Briefs and why-fronts.
- Tests showed I'm allergic to dust, dust mite poo, the pollen of cedar, juniper and cypress, and food allergies including choc/coffee/cola (which I'd figured out) as well as (surprisingly) dairy and citrus, which includes tomatoes. I'll start weekly injections. I was prescribed two additional inhalers, three days of antibiotics for a small lung infection, and a dust-mite-proof cover for my mattresses. I'm eliminating dairy, citrus and tomatoes for three weeks to see if that helps. My bloodwork also showed some chemical imbalances due to lacking certain vitamins and minerals. This surprised me since I eat salads and fruit legumes and whole grains all the damn time PLUS take daily vitamins, but the doctor pointed out that every person has different needs. He recommended a service that will analyze what I'm missing and lay out a course of supplements. He says I'm a good candidate for improvement, so I'm hopeful. The asthma has continued to get worse over the past weeks.
- Home situation is good. Need additional furniture before everything can be neatly put away, but I did buy two large indoor trees from Craigslist (fiddle-leaf fig and Kentia palm), which make me happy. I'm feeling very keen to set a date for a housewarming, but Trousers is resistant and wants to wait. I can bug him again after his deadline on March 12.
- Sister is coming to visit for spring break in April. Tickets for Wicked have been purchased. Woot!
- Shadowing in the ER is still completely awesome. During a resuscitation last week I witnessed this crazy thing called an IO, or intraosseous infusion, wherein doctors drill an IV into a bone so they can infuse fluids and meds directly into the bone marrow. It was intense, and a something new for the growing list of things I hope never happen to me. They pretty much only do it if you might die if they don't, though.
- Secret medical updates from my stepmother suggest that my father's heart has more blockages, needs more stents, and if that won't work, they'll schedule a bypass. I wonder when/if he'll tell me himself and whether I should fly out if he has a bypass. I would think yes. He'd also stopped taking his blood pressure medicine for eight months. It seems like slow suicide by apathy to me. I don't really know what to say or think or do. I will miss him terribly and be sad when he's gone, but I don't know if there's any way to change his direction.
And now, some struggles I'm having regarding a friend whose neediness and lack of boundaries are really worrying me. I will call her L. L is a very sweet and generous person who gives many gifts of art and souvenirs from trips (I very rarely want these things, but appreciate the thought) and always takes and shares photos from events. She is sweet and affectionate and very open to the world, to the point that nearly everyone who meets her thinks she has a crush on them. Although she's not much younger than me - late 20s - she seems very naive in many ways. She's very spontaneous and asks for a lot of things. Nearly any time I've ever invited her to anything, she asks if I get her tickets or give her a ride or even lend her a costume. She asks for advice but never takes it. I had begun to notice that several of our mutual friends keep a distance from her because of this neediness. One thing is that she tries hard to make instant best friends with anyone she meets, and it's off-putting, especially to strong women, with whom she tries hard to buddy up.
A couple weeks ago she was hospitalized for anxiety attacks. Apparently she hadn't slept for three days and kind of freaked out, so she was kept strapped down and medicated for a week. She thinks she might have been molested in some way. She told me that it was due to worry about money and a roommate leaving. It was very hard to tell what exactly was going on. I recommended my therapist and she said she'd call.
I felt very torn. If it was rentravler or dangerous_lov or many other of my friends, I would have called immediately, invited them to stay till they felt better, offered to come stay with them, ask if I could loan them money or make them food or whatever, anything, till they felt stronger and got back on their feet. This is because they are healthier and work hard at themselves and being self-aware and independent. The work is the important thing - no one is all the way there all the time, of course. I feel that L doesn't work at these things, but has a childlike and often childish view of the world in which she needs/wants to be rescued and taken care of. This turns me off, and the breakdown that I imagine has resulted from this way of being and its spectacular failure to yield a healthy, happy, safe life, really scares me. It feels like a form of the crazy, and the crazy is something I keep a distance from instinctively.
She texted me on Saturday asking if she could spend the night that night at the Squid's. Which is just weird and presumptive on many levels. We were maybe going to hang out Sunday, but it didn't happen, and I'm having trouble wanting to see her or talk to her at all. I feel guilty about this, because she is a sweet and giving and loving person, and I know she doesn't ask for anything she wouldn't be willing to give, BUT (big but) the only junior-senior relationship I'm comfortable with in my life is the one with my kid sister, and that's definitely what L seeks and builds. She regards me as one of her closest friends, but I receive nothing I want from the relationship and do not feel close to her. I would never dream of going to her with a problem. This also makes me uncomfortable.
Wounded people register with me in one of two ways: Either a baby bird, or a bird with a broken wing. A bird with a broken wing is capable of healing and wants to fly as soon as possible, and just needs a little support and TLC. A baby bird remains weak no matter how many resources you devote to it, and hurls itself out of the nest again and again.
What I'm struggling with is whether or not to sit her down and have a talk and attempt to improve her self-awareness of her relationships. She feels rejected socially by the few people who have drawn strong boundaries with her. I feel that I need a stronger boundary, and I want her to understand why. I'm not sure if she's capable of learning, if it could be a wake-up call to work harder at herself, or if it would only register as more rejection. I don't believe she's ever taken any of my advice, or even really heard it. But it also sucks to just keep barely responding to contact until she gives up and goes away. I feel decent people deserve more respect than that, and she's not a bad person, but in fact a giving and loving person in her own way.
I would like to hear others' perspectives on this situation.
- Home situation is good. Need additional furniture before everything can be neatly put away, but I did buy two large indoor trees from Craigslist (fiddle-leaf fig and Kentia palm), which make me happy. I'm feeling very keen to set a date for a housewarming, but Trousers is resistant and wants to wait. I can bug him again after his deadline on March 12.
- Sister is coming to visit for spring break in April. Tickets for Wicked have been purchased. Woot!
- Shadowing in the ER is still completely awesome. During a resuscitation last week I witnessed this crazy thing called an IO, or intraosseous infusion, wherein doctors drill an IV into a bone so they can infuse fluids and meds directly into the bone marrow. It was intense, and a something new for the growing list of things I hope never happen to me. They pretty much only do it if you might die if they don't, though.
- Secret medical updates from my stepmother suggest that my father's heart has more blockages, needs more stents, and if that won't work, they'll schedule a bypass. I wonder when/if he'll tell me himself and whether I should fly out if he has a bypass. I would think yes. He'd also stopped taking his blood pressure medicine for eight months. It seems like slow suicide by apathy to me. I don't really know what to say or think or do. I will miss him terribly and be sad when he's gone, but I don't know if there's any way to change his direction.
And now, some struggles I'm having regarding a friend whose neediness and lack of boundaries are really worrying me. I will call her L. L is a very sweet and generous person who gives many gifts of art and souvenirs from trips (I very rarely want these things, but appreciate the thought) and always takes and shares photos from events. She is sweet and affectionate and very open to the world, to the point that nearly everyone who meets her thinks she has a crush on them. Although she's not much younger than me - late 20s - she seems very naive in many ways. She's very spontaneous and asks for a lot of things. Nearly any time I've ever invited her to anything, she asks if I get her tickets or give her a ride or even lend her a costume. She asks for advice but never takes it. I had begun to notice that several of our mutual friends keep a distance from her because of this neediness. One thing is that she tries hard to make instant best friends with anyone she meets, and it's off-putting, especially to strong women, with whom she tries hard to buddy up.
A couple weeks ago she was hospitalized for anxiety attacks. Apparently she hadn't slept for three days and kind of freaked out, so she was kept strapped down and medicated for a week. She thinks she might have been molested in some way. She told me that it was due to worry about money and a roommate leaving. It was very hard to tell what exactly was going on. I recommended my therapist and she said she'd call.
I felt very torn. If it was rentravler or dangerous_lov or many other of my friends, I would have called immediately, invited them to stay till they felt better, offered to come stay with them, ask if I could loan them money or make them food or whatever, anything, till they felt stronger and got back on their feet. This is because they are healthier and work hard at themselves and being self-aware and independent. The work is the important thing - no one is all the way there all the time, of course. I feel that L doesn't work at these things, but has a childlike and often childish view of the world in which she needs/wants to be rescued and taken care of. This turns me off, and the breakdown that I imagine has resulted from this way of being and its spectacular failure to yield a healthy, happy, safe life, really scares me. It feels like a form of the crazy, and the crazy is something I keep a distance from instinctively.
She texted me on Saturday asking if she could spend the night that night at the Squid's. Which is just weird and presumptive on many levels. We were maybe going to hang out Sunday, but it didn't happen, and I'm having trouble wanting to see her or talk to her at all. I feel guilty about this, because she is a sweet and giving and loving person, and I know she doesn't ask for anything she wouldn't be willing to give, BUT (big but) the only junior-senior relationship I'm comfortable with in my life is the one with my kid sister, and that's definitely what L seeks and builds. She regards me as one of her closest friends, but I receive nothing I want from the relationship and do not feel close to her. I would never dream of going to her with a problem. This also makes me uncomfortable.
Wounded people register with me in one of two ways: Either a baby bird, or a bird with a broken wing. A bird with a broken wing is capable of healing and wants to fly as soon as possible, and just needs a little support and TLC. A baby bird remains weak no matter how many resources you devote to it, and hurls itself out of the nest again and again.
What I'm struggling with is whether or not to sit her down and have a talk and attempt to improve her self-awareness of her relationships. She feels rejected socially by the few people who have drawn strong boundaries with her. I feel that I need a stronger boundary, and I want her to understand why. I'm not sure if she's capable of learning, if it could be a wake-up call to work harder at herself, or if it would only register as more rejection. I don't believe she's ever taken any of my advice, or even really heard it. But it also sucks to just keep barely responding to contact until she gives up and goes away. I feel decent people deserve more respect than that, and she's not a bad person, but in fact a giving and loving person in her own way.
I would like to hear others' perspectives on this situation.