matt- don't despair. it's easy to fall back into old habits. try to put your energy into something creative that will take your mind away from it all. please, please don't go down that path again. you really don't know how much it hurts everyone around you. i do now. i'm sorry you feel lonesome. i really am here for you if you need it. you're not alone. but you're definitly NOT mental. you're just a hell of a lot more honest then people who ignore their problems. stay strong. ~patty (remember me? haha)
i don't know i'm horrible at this stuff but i always am able to give better adivce to other people than to take it for myself or rationalize in my own head for myself. there is such a secure feeling in knowing you can be self destructive, a comfort in ED, a cushy feeling of safety in negativity and we all know it gets worse in this weather with everything and everybody huddling up in solitude or worse seeing people coming together for warmth and not being a part of that. i just typed 'apart' instead of 'a part'. hmm a space makes two opposites. think about what it is you miss about oaks, five west, outpatient etc and you'll probably realize it's the solidarity and the not having to cover up problems or worse try to mangify them subconsciously. find an outlet and let it out. no use in feeling miserable even though i'm a walking contradiction
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love you too child
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~patty (remember me? haha)
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