old school

[distira]

pep guardiola, life coach. call now to schedule an appointment.

I want this to feature the old guard. figo, raul&mori, et al.

SUGGESTIONS, BELOVED OLD-TIMERS? I want this to be crack f the very best kind.

ps feel free to turn this into commentfic so I don't have to actually write this lmfao

Comments

[ashirbaad]

PERFECTION. I will write comment fic crack on this tomorrow since I am heading to bed now. But this is such an awesome verse to play in.

[ashirbaad]

basically 1997 R/M. they hate each other's guts and it is worrying the locker room, specifically Aitor and Red since R & M's quarrels are always curiously timed to coincide with their sexytimes, hence cockblocking them permanently. (since raul used to room with Red and Aitor with Mori; basically Aitor and Red were the prototype to R and M).

Anyway, enter evil Barca schemer Mourinho who gets wind of this from his well placed sources. he knows this is the best opportunity to infiltrate and bring down the enemy camp. and so he and his obedient 'right hand man (basically he has too many embarrassing pictures of Figo which he threatens to slip to the media) Luis devise a scheme to dress Pep up as a life coach to go and 'solve' R and M's problem when actually his task is to gather intel.

As an aside to the crack, Manolo is slightly disturbed when he finds a mysterious note saying Michel has been spotted with a mysterious blond man in Mexico.

(okay off to actually sleep now)

[ashirbaad]

oh and someone keeps sending Luis E secret love letters opening with "My dear Judas..."

[distira]

LMFAJAJAJA MY DEAR JUDAS I CAN'T BREATHE FROM LAUGHING

[ashirbaad]

My Dear Judas,

What lovely eyes you have. What a regal nose you *heavily scratched out* sorry wrong person. What delectable lips you have. I have been impassioned with them for so long and all I think of is kissing them, as intimately as I enjoy putting salt on your lacerated wounds. Your innocence drives me out of my mind, kind of like how Humbert had been with Lolita. Russian namedrops aside, I eagerly wait for the next opportunity to write to you again. Good luck for your game and break a leg. Your left one if possible.

XOXO,
Your secret admirer.

[dreamofthem]

I don't have anything useful to contribute I'm just going to sit here and enjoy the ride.

[luxover]

takin credit for mah brilliance, i see

[distira]

*gmail's brilliance, you mean

[louis_quatorze]

really Jens Lehmann has nothing to do with any of this and has probably never met any of them but Jens Lehmann something something