Facing One of My Most Self Destructive Fears
Well, I know I don't talk about it often, but as most of you know I have been in dire need of a dentist for many years now.
The truth of the matter is I am quite embarrassed by my smile and I have been most of my adult life. This has, in the past, be compounded by very condescending dentists, which I am already pretty seriously phobic of in the first place. And I mean, hyperventilating kind of scared of them. I tried in my early 20s to see a dentist, and while I did like my oral surgeon, the dentist was one of the most vile people you could ever have had the displeasure of knowing (and I am not just saying that because he's a dentist), so the little bit of courage I had worked up to see him in the first place quickly was replaced by stark raving terror at the prospect of seeing him again. Or any other dentist for that matter. So, I have lived in varying amounts of physical pain, and with simply making sure that if I laugh or smile I cover my mouth with my hand.
As many of you also know, I am going through some rather serious changes both externally and internally. The most important and wonderful of these is finally realizing that it is ok to just be who I am. People will like me or not, they will hurt me or not, they will love me or not, and it has nothing to do with how I look, so it is ok and safe for me to look the way *I* want to. On top of that, in the last few weeks (despite the man's neurotic freak out), I have had a lot of reasons to want to smile. I actually had a very beautiful smile at one time, and in a way, like my weight, I have used the lack of care of it as a way to keep people away from me.
I am not doing this for him, or you, or anyone for that matter, other than me. He just helped me see that it really is ok to be me.
So, the point of this nonsensical rambling is that: I called a dentist today that is also a cosmetic and sedation dentist, and a woman, and her office is less than 2 miles from my house. And, I have an appointment with her on April 20th to do x-rays and do a consultation so I can find out everything that needs to be done to my teeth, how long it will take, and how much it is going to cost (this is the part that makes me worry the most).
This year, I am going to be able to smile again, and not have it hurt physically and otherwise when I do.
The truth of the matter is I am quite embarrassed by my smile and I have been most of my adult life. This has, in the past, be compounded by very condescending dentists, which I am already pretty seriously phobic of in the first place. And I mean, hyperventilating kind of scared of them. I tried in my early 20s to see a dentist, and while I did like my oral surgeon, the dentist was one of the most vile people you could ever have had the displeasure of knowing (and I am not just saying that because he's a dentist), so the little bit of courage I had worked up to see him in the first place quickly was replaced by stark raving terror at the prospect of seeing him again. Or any other dentist for that matter. So, I have lived in varying amounts of physical pain, and with simply making sure that if I laugh or smile I cover my mouth with my hand.
As many of you also know, I am going through some rather serious changes both externally and internally. The most important and wonderful of these is finally realizing that it is ok to just be who I am. People will like me or not, they will hurt me or not, they will love me or not, and it has nothing to do with how I look, so it is ok and safe for me to look the way *I* want to. On top of that, in the last few weeks (despite the man's neurotic freak out), I have had a lot of reasons to want to smile. I actually had a very beautiful smile at one time, and in a way, like my weight, I have used the lack of care of it as a way to keep people away from me.
I am not doing this for him, or you, or anyone for that matter, other than me. He just helped me see that it really is ok to be me.
So, the point of this nonsensical rambling is that: I called a dentist today that is also a cosmetic and sedation dentist, and a woman, and her office is less than 2 miles from my house. And, I have an appointment with her on April 20th to do x-rays and do a consultation so I can find out everything that needs to be done to my teeth, how long it will take, and how much it is going to cost (this is the part that makes me worry the most).
This year, I am going to be able to smile again, and not have it hurt physically and otherwise when I do.