple ribbon on the inside-right of each toe, and slowly but surely blossomed outward into a navy, violet, and magenta dermatological tie-dye covering the top two-thirds of both. It's nice to know that if my foot ever decided to go to a Dead or Phish show, my toes would fit in.
Knowing enough folks who've broken their toes, I knew there's was really nothing that can be done, as only serious cases require resetting, casting, or draining (yes, gross, I know). Instead, I used my crazy pioneer/Civil War doctoring skills and called upon my youth ballet ribbon tying skills to jerryrig myself one hell of an improvised immobilizer. I've since moved on to tape, and plan on driving over to Rite-Aid and limping in for one of those nifty foam and metal toe cradle thingies. It's not that I think that I necessarily need it for healing and protection, but it might serve as a swell visual aid for people who might be wondering why I'm shambling around zombie-style like I'm Patient Zero. If elevation, icing, and time doesn't eventually do the trick, I'll actually consider seeing a doctor. Maybe. Briefly, at least. Probably.
After tripping on absolutely nothing, I watched my right ankle torque in a way that I thought was only possible in sub-par video game physics. Terrified that I'd be staring down the barrel of the gun of a summer sweltering away in a cast, I tried to over-correct with some kind of brilliant DanceSport/Olga Corbut/capoeira move (too bad I missed the Boston So You Think You Can Dance? auditions last week; it would have TOTALLY scored me a ticket to Vegas). Cue to my left foot smashing and twisting into the cement casing stairs.
After assessing that my right ankle was still indeed operational, I slid my other foot into view. Though it didn't look any different than it did moments earlier, the pain in my middle and "ring" toes (y'know, the one next to the baby toe) commenced immediately. Over the next few hours, my toes swelled and bruised. It started with a vein-like purple ribbon on the inside-right of each toe, and slowly but surely blossomed outward into a navy, violet, and magenta dermatological tie-dye covering the top two-thirds of both. It's nice to know that if my foot ever decided to go to a Dead or Phish show, my toes would fit in.
Knowing enough folks who've broken their toes, I knew there's was really nothing that can be done, as only serious cases require resetting, casting, or draining (yes, gross, I know). Instead, I used my crazy pioneer/Civil War doctoring skills and called upon my youth ballet ribbon tying skills to jerryrig myself one hell of an improvised immobilizer. I've since moved on to tape, and plan on driving over to Rite-Aid and limping in for one of those nifty foam and metal toe cradle thingies. It's not that I think that I necessarily need it for healing and protection, but it might serve as a swell visual aid for people who might be wondering why I'm shambling around zombie-style like I'm Patient Zero. If elevation, icing, and time doesn't eventually do the trick, I'll actually consider seeing a doctor. Maybe. Briefly, at least. Probably.