Do I suck as a friend? How can I suck less?
There's a whole 'nother long story I don't feel like telling, but a somewhat similar circumstance of a friend basically ditching me happened last week. An erstwhile friend visited from New York but didn't write or want to see me; she only wanted to see Trousers. As recently as last August she had been warm and enthusiastic about our friendship and thrilled to have me stay with her for five days. I understand that she's still messed up about Trousers and afraid she'll be sad at seeing us happy together, but it's hurtful that someone who was so verbal about us being close is able to let dysfunction get in the way of even civility and common friendship.
She had eye surgery in January and I sent a care package, which she explained in an email made her feel pathetic and pitied. I had just sent a few fun things like chocolate and Lush stuff to be a bright spot in a rough patch. There wasn't even a card saying "oh you poor thing." I emailed back to apologize for making her feel that way and explained I didn't intend it, and that was the last we talked.
How big a fuck-up am I as a friend? Really, come on. Lay it on me. Does everyone secretly barely tolerate my acquaintance? Do I only come around when I want something? Do I fail to show my love or support? I know I'm busy and maybe don't see people as much as I'd like. I do feel bad about not visiting friends in Portland yet or in Seattle ever or keeping up with friends in NZ as much as I'd like. It's hard when people move away. I could make it to the East Bay more often. But isn't everyone busy? Do I expect more than I provide? It really fucking hurts to lose people like this. I'm scared I'll lose more if I don't figure out what's wrong. If I'm a crappy friend please let me know NOW how to be better. Being dumped sucks.
She had eye surgery in January and I sent a care package, which she explained in an email made her feel pathetic and pitied. I had just sent a few fun things like chocolate and Lush stuff to be a bright spot in a rough patch. There wasn't even a card saying "oh you poor thing." I emailed back to apologize for making her feel that way and explained I didn't intend it, and that was the last we talked.
How big a fuck-up am I as a friend? Really, come on. Lay it on me. Does everyone secretly barely tolerate my acquaintance? Do I only come around when I want something? Do I fail to show my love or support? I know I'm busy and maybe don't see people as much as I'd like. I do feel bad about not visiting friends in Portland yet or in Seattle ever or keeping up with friends in NZ as much as I'd like. It's hard when people move away. I could make it to the East Bay more often. But isn't everyone busy? Do I expect more than I provide? It really fucking hurts to lose people like this. I'm scared I'll lose more if I don't figure out what's wrong. If I'm a crappy friend please let me know NOW how to be better. Being dumped sucks.