Tender mercies.
Today I am thankful for forgiveness. After this week I recognize it clearly for the first time as an aspect of friendship - and all relationships - that is very important for me. I don't think I've done many bad things to many people. I was forgiven for cheating on a partner, which is still the worst thing I've ever done, and for which I am still very grateful for being forgiven. I try hard to avoid doing unkind things, although I do miss chances to do kind things.
As far as I know, there are three people in the world who actively dislike and think badly of me. (Presumably there are plenty of other people who are not keen and just quietly avoid me.) My mother, who is insane. Trousers' ex-lover, who maintains that I "stole" him from her and refused to accept my sincere apologies for (debatably) inappropriate flirting while they were together. And H, who accuses me of being a selfish, inconsiderate, nonreciprocating friend. She says that forgiveness is not a possibility.
The amazing thing about being forgiven is that it's like being reborn. You have a second chance to be your better self, to make amends, to reconnect closer than ever before. The depressing thing about not being forgiven is that it dooms you to forever being your worst self in some way, at least in that person's mind, and cuts off all future opportunities of improving yourself or the relationship. The only way to bounce back from that, for me at least, is to learn to forgive myself.
Personally, I want to forgive. If someone I care about wrongs me, I generally try to open communication and create an opportunity for them to understand what upset me and apologize. My resentment is far from intractable. It feels bad to be angry and let down and resentful. Why would you prolong that one more moment than you have to? Where is the profit, as the Connecticut Yankee would ask, in cutting anyone off? A minuscule savings on Christmas cards?
I can't think of anyone in my life whom I wouldn't forgive if they made virtually any sincere effort to make amends. My boundaries with them might change; I might put them on probation and see if they live up to their words. But I can't imagine cutting anyone in my life off forever. Maybe no one's done anything horrible enough to me yet, or maybe I just surround myself with good people.
Forgiveness is a precious thing. It requires some strength of character, a certain amount of psychological health and a willingness to bend one's pride a little. I realize now that the ability to forgive is something I want and need in the people I'm close to, simply because I'm not perfect. Also because personal growth is one of my major goals in life, and I am realizing that if you can't be forgiven, you can't fuck up, and if you can never fuck up for fear of losing all the love in your life, you'll never, ever learn or grow.
Thanks for forgiving all my imperfections. Thanks for being kind to me despite my faults and failings. Thanks for the benefit of the doubt, the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, and the chance to be a better person tomorrow.
As far as I know, there are three people in the world who actively dislike and think badly of me. (Presumably there are plenty of other people who are not keen and just quietly avoid me.) My mother, who is insane. Trousers' ex-lover, who maintains that I "stole" him from her and refused to accept my sincere apologies for (debatably) inappropriate flirting while they were together. And H, who accuses me of being a selfish, inconsiderate, nonreciprocating friend. She says that forgiveness is not a possibility.
The amazing thing about being forgiven is that it's like being reborn. You have a second chance to be your better self, to make amends, to reconnect closer than ever before. The depressing thing about not being forgiven is that it dooms you to forever being your worst self in some way, at least in that person's mind, and cuts off all future opportunities of improving yourself or the relationship. The only way to bounce back from that, for me at least, is to learn to forgive myself.
Personally, I want to forgive. If someone I care about wrongs me, I generally try to open communication and create an opportunity for them to understand what upset me and apologize. My resentment is far from intractable. It feels bad to be angry and let down and resentful. Why would you prolong that one more moment than you have to? Where is the profit, as the Connecticut Yankee would ask, in cutting anyone off? A minuscule savings on Christmas cards?
I can't think of anyone in my life whom I wouldn't forgive if they made virtually any sincere effort to make amends. My boundaries with them might change; I might put them on probation and see if they live up to their words. But I can't imagine cutting anyone in my life off forever. Maybe no one's done anything horrible enough to me yet, or maybe I just surround myself with good people.
Forgiveness is a precious thing. It requires some strength of character, a certain amount of psychological health and a willingness to bend one's pride a little. I realize now that the ability to forgive is something I want and need in the people I'm close to, simply because I'm not perfect. Also because personal growth is one of my major goals in life, and I am realizing that if you can't be forgiven, you can't fuck up, and if you can never fuck up for fear of losing all the love in your life, you'll never, ever learn or grow.
Thanks for forgiving all my imperfections. Thanks for being kind to me despite my faults and failings. Thanks for the benefit of the doubt, the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, and the chance to be a better person tomorrow.