Fic: Like a Monkey on the Sun
Title: Like a Monkey on the Sun
Author: discreetmath
Rating: PG
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing/Characters: Sam, Becky, background Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 2100
Summary: After messing with Dean and Castiel, Sam should have known payback was coming.
A/N: Betaed by haughtymelodic. This is the sequel to The Art of Subtlety.
Disclaimer: Characters and anything else recognizable do not belong to me. I'm just borrowing them.
Dean's on the phone when Castiel appears in front of him. He smiles and holds up a finger, signaling him to wait before returning his attention to the call.
"So you're sure you don't mind? You'd be doing us a huge favor."
A bright voice comes through the receiver, and Dean grins.
"Awesome, thank you so much. I owe you one."
He ends the call and turns back to Cas, his wide smile still in place. "She's in," he says triumphantly. The corner of Cas's mouth quirks up.
---
Four days later, Dean and Sam are driving through Tennessee. It's a clear Friday in early September, and the leaves are just starting to change. Dean figures that should provide a decent explanation for his high spirits, if Sam decides to ask. It turns out he needn't have worried, since Sam is occupied with some last minute research, flipping through a small pile of police reports and newspaper articles.
"So," Sam begins, "this resort has had multiple reported ghost sightings over the past few years, and three injuries plus at least a dozen sightings in the last two months. No deaths yet, but if there is a ghost, it seems to be escalating its activity. Better to get it now before someone gets seriously hurt."
"Couldn't agree more, Sammy. And if we get a little R&R out of the deal, all the better. We paid for this retreat, anyway, may as well enjoy it."
"I wouldn't really call credit card fraud 'paying,' but I'm not going to argue. So it's what, a bunch of yuppies getting back to nature?"
"Yeah, something like that," Dean says distractedly. Sam shoots him a questioning look, which Dean pointedly ignores. He slumps in the seat. They're still a few hours out, so he may as well grab some sleep.
---
They pull up to the resort late that afternoon, a large sign announcing that they've arrived at Serenity Pines Resort. Sam grabs their duffles from the trunk, tossing one to Dean before following him inside the main entrance.
"Hello, and welcome to Serenity Pines," chirps the desk clerk, a young blonde woman. "What's the name on your reservation?"
"Wesson," answers Dean. "Sam and Dean."
The woman taps away at her computer for a few moments, then looks up expectantly.
"All right, here you are. Have your partners arrived as well?"
"I'm sorry, partners?" Sam looks at Dean in confusion, jumping when he sees Castiel standing silently next to his brother. He looks back at the clerk dumbly for a moment, before someone taps his shoulder from the other side. He turns, and finds himself about six inches from Becky.
"Hey, honey! Sorry I'm late," she says, before throwing her arms around Sam's neck and dragging him down into a hug.
"Yeah," comes Dean's voice from behind Sam. "Looks like everyone's here!"
---
"A couples retreat, Dean? Seriously?" Sam fumes under his breath, conscious of the hotel staff nearby.
"Yeah, did I not mention that? Sorry dude. Anyway, Becky was more than happy to help us out and give you a cover."
"Is there some reason we couldn't just say we were together? It's not like everyone doesn't assume that anyway."
"I thought about it, Sam, I really did. But I didn't want to do that to Cas, you know? We haven't been together that long, and he's pretty insecure."
Dean's voice is earnest, and oh man, is he biting his lip? Okay, Sam thinks, you're overselling it. He glances back to the main lobby, where Cas is stoically listening to Becky tell a story that seems to involve a fair amount of arm flailing and at least one inappropriate hand gesture.
"Yeah, Dean. He looks like a real delicate flower," Sam says, rolling his eyes.
Dean smiles. "I'm glad you understand," he says, clapping Sam on the shoulder.
Sam's not stupid. He had figured there would be payback coming for his... less-than-conventional matchmaking efforts. This was really over-the-top though, and if anything, those guys should be thanking him for giving their epic gay love a nudge in the right direction. Oh, well. It's only one weekend, and they still have a hunt to focus on. How bad can it be?
---
Dinner that night is the first indication that this might be more difficult than expected. Sam thought he was being clever by sitting across from Becky, but the foot currently working its way up his inner thigh seems to be contradicting that assumption. Earlier, when she'd been running her hands all over his abs, he'd sharply told her to stop it. The dirty, disapproving looks this earned him from guests and staff alike were the reason he was keeping silent now.
Apparently his attempts at dodging Becky's advances aren't as subtle as he would like, because he looks up to see Dean smirking at him knowingly.
"Everything all right there, Sammy?" he asks in an innocent tone.
"Yeah, of course," Sam replies with a strained smile. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Well," says Cas, who's sitting next to him, "you appear to be experiencing some discomfort, and Rebecca's foot seems to be very close to your genitals."
The other three couples at their table whip their heads around and look at Sam with expressions ranging from amusement to distaste. He slouches, his face red with embarrassment, but when the movement shifts Becky's foot directly onto his crotch he abruptly sits back up with a yelp.
"It's okay, sweetie," Becky coos, "we're all couples here! No reason to be embarrassed about our love," she adds with an exaggerated wink. Sam glances up at Cas, who's staring at his plate with a neutral expression. The sparkle in his eyes, though, gives him away. That bastard.
---
When they get to the room that night, Sam shuts the door and immediately holds up a hand to stop Becky's advance.
"Okay, not that I don't appreciate what you're doing here, because I really do. But it's just us here, so we don't need to pull the happy couple act while we're in the room, okay?"
Becky pouts for a moment before pulling some clothes out of her bag and heading into the bathroom to get changed. Sam carefully ignores the mild sense of disappointment at how easy that was. When he wakes up around three a.m. with Becky sprawled on top of him, her face buried in his neck, he rolls his eyes and goes back to sleep.
---
By the following afternoon, Sam is starting to wonder where this ghost is hiding. He saw the reports, and he knows the thing has been seen a lot recently. Since they arrived though, it's been quiet. At the moment, he would do anything to get some flickering lights or cold spots, any excuse to bail out of this. He's beginning to suspect that couples yoga is the invention of some sort of malevolent entity.
Dean and Cas are there too, but they don't seem to be having any real difficulty. Dean's being a pretty good sport, and Cas... well. Cas is turning out to be weirdly and unexpectedly flexible for an angel of the Lord. Sam's making a concerted effort not to notice the hungry way that Dean's eyeing Castiel's wide-legged forward bend. He tries to focus on forcing his own limbs into the beginner poses, and he's quickly coming to the realization that yoga was not meant for people his size.
Becky seems to be doing pretty well too, when she's not busy giggling at Sam's misfortunes. Which is to say, not often.
He's just managed to fold himself into some decent approximation of downward-facing dog when he feels a sharp pinch on his ass. He jerks in surprise and falls over on the mat. Sam looks up to see Becky giving him a grin that's somehow naughty and sheepish all at once. Everyone in the class has turned to stare at him, mostly with poorly-concealed amusement. Even the instructor is giving him an indulgent smile as Becky helps him up.
He sends up a silent prayer for patience, and gets back into the pose. Maybe tonight he'll get to kill a ghost. That's better stress relief than yoga could ever hope to be.
---
By late Sunday morning, the retreat has wound down and Sam is beyond frustrated as they wait to check out.
"Something wrong, Sam?" Dean asks, looking concerned.
"I don't know, Dean. Maybe that I just endured the romantic weekend from hell, and the ghost never even showed itself?" Sam growls in annoyance.
"Wait, what are you talking about? Me and Cas ganked that thing on Friday night after you two went back to your room!"
Sam can feel his face turning an alarming shade of red, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times trying to find something to say.
"I don't see what the big deal is," Dean adds. "We got the ghost, and we already paid for the whole weekend, so there was no reason not to enjoy it! I know me and Cas sure did," he finishes, waggling his eyebrows. Sam makes a frustrated noise and walks out front to wait.
"Oh, come on! It wasn't that bad, was it, Sammy-bear?" Becky asks, tucking herself under his arm and hugging him. Sam looks down and sees her smiling at him sweetly. He kicks himself for being such a jerk to her all weekend and not being more considerate of her feelings for him.
"Look, Becky," he begins. "I think you're a great girl, and I really appreciate you doing this for us. But you have to understand, I'm not really interested in you like that. And besides, I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."
Becky pulls back slightly to look up at him and starts to giggle.
"What's so funny?" he demands, frowning as her giggles turn into peals of laughter.
"Sam, I think you're great too," she says after a minute, sobering a bit. "But to be honest, I'm only here because Dean asked me for help with a prank."
"Wait, seriously? But I thought you were, you know," he waves his hand around, "a Sam girl?"
"I was! I mean, I am! Just, I was mostly into the package deal. You know, you and Dean, forbidden love, and all of it. Seeing it Jossed in canon really takes the sparkle out of a ship," she sighs.
"I only understood half of that," Sam says, shaking his head. "So you're saying you're not into me because Dean is with Cas now?"
"It's just, I'm tired of getting my heart broken. First they mess up Remus and Sirius, and now this. I think I might take a break from fandom for a while. I'm glad I got to help you guys out with this, though. It was fun!" She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses him on the cheek. "I guess I'll see you around!" she says, grinning. Sam gapes as she walks away, and he can only blame a temporary lapse in sanity for what happens next.
"Gabriel!" he shouts. Becky stops and turns around, looking at him curiously.
"I, um, I have feelings for Gabriel. After all that stuff with TV Land, I realized he's like, flawed and vulnerable and stuff. And seeing Dean with Cas..." he trails off, looking up to see Becky listening raptly. "I'm jealous because I want my own angel boyfriend?" he finishes lamely.
Becky's eyes widen, and she looks slightly faint. "Oh my god, you're right! How did I not see this before? Enemies and then lovers, and oh, wow, the height difference alone has some interesting possibilities," she says breathlessly, her eyes raking over Sam. He blushes and shifts uncomfortably at her scrutiny. "It was, wow, it was good seeing you, Sam. So good. I have to go now, and do a thing." She turns and walks toward the parking lot, typing furiously away on her phone.
Smiling slightly, he turns around to go back inside and finds Dean standing right behind him, his arm around Cas. They're both staring at him with slightly disbelieving expressions.
"Not a word," he says, turning on his heel and stalking off toward the car.
"You do realize that Gabriel most likely heard that exchange," Cas says calmly a few minutes later, once they're in the car. Dean chuckles at that, the dick.
Sam just makes a strangled noise and buries his face in his hands.
Author: discreetmath
Rating: PG
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing/Characters: Sam, Becky, background Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: None.
Word Count: 2100
Summary: After messing with Dean and Castiel, Sam should have known payback was coming.
A/N: Betaed by haughtymelodic. This is the sequel to The Art of Subtlety.
Disclaimer: Characters and anything else recognizable do not belong to me. I'm just borrowing them.
Dean's on the phone when Castiel appears in front of him. He smiles and holds up a finger, signaling him to wait before returning his attention to the call.
"So you're sure you don't mind? You'd be doing us a huge favor."
A bright voice comes through the receiver, and Dean grins.
"Awesome, thank you so much. I owe you one."
He ends the call and turns back to Cas, his wide smile still in place. "She's in," he says triumphantly. The corner of Cas's mouth quirks up.
---
Four days later, Dean and Sam are driving through Tennessee. It's a clear Friday in early September, and the leaves are just starting to change. Dean figures that should provide a decent explanation for his high spirits, if Sam decides to ask. It turns out he needn't have worried, since Sam is occupied with some last minute research, flipping through a small pile of police reports and newspaper articles.
"So," Sam begins, "this resort has had multiple reported ghost sightings over the past few years, and three injuries plus at least a dozen sightings in the last two months. No deaths yet, but if there is a ghost, it seems to be escalating its activity. Better to get it now before someone gets seriously hurt."
"Couldn't agree more, Sammy. And if we get a little R&R out of the deal, all the better. We paid for this retreat, anyway, may as well enjoy it."
"I wouldn't really call credit card fraud 'paying,' but I'm not going to argue. So it's what, a bunch of yuppies getting back to nature?"
"Yeah, something like that," Dean says distractedly. Sam shoots him a questioning look, which Dean pointedly ignores. He slumps in the seat. They're still a few hours out, so he may as well grab some sleep.
---
They pull up to the resort late that afternoon, a large sign announcing that they've arrived at Serenity Pines Resort. Sam grabs their duffles from the trunk, tossing one to Dean before following him inside the main entrance.
"Hello, and welcome to Serenity Pines," chirps the desk clerk, a young blonde woman. "What's the name on your reservation?"
"Wesson," answers Dean. "Sam and Dean."
The woman taps away at her computer for a few moments, then looks up expectantly.
"All right, here you are. Have your partners arrived as well?"
"I'm sorry, partners?" Sam looks at Dean in confusion, jumping when he sees Castiel standing silently next to his brother. He looks back at the clerk dumbly for a moment, before someone taps his shoulder from the other side. He turns, and finds himself about six inches from Becky.
"Hey, honey! Sorry I'm late," she says, before throwing her arms around Sam's neck and dragging him down into a hug.
"Yeah," comes Dean's voice from behind Sam. "Looks like everyone's here!"
---
"A couples retreat, Dean? Seriously?" Sam fumes under his breath, conscious of the hotel staff nearby.
"Yeah, did I not mention that? Sorry dude. Anyway, Becky was more than happy to help us out and give you a cover."
"Is there some reason we couldn't just say we were together? It's not like everyone doesn't assume that anyway."
"I thought about it, Sam, I really did. But I didn't want to do that to Cas, you know? We haven't been together that long, and he's pretty insecure."
Dean's voice is earnest, and oh man, is he biting his lip? Okay, Sam thinks, you're overselling it. He glances back to the main lobby, where Cas is stoically listening to Becky tell a story that seems to involve a fair amount of arm flailing and at least one inappropriate hand gesture.
"Yeah, Dean. He looks like a real delicate flower," Sam says, rolling his eyes.
Dean smiles. "I'm glad you understand," he says, clapping Sam on the shoulder.
Sam's not stupid. He had figured there would be payback coming for his... less-than-conventional matchmaking efforts. This was really over-the-top though, and if anything, those guys should be thanking him for giving their epic gay love a nudge in the right direction. Oh, well. It's only one weekend, and they still have a hunt to focus on. How bad can it be?
---
Dinner that night is the first indication that this might be more difficult than expected. Sam thought he was being clever by sitting across from Becky, but the foot currently working its way up his inner thigh seems to be contradicting that assumption. Earlier, when she'd been running her hands all over his abs, he'd sharply told her to stop it. The dirty, disapproving looks this earned him from guests and staff alike were the reason he was keeping silent now.
Apparently his attempts at dodging Becky's advances aren't as subtle as he would like, because he looks up to see Dean smirking at him knowingly.
"Everything all right there, Sammy?" he asks in an innocent tone.
"Yeah, of course," Sam replies with a strained smile. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Well," says Cas, who's sitting next to him, "you appear to be experiencing some discomfort, and Rebecca's foot seems to be very close to your genitals."
The other three couples at their table whip their heads around and look at Sam with expressions ranging from amusement to distaste. He slouches, his face red with embarrassment, but when the movement shifts Becky's foot directly onto his crotch he abruptly sits back up with a yelp.
"It's okay, sweetie," Becky coos, "we're all couples here! No reason to be embarrassed about our love," she adds with an exaggerated wink. Sam glances up at Cas, who's staring at his plate with a neutral expression. The sparkle in his eyes, though, gives him away. That bastard.
---
When they get to the room that night, Sam shuts the door and immediately holds up a hand to stop Becky's advance.
"Okay, not that I don't appreciate what you're doing here, because I really do. But it's just us here, so we don't need to pull the happy couple act while we're in the room, okay?"
Becky pouts for a moment before pulling some clothes out of her bag and heading into the bathroom to get changed. Sam carefully ignores the mild sense of disappointment at how easy that was. When he wakes up around three a.m. with Becky sprawled on top of him, her face buried in his neck, he rolls his eyes and goes back to sleep.
---
By the following afternoon, Sam is starting to wonder where this ghost is hiding. He saw the reports, and he knows the thing has been seen a lot recently. Since they arrived though, it's been quiet. At the moment, he would do anything to get some flickering lights or cold spots, any excuse to bail out of this. He's beginning to suspect that couples yoga is the invention of some sort of malevolent entity.
Dean and Cas are there too, but they don't seem to be having any real difficulty. Dean's being a pretty good sport, and Cas... well. Cas is turning out to be weirdly and unexpectedly flexible for an angel of the Lord. Sam's making a concerted effort not to notice the hungry way that Dean's eyeing Castiel's wide-legged forward bend. He tries to focus on forcing his own limbs into the beginner poses, and he's quickly coming to the realization that yoga was not meant for people his size.
Becky seems to be doing pretty well too, when she's not busy giggling at Sam's misfortunes. Which is to say, not often.
He's just managed to fold himself into some decent approximation of downward-facing dog when he feels a sharp pinch on his ass. He jerks in surprise and falls over on the mat. Sam looks up to see Becky giving him a grin that's somehow naughty and sheepish all at once. Everyone in the class has turned to stare at him, mostly with poorly-concealed amusement. Even the instructor is giving him an indulgent smile as Becky helps him up.
He sends up a silent prayer for patience, and gets back into the pose. Maybe tonight he'll get to kill a ghost. That's better stress relief than yoga could ever hope to be.
---
By late Sunday morning, the retreat has wound down and Sam is beyond frustrated as they wait to check out.
"Something wrong, Sam?" Dean asks, looking concerned.
"I don't know, Dean. Maybe that I just endured the romantic weekend from hell, and the ghost never even showed itself?" Sam growls in annoyance.
"Wait, what are you talking about? Me and Cas ganked that thing on Friday night after you two went back to your room!"
Sam can feel his face turning an alarming shade of red, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times trying to find something to say.
"I don't see what the big deal is," Dean adds. "We got the ghost, and we already paid for the whole weekend, so there was no reason not to enjoy it! I know me and Cas sure did," he finishes, waggling his eyebrows. Sam makes a frustrated noise and walks out front to wait.
"Oh, come on! It wasn't that bad, was it, Sammy-bear?" Becky asks, tucking herself under his arm and hugging him. Sam looks down and sees her smiling at him sweetly. He kicks himself for being such a jerk to her all weekend and not being more considerate of her feelings for him.
"Look, Becky," he begins. "I think you're a great girl, and I really appreciate you doing this for us. But you have to understand, I'm not really interested in you like that. And besides, I'm just not looking for a relationship right now."
Becky pulls back slightly to look up at him and starts to giggle.
"What's so funny?" he demands, frowning as her giggles turn into peals of laughter.
"Sam, I think you're great too," she says after a minute, sobering a bit. "But to be honest, I'm only here because Dean asked me for help with a prank."
"Wait, seriously? But I thought you were, you know," he waves his hand around, "a Sam girl?"
"I was! I mean, I am! Just, I was mostly into the package deal. You know, you and Dean, forbidden love, and all of it. Seeing it Jossed in canon really takes the sparkle out of a ship," she sighs.
"I only understood half of that," Sam says, shaking his head. "So you're saying you're not into me because Dean is with Cas now?"
"It's just, I'm tired of getting my heart broken. First they mess up Remus and Sirius, and now this. I think I might take a break from fandom for a while. I'm glad I got to help you guys out with this, though. It was fun!" She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses him on the cheek. "I guess I'll see you around!" she says, grinning. Sam gapes as she walks away, and he can only blame a temporary lapse in sanity for what happens next.
"Gabriel!" he shouts. Becky stops and turns around, looking at him curiously.
"I, um, I have feelings for Gabriel. After all that stuff with TV Land, I realized he's like, flawed and vulnerable and stuff. And seeing Dean with Cas..." he trails off, looking up to see Becky listening raptly. "I'm jealous because I want my own angel boyfriend?" he finishes lamely.
Becky's eyes widen, and she looks slightly faint. "Oh my god, you're right! How did I not see this before? Enemies and then lovers, and oh, wow, the height difference alone has some interesting possibilities," she says breathlessly, her eyes raking over Sam. He blushes and shifts uncomfortably at her scrutiny. "It was, wow, it was good seeing you, Sam. So good. I have to go now, and do a thing." She turns and walks toward the parking lot, typing furiously away on her phone.
Smiling slightly, he turns around to go back inside and finds Dean standing right behind him, his arm around Cas. They're both staring at him with slightly disbelieving expressions.
"Not a word," he says, turning on his heel and stalking off toward the car.
"You do realize that Gabriel most likely heard that exchange," Cas says calmly a few minutes later, once they're in the car. Dean chuckles at that, the dick.
Sam just makes a strangled noise and buries his face in his hands.