I'll say it again. . .
But I'll break it down a little more this time.
This is a blog. This is a journal. This is where I voice my opinions and where people are welcome to come and read if they so choose. If you are ever reading a blog or journal and don't like what you read, there is a small red box in the top right hand corner of your screen. Click it.
Sarah, I feel so very, very sorry for you. How you can completely delude yourself simply amazes me. It truly does.
The quilt is done and has been done for a long time. If you go back and re-read the earlier post, it says YOU need to tell us when and where to send it. You have done neither. You are the one who refuses to call us. Again, re-read the earlier posts. The ball IS in your court. It HAS been. And it REMAINS there. If you decide you want it, you can contact us and tell us when and where to send it.
Right, you posted a comment saying you didn't know where to send it shortly after being told where and when to send it. Maybe you forgot? Maybe you have no idea where we've been living for the last several years? We had the same address for more than 2 years, and have lived in the same building since we got married. When you asked Aaron where to send the quilt, he told you. He also told you that we were going to move at the end of the month so you should send it soon. Maybe you weren't listening? Whether you just weren't listening or just plain forgot you had the information, and it's not my fault if you still don't know what to do. Now that we've moved, you are welcome to call and ask for my new address, but I'm not posting it on my public blog.
"Seriously, what kind of parent would hang up on their pregnant daughter? What kind of parent would refuse to speak to their daughter?" Simple answer. The kind who will no longer put up with your screaming, yelling, ranting, raving, and temper-tantrums. I will not sit and listen to your insults and flat out lies. If you want to talk like an adult, calmly and rationally, I will talk with you about anything for as long as you want. If you go ballistic again, I will hang up again. Every time we talk you will not even let me finish a sentence before you start screaming. Why would I bother trying to call you when all you do is treat me like crap? You are almost 25 years old and soon to be a mother. It is time you start acting like an adult. It is time you grow up. Please read Proverbs, chapter 15.
Temper tantrums? I was crying because you were yelling at me. And the hormones that accompany pregnancy tend to exaggerate whatever emotions I'm feeling. So when you make me cry, I tend to cry harder than I otherwise would. I understand that you think I'm lying, but that probably has more to do with your own refusal to participate in reality than my words. There's a reason I refuse to speak to you unless someone else is on the phone with me. As a result of this decision, I have someone who can verify what was said. I have no idea what you think I lied about this time, but I'd be happy to check with the third party to see what he remembers.
As for my maturity level, you are well aware that I've had to be far more mature than my age for a long time. Your abusive, drunken blackouts left me no choice. If you recall, I was the one who called 911 when you drank yourself into a diabetic coma. I kept your wife from beating you and I tested your blood sugar, got you into the ambulance, and rode with you to the hospital. I got your wife to pack you a bag of clothes, got your son to put a robe on you to at least partially cover you, collected the unorganized mess of medications that you use liberally and arbitrarily, and explained the situation to the emergency room doctors. Then, I drove the car home and got the truck to bring you home from the emergency room because we thought you might be more comfortable that way. (You're welcome.) Actually, you probably don't recall any of that, but I'm sure the medical records will back me up. I think that's more than enough proof that I'm capable of being very responsible. I took up the slack for someone who had repeatedly been rude, mean, and downright abusive to me for years. I've taken care of the animals you bought and never fed or cleaned up after, and I paid your mortgage while I worked 70 hours per week to put myself through school. I'm plenty responsible. I grew up a long time ago, and I have no worries about my ability to care for this child.
I also think that questioning the parenting capacity of a pregnant woman in her journal is incredibly low class. If you actually questioned whether or not I will be able to care for a child, there are much more appropriate ways to do so. Notations in my journal are not one of those more appropriate ways.
You want too [sic] know why we never came out to visit the whole time you lived in Denver? Simple. Why would we go someplace where we were never invited, never wanted, and would only be insulted? You made it quite plain through your words and your actions that you did not want us at your wedding. "I'll be dead before I'd let you walk me doown [sic] the aisle" is one of the phrases you used. You have even gone so far as to refuse to stay in your own home when you come back to Michigan. How could you possibly be mad we never came out to Denver?
I'm not sure what part of our asking, suggesting, and begging you to visit led you to believe that you weren't welcome, but I believe this relates back to my earlier point. I cannot control whether or not you choose to participate in reality, but I heard Aaron ask you to visit EVERY SINGLE time we spoke on the phone. Maybe you were waiting for us to buy your tickets or request time off work for you? I refused to let you walk me down the aisle, but we both begged you to come to the wedding. You refused. You also threatened us several times and made it quite plain that you were not interested in celebrating with us unless you felt that you could be the center of attention. As a result, we called off the wedding we'd planned and instead had a simple ceremony to which you were also invited. You refused to come. What's more, you threatened to not let my brother come, after Aaron and I arranged a ride for him and a place to stay as well as a ride home. I do not have a home in Michigan, but I'm assuming you mean your house. Since we usually stay in Traverse City to spend time with close family whom we love and you live in Lansing, I have no idea why would expect us to stay with you. Since you refused to answer our calls or call us yourself for over a year, we certainly had no reason to feel welcome in your home. We have wonderful family in Traverse City and quite enjoy our time with them. You also have family in that area, and would have no trouble finding a place to stay if you wanted to see us. Your son did that the last time we were out there, and we quite enjoyed visiting with him. Maybe you could ask him about the tricky process of meeting someone for lunch.
We would give anything to be part of your life. You ARE our daughter, you ALWAYS will be, and we will ALWAYS love you more than you could ever possibly imagine. We always have and always will. Yet you will not even give us the simple respect to call us "Mom" and "Dad".
You would apparently give anything except that you will do nothing. You only started answering our calls once I became pregnant, and since then you've called 3 times. You make no effort what-so-ever except to occasionally throw a fit over a blog posting.
And, BTW, the short version of the truth concerning how Lil died is: She was not standing there choking for hours before anyone noticed. You mother was standing there brushing her while she ate when she went into either a heart attack or stroke. That caused her to start choking. You mother came right in and got me. I went out there with the cell phone and called the vet. We discussed it in detail and there was nothing more that could be done. So I put her out of her misery. It was quick and it was final. It was a kindness that I did for her. When you want the details you can call and talk to me. But again, if all you are going to do is scream and yell, I will hang up the phone.
I'm not sure where this came from, I don't believe I've ever said that she choked for hours. I doubt it is anatomically possible to choke for hours. When I wanted to know what happened, I called someone who knew and asked. It's a part of being a responsible adult. When I read online that something had happened and I had questions, I picked up the phone and called. Again, I'm sure there's someone who can talk you through how to do this.
This will be my last post to your journal. Years ago Aaron tried to explain to me how I needed to treat you like the Prodigal Son. I knew then he was talking to the wrong person, but I couldn't tell either of you that back then. The important part Aaron missed is the unconditional love and forgiveness we have already given you is meaningless if you won't accept it and don't want it. You really need to study Luke 15, starting with verse 11, and apply to your life. What started the healing is the Prodigal son came home. It wasn't the father that started the healing. You need to learn how to humble yourself and forgive.
I do hope this is your last post to my journal. As we stated over the phone, this is not an appropriate place for a conversation of this subject matter. This is a place for me to externally process parts of my life, and a place for anyone who finds it interesting to read. I cannot ban you specifically (as far as I know) from posting, but if I need to disallow all comments, I will. Aaron does not remember the conversation you're referencing, and neither do I. Even if he did suggest what you say, the parent in the story loves and celebrates his child. Neither of us have been able to see this love or forgiveness, and we've been looking. Maybe if you had come to visit? Or called us? Or answered or returned our calls? You did start calling once you found out I was pregnant, but that didn't last very long either. So our only contact are your occasional comments to my journal posts, and your tone has clearly not been one of love or forgiveness. Your comments today made my husband more angry than I've seen him in a long time. Certainly not emblematic of a bible story where a child is welcomed home and celebrated with a feast. Do you own a bible? Maybe we should send you one and mark this story for your reference. It helps to have read the part of the bible you're trying to use in an argument. I've been 'home' to Michigan several times actually. Not once have I ever seen any response to my coming from you. You've said previously that you've been reading my journal for years. If that was true, then you would have known well in advance of my coming. If you had wanted to even meet with me, you could have contacted us in any number of ways just as all of our friends and family did. As I'm already in my last trimester, an unexpected trip to Michigan is not going to happen this summer, and I have already scheduled all the travel I'm willing to undertake after the baby is born until next summer.
We have not pushed you away Sarah. You are the one who pushed. Since you are the one doing the pushing, you are also the one who needs to stop pushing. You need to come back to us. I can't do that for you. It has to be your choice. All I can do is be here when you decide to come home.
I'm certainly not coming 'home' to Michigan anytime soon. I waited a long time to move out of Michigan, and I thoroughly enjoyed Colorado. I've only been here a week, but Alaska is looking promising as well. After this, we have a few more degrees we'd like to get and may get them in any number of states, but Michigan is not likely to be one of them. So my trips to Michigan will be limited to visits. I've already detailed the usual routine when we come home and have no reason to expect it to change from your end. And we have no reason to take more time off work and pay for extending the lease on our rental car for the off chance that you might start answering your phone.
When you are ready for us to be part of your life again, you know how to get in touch with us. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT. YOU NEED TO CONTACT US. BUT DON'T BOTHER UNTIL YOU CAN ACCEPT YOUR PART IN THIS AND ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Correct. The ball has always been in my court, and probably always will be. You are, once again, proving my point that you absolutely refuse to take any responsibility for this relationship. Your continued refusal is certainly not a motive for us continue trying to engage with you.
Until then, I truly do pray God will bless all 3 of you and keep you safe. And you will always have our love. There is nothing in this world that can change that fact. You are, and will always be, in our thoughts, hearts, love, and prayers.
Dad
This is a blog. This is a journal. This is where I voice my opinions and where people are welcome to come and read if they so choose. If you are ever reading a blog or journal and don't like what you read, there is a small red box in the top right hand corner of your screen. Click it.
Sarah, I feel so very, very sorry for you. How you can completely delude yourself simply amazes me. It truly does.
The quilt is done and has been done for a long time. If you go back and re-read the earlier post, it says YOU need to tell us when and where to send it. You have done neither. You are the one who refuses to call us. Again, re-read the earlier posts. The ball IS in your court. It HAS been. And it REMAINS there. If you decide you want it, you can contact us and tell us when and where to send it.
Right, you posted a comment saying you didn't know where to send it shortly after being told where and when to send it. Maybe you forgot? Maybe you have no idea where we've been living for the last several years? We had the same address for more than 2 years, and have lived in the same building since we got married. When you asked Aaron where to send the quilt, he told you. He also told you that we were going to move at the end of the month so you should send it soon. Maybe you weren't listening? Whether you just weren't listening or just plain forgot you had the information, and it's not my fault if you still don't know what to do. Now that we've moved, you are welcome to call and ask for my new address, but I'm not posting it on my public blog.
"Seriously, what kind of parent would hang up on their pregnant daughter? What kind of parent would refuse to speak to their daughter?" Simple answer. The kind who will no longer put up with your screaming, yelling, ranting, raving, and temper-tantrums. I will not sit and listen to your insults and flat out lies. If you want to talk like an adult, calmly and rationally, I will talk with you about anything for as long as you want. If you go ballistic again, I will hang up again. Every time we talk you will not even let me finish a sentence before you start screaming. Why would I bother trying to call you when all you do is treat me like crap? You are almost 25 years old and soon to be a mother. It is time you start acting like an adult. It is time you grow up. Please read Proverbs, chapter 15.
Temper tantrums? I was crying because you were yelling at me. And the hormones that accompany pregnancy tend to exaggerate whatever emotions I'm feeling. So when you make me cry, I tend to cry harder than I otherwise would. I understand that you think I'm lying, but that probably has more to do with your own refusal to participate in reality than my words. There's a reason I refuse to speak to you unless someone else is on the phone with me. As a result of this decision, I have someone who can verify what was said. I have no idea what you think I lied about this time, but I'd be happy to check with the third party to see what he remembers.
As for my maturity level, you are well aware that I've had to be far more mature than my age for a long time. Your abusive, drunken blackouts left me no choice. If you recall, I was the one who called 911 when you drank yourself into a diabetic coma. I kept your wife from beating you and I tested your blood sugar, got you into the ambulance, and rode with you to the hospital. I got your wife to pack you a bag of clothes, got your son to put a robe on you to at least partially cover you, collected the unorganized mess of medications that you use liberally and arbitrarily, and explained the situation to the emergency room doctors. Then, I drove the car home and got the truck to bring you home from the emergency room because we thought you might be more comfortable that way. (You're welcome.) Actually, you probably don't recall any of that, but I'm sure the medical records will back me up. I think that's more than enough proof that I'm capable of being very responsible. I took up the slack for someone who had repeatedly been rude, mean, and downright abusive to me for years. I've taken care of the animals you bought and never fed or cleaned up after, and I paid your mortgage while I worked 70 hours per week to put myself through school. I'm plenty responsible. I grew up a long time ago, and I have no worries about my ability to care for this child.
I also think that questioning the parenting capacity of a pregnant woman in her journal is incredibly low class. If you actually questioned whether or not I will be able to care for a child, there are much more appropriate ways to do so. Notations in my journal are not one of those more appropriate ways.
You want too [sic] know why we never came out to visit the whole time you lived in Denver? Simple. Why would we go someplace where we were never invited, never wanted, and would only be insulted? You made it quite plain through your words and your actions that you did not want us at your wedding. "I'll be dead before I'd let you walk me doown [sic] the aisle" is one of the phrases you used. You have even gone so far as to refuse to stay in your own home when you come back to Michigan. How could you possibly be mad we never came out to Denver?
I'm not sure what part of our asking, suggesting, and begging you to visit led you to believe that you weren't welcome, but I believe this relates back to my earlier point. I cannot control whether or not you choose to participate in reality, but I heard Aaron ask you to visit EVERY SINGLE time we spoke on the phone. Maybe you were waiting for us to buy your tickets or request time off work for you? I refused to let you walk me down the aisle, but we both begged you to come to the wedding. You refused. You also threatened us several times and made it quite plain that you were not interested in celebrating with us unless you felt that you could be the center of attention. As a result, we called off the wedding we'd planned and instead had a simple ceremony to which you were also invited. You refused to come. What's more, you threatened to not let my brother come, after Aaron and I arranged a ride for him and a place to stay as well as a ride home. I do not have a home in Michigan, but I'm assuming you mean your house. Since we usually stay in Traverse City to spend time with close family whom we love and you live in Lansing, I have no idea why would expect us to stay with you. Since you refused to answer our calls or call us yourself for over a year, we certainly had no reason to feel welcome in your home. We have wonderful family in Traverse City and quite enjoy our time with them. You also have family in that area, and would have no trouble finding a place to stay if you wanted to see us. Your son did that the last time we were out there, and we quite enjoyed visiting with him. Maybe you could ask him about the tricky process of meeting someone for lunch.
We would give anything to be part of your life. You ARE our daughter, you ALWAYS will be, and we will ALWAYS love you more than you could ever possibly imagine. We always have and always will. Yet you will not even give us the simple respect to call us "Mom" and "Dad".
You would apparently give anything except that you will do nothing. You only started answering our calls once I became pregnant, and since then you've called 3 times. You make no effort what-so-ever except to occasionally throw a fit over a blog posting.
And, BTW, the short version of the truth concerning how Lil died is: She was not standing there choking for hours before anyone noticed. You mother was standing there brushing her while she ate when she went into either a heart attack or stroke. That caused her to start choking. You mother came right in and got me. I went out there with the cell phone and called the vet. We discussed it in detail and there was nothing more that could be done. So I put her out of her misery. It was quick and it was final. It was a kindness that I did for her. When you want the details you can call and talk to me. But again, if all you are going to do is scream and yell, I will hang up the phone.
I'm not sure where this came from, I don't believe I've ever said that she choked for hours. I doubt it is anatomically possible to choke for hours. When I wanted to know what happened, I called someone who knew and asked. It's a part of being a responsible adult. When I read online that something had happened and I had questions, I picked up the phone and called. Again, I'm sure there's someone who can talk you through how to do this.
This will be my last post to your journal. Years ago Aaron tried to explain to me how I needed to treat you like the Prodigal Son. I knew then he was talking to the wrong person, but I couldn't tell either of you that back then. The important part Aaron missed is the unconditional love and forgiveness we have already given you is meaningless if you won't accept it and don't want it. You really need to study Luke 15, starting with verse 11, and apply to your life. What started the healing is the Prodigal son came home. It wasn't the father that started the healing. You need to learn how to humble yourself and forgive.
I do hope this is your last post to my journal. As we stated over the phone, this is not an appropriate place for a conversation of this subject matter. This is a place for me to externally process parts of my life, and a place for anyone who finds it interesting to read. I cannot ban you specifically (as far as I know) from posting, but if I need to disallow all comments, I will. Aaron does not remember the conversation you're referencing, and neither do I. Even if he did suggest what you say, the parent in the story loves and celebrates his child. Neither of us have been able to see this love or forgiveness, and we've been looking. Maybe if you had come to visit? Or called us? Or answered or returned our calls? You did start calling once you found out I was pregnant, but that didn't last very long either. So our only contact are your occasional comments to my journal posts, and your tone has clearly not been one of love or forgiveness. Your comments today made my husband more angry than I've seen him in a long time. Certainly not emblematic of a bible story where a child is welcomed home and celebrated with a feast. Do you own a bible? Maybe we should send you one and mark this story for your reference. It helps to have read the part of the bible you're trying to use in an argument. I've been 'home' to Michigan several times actually. Not once have I ever seen any response to my coming from you. You've said previously that you've been reading my journal for years. If that was true, then you would have known well in advance of my coming. If you had wanted to even meet with me, you could have contacted us in any number of ways just as all of our friends and family did. As I'm already in my last trimester, an unexpected trip to Michigan is not going to happen this summer, and I have already scheduled all the travel I'm willing to undertake after the baby is born until next summer.
We have not pushed you away Sarah. You are the one who pushed. Since you are the one doing the pushing, you are also the one who needs to stop pushing. You need to come back to us. I can't do that for you. It has to be your choice. All I can do is be here when you decide to come home.
I'm certainly not coming 'home' to Michigan anytime soon. I waited a long time to move out of Michigan, and I thoroughly enjoyed Colorado. I've only been here a week, but Alaska is looking promising as well. After this, we have a few more degrees we'd like to get and may get them in any number of states, but Michigan is not likely to be one of them. So my trips to Michigan will be limited to visits. I've already detailed the usual routine when we come home and have no reason to expect it to change from your end. And we have no reason to take more time off work and pay for extending the lease on our rental car for the off chance that you might start answering your phone.
When you are ready for us to be part of your life again, you know how to get in touch with us. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT. YOU NEED TO CONTACT US. BUT DON'T BOTHER UNTIL YOU CAN ACCEPT YOUR PART IN THIS AND ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Correct. The ball has always been in my court, and probably always will be. You are, once again, proving my point that you absolutely refuse to take any responsibility for this relationship. Your continued refusal is certainly not a motive for us continue trying to engage with you.
Until then, I truly do pray God will bless all 3 of you and keep you safe. And you will always have our love. There is nothing in this world that can change that fact. You are, and will always be, in our thoughts, hearts, love, and prayers.
Dad