love like I feel it was gone gone gone
Oh, bollocks. I was just about to type something really thoughtful in Notepad and then post it here, but somehow I screwed that up and decided not to. It’s like writing an 400 word-long essay for Malay or something.
Like when I was in the 5th grade I got a diary. I planned to write and regroup all the scattered thoughts in my head but the end result? Twenty five pages of mindless doodle, seven of which I had confessed my undying love for Shane Filan of Westlife, three of which I had written on why I preferred Shane over the other members and the other 15….I can’t quite remember, I think I just drew some stick figures or probably more ‘I luv Sh4n3!’s. (the latter is probably the likeliest)
What I actually intended to do was write on how I ended up losing one of the best friends I ever had in the 3rd grade. Of course, my losing this friend was entirely my fault. Le sigh. As a child I was really….messed up, not because of abuse from my parents or anything like that, no. I’m not sure why I acted the way I did at that age really.
Ahh. Don’t really know why I’m thinking about this right now. Oh, RIGHT. I just miss him. (well duh, the guilt as well has been dwelling inside me for practically six years) And today…well let’s just say that I think he wanted to talk to me about it (‘it’ being the cause of…you get the point), maybe to make me apologize (which I am sorry to say that I have not done…yet. Fuck yes, six years. Six bloody years and I still can’t say one simple word to him. I really do want to, I really really really do but somehow I just…can’t.) or just simply talk, I don’t know.
I should talk to him. Whether he’ll want to forgive me and be friends again (though I imagine if he chose this option it will be quite awkward) or not….*shrug* - at this point I my train of thought is already lost.
Ugh…writing this is hard, though it feels good to let it all out. I’ve been vague with certain important details, I know, but I don’t want to go over through that day again in my head.
Whatever. I have just temporarily lost my ability to write more of this….thing. It’s good to know that my livejournal isn’t just a trash can for all my random/crappy nonsense though.
And I made another new layout. Haven't set it up yet though. I used to have so little time on my hands but now everyday is like....free. x_X I guess that should be a good thing.