trapped

[disterbdculnis]

I know how much culver helps me and how much I need it, but I can't help feeling trapped. I feel like I'm in a huge penitentiary...mostly because I am. I don't really understand myself...I do everything, I get ok grades but I feel trapped and I have a very limited friends group because I only see whoever is in my classes. I feel like the children

Comments

[loganoid]

My senior year absolutely destroyed me. I had become much too free-minded, and I too felt trapped. Culver is not a place for individualism and experiencing life (as much as they try beyond the regular system). My life was as rigid as it was jam-packed. It especially killed me seeing people out hanging out with friends when I was restricted to doing work and other commitments. I know what it's like to have limited friends and think there are easier ways

[disterbdculnis]

thanks, i'll think about that.

[inspiredfly]

YAY!!! I'm so excited about coming to visit. I miss you! Sorry that you feel trapped, and not to be a rainer, but LIFE is a trapping place depending on how you handle it. You'll feel trapped in college, and in your job, and in relationships, and all in all, just generally trapped. How do I know this? Experience. But may I suggest that it isn't just Culver that is trapping you? I think you try too hard my dear. I think you are trying to be perfect, and let's face it, no one is perfect. I'm sorry if Claire and I ruined it for you. We have both been crappy students and have dashed Mom's hopes for our future fame and fortune. So I think you're taking it all upon yourself. You're trying to be her girl, performing and performing until it traps you. And, honestly, you will never be good enough, you'll never be obediant enough, you'll never be smart enough, you'll never be beautiful enough. But it doesn't matter! Love isn't about performance. And love is the only thing worth having. And I love you

[inspiredfly]

PS: In case you don't know, a "rainer" is someone who rains on your parade.
PPS: A note of encouragement: Even after dashing Mom's hopes for me, she still loves me, Livi. Love you.