New house and updates
So I left off in a rather bad place with Scot and how I was feeling. I thought I should give an update.
So I'm all moved into my house (sorry cheekyassmonkey... I'll invite you to housewarming!). I'm absolutely in love with my house too. This is so strange in that it's my house. I can go to the store and buy stuff and it goes in MY house. I hurt the walls, it's MY house. So yeah.. I'm slowly getting used to the fact that this is my house. I look at it when I drive home and I can't believe I own it (ok.. the bank does.. but still). I've gotten a lot of unpacking done, but still have a long ways to go. At least I got the shower head on that I've always wanted. It's this really awesome showerhead that's absolutely huge and when the water comes out of it, it comes straight down on you and it feels all soft like rain. I love it. The one that was on when I moved in was this horrible scratchy like nails thing that had water spraying in 18 different directions... none of which are my back. I couldn't even get my hair rinsed because I couldn't get enough water from one stream to hit my hair at the same time... lol.
I also started weight watchers and work out regimens again. Actually, since I started talking to Scot again, I have pretty much been eating not much of anything except fruit and bagels. I'm down about 8lbs already. I also have this nice cool garage that no one comes down to with my elliptical in it. The garage is so big that I can put all my stuff in this big roomy back area and still have enough room to park my car. I love my garage. I forgot how much I love working out too. I put on my headphones and keep rhythm with the music... it's better than sex (ok.. almost.. but then again, I think I forgot what sex feels like). The only reason I have to stop is because I get hungry and weak and my feet start hurting. But 45 minutes on that machine and I feel good. The best part is that I've been doing this in the morning, which has me feeling really good the rest of the day.
I finally got to see Scot. He came and picked me up from work on Thursday to take me out to the old house and haul off all Tim's CRAP to the dump. So weird to take one ex to clean up another ex's crap. Then we didn't get to the dump on time and Scot had to go home with his ex's ex's crap in his truck. It was so funny. He didn't complain at all though. He's so nice and polite and caring and sweet. It's not just that he's like that to me though, that's just the kind of person he is. When we're on the phone, he always thinks he hears me sneeze and asks if I sneezed and I'll say no.. why? and he'll say, I wanted to bless you if you did. He's so silly. With the exception of one day, I've talked to him every day. We text and email and talk on the phone all the time. He called me about 4 times yesterday and every time he said "lemme call you back", he did. Faithfully. Now.. as to the situation between us, I'm not sure. I think it's very definite that he's really happy to have me as a friend again. We hung out and talked and laughed and he played his music (that he wrote for his old band) and had me listen to it. I loved it of course. He had to leave because his brother was making dinner for him, so he dropped me off at home. He loved my house too. I think he was really impressed and it was nicer than he thought it was going to be. Before he left, he gave me the most awesome Scot hug. It was just like it used to be, although he ended it too soon. We sat and talked a little more and he gave me another one (which ended too soon) and then left. I told him I wanted to take him to dinner and he said absolutely he was up for that.
Now.. as for his wife, I'm not really sure the status of it. I know that he made himself a new myspace so that he didn't have to see her. I know that as of yesterday, he hadn't talked to her in days and he was really happy with that. My friend at work saw him and thought he was absolutely hot. I have to agree. :) He assures me that he doesn't look at my weight.. that he doesn't care about it. When he tells me that, I can believe it. It's odd how it changed my outlook about myself too. When I used to look in the mirror, I saw a fat girl with the same body shape as my mother. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone who needs to lose some weight, but all in all, I don't look bad. I've already lost 8lbs and I know that I can keep losing weight. It was my goal all along once I moved into this house to start taking care of myself again. So I'm doing that... and besides the fact that I NEEDED to do this for me, thinking about him is a definite motivator when I want to eat something I shouldn't or I don't want to get up and go work out.
I'm uncertain about the future. I'm trying to believe that God (or whoever is out there) put me through all this hell so that he could give me back the one person who I can utterly and completely trust... the person who started it all. Maybe that's true. Or maybe He just wants me to learn to love myself and Scot is the guy to do it. I'd prefer the former seeing as how I'm totally batshit insanely in love with the guy and have been my whole life. We'll see though. I'm trying to take it slow.. and maybe he'll see and remember the old Lewanna that he was in love with as well. We'll see.
So I'm all moved into my house (sorry cheekyassmonkey... I'll invite you to housewarming!). I'm absolutely in love with my house too. This is so strange in that it's my house. I can go to the store and buy stuff and it goes in MY house. I hurt the walls, it's MY house. So yeah.. I'm slowly getting used to the fact that this is my house. I look at it when I drive home and I can't believe I own it (ok.. the bank does.. but still). I've gotten a lot of unpacking done, but still have a long ways to go. At least I got the shower head on that I've always wanted. It's this really awesome showerhead that's absolutely huge and when the water comes out of it, it comes straight down on you and it feels all soft like rain. I love it. The one that was on when I moved in was this horrible scratchy like nails thing that had water spraying in 18 different directions... none of which are my back. I couldn't even get my hair rinsed because I couldn't get enough water from one stream to hit my hair at the same time... lol.
I also started weight watchers and work out regimens again. Actually, since I started talking to Scot again, I have pretty much been eating not much of anything except fruit and bagels. I'm down about 8lbs already. I also have this nice cool garage that no one comes down to with my elliptical in it. The garage is so big that I can put all my stuff in this big roomy back area and still have enough room to park my car. I love my garage. I forgot how much I love working out too. I put on my headphones and keep rhythm with the music... it's better than sex (ok.. almost.. but then again, I think I forgot what sex feels like). The only reason I have to stop is because I get hungry and weak and my feet start hurting. But 45 minutes on that machine and I feel good. The best part is that I've been doing this in the morning, which has me feeling really good the rest of the day.
I finally got to see Scot. He came and picked me up from work on Thursday to take me out to the old house and haul off all Tim's CRAP to the dump. So weird to take one ex to clean up another ex's crap. Then we didn't get to the dump on time and Scot had to go home with his ex's ex's crap in his truck. It was so funny. He didn't complain at all though. He's so nice and polite and caring and sweet. It's not just that he's like that to me though, that's just the kind of person he is. When we're on the phone, he always thinks he hears me sneeze and asks if I sneezed and I'll say no.. why? and he'll say, I wanted to bless you if you did. He's so silly. With the exception of one day, I've talked to him every day. We text and email and talk on the phone all the time. He called me about 4 times yesterday and every time he said "lemme call you back", he did. Faithfully. Now.. as to the situation between us, I'm not sure. I think it's very definite that he's really happy to have me as a friend again. We hung out and talked and laughed and he played his music (that he wrote for his old band) and had me listen to it. I loved it of course. He had to leave because his brother was making dinner for him, so he dropped me off at home. He loved my house too. I think he was really impressed and it was nicer than he thought it was going to be. Before he left, he gave me the most awesome Scot hug. It was just like it used to be, although he ended it too soon. We sat and talked a little more and he gave me another one (which ended too soon) and then left. I told him I wanted to take him to dinner and he said absolutely he was up for that.
Now.. as for his wife, I'm not really sure the status of it. I know that he made himself a new myspace so that he didn't have to see her. I know that as of yesterday, he hadn't talked to her in days and he was really happy with that. My friend at work saw him and thought he was absolutely hot. I have to agree. :) He assures me that he doesn't look at my weight.. that he doesn't care about it. When he tells me that, I can believe it. It's odd how it changed my outlook about myself too. When I used to look in the mirror, I saw a fat girl with the same body shape as my mother. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone who needs to lose some weight, but all in all, I don't look bad. I've already lost 8lbs and I know that I can keep losing weight. It was my goal all along once I moved into this house to start taking care of myself again. So I'm doing that... and besides the fact that I NEEDED to do this for me, thinking about him is a definite motivator when I want to eat something I shouldn't or I don't want to get up and go work out.
I'm uncertain about the future. I'm trying to believe that God (or whoever is out there) put me through all this hell so that he could give me back the one person who I can utterly and completely trust... the person who started it all. Maybe that's true. Or maybe He just wants me to learn to love myself and Scot is the guy to do it. I'd prefer the former seeing as how I'm totally batshit insanely in love with the guy and have been my whole life. We'll see though. I'm trying to take it slow.. and maybe he'll see and remember the old Lewanna that he was in love with as well. We'll see.