Insomnia Induced Rambling
So I think I'm going insane. I haven't really left the house much since I got back from Tallahassee. I am seriously dreading going back there. I'm sick of it all really. Waiting for John to call and wondering where exactly we stand. Tip-toeing on thin ice waiting for Christina to just snap and pull one of her little "interventions" on me. Felix being...well, Felix.
I loved Joe. I really did. I still do. And every time I turn around there's some reminder of him. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving him. Things were always up and down and it always felt like he was hiding something from me. A lot of things. And not just army related stuff.
But John is really great. That is, of course, when he's around and sober. I mean, even when he was drunk off his ass he seemed like he cared about me.
Joan (my grandpa's girlfriend) goes to the doctor tomorrow. The whole family is in panic mode. I'm scared. My grandpa went through enough loosing my grandma, I can't bear to see him loose someone else.
I want to visit Chris's grave, but everytime I try to go, something comes up and I can't make it down to Rockledge.
I don't even want to go to school anymore. I mean, seriously, who am I kidding? There's no way in hell I could ever make it in acting. I can't even keep a boyfriend.