(no subject)
Samuel Johnson had never really thought about it before, but pandas are strong. He'd always thought of them as cute and cuddly before, and something to be protected in the face of the danger of the Evil Greedy Corporations, who cut down their habitats, and drove them to near extinction.
Which was why Samuel Johnson and his friends decided to burn the corporate headquarters of P____ Corporation while they were having their Annual Shareholders Meeting, as a signal to the world, that Nature had its protectors, and they were going to make a Stand, and show everyone the error of their ways by stopping the biggest baddest culprit of them all. All those animal killers, the greedy shareholders who were only in it for money, the drones who closed one eye to the evil doings, they were all gonna burn for their crimes against animals, and Mother Nature herself.
They'd succeeded too. At least, that's what Samuel Johnson thought. The guys had infiltrated the corporate headquarters, dressed as cleaners, except the liquid in their buckets were gasoline, and they'd left a small smoking cigarette as a homemade delayed lighting device, just like in the movies, except for some reason, the fire started a little earlier than expected and there was a really loud boom and then Samuel Johnson opened his eyes to find himself pinned under a giant panda.
He didn't realised they smell quite so bad either. And pooped a lot. But the panda didn't seem inclined to move, and he'd read somewhere that all pandas did was eat and sleep, and the supply of bamboo right to the panda's mouth, as it were, strangely didn't seem to diminish, even after all this time, and it's been days already....