im not sure why exactly, but i tend to convince myself of things that logically would never happen. i'm not sure if its because subconciously i want the pain of disappointment, or what. but i somehow got myself believing that neil was going to come up here today. no logic behind that, no nothing. i'm just retarded.

addendum: i'm an asshole.

this afternoon when i napped, i think i was being raped by gary niswonger. how fucked up is that. not like, hardcore assault ambush style rape, but a slower more seductive type of a rape. a rape that ended in me coalescing. ew, so fucked up that i just remembered that now. i don't know what triggered the thought of that man ( Read more... )

i guess i just feel like i understand it. i feel like mental illness (depression) + poor judgement + impulsiveness sorta explains it. being angry, sad, depress, hopeless -- you make a noose, get on a stool, put it around your neck, and then kick away the stool -- and kerplooey, you're done. it's over. it's not a slow, languid death. you can't patch ( Read more... )

last night i
dj'd a freeform radio show with shirley
drank boxed white wine out of blue plastic cups
got carded at a truck stop for buying a lighter
wtf! a lighter!
shirley had me convinced that i looked 16
waiter in the diner said 25
(don't particularly agree with that statement, but 16?)
you look like a hot teenager!i should be proud ( Read more... )

wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you ( Read more... )

last night i dreamt that i was on some kind of class trip with frazer. we were on a new york city cheese bus, and his wife was there, except she looked exactly like me in the dream, except her eyes were greener. she was sitting across from me in the booth of some diner (don't know how we got there) and i couldn't stop looking at her, i told her ( Read more... )

so f'ing nice out today, makes me want to vomit its so nice. spent the bulk of the afternoon driving in the gloriousness that was this spring day -- windows down, listening to wmua. made me appreciate how great it is to drive in the valley. got stuck in bridge traffic on the way back, regretted not taking that side-road detour that leaves you by ( Read more... )

awesome shirley quote:
"these people obviously don't know who i am since they're playing pulp and superdrag"

wbar kicks our ass, btw.

should i spend $80 i don't have on a john edward ticket? i know you all are going to say no, so please someone out there support this capricious decision. and if you don't know who john edward is, well then, that's too bad. i've always wanted to go to one of his tapings or seminars, but they sell out almost immediately, especially on long island ( ( Read more... )

applying for a visa in a language i can't read. i can't read czech for shit. it's more like polish than russian. russian/czech cognates sound a lot alike, but written they're completely different. uh, considering that written czech isn't based on a cyrrilic alphabet like russian is.

i wish everyone would stop talking. i don't want to hear ( Read more... )