he's the wiz and he lives in ozzzz
so i wrote this HUGE entry and it was deleted.. it REALLY pisses me off when it does that.. so im gunna try again, but its not gunna be like it was! GAAH!
so yeah.. ive been doing a lot of thinking tonihgt.. mostly about my friends and how we've ended up already now that summer is gone. like the summer was so fun.. well, it had its ups and downs, but for the most part, it was fun. i shouldve realized from experience on the other side of things that my friends and i wouldnt stay close. i shouldve been more smart. but of course, now i face the reality that im down to just a few really good friends. yeah there are those that know me really well, and we're friends and all, but we're not as tight as we used to be. then theres the select few that i still constantly hang out with and talk to all the time.. tierney, rachel, john, jessica, and thats it. theres no one else that i am really good friends with. i have my other good friends, but its just not the same. its so weird going from being all "what would i do without you?!" to "oh yeah.. sorry.. forgot you existed..". more than that, its kinda sad that that always happens. whats even weirder to know is that most of my best friends are still in high school, and i think we'll only get more distant if we dont work hard to keep our friendships solid. yeah, i dont think TRK would be easily separated, but i think it could get a little frail.. like what happens in another year when 2/3 of TRK is still in HS.. or in 2 years when they're off to college and im 20/21 years old.. is it gunna be the same? are we still gunna be best of friends? what will be different? is it gunna be a bad kinda different? or good? as of right now, i work. its all i do. it runs my life as it should, i guess. my mom yells at me saying that what im working is high school work, when in all honesty, by the time im older, if i stay with target i can make a pretty good life for myself up there in the ranks! i dont hafta stay at cashier for the rest of my life! only ONE of the employees at jimmy johns is in highschool. basically, i feel like there are some friends of mine that really arent my friends.. like some people im like "well, if they really cared, i guess they'd make some kinda effort, so o well" and some people are still my best friend and i can can talk about anything with! some people reading this, even (and you prolly know who you are) we may have used to be inseparable, and now, we rarely hang out, let alone really talk.. yeah there's the basic shallow chatting online, but nothing like we used to be, and i kinda miss that.
i dunno. i cant help but think i missed something, and life just isnt what it should be. like i can see why people think the world is against them and while people commit suicide.. its because life in general kinda sucks when you look at the big picture.. they're just willing skip to the worst conclusion. ive done a lot with my depression, but im not suicidal. im too scared to be suicidal. i cant even pull tierney's hair through a highlighting cap without feeling guilty like im hurting her! im a friggin baby! but wuddev. i just dont get it. i'll just keep living as some weird target/jimmy johns employee with 4 friends...
g'night
<3keshia
so yeah.. ive been doing a lot of thinking tonihgt.. mostly about my friends and how we've ended up already now that summer is gone. like the summer was so fun.. well, it had its ups and downs, but for the most part, it was fun. i shouldve realized from experience on the other side of things that my friends and i wouldnt stay close. i shouldve been more smart. but of course, now i face the reality that im down to just a few really good friends. yeah there are those that know me really well, and we're friends and all, but we're not as tight as we used to be. then theres the select few that i still constantly hang out with and talk to all the time.. tierney, rachel, john, jessica, and thats it. theres no one else that i am really good friends with. i have my other good friends, but its just not the same. its so weird going from being all "what would i do without you?!" to "oh yeah.. sorry.. forgot you existed..". more than that, its kinda sad that that always happens. whats even weirder to know is that most of my best friends are still in high school, and i think we'll only get more distant if we dont work hard to keep our friendships solid. yeah, i dont think TRK would be easily separated, but i think it could get a little frail.. like what happens in another year when 2/3 of TRK is still in HS.. or in 2 years when they're off to college and im 20/21 years old.. is it gunna be the same? are we still gunna be best of friends? what will be different? is it gunna be a bad kinda different? or good? as of right now, i work. its all i do. it runs my life as it should, i guess. my mom yells at me saying that what im working is high school work, when in all honesty, by the time im older, if i stay with target i can make a pretty good life for myself up there in the ranks! i dont hafta stay at cashier for the rest of my life! only ONE of the employees at jimmy johns is in highschool. basically, i feel like there are some friends of mine that really arent my friends.. like some people im like "well, if they really cared, i guess they'd make some kinda effort, so o well" and some people are still my best friend and i can can talk about anything with! some people reading this, even (and you prolly know who you are) we may have used to be inseparable, and now, we rarely hang out, let alone really talk.. yeah there's the basic shallow chatting online, but nothing like we used to be, and i kinda miss that.
i dunno. i cant help but think i missed something, and life just isnt what it should be. like i can see why people think the world is against them and while people commit suicide.. its because life in general kinda sucks when you look at the big picture.. they're just willing skip to the worst conclusion. ive done a lot with my depression, but im not suicidal. im too scared to be suicidal. i cant even pull tierney's hair through a highlighting cap without feeling guilty like im hurting her! im a friggin baby! but wuddev. i just dont get it. i'll just keep living as some weird target/jimmy johns employee with 4 friends...
g'night
<3keshia