Call It Home | Spencer/Brendon | ~ 35000 words | NC-17 | AU | Part 3/4
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
--
--
--
"Dude," Wentz says once he's finished reading Spencer's report. He looks up at Spencer, back down at the data pad, and says again, "Dude."
Spencer sighs. "Yeah, pretty much."
--
--
--
They've been back for three days, and the first time that Spencer sees Brendon is in the cafeteria at lunch.
"Hey," Spencer says, sliding into the chair beside Brendon.
Brendon looks up and grins. "Hello."
"They've been keeping you busy," Spencer says. He and Brendon landed two days before the official ship came back, so it's been a mad rush to prepare the office for all of the new arrivals. "It must have been an insane couple of days of training," Spencer says.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "I'm still not ready, but I've been shadowing someone today, and Mr. Wentz said that maybe I could try going solo by the end of the week."
"That's cool," Spencer says. "How do you like it?"
"A lot," Brendon says. He taps his fork against the edge of his bowl. "I don't know too much about actually getting the forms filled out properly, but sometimes it seems like people want to talk. We've got this system set up where I pretend like I'm getting a drink of water, so that I can be in the hallway after the meeting is done, and then I talk with people a little in private. I'm not, I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to say or whatever, but Mr. Wentz said it's good to just listen, so that's what I've been trying to do."
"How is everyone?" Spencer asks.
"I don't know," Brendon says. "we're going through names alphabetically. I guess they're all staying in some centre a few blocks away. Well, some people are in the hospital; not everyone is staying there."
"From the rebels?" Spencer asks.
Brendon looks down at his tray and says, "No, not just from that."
Spencer takes a sip from his water bottle, even though the tightness in his throat makes it difficult to swallow.
"I was talking to these boys today-- Alex, their master named them all Alex, because he said it would be easier to remember. They're moving around, but they're... in pretty bad shape. We moved them to the front of the list because the doctors don't think it's good for them to be stuck in a room with so many other people."
"So you talk to them and then--"
"They fill out a bunch of papers, and then they get approved for staying, and there's this housing unit, that's where I'm staying now, and people can stay there for three months while they figure out what they want to do." Brendon holds the end of his fork tightly and says again, "Some people are still in the hospital."
"Yeah," Spencer says softly.
"I was lucky," Brendon says. "The master was old; he didn't have too much energy for me. Some of the others had masters who were... much more attentive."
"What was he like?" Spencer asks.
Brendon thinks for a minute then says, "Knobby. Like all of his bones were trying to poke out of his skin. He had bulgy veins."
Spencer realizes he's making a face when Brendon looks at him and laughs softly.
"It wasn't too bad." Brendon repeats, "A lot of people had it worse."
Spencer forces back another sip of water.
"Anyway," Brendon says. He takes a slow breath in silently through his nose. Spencer only notices because of the way his shoulders raise and then fall. Brendon sets his fork onto the tray, and gives Spencer a forced smile.
"Why do you still call him that?" Spencer blurts out. "The--"
Brendon knocks his knuckles against the edge of the table. "I don't know his name," he says.
Spencer raises his eyebrows, and Brendon shrugs.
"It's okay," he says. "I was always supposed to call him my master anyway, so."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Brendon says, raising one shoulder. "I mean, not to his face. I wasn't that stupid." He checks the time and says, "My lunch is over at one, so I'd better get going now."
"Okay," Spencer says, not pointing out that it's still only twenty to one. Brendon will probably loosen up after he's been working for a while. "I'm in office 908b, if you ever need anything."
"Thanks," Brendon says. He lingers for a moment longer before saying, "Bye."
--
--
--
Brendon has a cubicle, but he isn't ever there when Spencer walks past. The room they're doing interviews in has a closed door.
It takes several days before Spencer catches Brendon by himself.
"So, how's it going?" Spencer asks. He's already packed up, on his way out of the office when he catches sight of Brendon sitting at his desk. He walks over and stands, leaning against the edge of Brendon's desk while Brendon powers down his computer and reaches for his coat.
"Good," Brendon says. "I mean, I think it went well. I'm a little worried that it will turn out I've done it all wrong, and then I'm going to have to call everyone back in, and--"
Spencer laughs, cutting him off. "It's always hard to start a new job. I'm sure you didn't do it wrong, though."
Brendon gives a little shrug and finishes zipping up his jacket.
"So, I was going to head over to Ryan's -- remember Ryan? I usually have dinner with him on Thursdays. You want to come?"
"Umm," Brendon says.
"It'll be fun," Spencer promises. "Super low-key."
"Are you sure he won't mind?" Brendon asks.
"Definitely," Spencer says. "I already told him that I might be bringing a friend. Come on, my vehicle's this way."
Brendon seems a little nervous on the ride over, but when Spencer asks about his day, he has a lot to say.
Spencer lets himself into Ryan's house; he probably has a key somewhere, but Ryan never locks his door, so it's not necessary to go looking for it.
"Hello hello," Spencer calls.
"In the kitchen," Ryan says.
Spencer walks in first, turning so that he can introduce Brendon after he follows Spencer into the room.
"This is Brendon," Spencer says. He points to Ryan and says, "That's Ryan."
Jon comes in from the other doors saying, "Ryan, I can't find any more tomato sauce." When he sees Brendon and Spencer, he raises his hand and says, "Hey guys."
"Jon," Spencer says, then looks at Brendon. "This is Brendon. He's a friend from work."
"Cool," Jon says. "So you kind of work with Ryan too, then?"
Brendon raises his eyebrows and says, "I guess so?"
"We all work for Pete, anyway," Spencer says. "Jon works for FBR, too, but he's in a different division. Ryan does writing stuff, like press releases and public notices and stuff. Jon does more PR type stuff, like advertising but for the government. Public opinion, I guess. Mostly he just takes pictures for posters. That's how he and Ryan met; they were working on the same campaign."
Brendon raises his hand and gives a small wave. "Hello."
Jon grins back, but then his face changes. "Ryan, what's that smell?" he asks.
"You didn't come back fast enough with the tomato sauce. It started burning."
"You're frying garlic. Why didn't you just move it off the heat?"
"It was already burning," Ryan says. "I tried to start stirring it faster, but that didn't help."
"So," Jon says. "For dinner we will be having pasta with burnt garlic. Oh, maybe we can grate some cheese. Cheese makes everything taste good."
Spencer rolls his eyes and hip checks Ryan away from the stove.
"Go get me some milk," he says. "I'll do a cream sauce."
Ryan walks toward Brendon and says in a low voice, "I usually try to burn something early on so that he'll take over the cooking."
"I can hear you," Spencer says.
--
They finish dinner and take Brendon into the basement.
"We just got Marley, so we're keeping him down here until he finishes house training," Jon explains. "And it seemed unfair to just keep him locked up, so all of the pets are hanging out down there."
Hobo makes for Ryan when they open the door, and Ryan scoops her up in his arms.
"This is Hobo," Ryan tells Brendon.
"Hi, Hobo," Brendon says.
"Do you like dogs?" Ryan asks. "They're super friendly, I promise."
"Umm, yeah," Brendon says. "I like dogs."
Ryan sets Hobo down and she makes her way over to Brendon, circling his feet before butting her head into his knee. Brendon crouches and touches the top of her head gently.
Spencer watches them for a minute before heading upstairs to put on a pot of coffee. Ryan follows after him and gets to work on the dishes.
When Spencer comes back down, Brendon is sitting on the floor, his legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees as he watches Clover.
"Little tongue," Brendon coos when Clover starts licking herself clean. "Look at the tiny little tip. I want to... poke it."
Jon laughs. "You can try if you want to."
Brendon eyes Jon. "That sounds like a trap."
"Wise man," Jon says. "I'm going to go see if Ryan needs help." He pats Brendon on the shoulder as he walks by.
Spencer watches Brendon watching Clover. The cat finishes cleaning herself and curls into a ball, resting her paws on the end of her tail, and then setting her chin onto her paws. Her eyes slowly start to close.
Brendon has a sweet smile on his face. When he notices Spencer watching him he smiles a little bigger, quirking the corner of his mouth up sheepishly.
Ryan and Jon come down carrying four cups of coffee. Spencer takes his and says, "Thanks," and after looking briefly over at Spencer, Brendon does the same.
"Did you put the dishwasher on?" Jon asks.
Ryan shakes his head, folding his legs under himself as he settles on the couch. "It's mostly loaded though."
"'kay, I'll go finish," Jon says.
"Thanks," says Ryan. He tilts his head up as Jon walks past and Jon pauses to kisses him on the mouth, his fingers pressing briefly to the sharp line of Ryan's jaw.
Spencer rolls his eyes automatically, looking over at Brendon. Ryan and Jon have been together for a couple of years now, and causing a fuss when they engage in public displays of affection is more habit than anything else. Brendon doesn't notice Spencer, though; he's staring at Ryan and Jon, and then, once Jon leaves, staring furiously at the ground.
Spencer watches Brendon curiously, but eventually Brendon turns his attention to the pets again and acts as if nothing happened.
--
"It was nice to meet you," Jon says, standing at the door beside Ryan.
"Thanks a lot for having me," Brendon says. "Dinner was very good."
"No problem," Spencer says, elbowing past Ryan.
"Hey now," Ryan says. "I really feel like it was the garlic that made that sauce."
Spencer shakes his head and waves goodbye. "I'll give you a call over the weekend," he calls over his shoulder.
They get into Spencer's transport, and Brendon immediately asks, "Can boys marry each other on this planet? Are Ryan and Jon married?"
Spencer blinks. "Um, no. I mean, yeah, yes, guys can get married, but no, Ryan and Jon aren't married. Why do you ask?"
"Because--" Brendon says, making a vague hand gesture.
"People live together before getting married a lot," Spencer says.
"It's just that they were kissing," Brendon says.
Spencer glances over at Brendon, giving him a confused look.
"The master only ever kissed his wife," Brendon says.
"Oh," Spencer says. He quirks his mouth and says, "Um, that's pretty much opposite to how we do it. Generally we kiss people a lot while we're getting to know them, and then don't bother with it too much once we're married." He catches himself and says, "That was kind of just a joke. But, yeah, kissing has nothing to do with marriage. Sometimes people who are just friends kiss each other hello."
"Really?" Brendon asks. "On the mouth?"
"Yeah," Spencer says.
"Mouths are very-- I mean. You use your mouth when you have sex."
"That's true," Spencer says. "It can be sexual, but it's also just... affectionate."
"That's kind of weird," Brendon says. "Marriage was a really big deal on my planet."
"Did you have a good time tonight?" Spencer asks. "Other than the shocking display of public affection?"
Brendon rolls his eyes. "Yeah, it was fun," he says. "And stop teasing me, you're way more uptight than I am. You should have seen your face when I was naked for the first time."
"You were very naked!" Spencer says. He flushes a little now, just thinking about it, but he's also glad that Brendon feels comfortable enough to joke. "And your nipples are very pierced."
Brendon cracks up.
They're almost back to Brendon's place and Spencer has to focus on pulling off of the main travel space and into the open stretch of pavement in front of Brendon's building.
He doesn't turn the transport off as he waits for Brendon to unstrap his seat belt.
"Maybe I'll see you at lunch tomorrow," Spencer says.
Brendon says, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight. You don't have to worry or whatever, though. I'm settling in well. You've done so much already."
"I thought tonight was fun," Spencer says. "I hang out with Ryan and Jon all the time; it's nice to have someone else there."
"Is that mostly what you do with friends?" Brendon asks. "Go to each other's houses?"
"Yeah," Spencer says. "Sometimes we go out other places, but mostly we just bum around at home."
"Maybe you can come over to my house sometime," Brendon says. "It's not big like Ryan and Jon's, but I have been feeding myself, and I wouldn't have to burn anything to get you to cook."
Spencer laughs. "That would be fun," he says, nodding at Brendon.
Brendon nods back, then reaches for the handle of the transport.
"Thanks again for inviting me," he says.
"See you tomorrow," says Spencer.
--
--
--
He leaves a little earlier for lunch, and finds Brendon sitting in the cafeteria again.
"How did you get macaroni?" Spencer asks. "You have to have fries with the burger."
"I got fries too," Brendon says, pushing another, nearly empty plate forward. "I just said that the pasta looked good, and the lady gave some to me."
"Ah!" Spencer says. "I've been trying to get her to let me switch side dishes the entire time I've been working here. She's ruthless. She says that I don't need anything extra."
"Well..." Brendon says, reaching slowly to poke his finger into Spencer's belly. He watches Spencer's face carefully, like he's prepared to move away quickly if Spencer gives him any sign that it's not okay. Spencer just grins, makes a little noise reflexively when Brendon pokes a ticklish spot.
"We'd be better off if they automated the cafeteria," Spencer says.
Brendon clicks his tongue. "Don't be mean. Here, you can have half of mine."
He dishes some of the macaroni onto Spencer's plate, and Spencer says, "Thank you." He pushes his chocolate pudding over to Brendon. "You can have this," he offers.
"It's okay," Brendon says.
"No, go ahead," Spencer says. "She probably gave you extra because you look like you could use a little feeding up. My mom always used to give Ryan a bigger helping of dessert when he came over for dinner."
Brendon looks at Spencer again, then sticks his spoon into the pudding.
Spencer eats his macaroni happily.
--
--
--
"Do you want to come to my house for dinner?" Brendon asks, a couple of weeks later. They've both been busy at work, but it seems like things are starting to get better under control. Spencer is still filling out endless forms from the mission. He doesn't think he'll ever actually finish, but hopefully he'll get enough done that he won't get in trouble for it not being totally complete. He's been working on a proposal to revamp the standard intelligence reports for missions: less meaningless science, and more practical cultural information. He has to write about a million reports for that, too, but he doesn't mind the work.
"That'd be awesome," Spencer says. He and Brendon have been eating lunch and sometimes they go for coffee after work. Spencer used to eat with Ryan, but Ryan's got a different schedule than he does and more often than not Ryan goes to lunch with Jon. Spencer didn't think he minded eating alone, but now that he's got a routine with Brendon he finds that he's grateful for the company. "When do you want me to come?"
"When do you have time?" Brendon says.
Spencer shrugs. "I'm pretty open."
"Tonight?" Brendon suggests. "Or tomorrow?"
"Tonight's good," Spencer says. "Are you sure you want to have me over though? I know that you're still settling in, and you can come to my place if you'd rather."
"It's okay," Brendon says. "It's not like I had things to unpack or anything." He rubs his palm against his leg and then admits, "I've never had my own place before. Somewhere that was mine. It's kind of-- I like being able to invite you over."
"When I first moved out, I had people over almost every day for a month," Spencer says. "Half the time it was my parents, but, still. I know what you're saying. What time do you want me to come?"
"Just give me a couple of hours after work to get ready," Brendon says. "So maybe seven?"
--
"Welcome," Brendon says. He's wearing different clothes than he was wearing at work, but they still look like work clothes-- a white button down and dark slacks.
Brendon's apartment leads directly into the kitchen, and Spencer can see that the food is already on the table.
"You didn't have to do all that," he says, as he and Brendon sit down. "You saw what it was like with Ryan and Jon. I'm used to helping out."
"I made macaroni," Brendon says. "Because-- it seemed like that was something you liked. And ham. I don't know if you like that, it's just what was at the grocery store. I'm not too good at buying groceries, yet. There are a lot of choices, and I get distracted."
"This looks awesome," Spencer says. "Seriously. You'll have to come over to my house next week so that I can make it up to you."
"Okay," Brendon says, looking pleased.
--
"I think I might be a hairdresser," Brendon says. "After all of this is done. I like cutting hair."
Spencer nods. They've both finished eating, but are still sitting at the table. Brendon's got one foot resting on his chair, his leg pulled up so that he can rest his elbow on his knee.
"Also, though," Brendon says, speaking more quietly now. "There are schools that just teach music. Maybe by the time I'm done, I will have enough money for that."
"You mentioned that you played?" Spencer says.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "That was what I liked. Not just because people left me alone when I was practicing," he says. Spencer's stomach still lurches when Brendon says things like that, but he's figured out by now that Brendon's just joking, so he laughs. Brendon seems more comfortable if Spencer doesn't make a fuss about it, and Spencer wants for Brendon to be comfortable, for him not to feel like he has some big secret that he's supposed to be concealing.
"I took piano lessons when I was a kid and hated it," Spencer says. "But then I got a drum kit when I was 12, and Ryan got a guitar. It's a lot more fun to play with other people."
Brendon nods. "Do you still play?"
"Oh, not for years," Spencer says. "My mom might still have my drums in her crawlspace."
"I want to buy a piano," Brendon says. "But there isn't really room."
"They've got keyboards that fold up," Spencer says. "You can kind of screw them into your wall and push them up when you're done. It's pretty cool."
"Oh, really?" Brendon asks. "I've never seen that before. Huh."
"We could go to the music store together sometime," Spencer offers.
Brendon's face lights up. "They have stores for music?"
"They've got stores for pretty much everything," Spencer says. "How did you guys do it?"
"I don't know," Brendon says. "I just got gifts sometimes." He says gifts in a scornful voice. Spencer wonders what was expected from Brendon in exchange. "I'd really like it if you showed me," he says.
"Definitely," Spencer promises.
--
Spencer insists on doing the dishes, even though Brendon protests. "You don't know where anything is supposed to go," Brendon says.
"You can tell me," says Spencer.
Brendon sits on the counter and watches while Spencer washes off the plates. After he's finished cleaning them, he lifts one up, dances from one foot to the other, feinting from side to side. Brendon shakes his head no when Spencer leans right, then nods when he takes a step to the left. The plates are kept in the cupboard that's just beside Brendon's shoulder, and he tilts sideways to make room for Spencer to open the door. He can feel his hip brushing against Brendon's knee.
After Spencer's put the plates away, Brendon kicks lightly at his leg and says, "Back to work."
Spencer laughs, and flicks bubbles at Brendon in between wiping cheese off of the pot.
--
"Thanks for having me," Spencer says. It's well past midnight, and he would have stayed longer, but they both have to go to work early tomorrow morning. "I like your place."
Brendon grins and says, "I like it too." He asks, "Did you see that?" nodding toward a small plant sitting on the windowsill by the door.
"No," Spencer says, walking over. "What is it?" There are bright red flowers, tiny spots of colour on thick stems.
"I can't remember what it's actually called, but it eats little bugs!"
"Your plant eats bugs?" Spencer asks.
"Yup," Brendon says. "I have to wait until the flowers open up or whatever, so I can't show you right now, but I totally fed it like three ants yesterday."
"Dude," Spencer says. "Creepy."
"I know!" Brendon says. "It's awesome. It's almost like a pet, since I don't really have room for an actual animal."
"You could get a fish," Spencer suggests. "You said you used to have one."
"I thought about that," Brendon says. "It doesn't seem like there are any rivers on this planet though. I don't know where I would find one."
"There's a store for that, too," Spencer says.
Brendon shakes his head. "Of course."
"Hey, so I'll see you tomorrow," Spencer says. "At lunch."
"I'll be there," Brendon says, waving goodbye.
--
--
--
Spencer actually manages to make it to the cafeteria before Brendon. He's been taking his lunch earlier and earlier so that he can spend the full hour with Brendon. Spencer used to take his lunch whenever he felt like eating, but Brendon seems to be on a pretty strict schedule.
"I thought your plant might have eaten you," he teases when Brendon sets his tray down on the table and slides down beside him.
"I did think of that," Brendon says. "Apparently they can keep growing for quite a while so I'm just going to... keep an eye on it. I've been trying to sing to it before bed, because apparently plants like that."
"I thought that was supposed to make plants grow or something. Talking to them," Spencer says.
"Really?" Brendon asks. "I was going more for friendly than nourishing."
"Maybe singing is different." Spencer manages to keep a straight face, but he can see the little creases forming around Brendon's eyes as he fails to hold back a grin. "Just make sure you keep feeding them dead bugs," Spencer says. "So they don't get a taste for live flesh."
"Ahh," Brendon says. "Good thinking."
--
--
--
"So, when do you want to come to my place?" Spencer asks. "Like, I was thinking maybe tonight?" Spencer stands beside Brendon's desk, holding his cup of coffee. Theoretically, Spencer could push a button on his desk for a cup of coffee, but he likes the walk to the espresso bar, and the coffee tastes better there anyway. He thought he might as well bring one over to Brendon while he was there. Brendon's just in a cubicle, so his desk can't do all of the awesome stuff that Spencer's can.
Brendon takes a sip of coffee, then grimaces. He swallows heavily and sticks out his tongue.
"Too hot?" Spencer asks. He drinks his coffee with milk, which cools it down a little, but Brendon likes his black and sweet.
"Yeth," Brendon says, the tip of his tongue still extended. "Yeth altho on the dinner. Thankth."
Spencer grabs for a data pad, asks, "Can I use this?" and then enters in his address when Brendon nods.
"Come at like, six?" Spencer asks.
Brendon nods again, already dipping his head to try and take another sip of coffee. He winces a little less this time and says, "Thanks again for this."
"You're a little bit of a caffeine fiend," Spencer says.
"Little bit," Brendon agrees. "Do you know that they sell Red Bulls in the vending machine down the hall? Those things are fucking awesome." Brendon's leg bounces up and down.
"How do you manage to sit in a desk all day?" Spencer asks. "Not even just given the caffeine situation. You're pretty high energy even before you start in on the coffee."
"The printers always need new toners, and they're in the basement, so that's a pretty good way to burn off energy," Brendon says. "It's not too bad when I'm actually with someone, but when I'm filling in forms afterwards it's nice to have an excuse to get moving."
"You could apply for a position that's a little more on-the-go," Spencer says. "You can apply for internal stuff now that you've been working here for a month."
Brendon nods. "Yeah, I was talking to Pete about that. I'm thinking about trying to go to school next year though, but Pete was saying that maybe there'd be something I could do part time. I mean, I'd have to, right? So that I could pay for tuition and stuff."
"Where are you thinking of applying?" Spencer asks.
"Just the local college," Brendon says.
"That's where I went," Spencer says. "I liked it there."
"Well, if I get in maybe you can show me around."
"For sure," Spencer says. "So, I'll see you tonight?"
"For sure," Brendon echoes, grinning.
--
"I'm never cooking for myself again," Brendon says, his mouth still full of food. "I'm going to hide behind your refrigerator and steal all of your dinners, and eat them. And then I will be so full, but so happy."
Spencer laughs, then ducks his head, looking down at his lap and grinning. He might have gone a little bit overboard, but he was watching a program about how to do lamb from scratch and it seemed like it might be fun to try, and anyway, Spencer doesn't have people to cook for very often. Ryan and Jon don't count. Those bastards always come over when they have the munchies, and then it's not like they actually appreciate the things that Spencer makes.
Spencer takes a sip from his water glass. He'd offered Brendon wine at the start of the meal, but Brendon had just shaken his head a little. Spencer didn't know what that meant, but he figured that both of them could stick to water.
Brendon uses his fork to spear the last turnip out of the bowl. He sighs happily as he chews.
--
--
--
Except when work is crazy, they get into a bit of a pattern of going to Ryan and Jon's, and trade off cooking beyond that. Brendon has Spencer over to see his new couch -- well, the couch is used, but it's new to Brendon's apartment -- or when he buys a wok and needs Spencer to show him how to use it.
The day that Brendon finishes his applications to the university -- he rents a whole pile of instruments, takes the week off work, and manages to put together a four hour audition tape -- Spencer brings over a fish in a little bowl. He's had it in his apartment for a few days now and Brendon starts cackling when Spencer tries to drop food in the bowl and the fish jumps for his fingers.
"He likes you," Brendon says.
"False," Spencer says. "He wants to eat me. That's not the same as liking."
"He's pretty," Brendon says. "You picked a nice one."
"Should we put it by your plant?" Spencer asks.
Brendon shakes his head. "I don't want there to be any accidents. A jumping fish and a flesh eating plant do not seem like the best combination."
He sets the bowl on the very edge of his piano. The piano he got is electric and will technically fold up, but he spends enough time playing that he never bothers to put it away.
--
--
--
Spencer's phone buzzes three times for a new hologram. He pushes play, and Brendon's face appears. Spencer grins when he realizes that Brendon has got his new phone up and working.
Brendon's head is tilted downward. He stares at something out of sight for a few seconds, then lifts his head, and says, "Umm, hi! I think I've got this turned on. Hopefully you are Spencer, person who I sent this to. So, yeah. Hi, Spence! Do you have an entertainment system? I found out about this new game, and that's what we should do tonight, if you have one. Joe's letting me borrow his, so hopefully you do, because it'll be fun! Okay! Bye!" Then there's a long few seconds of Brendon looking down and frowning at something before finally the hologram ends.
Spencer saves the message.
--
"Hey!" Spencer says, opening his door and letting Brendon in. Brendon's arms are completely full and Spencer tries to help take some stuff from him. "What is all of this?" Spencer asks. "You should have called me. How did you get all of this out of the transport?"
"The game," Brendon says. "Seriously, it's so sweet. Look," he says, lifting up a plastic thing.
Spencer has no idea what it's supposed to be. He raises his eyebrows.
Brendon looks down, says, "Oh," and fiddles with something on the handle. The plastic inflates and takes the shape of a guitar, not quite full-sized, but fairly close.
"Music turned into a competition!" Brendon says. "It's the best game ever!"
--
"Stop cheating," Spencer says, as his avatar drops to the floor, rolling around in shame. He kicks halfheartedly, his foot passing through the projection.
"I rock," Brendon says. "You do not."
"Do-over," Spencer says. "I want to be on drums this time."
--
"You distracted me," Spencer complains.
Brendon rolls his eyes. "You want best sixteen out of thirty?"
"Yes," Spencer says.
--
Spencer's going to lose again. He's on bass and Brendon's on guitar, but he's still totally going to end up with a lower score. He starts edging toward Brendon, trying to get in front of him so that he can block Brendon's view.
"Hey!" Brendon says by the time that Spencer's moved into position. "No fair!"
"Don't talk when the song is playing," Spencer scolds. He can hear Brendon trying to shuffle to the other side, so he moves again, dancing in front of Brendon and hoping that his shoulders are blocking Brendon's view of the music.
He can hear Brendon grumbling, so he thinks he must be successful, and yet... Brendon's score is totally still higher than his.
Brendon wins again.
"How did you even do that?" Spencer asks. It's the lowest score that Brendon's had so far, but it's still higher than Spencer.
"I just kind of played along," Brendon says. "You want another rematch?"
"No, because you're a filthy cheater," Spencer says. "Obviously."
"Hey!" Brendon says again. "You're one to talk." He walks up beside Spencer, hip checking him a little to push him to the side. Spencer pushes back, sending both of them off balance. Brendon starts to laugh, so Spencer's at an advantage when he pushes Brendon sideways again. Brendon's eyes go wide, and he starts tipping backwards. He manages to catch himself by grabbing onto Spencer's shirt. Spencer's still got forward momentum, though, so he starts falling forward.
"Whoops," Brendon says, after they both land on the floor. Spencer lands half on top of him, and Brendon tries to shove his shoulder sideways, and they end up rolling around on the floor. Spencer's laughing too hard to fight Brendon off properly, and he ends up on his back.
Brendon straddles Spencer, breathing heavily and beaming. Spencer could probably roll them both over, pin Brendon to the ground, but he stays where he is.
"Ha," Brendon gloats.
Spencer reconsiders his decision to stay put, but before he acts on it, Brendon starts leaning down. He braces his hands on the floor, on either side of Spencer's head. He looks at Spencer's mouth, then up at his eyes, before closing the distance between them and kissing Spencer softly on the lips. Spencer's too surprised to react, but Brendon's mouth only touches his for a fraction of a second anyway, just a quick press of lips together.
"I know there are a lot of nice people," Brendon says, after he's pulled back a couple of inches. "But I still like you."
Spencer had forgotten telling Brendon that there would be other nice people, almost. Not that he's forgotten about Brendon's past; Brendon talks about it quite a bit. He tells Spencer stories that he's heard from other people - given that it was a small planet, Brendon knew surprisingly few others from when he lived there. Spencer's heard about the guy who served before Brendon, how he got too old and spent his last few months in the house teaching Brendon how to serve. That Brendon and the other slaves used to come up with little codes so that they could make it better for each other when their masters made them fuck. That Brendon's master was never the one to hurt him when he did something wrong, which meant that he was lucky because a lot of the others had masters who liked to do the hurting.
It's not that he's forgotten what Brendon has gone through, just that he hasn't thought of it as a reason to keep Brendon at a distance in a long time.
"I like you, too," Spencer says.
Brendon grins.
"You decided to give kissing a shot?" Spencer asks. Brendon's fingers are spread across his chest, his fingertips brushing the edge of Spencer's collarbone.
Brendon nods. He wiggles lower so that he can drop his head to rest in the crook of Spencer's neck. Most of his weight is on Spencer's chest, but Spencer doesn't try to move to a more comfortable position.
--
--
--
Spencer sits down beside Brendon in the cafeteria. He peels the plastic away from his sandwich and Brendon bites into his apple. He watches Brendon out of the corner of his eye and lets his leg fall sideways until his knee bumps against Brendon's.
Brendon starts to laugh. "Do I get to see all of your smooth moves now?" he asks.
Spencer says, "What? No! What are you even talking about? ... Have you been talking to Ryan?"
Spencer didn't intervene last Thursday when Brendon and Ryan went downstairs to watch a movie, leaving him and Jon with the dishes. That was totally a mistake. Ryan is not to be trusted.
"Well," Brendon says. He snickers again when Spencer makes what he's sure is a dismayed face.
"Ryan sucked his thumb until he was eleven," Spencer says. "You shouldn't believe anything he says."
"More he was telling me about how Jon had all kinds of smooth moves when they were first dating," Brendon says.
Spencer nods; Jon was fucking hilarious when he and Ryan first started dating. There were a lot of mooneyes and uproarious laughter at Ryan's stupid jokes. And then they moved in together and Spencer had to endure months of hearing stories about their many adventures in shopping for rugs.
"Ryan did say something about your awesome dancing skills though," Brendon adds. "He said something about a video? Where you're rocking out to I Want to Take You to a --"
"Gay Bar," Spencer finishes. He scrunches his eyes shut, then says, "There are pictures of Ryan's ass that I haven't shown anyone in years. Maybe we can bring those over next Thursday."
--
--
--
"Yeah, well I have a picture of Spencer naked in the tub with a snorkle."
"I was five."
"I also have a picture of Spencer wearing women's underwear for a bathing suit. They were pink. That was last year."
"I have pictures of Ryan wearing a pink rose vest unironically. It had boning like a corset."
"It was always ironically," Ryan says, outraged.
"Was the glittery blue eyeshadow ironic too?" Spencer asks.
Jon clutches his stomach, his mouth wide open as he makes these wheezing sounds, laughing almost soundlessly.
"I didn't even try to take pictures of you with the moustache because it would have broken my camera," Ryan says.
"Or because you were too busy taking pictures of your own ass in the mirror," Spencer says. "And anyway, I quite liked the moustache."
Brendon tumbles off the couch, gasping for air unsuccessfully as he laughs so hard that his face turns red.
--
Ryan threatens to call Spencer's mom and have her send over jpegs of baby pictures, so Spencer escorts Brendon out of the house.
"Baby pictures sounded like fun," Brendon protests.
Spencer pokes him in the side. "I was pudgy. You never get to see those pictures."
Brendon pokes Spencer back, his finger digging into Spencer's belly, and he wiggles his eyebrows.
"Oh, hush," Spencer says. "Differently pudgy. You still never get to see the pictures."
They're just about at the transport when Brendon says, "Well, I like the way you look now."
Spencer ducks his head and fumbles with unlocking the doors.
--
--
--
It was maybe not the best idea to invite Brendon over to watch a video. Spencer was thinking something low-key and easy on a work night, but here on the couch, Brendon sitting close beside him, it doesn't feel as casual as he might have hoped. Spencer's shit at this part: the unfamiliar awkwardness of starting something new. He's had a couple of long term relationships, but he doesn't have much practice with the early stages of dating.
The video ends and Spencer's film screen powers down automatically. Brendon turns to Spencer and says, "Are we going to have sex now?"
Spencer feels his eyes widen.
"I went to the doctor for the last time a couple weeks ago, and I am all healthy now, so. We could." Brendon looks down, pointedly, and Spencer can feel his cheeks start to heat. Brendon's wearing skin tight jeans, and his t-shirt doesn't quite meet with the waistband most of the time.
Spencer scrunches up his face in an apologetic wince, but Brendon just grins, scooting over and reaching for Spencer's pants.
"You like cutting to the chase," Spencer says, attempting what even he knows is a lame attempt at humour. He intercepts Brendon's hands. Brendon's fingers feel warmer than Spencer's skin. "Is it okay if-- can we just?" Spencer wiggles forward until he's sitting close beside Brendon on the couch. "You said you were okay with this, right?" he asks, leaning in but stopping before their mouths actually make contact.
"Yeah," Brendon says, then waits for Spencer to close the rest of the distance.
It's awkward at first. Brendon hardly moves, and Spencer doesn't know what he should do to make him more comfortable. He kisses Brendon slowly, lingering presses of his lips to Brendon's, his palm resting on Brendon's neck, his thumb to the edge of Brendon's jaw so that he can tilt Brendon's face toward his own. He pulls back minutely, his nose brushing against the tip of Brendon's nose, and takes a breath in through his mouth. When he closes his lips together again, Brendon closes the distance and presses his lips to Spencer's, the same lingering pressure, like he's imitating what Spencer was doing earlier. Spencer exhales sharply through his nose.
When they part, he licks his lips. He opens his eyes and sees Brendon watching his mouth, sees Brendon's tongue peek out, and when their mouths come together again there is an easy slide that makes Spencer's toes curl.
He kisses Brendon a little harder, parting his lips so that he can suck gently on Brendon's bottom lip.
Spencer pulls away to lick his lips again, then leans in and licks Brendon's. He rubs his thumbs in gentle circles over Brendon's jaw, nudges their mouths together more firmly, until finally Brendon figures out what he's trying to do and opens his mouth.
Spencer only slides his tongue shallowly into Brendon's mouth, keeps the kiss easy and sweet. With the way that Brendon follows his lead so carefully, Spencer's more focused on the movement of their mouths together than he can ever remember being while he kissed someone. He slips his tongue a little deeper into Brendon's mouth, their tongues sliding together, slow and wet.
Brendon's mouth is so soft, and Spencer knows that he's making stupidly loud breathing sounds, but he can't help himself.
He pulls back, resting his head lightly against Brendon's forehead as he tries to get control over his breathing, and this time when Brendon reaches for his pants, he doesn't stop him.
Brendon slides gracefully off the couch, kneeling in front of Spencer. He has Spencer's pants open and his cock out in a couple of easy movements of his hands, and then he's leaning toward him, his hands resting on Spencer's thighs as he starts to suck on Spencer's dick.
Spencer tilts his head back, holding on tightly to the couch cushions. Brendon sucks hard and he maintains this really fucking perfect pressure, his head bobbing up and down quickly. He uses his tongue on the head of Spencer's dick and then goes down and down, all the way, and Spencer can feel Brendon's throat open up as he swallows around him. He doesn't gag, doesn't make any noises except for the wet sounds that come from his mouth moving over Spencer's dick, and he just keeps sucking and it's so good. Spencer keeps mumbling gibberish, gasping loudly and squirming on the couch with the intensity of how fucking good Brendon's mouth feels.
He feels his orgasm approaching quickly and he holds back as best he can because he wants to keep feeling this for as long as possible. But Brendon knows exactly what he's doing, and it's not long before Spencer comes. Brendon swallows neatly, keeps sucking Spencer through it until finally Spencer's whole body goes boneless. Brendon eases off Spencer's dick, licking up what's left of Spencer's come, then sits back on his heels.
Spencer opens his mouth, but his tongue isn't working yet, so he reaches for Brendon instead, pulling him back up onto the couch.
He wants to kiss Brendon again, but when he leans in Brendon seems to shy away. Spencer starts to slide a hand up Brendon's thigh instead, but he freezes when his hand moves up high enough for him to realize that Brendon isn't hard.
Spencer pulls his hand back, rubs his palm over his face and says, "You don't-- you're not--"
Brendon seems surprised. He looks down and then up at Spencer and says quickly, "I can get hard. I didn't know that I should. I'm sorry, I can get hard."
Spencer's throat has closed off, so his voice sounds tight when he chokes out, "No. Don't-- no."
Brendon says quickly, "Okay," folding his hands in his lap.
Spencer swallows and tries to exhale slowly. His heart is beating heavily in his chest. He feels like the worst kind of asshole.
He reaches up and scratches the back of his neck, and after a long minute of silence Brendon says again, "I'm sorry."
"Just-- don't," Spencer says, holding out his hands, his palms facing Brendon. His voice sounds harsher than he means it to be. It's just that he doesn't want Brendon to apologize. "Jesus," he mutters to himself.
Brendon says, "Okay," and sits still beside Spencer.
Spencer doesn't make eye contact while he tries to think of something to say, some way of making this less fucked up. Brendon just spent however many years doing things he didn't want to do for assholes, and now Spencer's one of them.
Spencer looks up, and Brendon makes brief eye contact, the corners of his mouth pulled back in a tight smile.
"Would you like to watch another movie?" Brendon asks.
Spencer shakes his head sharply, and says, "It's getting late."
Brendon's jaw flexes, and he nods. "Of course, si--. I'll go now."
"What?" Spencer asks, his voice rising louder. It could just be that Brendon held the 's' sound, but it didn't sound like that. It sounded like-- it sounded like Brendon was going to call him-- "What did you just say?" Spencer asks, his fingers clenching tight enough that he can feel his short fingernails digging into his palm.
Brendon's facial expression doesn't change, and his voice is calm when he says, "You're right: it is late. I will head home now."
Spencer clears his throat, his lips tightening into a straight line. He stares at Brendon, tries to figure out what to say, but nothing comes to him. Brendon is sitting so carefully, his hands curled neatly together in his lap, his posture perfect. Spencer wants to touch his shoulder. He wants to be closer to Brendon. He wants Brendon to want him, and he feels like such a douche for not realizing earlier that Brendon doesn't. Feels like such a douche for putting Brendon in a situation where he had to do something even though he wasn't into it. Spencer can't take back what happened, but he can make sure it never happens again.
Eventually he nods, slouched in on himself, his hands resting on his bent knees.
Brendon rises off the couch and walks to the front door, not looking behind himself to see if Spencer follows. Spencer stands, trails after him.
Brendon lingers by the door only for a moment. Says, "I'm really sorry," and then slips away before Spencer has the chance to say anything.
Spencer stares at the closed door, says aloud, "I'm sorry."
--
--
--
Part Four
--
--
--
"Dude," Wentz says once he's finished reading Spencer's report. He looks up at Spencer, back down at the data pad, and says again, "Dude."
Spencer sighs. "Yeah, pretty much."
--
--
--
They've been back for three days, and the first time that Spencer sees Brendon is in the cafeteria at lunch.
"Hey," Spencer says, sliding into the chair beside Brendon.
Brendon looks up and grins. "Hello."
"They've been keeping you busy," Spencer says. He and Brendon landed two days before the official ship came back, so it's been a mad rush to prepare the office for all of the new arrivals. "It must have been an insane couple of days of training," Spencer says.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "I'm still not ready, but I've been shadowing someone today, and Mr. Wentz said that maybe I could try going solo by the end of the week."
"That's cool," Spencer says. "How do you like it?"
"A lot," Brendon says. He taps his fork against the edge of his bowl. "I don't know too much about actually getting the forms filled out properly, but sometimes it seems like people want to talk. We've got this system set up where I pretend like I'm getting a drink of water, so that I can be in the hallway after the meeting is done, and then I talk with people a little in private. I'm not, I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to say or whatever, but Mr. Wentz said it's good to just listen, so that's what I've been trying to do."
"How is everyone?" Spencer asks.
"I don't know," Brendon says. "we're going through names alphabetically. I guess they're all staying in some centre a few blocks away. Well, some people are in the hospital; not everyone is staying there."
"From the rebels?" Spencer asks.
Brendon looks down at his tray and says, "No, not just from that."
Spencer takes a sip from his water bottle, even though the tightness in his throat makes it difficult to swallow.
"I was talking to these boys today-- Alex, their master named them all Alex, because he said it would be easier to remember. They're moving around, but they're... in pretty bad shape. We moved them to the front of the list because the doctors don't think it's good for them to be stuck in a room with so many other people."
"So you talk to them and then--"
"They fill out a bunch of papers, and then they get approved for staying, and there's this housing unit, that's where I'm staying now, and people can stay there for three months while they figure out what they want to do." Brendon holds the end of his fork tightly and says again, "Some people are still in the hospital."
"Yeah," Spencer says softly.
"I was lucky," Brendon says. "The master was old; he didn't have too much energy for me. Some of the others had masters who were... much more attentive."
"What was he like?" Spencer asks.
Brendon thinks for a minute then says, "Knobby. Like all of his bones were trying to poke out of his skin. He had bulgy veins."
Spencer realizes he's making a face when Brendon looks at him and laughs softly.
"It wasn't too bad." Brendon repeats, "A lot of people had it worse."
Spencer forces back another sip of water.
"Anyway," Brendon says. He takes a slow breath in silently through his nose. Spencer only notices because of the way his shoulders raise and then fall. Brendon sets his fork onto the tray, and gives Spencer a forced smile.
"Why do you still call him that?" Spencer blurts out. "The--"
Brendon knocks his knuckles against the edge of the table. "I don't know his name," he says.
Spencer raises his eyebrows, and Brendon shrugs.
"It's okay," he says. "I was always supposed to call him my master anyway, so."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Brendon says, raising one shoulder. "I mean, not to his face. I wasn't that stupid." He checks the time and says, "My lunch is over at one, so I'd better get going now."
"Okay," Spencer says, not pointing out that it's still only twenty to one. Brendon will probably loosen up after he's been working for a while. "I'm in office 908b, if you ever need anything."
"Thanks," Brendon says. He lingers for a moment longer before saying, "Bye."
--
--
--
Brendon has a cubicle, but he isn't ever there when Spencer walks past. The room they're doing interviews in has a closed door.
It takes several days before Spencer catches Brendon by himself.
"So, how's it going?" Spencer asks. He's already packed up, on his way out of the office when he catches sight of Brendon sitting at his desk. He walks over and stands, leaning against the edge of Brendon's desk while Brendon powers down his computer and reaches for his coat.
"Good," Brendon says. "I mean, I think it went well. I'm a little worried that it will turn out I've done it all wrong, and then I'm going to have to call everyone back in, and--"
Spencer laughs, cutting him off. "It's always hard to start a new job. I'm sure you didn't do it wrong, though."
Brendon gives a little shrug and finishes zipping up his jacket.
"So, I was going to head over to Ryan's -- remember Ryan? I usually have dinner with him on Thursdays. You want to come?"
"Umm," Brendon says.
"It'll be fun," Spencer promises. "Super low-key."
"Are you sure he won't mind?" Brendon asks.
"Definitely," Spencer says. "I already told him that I might be bringing a friend. Come on, my vehicle's this way."
Brendon seems a little nervous on the ride over, but when Spencer asks about his day, he has a lot to say.
Spencer lets himself into Ryan's house; he probably has a key somewhere, but Ryan never locks his door, so it's not necessary to go looking for it.
"Hello hello," Spencer calls.
"In the kitchen," Ryan says.
Spencer walks in first, turning so that he can introduce Brendon after he follows Spencer into the room.
"This is Brendon," Spencer says. He points to Ryan and says, "That's Ryan."
Jon comes in from the other doors saying, "Ryan, I can't find any more tomato sauce." When he sees Brendon and Spencer, he raises his hand and says, "Hey guys."
"Jon," Spencer says, then looks at Brendon. "This is Brendon. He's a friend from work."
"Cool," Jon says. "So you kind of work with Ryan too, then?"
Brendon raises his eyebrows and says, "I guess so?"
"We all work for Pete, anyway," Spencer says. "Jon works for FBR, too, but he's in a different division. Ryan does writing stuff, like press releases and public notices and stuff. Jon does more PR type stuff, like advertising but for the government. Public opinion, I guess. Mostly he just takes pictures for posters. That's how he and Ryan met; they were working on the same campaign."
Brendon raises his hand and gives a small wave. "Hello."
Jon grins back, but then his face changes. "Ryan, what's that smell?" he asks.
"You didn't come back fast enough with the tomato sauce. It started burning."
"You're frying garlic. Why didn't you just move it off the heat?"
"It was already burning," Ryan says. "I tried to start stirring it faster, but that didn't help."
"So," Jon says. "For dinner we will be having pasta with burnt garlic. Oh, maybe we can grate some cheese. Cheese makes everything taste good."
Spencer rolls his eyes and hip checks Ryan away from the stove.
"Go get me some milk," he says. "I'll do a cream sauce."
Ryan walks toward Brendon and says in a low voice, "I usually try to burn something early on so that he'll take over the cooking."
"I can hear you," Spencer says.
--
They finish dinner and take Brendon into the basement.
"We just got Marley, so we're keeping him down here until he finishes house training," Jon explains. "And it seemed unfair to just keep him locked up, so all of the pets are hanging out down there."
Hobo makes for Ryan when they open the door, and Ryan scoops her up in his arms.
"This is Hobo," Ryan tells Brendon.
"Hi, Hobo," Brendon says.
"Do you like dogs?" Ryan asks. "They're super friendly, I promise."
"Umm, yeah," Brendon says. "I like dogs."
Ryan sets Hobo down and she makes her way over to Brendon, circling his feet before butting her head into his knee. Brendon crouches and touches the top of her head gently.
Spencer watches them for a minute before heading upstairs to put on a pot of coffee. Ryan follows after him and gets to work on the dishes.
When Spencer comes back down, Brendon is sitting on the floor, his legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees as he watches Clover.
"Little tongue," Brendon coos when Clover starts licking herself clean. "Look at the tiny little tip. I want to... poke it."
Jon laughs. "You can try if you want to."
Brendon eyes Jon. "That sounds like a trap."
"Wise man," Jon says. "I'm going to go see if Ryan needs help." He pats Brendon on the shoulder as he walks by.
Spencer watches Brendon watching Clover. The cat finishes cleaning herself and curls into a ball, resting her paws on the end of her tail, and then setting her chin onto her paws. Her eyes slowly start to close.
Brendon has a sweet smile on his face. When he notices Spencer watching him he smiles a little bigger, quirking the corner of his mouth up sheepishly.
Ryan and Jon come down carrying four cups of coffee. Spencer takes his and says, "Thanks," and after looking briefly over at Spencer, Brendon does the same.
"Did you put the dishwasher on?" Jon asks.
Ryan shakes his head, folding his legs under himself as he settles on the couch. "It's mostly loaded though."
"'kay, I'll go finish," Jon says.
"Thanks," says Ryan. He tilts his head up as Jon walks past and Jon pauses to kisses him on the mouth, his fingers pressing briefly to the sharp line of Ryan's jaw.
Spencer rolls his eyes automatically, looking over at Brendon. Ryan and Jon have been together for a couple of years now, and causing a fuss when they engage in public displays of affection is more habit than anything else. Brendon doesn't notice Spencer, though; he's staring at Ryan and Jon, and then, once Jon leaves, staring furiously at the ground.
Spencer watches Brendon curiously, but eventually Brendon turns his attention to the pets again and acts as if nothing happened.
--
"It was nice to meet you," Jon says, standing at the door beside Ryan.
"Thanks a lot for having me," Brendon says. "Dinner was very good."
"No problem," Spencer says, elbowing past Ryan.
"Hey now," Ryan says. "I really feel like it was the garlic that made that sauce."
Spencer shakes his head and waves goodbye. "I'll give you a call over the weekend," he calls over his shoulder.
They get into Spencer's transport, and Brendon immediately asks, "Can boys marry each other on this planet? Are Ryan and Jon married?"
Spencer blinks. "Um, no. I mean, yeah, yes, guys can get married, but no, Ryan and Jon aren't married. Why do you ask?"
"Because--" Brendon says, making a vague hand gesture.
"People live together before getting married a lot," Spencer says.
"It's just that they were kissing," Brendon says.
Spencer glances over at Brendon, giving him a confused look.
"The master only ever kissed his wife," Brendon says.
"Oh," Spencer says. He quirks his mouth and says, "Um, that's pretty much opposite to how we do it. Generally we kiss people a lot while we're getting to know them, and then don't bother with it too much once we're married." He catches himself and says, "That was kind of just a joke. But, yeah, kissing has nothing to do with marriage. Sometimes people who are just friends kiss each other hello."
"Really?" Brendon asks. "On the mouth?"
"Yeah," Spencer says.
"Mouths are very-- I mean. You use your mouth when you have sex."
"That's true," Spencer says. "It can be sexual, but it's also just... affectionate."
"That's kind of weird," Brendon says. "Marriage was a really big deal on my planet."
"Did you have a good time tonight?" Spencer asks. "Other than the shocking display of public affection?"
Brendon rolls his eyes. "Yeah, it was fun," he says. "And stop teasing me, you're way more uptight than I am. You should have seen your face when I was naked for the first time."
"You were very naked!" Spencer says. He flushes a little now, just thinking about it, but he's also glad that Brendon feels comfortable enough to joke. "And your nipples are very pierced."
Brendon cracks up.
They're almost back to Brendon's place and Spencer has to focus on pulling off of the main travel space and into the open stretch of pavement in front of Brendon's building.
He doesn't turn the transport off as he waits for Brendon to unstrap his seat belt.
"Maybe I'll see you at lunch tomorrow," Spencer says.
Brendon says, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight. You don't have to worry or whatever, though. I'm settling in well. You've done so much already."
"I thought tonight was fun," Spencer says. "I hang out with Ryan and Jon all the time; it's nice to have someone else there."
"Is that mostly what you do with friends?" Brendon asks. "Go to each other's houses?"
"Yeah," Spencer says. "Sometimes we go out other places, but mostly we just bum around at home."
"Maybe you can come over to my house sometime," Brendon says. "It's not big like Ryan and Jon's, but I have been feeding myself, and I wouldn't have to burn anything to get you to cook."
Spencer laughs. "That would be fun," he says, nodding at Brendon.
Brendon nods back, then reaches for the handle of the transport.
"Thanks again for inviting me," he says.
"See you tomorrow," says Spencer.
--
--
--
He leaves a little earlier for lunch, and finds Brendon sitting in the cafeteria again.
"How did you get macaroni?" Spencer asks. "You have to have fries with the burger."
"I got fries too," Brendon says, pushing another, nearly empty plate forward. "I just said that the pasta looked good, and the lady gave some to me."
"Ah!" Spencer says. "I've been trying to get her to let me switch side dishes the entire time I've been working here. She's ruthless. She says that I don't need anything extra."
"Well..." Brendon says, reaching slowly to poke his finger into Spencer's belly. He watches Spencer's face carefully, like he's prepared to move away quickly if Spencer gives him any sign that it's not okay. Spencer just grins, makes a little noise reflexively when Brendon pokes a ticklish spot.
"We'd be better off if they automated the cafeteria," Spencer says.
Brendon clicks his tongue. "Don't be mean. Here, you can have half of mine."
He dishes some of the macaroni onto Spencer's plate, and Spencer says, "Thank you." He pushes his chocolate pudding over to Brendon. "You can have this," he offers.
"It's okay," Brendon says.
"No, go ahead," Spencer says. "She probably gave you extra because you look like you could use a little feeding up. My mom always used to give Ryan a bigger helping of dessert when he came over for dinner."
Brendon looks at Spencer again, then sticks his spoon into the pudding.
Spencer eats his macaroni happily.
--
--
--
"Do you want to come to my house for dinner?" Brendon asks, a couple of weeks later. They've both been busy at work, but it seems like things are starting to get better under control. Spencer is still filling out endless forms from the mission. He doesn't think he'll ever actually finish, but hopefully he'll get enough done that he won't get in trouble for it not being totally complete. He's been working on a proposal to revamp the standard intelligence reports for missions: less meaningless science, and more practical cultural information. He has to write about a million reports for that, too, but he doesn't mind the work.
"That'd be awesome," Spencer says. He and Brendon have been eating lunch and sometimes they go for coffee after work. Spencer used to eat with Ryan, but Ryan's got a different schedule than he does and more often than not Ryan goes to lunch with Jon. Spencer didn't think he minded eating alone, but now that he's got a routine with Brendon he finds that he's grateful for the company. "When do you want me to come?"
"When do you have time?" Brendon says.
Spencer shrugs. "I'm pretty open."
"Tonight?" Brendon suggests. "Or tomorrow?"
"Tonight's good," Spencer says. "Are you sure you want to have me over though? I know that you're still settling in, and you can come to my place if you'd rather."
"It's okay," Brendon says. "It's not like I had things to unpack or anything." He rubs his palm against his leg and then admits, "I've never had my own place before. Somewhere that was mine. It's kind of-- I like being able to invite you over."
"When I first moved out, I had people over almost every day for a month," Spencer says. "Half the time it was my parents, but, still. I know what you're saying. What time do you want me to come?"
"Just give me a couple of hours after work to get ready," Brendon says. "So maybe seven?"
--
"Welcome," Brendon says. He's wearing different clothes than he was wearing at work, but they still look like work clothes-- a white button down and dark slacks.
Brendon's apartment leads directly into the kitchen, and Spencer can see that the food is already on the table.
"You didn't have to do all that," he says, as he and Brendon sit down. "You saw what it was like with Ryan and Jon. I'm used to helping out."
"I made macaroni," Brendon says. "Because-- it seemed like that was something you liked. And ham. I don't know if you like that, it's just what was at the grocery store. I'm not too good at buying groceries, yet. There are a lot of choices, and I get distracted."
"This looks awesome," Spencer says. "Seriously. You'll have to come over to my house next week so that I can make it up to you."
"Okay," Brendon says, looking pleased.
--
"I think I might be a hairdresser," Brendon says. "After all of this is done. I like cutting hair."
Spencer nods. They've both finished eating, but are still sitting at the table. Brendon's got one foot resting on his chair, his leg pulled up so that he can rest his elbow on his knee.
"Also, though," Brendon says, speaking more quietly now. "There are schools that just teach music. Maybe by the time I'm done, I will have enough money for that."
"You mentioned that you played?" Spencer says.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "That was what I liked. Not just because people left me alone when I was practicing," he says. Spencer's stomach still lurches when Brendon says things like that, but he's figured out by now that Brendon's just joking, so he laughs. Brendon seems more comfortable if Spencer doesn't make a fuss about it, and Spencer wants for Brendon to be comfortable, for him not to feel like he has some big secret that he's supposed to be concealing.
"I took piano lessons when I was a kid and hated it," Spencer says. "But then I got a drum kit when I was 12, and Ryan got a guitar. It's a lot more fun to play with other people."
Brendon nods. "Do you still play?"
"Oh, not for years," Spencer says. "My mom might still have my drums in her crawlspace."
"I want to buy a piano," Brendon says. "But there isn't really room."
"They've got keyboards that fold up," Spencer says. "You can kind of screw them into your wall and push them up when you're done. It's pretty cool."
"Oh, really?" Brendon asks. "I've never seen that before. Huh."
"We could go to the music store together sometime," Spencer offers.
Brendon's face lights up. "They have stores for music?"
"They've got stores for pretty much everything," Spencer says. "How did you guys do it?"
"I don't know," Brendon says. "I just got gifts sometimes." He says gifts in a scornful voice. Spencer wonders what was expected from Brendon in exchange. "I'd really like it if you showed me," he says.
"Definitely," Spencer promises.
--
Spencer insists on doing the dishes, even though Brendon protests. "You don't know where anything is supposed to go," Brendon says.
"You can tell me," says Spencer.
Brendon sits on the counter and watches while Spencer washes off the plates. After he's finished cleaning them, he lifts one up, dances from one foot to the other, feinting from side to side. Brendon shakes his head no when Spencer leans right, then nods when he takes a step to the left. The plates are kept in the cupboard that's just beside Brendon's shoulder, and he tilts sideways to make room for Spencer to open the door. He can feel his hip brushing against Brendon's knee.
After Spencer's put the plates away, Brendon kicks lightly at his leg and says, "Back to work."
Spencer laughs, and flicks bubbles at Brendon in between wiping cheese off of the pot.
--
"Thanks for having me," Spencer says. It's well past midnight, and he would have stayed longer, but they both have to go to work early tomorrow morning. "I like your place."
Brendon grins and says, "I like it too." He asks, "Did you see that?" nodding toward a small plant sitting on the windowsill by the door.
"No," Spencer says, walking over. "What is it?" There are bright red flowers, tiny spots of colour on thick stems.
"I can't remember what it's actually called, but it eats little bugs!"
"Your plant eats bugs?" Spencer asks.
"Yup," Brendon says. "I have to wait until the flowers open up or whatever, so I can't show you right now, but I totally fed it like three ants yesterday."
"Dude," Spencer says. "Creepy."
"I know!" Brendon says. "It's awesome. It's almost like a pet, since I don't really have room for an actual animal."
"You could get a fish," Spencer suggests. "You said you used to have one."
"I thought about that," Brendon says. "It doesn't seem like there are any rivers on this planet though. I don't know where I would find one."
"There's a store for that, too," Spencer says.
Brendon shakes his head. "Of course."
"Hey, so I'll see you tomorrow," Spencer says. "At lunch."
"I'll be there," Brendon says, waving goodbye.
--
--
--
Spencer actually manages to make it to the cafeteria before Brendon. He's been taking his lunch earlier and earlier so that he can spend the full hour with Brendon. Spencer used to take his lunch whenever he felt like eating, but Brendon seems to be on a pretty strict schedule.
"I thought your plant might have eaten you," he teases when Brendon sets his tray down on the table and slides down beside him.
"I did think of that," Brendon says. "Apparently they can keep growing for quite a while so I'm just going to... keep an eye on it. I've been trying to sing to it before bed, because apparently plants like that."
"I thought that was supposed to make plants grow or something. Talking to them," Spencer says.
"Really?" Brendon asks. "I was going more for friendly than nourishing."
"Maybe singing is different." Spencer manages to keep a straight face, but he can see the little creases forming around Brendon's eyes as he fails to hold back a grin. "Just make sure you keep feeding them dead bugs," Spencer says. "So they don't get a taste for live flesh."
"Ahh," Brendon says. "Good thinking."
--
--
--
"So, when do you want to come to my place?" Spencer asks. "Like, I was thinking maybe tonight?" Spencer stands beside Brendon's desk, holding his cup of coffee. Theoretically, Spencer could push a button on his desk for a cup of coffee, but he likes the walk to the espresso bar, and the coffee tastes better there anyway. He thought he might as well bring one over to Brendon while he was there. Brendon's just in a cubicle, so his desk can't do all of the awesome stuff that Spencer's can.
Brendon takes a sip of coffee, then grimaces. He swallows heavily and sticks out his tongue.
"Too hot?" Spencer asks. He drinks his coffee with milk, which cools it down a little, but Brendon likes his black and sweet.
"Yeth," Brendon says, the tip of his tongue still extended. "Yeth altho on the dinner. Thankth."
Spencer grabs for a data pad, asks, "Can I use this?" and then enters in his address when Brendon nods.
"Come at like, six?" Spencer asks.
Brendon nods again, already dipping his head to try and take another sip of coffee. He winces a little less this time and says, "Thanks again for this."
"You're a little bit of a caffeine fiend," Spencer says.
"Little bit," Brendon agrees. "Do you know that they sell Red Bulls in the vending machine down the hall? Those things are fucking awesome." Brendon's leg bounces up and down.
"How do you manage to sit in a desk all day?" Spencer asks. "Not even just given the caffeine situation. You're pretty high energy even before you start in on the coffee."
"The printers always need new toners, and they're in the basement, so that's a pretty good way to burn off energy," Brendon says. "It's not too bad when I'm actually with someone, but when I'm filling in forms afterwards it's nice to have an excuse to get moving."
"You could apply for a position that's a little more on-the-go," Spencer says. "You can apply for internal stuff now that you've been working here for a month."
Brendon nods. "Yeah, I was talking to Pete about that. I'm thinking about trying to go to school next year though, but Pete was saying that maybe there'd be something I could do part time. I mean, I'd have to, right? So that I could pay for tuition and stuff."
"Where are you thinking of applying?" Spencer asks.
"Just the local college," Brendon says.
"That's where I went," Spencer says. "I liked it there."
"Well, if I get in maybe you can show me around."
"For sure," Spencer says. "So, I'll see you tonight?"
"For sure," Brendon echoes, grinning.
--
"I'm never cooking for myself again," Brendon says, his mouth still full of food. "I'm going to hide behind your refrigerator and steal all of your dinners, and eat them. And then I will be so full, but so happy."
Spencer laughs, then ducks his head, looking down at his lap and grinning. He might have gone a little bit overboard, but he was watching a program about how to do lamb from scratch and it seemed like it might be fun to try, and anyway, Spencer doesn't have people to cook for very often. Ryan and Jon don't count. Those bastards always come over when they have the munchies, and then it's not like they actually appreciate the things that Spencer makes.
Spencer takes a sip from his water glass. He'd offered Brendon wine at the start of the meal, but Brendon had just shaken his head a little. Spencer didn't know what that meant, but he figured that both of them could stick to water.
Brendon uses his fork to spear the last turnip out of the bowl. He sighs happily as he chews.
--
--
--
Except when work is crazy, they get into a bit of a pattern of going to Ryan and Jon's, and trade off cooking beyond that. Brendon has Spencer over to see his new couch -- well, the couch is used, but it's new to Brendon's apartment -- or when he buys a wok and needs Spencer to show him how to use it.
The day that Brendon finishes his applications to the university -- he rents a whole pile of instruments, takes the week off work, and manages to put together a four hour audition tape -- Spencer brings over a fish in a little bowl. He's had it in his apartment for a few days now and Brendon starts cackling when Spencer tries to drop food in the bowl and the fish jumps for his fingers.
"He likes you," Brendon says.
"False," Spencer says. "He wants to eat me. That's not the same as liking."
"He's pretty," Brendon says. "You picked a nice one."
"Should we put it by your plant?" Spencer asks.
Brendon shakes his head. "I don't want there to be any accidents. A jumping fish and a flesh eating plant do not seem like the best combination."
He sets the bowl on the very edge of his piano. The piano he got is electric and will technically fold up, but he spends enough time playing that he never bothers to put it away.
--
--
--
Spencer's phone buzzes three times for a new hologram. He pushes play, and Brendon's face appears. Spencer grins when he realizes that Brendon has got his new phone up and working.
Brendon's head is tilted downward. He stares at something out of sight for a few seconds, then lifts his head, and says, "Umm, hi! I think I've got this turned on. Hopefully you are Spencer, person who I sent this to. So, yeah. Hi, Spence! Do you have an entertainment system? I found out about this new game, and that's what we should do tonight, if you have one. Joe's letting me borrow his, so hopefully you do, because it'll be fun! Okay! Bye!" Then there's a long few seconds of Brendon looking down and frowning at something before finally the hologram ends.
Spencer saves the message.
--
"Hey!" Spencer says, opening his door and letting Brendon in. Brendon's arms are completely full and Spencer tries to help take some stuff from him. "What is all of this?" Spencer asks. "You should have called me. How did you get all of this out of the transport?"
"The game," Brendon says. "Seriously, it's so sweet. Look," he says, lifting up a plastic thing.
Spencer has no idea what it's supposed to be. He raises his eyebrows.
Brendon looks down, says, "Oh," and fiddles with something on the handle. The plastic inflates and takes the shape of a guitar, not quite full-sized, but fairly close.
"Music turned into a competition!" Brendon says. "It's the best game ever!"
--
"Stop cheating," Spencer says, as his avatar drops to the floor, rolling around in shame. He kicks halfheartedly, his foot passing through the projection.
"I rock," Brendon says. "You do not."
"Do-over," Spencer says. "I want to be on drums this time."
--
"You distracted me," Spencer complains.
Brendon rolls his eyes. "You want best sixteen out of thirty?"
"Yes," Spencer says.
--
Spencer's going to lose again. He's on bass and Brendon's on guitar, but he's still totally going to end up with a lower score. He starts edging toward Brendon, trying to get in front of him so that he can block Brendon's view.
"Hey!" Brendon says by the time that Spencer's moved into position. "No fair!"
"Don't talk when the song is playing," Spencer scolds. He can hear Brendon trying to shuffle to the other side, so he moves again, dancing in front of Brendon and hoping that his shoulders are blocking Brendon's view of the music.
He can hear Brendon grumbling, so he thinks he must be successful, and yet... Brendon's score is totally still higher than his.
Brendon wins again.
"How did you even do that?" Spencer asks. It's the lowest score that Brendon's had so far, but it's still higher than Spencer.
"I just kind of played along," Brendon says. "You want another rematch?"
"No, because you're a filthy cheater," Spencer says. "Obviously."
"Hey!" Brendon says again. "You're one to talk." He walks up beside Spencer, hip checking him a little to push him to the side. Spencer pushes back, sending both of them off balance. Brendon starts to laugh, so Spencer's at an advantage when he pushes Brendon sideways again. Brendon's eyes go wide, and he starts tipping backwards. He manages to catch himself by grabbing onto Spencer's shirt. Spencer's still got forward momentum, though, so he starts falling forward.
"Whoops," Brendon says, after they both land on the floor. Spencer lands half on top of him, and Brendon tries to shove his shoulder sideways, and they end up rolling around on the floor. Spencer's laughing too hard to fight Brendon off properly, and he ends up on his back.
Brendon straddles Spencer, breathing heavily and beaming. Spencer could probably roll them both over, pin Brendon to the ground, but he stays where he is.
"Ha," Brendon gloats.
Spencer reconsiders his decision to stay put, but before he acts on it, Brendon starts leaning down. He braces his hands on the floor, on either side of Spencer's head. He looks at Spencer's mouth, then up at his eyes, before closing the distance between them and kissing Spencer softly on the lips. Spencer's too surprised to react, but Brendon's mouth only touches his for a fraction of a second anyway, just a quick press of lips together.
"I know there are a lot of nice people," Brendon says, after he's pulled back a couple of inches. "But I still like you."
Spencer had forgotten telling Brendon that there would be other nice people, almost. Not that he's forgotten about Brendon's past; Brendon talks about it quite a bit. He tells Spencer stories that he's heard from other people - given that it was a small planet, Brendon knew surprisingly few others from when he lived there. Spencer's heard about the guy who served before Brendon, how he got too old and spent his last few months in the house teaching Brendon how to serve. That Brendon and the other slaves used to come up with little codes so that they could make it better for each other when their masters made them fuck. That Brendon's master was never the one to hurt him when he did something wrong, which meant that he was lucky because a lot of the others had masters who liked to do the hurting.
It's not that he's forgotten what Brendon has gone through, just that he hasn't thought of it as a reason to keep Brendon at a distance in a long time.
"I like you, too," Spencer says.
Brendon grins.
"You decided to give kissing a shot?" Spencer asks. Brendon's fingers are spread across his chest, his fingertips brushing the edge of Spencer's collarbone.
Brendon nods. He wiggles lower so that he can drop his head to rest in the crook of Spencer's neck. Most of his weight is on Spencer's chest, but Spencer doesn't try to move to a more comfortable position.
--
--
--
Spencer sits down beside Brendon in the cafeteria. He peels the plastic away from his sandwich and Brendon bites into his apple. He watches Brendon out of the corner of his eye and lets his leg fall sideways until his knee bumps against Brendon's.
Brendon starts to laugh. "Do I get to see all of your smooth moves now?" he asks.
Spencer says, "What? No! What are you even talking about? ... Have you been talking to Ryan?"
Spencer didn't intervene last Thursday when Brendon and Ryan went downstairs to watch a movie, leaving him and Jon with the dishes. That was totally a mistake. Ryan is not to be trusted.
"Well," Brendon says. He snickers again when Spencer makes what he's sure is a dismayed face.
"Ryan sucked his thumb until he was eleven," Spencer says. "You shouldn't believe anything he says."
"More he was telling me about how Jon had all kinds of smooth moves when they were first dating," Brendon says.
Spencer nods; Jon was fucking hilarious when he and Ryan first started dating. There were a lot of mooneyes and uproarious laughter at Ryan's stupid jokes. And then they moved in together and Spencer had to endure months of hearing stories about their many adventures in shopping for rugs.
"Ryan did say something about your awesome dancing skills though," Brendon adds. "He said something about a video? Where you're rocking out to I Want to Take You to a --"
"Gay Bar," Spencer finishes. He scrunches his eyes shut, then says, "There are pictures of Ryan's ass that I haven't shown anyone in years. Maybe we can bring those over next Thursday."
--
--
--
"Yeah, well I have a picture of Spencer naked in the tub with a snorkle."
"I was five."
"I also have a picture of Spencer wearing women's underwear for a bathing suit. They were pink. That was last year."
"I have pictures of Ryan wearing a pink rose vest unironically. It had boning like a corset."
"It was always ironically," Ryan says, outraged.
"Was the glittery blue eyeshadow ironic too?" Spencer asks.
Jon clutches his stomach, his mouth wide open as he makes these wheezing sounds, laughing almost soundlessly.
"I didn't even try to take pictures of you with the moustache because it would have broken my camera," Ryan says.
"Or because you were too busy taking pictures of your own ass in the mirror," Spencer says. "And anyway, I quite liked the moustache."
Brendon tumbles off the couch, gasping for air unsuccessfully as he laughs so hard that his face turns red.
--
Ryan threatens to call Spencer's mom and have her send over jpegs of baby pictures, so Spencer escorts Brendon out of the house.
"Baby pictures sounded like fun," Brendon protests.
Spencer pokes him in the side. "I was pudgy. You never get to see those pictures."
Brendon pokes Spencer back, his finger digging into Spencer's belly, and he wiggles his eyebrows.
"Oh, hush," Spencer says. "Differently pudgy. You still never get to see the pictures."
They're just about at the transport when Brendon says, "Well, I like the way you look now."
Spencer ducks his head and fumbles with unlocking the doors.
--
--
--
It was maybe not the best idea to invite Brendon over to watch a video. Spencer was thinking something low-key and easy on a work night, but here on the couch, Brendon sitting close beside him, it doesn't feel as casual as he might have hoped. Spencer's shit at this part: the unfamiliar awkwardness of starting something new. He's had a couple of long term relationships, but he doesn't have much practice with the early stages of dating.
The video ends and Spencer's film screen powers down automatically. Brendon turns to Spencer and says, "Are we going to have sex now?"
Spencer feels his eyes widen.
"I went to the doctor for the last time a couple weeks ago, and I am all healthy now, so. We could." Brendon looks down, pointedly, and Spencer can feel his cheeks start to heat. Brendon's wearing skin tight jeans, and his t-shirt doesn't quite meet with the waistband most of the time.
Spencer scrunches up his face in an apologetic wince, but Brendon just grins, scooting over and reaching for Spencer's pants.
"You like cutting to the chase," Spencer says, attempting what even he knows is a lame attempt at humour. He intercepts Brendon's hands. Brendon's fingers feel warmer than Spencer's skin. "Is it okay if-- can we just?" Spencer wiggles forward until he's sitting close beside Brendon on the couch. "You said you were okay with this, right?" he asks, leaning in but stopping before their mouths actually make contact.
"Yeah," Brendon says, then waits for Spencer to close the rest of the distance.
It's awkward at first. Brendon hardly moves, and Spencer doesn't know what he should do to make him more comfortable. He kisses Brendon slowly, lingering presses of his lips to Brendon's, his palm resting on Brendon's neck, his thumb to the edge of Brendon's jaw so that he can tilt Brendon's face toward his own. He pulls back minutely, his nose brushing against the tip of Brendon's nose, and takes a breath in through his mouth. When he closes his lips together again, Brendon closes the distance and presses his lips to Spencer's, the same lingering pressure, like he's imitating what Spencer was doing earlier. Spencer exhales sharply through his nose.
When they part, he licks his lips. He opens his eyes and sees Brendon watching his mouth, sees Brendon's tongue peek out, and when their mouths come together again there is an easy slide that makes Spencer's toes curl.
He kisses Brendon a little harder, parting his lips so that he can suck gently on Brendon's bottom lip.
Spencer pulls away to lick his lips again, then leans in and licks Brendon's. He rubs his thumbs in gentle circles over Brendon's jaw, nudges their mouths together more firmly, until finally Brendon figures out what he's trying to do and opens his mouth.
Spencer only slides his tongue shallowly into Brendon's mouth, keeps the kiss easy and sweet. With the way that Brendon follows his lead so carefully, Spencer's more focused on the movement of their mouths together than he can ever remember being while he kissed someone. He slips his tongue a little deeper into Brendon's mouth, their tongues sliding together, slow and wet.
Brendon's mouth is so soft, and Spencer knows that he's making stupidly loud breathing sounds, but he can't help himself.
He pulls back, resting his head lightly against Brendon's forehead as he tries to get control over his breathing, and this time when Brendon reaches for his pants, he doesn't stop him.
Brendon slides gracefully off the couch, kneeling in front of Spencer. He has Spencer's pants open and his cock out in a couple of easy movements of his hands, and then he's leaning toward him, his hands resting on Spencer's thighs as he starts to suck on Spencer's dick.
Spencer tilts his head back, holding on tightly to the couch cushions. Brendon sucks hard and he maintains this really fucking perfect pressure, his head bobbing up and down quickly. He uses his tongue on the head of Spencer's dick and then goes down and down, all the way, and Spencer can feel Brendon's throat open up as he swallows around him. He doesn't gag, doesn't make any noises except for the wet sounds that come from his mouth moving over Spencer's dick, and he just keeps sucking and it's so good. Spencer keeps mumbling gibberish, gasping loudly and squirming on the couch with the intensity of how fucking good Brendon's mouth feels.
He feels his orgasm approaching quickly and he holds back as best he can because he wants to keep feeling this for as long as possible. But Brendon knows exactly what he's doing, and it's not long before Spencer comes. Brendon swallows neatly, keeps sucking Spencer through it until finally Spencer's whole body goes boneless. Brendon eases off Spencer's dick, licking up what's left of Spencer's come, then sits back on his heels.
Spencer opens his mouth, but his tongue isn't working yet, so he reaches for Brendon instead, pulling him back up onto the couch.
He wants to kiss Brendon again, but when he leans in Brendon seems to shy away. Spencer starts to slide a hand up Brendon's thigh instead, but he freezes when his hand moves up high enough for him to realize that Brendon isn't hard.
Spencer pulls his hand back, rubs his palm over his face and says, "You don't-- you're not--"
Brendon seems surprised. He looks down and then up at Spencer and says quickly, "I can get hard. I didn't know that I should. I'm sorry, I can get hard."
Spencer's throat has closed off, so his voice sounds tight when he chokes out, "No. Don't-- no."
Brendon says quickly, "Okay," folding his hands in his lap.
Spencer swallows and tries to exhale slowly. His heart is beating heavily in his chest. He feels like the worst kind of asshole.
He reaches up and scratches the back of his neck, and after a long minute of silence Brendon says again, "I'm sorry."
"Just-- don't," Spencer says, holding out his hands, his palms facing Brendon. His voice sounds harsher than he means it to be. It's just that he doesn't want Brendon to apologize. "Jesus," he mutters to himself.
Brendon says, "Okay," and sits still beside Spencer.
Spencer doesn't make eye contact while he tries to think of something to say, some way of making this less fucked up. Brendon just spent however many years doing things he didn't want to do for assholes, and now Spencer's one of them.
Spencer looks up, and Brendon makes brief eye contact, the corners of his mouth pulled back in a tight smile.
"Would you like to watch another movie?" Brendon asks.
Spencer shakes his head sharply, and says, "It's getting late."
Brendon's jaw flexes, and he nods. "Of course, si--. I'll go now."
"What?" Spencer asks, his voice rising louder. It could just be that Brendon held the 's' sound, but it didn't sound like that. It sounded like-- it sounded like Brendon was going to call him-- "What did you just say?" Spencer asks, his fingers clenching tight enough that he can feel his short fingernails digging into his palm.
Brendon's facial expression doesn't change, and his voice is calm when he says, "You're right: it is late. I will head home now."
Spencer clears his throat, his lips tightening into a straight line. He stares at Brendon, tries to figure out what to say, but nothing comes to him. Brendon is sitting so carefully, his hands curled neatly together in his lap, his posture perfect. Spencer wants to touch his shoulder. He wants to be closer to Brendon. He wants Brendon to want him, and he feels like such a douche for not realizing earlier that Brendon doesn't. Feels like such a douche for putting Brendon in a situation where he had to do something even though he wasn't into it. Spencer can't take back what happened, but he can make sure it never happens again.
Eventually he nods, slouched in on himself, his hands resting on his bent knees.
Brendon rises off the couch and walks to the front door, not looking behind himself to see if Spencer follows. Spencer stands, trails after him.
Brendon lingers by the door only for a moment. Says, "I'm really sorry," and then slips away before Spencer has the chance to say anything.
Spencer stares at the closed door, says aloud, "I'm sorry."
--
--
--
Part Four